Title: No Turning Back

Summary: As soon as he steps into that room filled with the enemy, Jamie knows one thing is certain there's no turning back now. Post ep 2.05 'A Night on the Town' (contains some spoilers)

Disclaimer: Um you know by now write? Lol

A/N: AWESOME EPPY! Oh I can't wait to see how this plays out for our boy during this season. I see conflict and tension already starting to grow between Jamie and Frank and already Jamie is getting a foregleam of tense and law breaking things to come. Eeks! Can't wait for more and hope you like this little filler one shot.

"Words in italics and double quotes – directly from the eppy."

"The cell that was issued to you undercover has 5 messages from a Noble…Sanfino."

It was hard to explain but as soon as Jamie was told the undercover phone had 5 messages and he uttered the five fateful words "I'll hang on to it," that things were going to change rapidly and not necessarily for the better. He had gone into roll-call with more anxiety than the past few days; the time tested adage, 'outta sight outta mind' was coming true. He hadn't thought too much about Noble in the past few days because nothing had come up. But now with that cellphone back in his possession he knows that his mind is going to be distracted for the duration of his shift or until Noble Sanfino would call and put him out of his emotional misery.

"What's up with you today? You planning a bank robbery or somethin' because every time a phone rings you get jittery," Renzulli comments as they head for their favorite coffee vendor on that sunny Friday afternoon.

"Just um…it's nothin' sarge."

"Nothin' my ass, what gives?" Renzulli stops him and looks at him squarely.

"I honestly don't know okay?" Jamie shrugs. "It's just…nothin' sarge…it's nothin'," Jamie tries to assure his partner as he heads for the coffee stand. But as soon as the cell phone with the ringtone that wasn't his personal cellphone is heard, his heart nearly stops; his world, however, does just that.

"Oh I had just about given up on you. Reason I called. I want you to come out to dinner Saturday night with friends and family."
"Tomorrow?"
"Yeah trying you all week man."
"I got a thing."
"Move the thing. I want to thank you and so does my family."

His heart races as he ponders what acceptance would mean, but since he wasn't given anything properly by OCCB he knows he has to stall before he messes up something that could potentially be helpful to the department. So he tells him he'll get back to him and quickly hangs up.

"It was him right? The guy from the other week? The perp?"

"Yeah, he um…lets just go okay?" Jamie looks at his partner with a heavy frown, nervous blue eyes begging the more experienced brown ones before him for some leniency in a verbal explanation.

"Yeah I'll bet you were trouble as a kid too," Renzulli smirks as they head back to their cruiser. "Always the quiet ones," he teases Jamie as they get into the car and then head back to the street to finish off their patrol.

But even still, his mind is now racing about facing his father. Before he would call OCCB, Danny or anyone else he had to talk to his father. The thought excited and scared him at the same time. How could he say no? If he did say no could he get past his own thoughts of being a coward? Would Danny tease him? Probably not. But if he said yes would it be his last professional decision?

Those were the thoughts in Frank's head as well as he looks at Jamie as they discuss the call from Noble on the still active undercover cell phone. Sure if the number had been properly disconnected a few days after Jamie's operation they might not be having this discussion at all. Frank eyes gaze upward at his beloved youngest son, his mind now dreading Jamie's answer to his own dilemma. Losing Joe in the line of duty was one thing, but could he willingly send in his youngest knowing that there might be a very good chance he'd also be signing his death certificate?

"Okay what do you wanna do?"
"I wanna step up, but my stomach goes in knots."
"Well what does that make me if I don't?"
"If you mean chicken that's a playground taunt. Any particular call to duty must be measured against what you truly believe you are ready for and capable of. Going undercover to hang with mobsters is serious business – in anybody's book."

The silence that grows between them is almost deafening as Frank looks at Jamie and can instantly see the inner conflict in his warm blue eyes. He wants more than anything to tell him to walk away now. Tell OCCB he can't do it and to find another guy. I could pull rank and get Jamie reassigned to something else; get another officer to take his place. It wasn't just Jamie's stomach that is sick and developing nervous knots; his was about ready to hurl forth a supper that he hadn't even eaten yet. NO you can't do this! NO I forbid it! NO I can't lose you! NO you are too young…inexperienced…my son…I love you. I'd never forgive myself if something happened and I had the power to stop it right from the start.

