A/N: I HAVE RETURNED!
Funny, I've had this in my head for the longest time but just couldn't manage to find time to write it. But, here it is! William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing . . . Wicked style! And fear not, I will use the No Fear text for this story for you non-Old English fans. Another note, the characters of Frex, the Wizard, and Boq are characterized according to Shakespeare, not Wicked, and in the story Elphaba is Nessa's cousin, not her sister. Also, I must point out that this will stick very much to the script of MAAN so I will be revising this chapter to incorporate more Wicked into it, as far as characterization goes. Have I covered everything? Good.
CAST
Hero- Nessarose
Don John- Avaric
Dogberry- Irjii
Friar Francis- Wizard
Leonato- Frex
Ursula- Glinda
Margaret- Milla
Don Pedro- Manek
Beatrice- Elphaba
Benedick- Fiyero
Claudio- Boq
Act 1, Scene 1
It was a lovely day in Munchkinland. The sun shone through sparse clouds and the breeze was warm. The entire Thropp family sat in the cornfields, talking jovially and joking. Frex, the governor of Munchkinland, sat talking casually with his brother Antonio while his only daughter, the kind and gentle Nessarose and her waiting gentlewoman, the bubbly and friendly Galinda, listened as her quick-witted and green-skinned cousin Elphaba read poetry aloud to anyone who would listen.
Suddenly, a noise was heard, coming from the Yellow Brick road. Eagerly the entire party stood up to see who was approaching. It was a man of small stature, not a rare occurrence in Munchkinland, and he seemed most eager to reach them.
"Governor Thropp!" the man called, "I have a letter, and it is most urgent that you read it straight away!" Frex raised an eyebrow and stood, approaching the breathless messenger and taking the letter from him. He opened it and read it, as the party listened in anxious anticipation. A smile broke out on Frex's face as he turned to face his family and friends.
"According to this letter, Prince Manek of the Upper Uplands and his army are coming to Munchkinland tonight!"
Immediately, the group was in an excited uproar. Prince Manek was a well-known nobleman, much loved by all who knew him and considered a hero by all who knew of him.
"He must be very near by now," the messenger noted. "When I left him, he was less than nine miles from here." Frex turned around to examine the looks of excitement on the faces of his daughter and niece. Nessa's eyes sparkled, Elphaba's glittered with something that hinted towards anxiety.
"How many noblemen were killed in the battle you just fought?" Frex asked, and immediately a tense air hung over the crowd.
"Not many, and no one important," the messenger replied, grinning as the smiles returned to everybody's anxious faces. Elphaba seemed to let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding.
"A victory in battle is twice as victorious when all the soldiers return home safely," Frex stated with a satisfied nod. "This letter also says that Prince Manek has given honors to a young man from Munchkinland named Boq." At this, he glanced over (along with everyone else) to smile at young Nessa, who had known Boq since they had been children.
Elphaba gave Nessa a teasing prod in the stomach, and Nessa's face turned a deep red, though it was uncertain if she was blushing out of pride or embarrassment or both. The messenger smiled and spoke again, pride filling his voice.
"Boq deserves to be honored, and the prince has rewarded him accordingly. He has done more than anyone would expect of a man his age." Nessa beamed at this. "He looks like a lamb but fights like a lion. He has so greatly exceeded all expectations that I can't even describe all he's done." Nessa by now seemed ready to burst with happiness. Elphaba watched her sister, amused as Frez spoke up again.
"He has an uncle here in Munchkinland who will be glad to hear this."
"And a girl who feels the same," Elphaba whispered under her breath to Nessa, who turned red yet again.
"I have delivered some letters to his uncle, and he seemed very happy. He got so emotional that he actually looked like he was in pain." None seemed too surprised, Boq's uncle was a very emotional and lovable man who would sing Lurlinemas carols throughout the year as he happily made the day of anyone fortunate enough to speak with him.
"Did he start weeping?" Frex asked affectionately. All of the girls giggled.
"Very much so," the messenger replied, "I have never known Munchkins to have so many tears." All present laughed.
"That's a very natural display of affection. There's no face more sincere than one washed in tears. And it's definitely better to cry because you're happy than laugh because you're sad!" Frex noted, ending the laughter. Elphaba stepped forward, a smirk on her face.
"Tell me, has Signior Montanto returned from battle?" she asked rather casually, though hidden deep within her amusement there was a genuine interest in her words. Though the messenger seemed confused, Galinda and Nessa giggled.
