Author's Note-This contains a triggering subject. I urge you to read this at your own discretion. I will not be offended if you can't read this. This is dedicated to everyone that this subject touches, myself included. Be that directly, or less so. Stay strong. Someone out there loves you, and I am always here. I hope you enjoy this. NYLF xx
Kate let herself into the loft at the end of what felt like the longest day in history.
She'd been at the precinct for twenty seven hours, napping on the break room couch for barely an hour, ten hours back, before they received a tip and she had to rush out again.
Rick smiled at her, the upward tilt of his mouth putting back together all the jagged edges this case had pulled apart. He met her just two steps into the loft, with a glass brimming with wine and a hug, holding her so very tightly.
"I'm so glad you're home." He murmured into her ear.
"Me too." Kate whispered. "Today was one of those days I really wished you were by my side." She revealed softly but without blame. It had been many years since he had been at the precinct and by this point, it was more habitual for him to not be there.
"You don't need me, Captain." He kissed her cheek softly. "Bath?" He asked knowingly, pulling back to look at her, drink her in slowly, making her blood warm.
"Mm, sounds heavenly. Is Hannah home?" She asked quietly, hoping their beautiful daughter was in the house tonight.
Rick nodded. "She's in her room, studying for some big test tomorrow. She's been up there for hours. I haven't seen her since this afternoon."
Kate's eyes widened in concern for her baby. "Has she had dinner?"
Rick shrugged. "I called for her, to see if she wanted anything, but I was told to 'go away'."
Kate sighed. "I'll go see if she'll see me. Could you start that bath for me?"
Castle smiled gently. "Course I can." She made to leave for the stairs but her husband caught her hand. "Hey Kate, I love you." He told her seriously.
Kate turned back into him, wrapping his arm around her waist as she leaned up to kiss him. "I love you too. And I'll be back in a little while. I just need a few minutes to hold my child."
Rick nodded and kissed her forehead before letting her go.
Kate knocked her knuckles against the wood of her daughter's door, waiting a few seconds in the silence that followed before gently pushing the door open.
"Hannah? Angel?" She murmured as she took a step inside. She stopped still for half a second at the sight before her. Her seventeen year old daughter, oh so beautiful and wonderful and intelligent, was curled up against her headboard, her knees pulled to her chest, her arms up over her head, holding it in the gap of her knees, her whole dancer's frame trembling as her shoulders shook.
Kate flew to the edge of the bed, crouching beside it, gently laying her hand against her child's ankle.
"Hannah? Baby? What happened? What's wrong?"
Hannah turned her head just enough to meet her mother's eyes, her own sapphire irises swimming with tears. "I can't do it mom." She husked, her voice deep and harsh with emotion. "I, I have this test tomorrow and I've been reading and reading and I just, I can't do it any more mom."
Kate stood and sat on the edge of the bed before wrapping her arms around her baby and bringing her into her chest, cradling her head in one palm while the other held her close.
"So don't." Kate told her softly. "Han, what have we always told you?" She paused but it seemed that Hannah was past the point that she could talk. "You must always do your best, that's a given, you have to use the brain that you were given, never squander it, but Hannah Martha Castle you must never put your health- mental, emotional or physical- on the line to achieve that. We would much rather you fail and are emotionally happy and mentally safe than you get straight A's but your mental health suffer. Baby, stop. Neither daddy nor I care if you don't achieve perfection tomorrow. Stop studying and come eat ice cream with me, huh? Cause I've had a crappy day and you seem like you need it."
Hannah pulled back just enough to look at her mother, breaking her heart at the tears trailing down her face. "Really?"
"Oh Hannah yes. Really baby. We really don't care so long as you're happy." Kate promised.
Hannah debated silently for a few seconds before drawing her lower lip between her teeth and nodding.
Kate smiled and kissed her forehead, taking her hand in her own and taking her with her down the stairs.
Rick looked up from the kitchen when he heard footsteps, confusion marring his features when he saw his wife and youngest daughter hand in hand.
"I thought you had a big test tomorrow Han?"
Hannah faltered a few steps from the bottom but Kate tugged at her hand, encouraging her down while giving her husband a look.
We aren't mentioning it for the rest of the night, okay? We need a mental health break."
Understanding and concern flooded his face. "Of course. So, ice cream then Miss Hannah yes?"
Hannah giggled as she nodded, making her way to sit across from him at the breakfast bar, her mother sitting beside her.
About an hour later, Hannah slipped from her space between her parents on the couch, where they had moved to be more comfortable, and made her way into the kitchen, opening a few drawers before she found what she was looking for, and making her way back, clutching something in her hand, a hesitancy in her steps that made Kate nervous.
"What have you got Han?" She asked softly.
Hannah looked between her parents shyly before revealing the purple Sharpie in her hand. Kate's heart seized. "Would, I mean, could you...?" She trailed off, staring down at the floor rather than look at her parents.
Kate looked at Rick, a barely concealed pain in her eyes. He gently took her hand, smiling at her encouragingly.
"Sure." Kate's voice cracked slightly but she cleared her throat and tried again. "Course I can Honey. Why don't you sit down?"
Hannah sat carefully on the edge of the coffee table and held out her forearm to her mother.
Kate took the pen and gently raised up her daughter's sleeve. She uncapped the pen, holding Hannah's wrist in her lap with her left hand while her right started to draw. She couldn't help but run her thumb across the faded pink line, still visible on her angel's wrist, three years later.
"I didn't know you were this close baby." Kate murmured, knowing that sometimes she couldn't talk, but occasionally she needed it.
Hannah shrugged. "I, I've been struggling a bit lately." She nudged her opposite sleeve up against her jean-clad knee, revealing the faded green butterfly on her opposite wrist.
"Alexis." Rick sighed softly.
Hannah nodded. "She drew it when she met me for lunch the other day. I didn't even ask, she just uncapped the pen and pulled up my sleeve." Hannah huffed, still a little tearful. "It's kinda helpful how well she can read me."
Rick smiled gently, tracing the pen lines with a gentle finger. "I know that these things need to be a certain person for you. I know that. And I understand it." He reassured her. "I will never begrudge you the need for these to be your mom, or Alexis, or anyone else. But you know you can always come to me, right? You know that I'm never too busy for you Hannah, right?"
Hannah nodded, lacing their fingers together. "I know daddy." She whispered. "I, could you go get the blue one?"
Rick's eyes closed even as he nodded and got up to go find his colour.
Kate hummed softly, stroking her thumb up and down as she put the finishing touches to her own butterfly.
"There." She murmured, lifting her daughter's wrist to kiss just below the drawing, then to kiss the scar transecting her wrist. "That good?"
Hannah flung herself into her mother's arms, nodding into the crook of her neck. "Thanks momma."
Kate held her closely. "Always baby."
Kate held her into her chest, smiling into her hair when she felt her husband gently manipulate Hannah's arm in order to draw his own butterfly on the inside of her forearm.
A few seconds later, he capped the pen and drew them both into his own embrace.
Hannah got a sixty eight on her test the next day and Kate put it on the fridge, making her daughter laugh.
The butterflies faded by themselves, staying intact until the last pen mark faded.
Her parents never mentioned it, but there was a new tub of her favourite ice cream in the freezer the day the disappeared.
Just like always.