"Dad?" Jamie soft voice breaks into his father's thoughts, pulling Frank's tender gaze upward once more. But as much as he wants to guilt Jamie by playing the concerned father card that has already lost one son and tell him he shoulda stayed in law school so he'd only have Danny to worry about on the streets, as he looks into his son's pleading expression he knows he can't. Jamie's a Reagan, just like him. And just like his brothers before him and himself, Frank knows that Jamie is only doing what they have already done.

What Jamie needs now is support, no matter how painful it would be to Frank, he has to let go and assure Jamie that no matter what he has his back, both personally and professionally.

"Whatever you do, you know I'll always back you. But I can't make this decision for you Jamie, as your father or as your boss. You have to."

"I um…I want to do this."

"Are you sure?" Frank asks, knowing that if he was faced with any officer showing any signs of uncertainty before making a major professional decision he'd also press them.

"I am. Lets do this."

"Okay what you need to do first is make the call and get the details for Saturday. Once that's done I'll set you up with OCCB and prepare a backstory for you. We're way beyond calls here. This Noble he um…well he's persistent."

"Okay."

Frank watches Jamie pull out the undercover phone and feels his heart seize as his fingers start to dial Noble's number. Oh God I pray I am doing the right thing, Frank's mind utters in silence. Please don't let me regret this. But he knows that Joe died despite the fact that he prayed every night for the safety of his children. It was selfish to assume this one would be heard when the other one wasn't. But Jamie wasn't a baby and he wanted to prove himself in the NYPD as much as Danny had wanted and still does every day.

"Hey Noble, Jimmy here. You know that thing I had on Saturday, well I got it changed so I'm in. Call me with the when and where. Later."

Jamie hangs up and looks at his father's expression and for a split second wonders if he made the right decision. He sees the small smile but knows it's not genuine, it was forced. Worry? Concern? Regret? A combination of all of the above?

"I know OCCB will tell you some of this, but we'll be with you every step of the way. That I can promise."

"But not right beside me right?"

"No. You and you alone are being invited into their world," Frank tells him in truth. "You will be exposed to people and practices that you don't agree with or believe in. You just have to remember who's really going in there."

"What do you mean?"

"This Jimmy…he's not real. Jamison Reagan – he's my son and he's real," Frank explains. "He has values, and morals and beliefs that these people don't share. Don't lose that."

"But what if…"

"That's all I'm saying son," Frank smiles as he slowly stands up; Henry having already called them for dinner. Frank pulls his youngest into his embrace and holds him close before he exhales heavily. This was going to be pure hell – on all of them.

That night Jamie just tosses and turns, his mind conjuring up one scenario after another; most of them with grisly endings, watching his father weep over his death and hearing his brohter's searing 'why the hell didn't you just say no?' But also knows that part of him wants this, to be part of something important and to make a real difference. The next morning he opens his weary eyes and looks over at his buzzing phone.

'OCCB 2pm. Dad'

And that was it, he was in and his backstory was being prepared. It was now or never. As soon as he walks into that office there was no turning back. He foregoes the coffee as he hurries to shower, shave and get dressed; his nervousness rising by the minute. The meeting with OCCB proceeds as expected with him being given the straight facts without the fatherly reassurance he had gotten the night before.

"There will be backup in the immediate area, but we can't get a ghost in there with you. You'll be on your own once you're in location. In the event of a crime taking place…you can take information but not actively participate. Philip Sanfino that's your guy. Don't get taken in by the Uncle Philly act. He's a sociopath in a Broini suit…Eyes wide open."
"Got it."
"Good luck."