"I don't know anyone with that name, miss. There was no Signior Montanto in our army," the messenger replied, looking quite confused. Nessarose laughed.
"My cousin means Prince Fiyero of the Vinkus," she informed the messenger. Confusion turned to comprehension as the messenger replied to Elphaba:
"Oh, yes, Fiyero has returned and is as cheerful as ever," he replied with a broad smile. Elphaba smirked even wider.
"Tell me now, how many men did he kill and eat in this battle? I promised him I would eat anyone he killed." The messenger seemed slightly affronted by Elphaba's seemingly low expectations of Fiyero's skills.
"For Lurline's sake, Elphaba, you're criticizing Fiyero too heavily. But I'm sure he'll get even with you- he always does." Elphaba merely cackled at her uncle's words.
"Prince Fiyero served well in the war, Miss Elphaba," the messenger replied loftily. Elphaba raised her eyebrows.
"You had rotten food, and he helped you eat it. He's a very brave eater—he has a strong stomach-for he once ate something I cooked!" The crowd all laughed, save the messenger, who now looked almost angry.
"He's a good soldier too, lady."
"He's a good soldier to a lady? Well then, what is he to another prince?" Elphaba asked, very much amused.
"He's a prince to a prince and a man to a man. He is positively stuffed with every virtue considered honorable!" the messenger said, not even attempting to hide his displeasure now.
"Absolutely—he is stuffed, like a dummy. As for what he's stuffed with—well, nobody's perfect, now are they Nessie?" she asked, hugging Nessa, who was giggling and shaking her head at her cousin.
"Please don't take my niece the wrong way, sir," Frex interjected, "Fiyero and Elphaba have been waging a war of wits between themselves. Whenever they meet, there's a battle." At this, the messenger seemed to relax.
"And I always win. The last time we fought, he was so dazed by the end that he wasn't much smarter than- oh, who am I kidding, he was never smart to begin with! So tell me, who is he hanging around with these days? Every month he has a new sworn brother." Nessarose giggled, and the messenger thought for a moment.
"Is that possible?" he asked, puzzled. Elphaba gave a knowing nod.
"His preferences change faster than the winds. I would know."
"I can see you don't like Fiyero," the messenger said, amused. Elphaba laughed.
"Am I that obvious? But please tell me, who's his best friend? Isn't there some new swaggering young ruffian who follows him around like a lost puppy?"
"He spends most of his time with the good, noble Boq," the messenger replied.
"Oh God, Fiyero will plague him like a disease!" Elphaba cried, throwing an arm around Nessarose, who was blushing yet again. "Fiyero is an infection that's easy to catch but hard to get rid of—and he'll drive you crazy once you've been infected." She pinched Nessa's cheek affectionately. "God help Boq! If he's caught the Fiyero, he'll lose all his money and sanity before he's cured."
"I'm going to make sure I stay on your good side, Miss Elphaba," the messenger said. Elphaba laughed fondly, tossing an apple to the messenger.
"Do, new friend."
"You will never fall victim to Fiyero's charms, Elphie?" Galinda asked, giggling.
"No, not till Animals cease to speak!" Elphaba cried. Suddenly, another great sound could be heard from a distance. Don Pedro's army was near!
"Come on, Elphie and Miss Nessie, we have to get changed before the men get here!" Galinda squealed, "Let's see . . . pink goes good with green, so . . ."
Now groomed and polished, Elphaba and Nessarose stood with Galinda as Manek and his army approached. Frex stood out front with a few of his advisors as the girls hung back, admiring the battle-worn yet handsome soldiers. Men like them did not drop by Munchkinland often.
Don Pedro left his men and stepped forward, bowing to Frex, who mirrored his actions.
"My dear Governor Thropp, hosting my whole army is such a huge burden, but you accept it—and me—with open arms. Most people choose to avoid trouble, but you run to it!"
"You are never trouble to this house, your Grace. It's comforting when trouble departs. But when you leave, you take happiness with you and leave sorrow in its place, Frex replied, and spoke truth, for Don Pedro was a very happy and wise spirit, and well-loved in Munchkinland.
"You take up your duties too cheerfully," Manek jested. He glanced behind Frex. "Is that your daughter?" he asked, indicating young Nessarose, whose light brown hair was now curled and fell down her back. She rolled forward politely, but before she could greet Manek, her eyes caught Boq's.
In that moment, something changed between the two. They had been friends for so long, but they both had changed. Boq was a soldier now, and Nessa a tragically beautiful young girl still bound to a wheel chair, was now a young lady. He smiled, and she smiled back.
Only Elphaba took notice to this exchange as Frex replied, "That's what her mother always told me." The crowd of soldiers and Munchkin friends chuckled.
"Did you doubt that she was your daughter, since you had to ask her mother?" Fiyero piped up teasingly, stepping forward with great bravado. Elphaba heaved a heavy sigh.
"Of course not, Fiyero," Frex replied teasingly, "You were only a child when my Nessa was born, and not yet old enough to seduce Melena." The crowd all laughed heartily except for Elphaba, who was still staring at Fiyero with narrowed eyes.
"Ah, he got you back, Fiyero!" Manek laughed, "Frexspar clearly knows your reputation with women. Seriously, though, the lady resembles Frexspar so much that there can be no doubt about who her father is. Congratulations, lady: you resemble a most honorable man." Nessarose smiled.
"Well, even if he is her father, I'm sure she wouldn't want to have the head of the old man on her shoulders!" Fiyero replied, though by now Manek and Frexpar had moved away to talk. Elphaba by then had had enough, and stepped forward to Fiyero, who looked on her with great surprise.
"I'm amazed you're still talking, Fiyero. No one's listening to you," she said shrewdly, annoyance clear on her face. Fiyero raised an eyebrow as he took her in.
"Look, it's my dear Lady Disdain, green with envy as always!" Elphaba snorted at his dim jab at her skin. "Are you still living?"
"How could disdain die when you're here? When you're around, even the nicest woman becomes like myself."
"Then many women would be green, if you speak truly." Fiyero replied easily. Elphaba didn't flinch. "However, you don't, for all ladies love me, except you. And if I could I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none." Elphaba's eyes glittered, though her shoulders seemed to relax slightly.
"A dear happiness to women. You truly would make a most unworthy suitor. Thankfully, I feel the same way you do. I have no need for romance. I would rather listen to my dog bark at a scarecrow than hear a man swear that he loves me."
"Lurline keep you still in that mind, so some gentleman or other shall escape a predestinate cursed face." The crowd, listening by now, all chuckled. Fiyero seemed quite pleased with himself.
"Cursing would be a better fate than to have a face as deeply shallow and ugly as yours," Elphaba replied without a moment's pause. Immediately, the present soldiers burst into laughter. She and Fiyero glared at each other for a moment before he responded.
"Listen to you, instructing me like a parrot would," he snorted. Elphaba cackled.
"I'd rather be a squawking bird than an animal like you!" she responded hotly.
"Do you ever let anyone else talk or do you just rattle on like a deranged witch?" Fiyero asked, gaining many laughs. Elphaba opened her mouth to respond, but Fiyero waved her off. "That's it, Fae, I'm done," he chuckled. Elphaba glared at him- use of his old nickname for her was the ultimate blow, and he knew it.
"You always run away when you think you might lose. I know you," Elphaba muttered to him before stalking back over to Nessarose, who gave her a sympathetic smile. Manek stepped forward.
"Fiyero, Boq, and all you friends, Governor Thropp has invited us to stay at least a month." Immediately whoops of joy sounded, but Elphaba and Fiyero just looked at each other with utmost displeasure. Frex turned then to face Avaric, Manek's illegitimate brother, who had been watching all the happenings with a critical eye.
"I invite you as well, Avaric, if you will be reconciled to your brother." Avaric glanced over at Manek, who stared back with a cold expression.
"I thank you," he replied softly. "I am not of many words- but I thank you."
Frex, still slightly uncomfortable with the situation, merely nodded and stepped back. Frex then turned to Manek.
"Shall we go inside?"
"Indeed, Governor," said the Prince, and they all entered the Thropp household together. Boq, however, hung back with Fiyero, who had stayed behind to avoid running into Elphaba.
Boq approached Fiyero timidly. "Fiyero, did you notice Governor Thropp's daughter?" he asked. Fiyero turned with a puzzled expression.
"Your old friend Nessarose? I did not notice her but I saw her."
"Is she not still kind as ever?" Boq asked, his eyes glowing. Fiyero laughed.
"Do you want my true opinion? Or do you want me to criticize her like I do all women?"
"You mostly just criticize Miss Elphaba. But speak seriously."
"Well, it seems to me that she is too short to be praised highly because of that chair, too dark to be praised fairly, and too small to be praised greatly. I can only say this about her: if she looked different than she does, she would be ugly, and since she can't be anything but herself, I don't like the poor thing."