Jamie feels his own hand trembling as he shakes the seasoned Lieutenant's and can only hope and pray he doesn't come across as some greenhorn on his very first big assignment. It wasn't everyone that had gotten accepted into a crime family that was as high on the NYPD most wanted list without having to do very much as he had. It was simple stupid luck that he was picked and not Atwater to save Noble's life and now he was being ushered through the gates of hell and into the grand hall with not so much as batting an eye.

He leaves the OCCB office with his heart racing and rests on the steps outside for a few moments as he hopes his head will stop spinning long enough for him to walk to the car without passing out. He looks at the phone that belongs to Jamie Reagan and frowns, wanting more than anything to call Danny and tell him all that has transpired; wanting his big brother's reassurance also that he'll be there in case he's needed. But Danny was currently being torn in two different directions – by the department and his wife

"Danny has enough to worry about," Jamie huffs as he gets into the car and then heads back for home to get ready for his outing with Noble a few hours from now. He had told Renzulli what OCCB had told him to say and then hangs up and looks in his closet. He wasn't a high roller and his bio for Jimmy Riordan was a normal guy; he had to dress the part.

'Good luck tonight son.' Jamie reads his father's text on his personal phone over and over before he leaves the phone at home and then heads out with his undercover phone in his pocket. The cab pulls up outside the restaurant and he sees Noble waiting for him, it was now the moment of truth.

As soon as he gets out, Noble is all friendly and does something that he hasn't gotten from another man in a while, a brotherly hug from a man that isn't his brother. It was odd and strange but something the mob took seriously as part of their good family façade. His heart starts to race as Noble starts into his heartfelt confession.

"Let me be serious because I suck at being serious. You saved my life…" Jamie listens to him, his facial expression offering a terse smile to the man before him; a criminal that he was now being paid to call friend. After Jamie assures Noble his small confession is enough it was time to go inside. But today is full of unexpected surprises, first getting used to Noble's sense of humor in offering him the car and now meeting the rest of the "family."

First Noble's sister – Bianca. There is no denying she is beautiful, but her snarky attitude was something that forces his brain to stand up and take notice. Keeping himself disinterested in her might be tougher than he wanted. This wasn't exactly the wildcard he had prepped himself for.

"That's my sister Bianca. Don't want what you can't have." Was Noble's firm advice. It was the small mesmerized look on his face that must have given him away. If he was that easy to read around a woman, how on earth would he be able to fool one of New York's most feared gangsters. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

But it wasn't until Noble brings up 'Ritchie' guy who sold him the bad mash, that Jamie's insides tighten into a large anxiety-ridden mass. He was coming? Here? In person? Had he seen him before? Maybe an arrest? On TV? Another curveball but this time Jamie's own words put him in hot water.

"But you don't have to get involved because I know you don't have a beef with him."
"I have a beef with anyone that puts my friend in the hospital."
"Then you'll enjoy the show."

Show? What show? What was Noble planning? A kill in front of him? How could he just stand by and watch as OCCB had instructed him and act like it's nothing? It wasn't in his upbringing to just watch someone in distress and not help. However those were his orders and it could mean his life. He had to follow them – no matter what. Uncle Phil Sanfino comes and introduces himself and thanks Jamie, asking about why he didn't stick around and obviously liking his answer about him evading the cops at the hospital. Now it was the moment of truth. A pat on the cheek, a squeeze of the shoulder and then he's whisked way at the side of Philip Sanfino into the waiting gathering of mobster sympathizers. And as soon as Jamie steps into the room filled with the enemy he knows one thing for sure; there's no turning back.

XXXXXXXX

"You still have a choice – you can still walk away."
"Not if I want to contribute."

Those were the words of his father as he and his brother stand before him in his living room after Jamie had finished recounting the entire evening with the Sanfino gathering. He watches Danny walk away without saying a word after he tells them both he wants to continue and wonders if his brother will still have his back as he would have assumed. He watches Danny leave and then looks up at his father in question.

"He worries…can't blame him. I do to."

"I know how to handle myself."

"We know you do Jamie and no one is questioning that, even silently. But Danny has been here before and so have I."