"You think I'm joking!" Boq said, annoyed, "Be serious Fiyero, for I am!"
"What, are you going to buy her?" Fiyero snorted.
"Could the world buy such a jewel?" Boq asked dreamily. Fiyero coughed and stepped away.
"Yes- and a case to put it into," Fiyero chuckled, "But really, are you serious?"
"I think she's the most wonderful woman I've ever laid eyes on."
"You've known her for years and you've never said that!" Fiyero cried, appalled.
"I've never seen her truly before," Boq replied hotly as curtains of a nearby window opened and the subject of their conversation appeared, along with Elphaba. Boq and she exchanged smiles as Fiyero went on.
"I don't see what you're talking about. If Fa-Elphaba didn't have such a nasty temper, she'd be so much more beautiful than Nessarose, to be honest." Boq raised an eyebrow, but Fiyero ignored it. "But hey, it's not like you're going to marry Nessarose, right?"
A long pause.
"Even if I had sworn never to marry, I wouldn't trust myself to keep that promise if Nessa would marry me." Fiyero stared at his friend blankly before shoving him away angrily.
"Has it come to this? Will there ever be a single bachelor left in the world?"
"You're only bitter because of Miss Elph-"
"Finish that sentence and I'll-"
"Do what?" came a new voice. Fiyero and Boq turned to see Manek returning, looking very amused. "What secret held you up here?"
"Malek, you would have to force me to tell," said Fiyero, appearing quite disgusted.
"Your loyalty to me forces you to," Manek laughed. Fiyero sighed.
"Sorry Boq, but if you want to tell secrets, do not make them as gross as this!" he said. Boq turned red. "Manek- he's in love! With whom? With Nessarose, Frexspar's short daughter!"
"If you say so," said Boq in a poor attempt to seem indifferent.
"Ha, listen to him try and deny it," Fiyero snorted. Manek raised his eyebrows at Boq, who sighed.
"Unless my feelings change soon, it's true, Manek." Manek smiled.
"Wonderful, if you love her, for the lady is very well worthy," he said. Boq's eyes widened.
"You joke."
"I swear, I'm telling you what I honestly think."
"And I swear that I am in love with Miss Nessarose!" Boq cried. Fiyero blinked, not believing what he was hearing.
"And I swear all up and down I spoke honestly when I said that this was a horrible idea!" he interrupted. Boq shoved him as hard as a Munchkin could. Fiyero shoved him back.
"You never have appreciated women, Fiyero," Manek chuckled.
"I thank my mother for conceiving and raising me, but all women will have to forgive me: I will remain a bachelor," Fiyero said, "Dancing through life while Boq waltzes down the aisle."
"I swear," Manek chuckled, "Before I die I will see you sick with love." Fiyero snorted.
"With hunger, fear, or anger, Manek, but never with love, I assure you." With those words, he angrily stormed off. Boq turned to Manek.
"Does Frex have a son?"
"No, only Miss Nessarose and his niece. Do you truly like her, then?" he asked. Boq's emotions spilled over as he replied:
"Oh, Lurline, when we left Munchkinland to fight the war, I looked at Nessa with the eyes of a friend and a soldier. I liked what I saw, but my mind was so occupied with the rough, violent task ahead of me that there was no chance that like would turn into love. But now that I'm back, the room in my head that I used to fill with war plans has become crowded with soft and delicate feelings. They all lead me to the same thought—how beautiful Nessa is and how I must have liked her this way even before I left to fight." Manek chuckled
"You will become a true lover soon, and exhaust Fiyero and I with your endless chatter about your feelings." Boq blushed. "Look, if you really love Miss Nessarose, enjoy it. I will speak to her and her father about the matter, and I'll convince Frexspar to promise Nessarose to you. Isn't that the reason you told me all this?" Boq looked shocked.
"You can see that I'm sick with love, and you're taking care of me in just the right way! But I didn't want you to think that I'm hasty in my emotions. I was going to explain my feelings with a longer story." Manek waved his arms in protest.
"If you keep going on, my friend, I might turn into a Fiyero. Look, whatever gets the job done is best. You love Nessarose; that's all I need to know to want to find a remedy. They're going to have a costume party with dancing tonight. I'll disguise myself as you and pour out 'my' feelings to her, taking her prisoner with the force of my love story. Then I'll talk to her father. And in the end, she's yours!" Boq looked like he was about to cry.
"Let's get started right away."