"And now you are both doing it all again?" Jamie asks softly.

"Comes with the territory. Don't worry about Danny, he'll always have your back no matter what."

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as I know I have his and yours and your grandfather had mine. Now lets go eat dinner."

After dinner, and just wanting a few minutes to himself, Jamie heads outside and settles on the front steps, not leaving his thoughts until he feels someone sit down beside him and he looks up to see Danny looking at him with a frown.

"You didn't say anything earlier."

"What'd you want me to say? Don't do it? Why? I'd do the same as you so I can't fault you for that."

"Think dad is mad?"

"Mad? No…worried, hell yes," Danny admits softly. "I am too. I mean Jamie…these guys are hard core big time. I've seen pictures of what this um…yes worried."

"I know what they call Uncle Philly Sanfino and I've seen the same pictures as you. But…"

"You know how fast it takes for a bullet to leave a gun and embed itself into a human heart only a few feet away?" Danny asks without looking at Jamie.

"Trick question?"

"No backup in the world would make it in time. That's what dad's worried about. I know you won't have a vest on you and there will be some guy outside nearby but still…"

"He didn't kill that guy Danny. Noble."

"He's not your target. You get that? Don't be sidetracked by him. He's a lackey...a pawn."

"He still didn't kill him."

"Yet," Danny whispers. "That guy double crossed him and he got even. You better be on all the time and I mean all the time. You get that?" Danny lightly growls.

"Danny…"

"Sorry," Danny huffs as he looks at Jamie with a heavy frown.

"I want to do this."

"I know you do," Danny pats is brother on the back. "Just that look before you leap attitude..."

"I'm going in with both eyes open this time Danny."

"You can't prepare for everything."

"It's in me I guess."

"We share the same last name. At least we can blame dad for that," he smirks.

"I'm scared…well I mean a little."

"Fear is good, it'll keep you on your toes; it'll keep you alert and on top of things. Watch your drinks with them and always watch your back. I know you can't show them fear but if you are ever cornered you walk away."

"What if I'm uh…never mind," Jamie sighs as he looks away.

"What? Come on kid…spill it," Danny nudges his brother.

"I mean I can't always plan things right? I know there will always be a guy on the outside but what if there comes a time when…"

"When you are slipped out the back and on your own and the ghost car outside doesn't know?"

"I can handle my own most of the time but um…what if one time I can't and I'm alone?" Jamie asks in concern.

"You sure you want to do this?" Danny inquires firmly.

"I am. I know it's a big risk and it's not what I want to do lon..."

"Yes or no."

"Yes," Jamie replies with a firm nod.

"Then give me your phone."

"Which one?"

"The Jimmy phone," Danny smirks as Jamie pulls the phone.

Jamie watches as Danny starts to enter a new contact into his phone. "Sullivan's?" Jamie looks at the entry with a frown.

"The name is legit…the number…is mine and the voice mail is generic," Danny finishes putting in his own personal cell that only had an automatic message and then saves it. He holds the phone firmly in his fingers as he looks at his brother with loving concern. "If there ever comes a time when you find yourself in that situation where you are alone and out of answers, time and tricks always remember – you have another option."

"But what about OCCB?"

"Screw them," Danny winks. "We'll deal with it later. Besides we got a personal pull with the big guy."

"God?" Jamie retorts in shock.

"No dummy…dad," Danny punches his brother's arm. "In that situation police politics won't matter; only your life. You call that number and I'll be there. I give you my word. No matter what I'll be there."

Jamie looks down at the phone in his brother's hand before he accepts it and then clasps and holds Danny's hand in a firm grip and looks at Danny who gives him the nod of reassurance he is craving.

"Thank you Danny."

"Hey the mob isn't the only ones that take family serious," Danny nods. "We're all in this together no matter what. No turning back now."

THE END!

A/N: Okay so I think I got a bit carried away on this but once I started writing I just couldn't stop lol so much to explore with this! And even as I ended it I know I could wrote more! I hope it was okay and you liked it and please review and let me know your thoughts before you go and thanks so much!