TV, Popcorn and Tales
by: LOOney
DISCLAIMERS: Yeah… yeah… yeah… If you've read enough fics you know that Joss and all his people and all of the people at UPN and WB and Fox own the characters portrayed here. The people at Pepto Bismol could try to claim to own some of this… the people at MTV might own some of it, even… heck Orville Redenbocker might even be trying to call me saying… "Hey, you know that fic you wrote – I think I might own something in there…" I tell them all to just BACK OFF – the story popped into my little twisted mind!
RATED: PG – the word HELL is used a couple of times and there might be some right winged conservative group out there that might try to say that I am hurting the minds of young impressionable people by marking it as rated G… so it's rated PG.
NOTES FROM THE AUTHOR: This is my first Fic. I like it... hope you all do too. It's short...
SEND FEEDBACK TO: looneyplr@yahoo.com Please… send me feedback!
SUMMERY: O.K… this takes place a few years down the road. We are peeking into the Summers house after "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is no longer on the air.
It was TV night at Buffy's house.
Spike stood in the doorway to the living room "Love, do we have anymore Microwave popcorn left?"
Buffy gazed at him with a slight grin on her face "Ohhhh you are not making the popcorn this time! Last time you sprinkled dried blood on it and told everyone it was paprika."
Willow looked over at Buffy with a panicked look on her face "That was dried blood? You never told me that was dried blood… I asked him to make this batch of popcorn just like the last – I thought it was good…. But now… ew!" She sunk down at the end of the couch while Tara slid closer to snuggle up to her distressed lover.
Xander and Dawn were sitting on the other side of the couch playing a heated game of Rock/Paper/Scissors and not paying particular attention to the conversation around them.
Anya was sitting on the floor in front of Xander, in control of the TV remote and flipping through the channels… sighing at every one of them.
Xander suddenly turned to face the television "Hey wait!! Stop!! I like this show."
Dawn looked up at Xander, her hand still in scissors position, "The Osborne's? You like the Osborne's?"
"Yes, I like the Osborne's… what's that supposed to mean?"
"Well like the language thing Xander – I never hear you swear like that… you don't swear like that…"
"The swears are bleeped out so they don't bother…" he started to say…
Buffy busted out laughing and cut in "Dawn… don't buy the Mr. Clean boy act…stop by the construction site one day and see Xander in his wash your mouth out with soap kinda way. He'd make Ozzy proud. Now, me on the other had… I DON'T use those kind of words, ever…"
Spike came into the room carrying two bags of popcorn, one with just butter and one with his favorite paprika blend. "I have to disagree with that statement there, pet. You seem to yell out all kinds of nasties when we're going at it, pretty hot and heavy." He stated as he placed the bags of popcorn on the table.
"Ain't that the truth" Dawn murmured with a grin. She could hear them every night from her room.
Buffy was bright red and looked up at Spike standing in front of her with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face staring down at her.
Willow first looked at Spike with a "Hello… Too Much Information" look on her face, then looked down and saw the special blend popcorn on the table. She jumped up, and quickly headed upstairs to use the bathroom.
Xander, while staring at the TV watching The Osborne's, reached over and grabbed a handful of popcorn and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth "Mmmm… Spike's Paprika Popcorn… I love this stuff."
Buffy, Spike and Tara's attention swung towards Xander who was eating fistfuls of the popcorn at a time.
"Ummm… Xander… you d..d..don't"
Buffy tapped Tara on the knee, and motioned "shhhh" towards her. The two girls started giggling watching Xander devour Spike's popcorn. The more he ate, the harder they giggled.
"What?" he said through a mouthful.
Anya reached over her shoulder and patted Xander's knee "They think the fact that you are enjoying Spike's popcorn, which is sprinkled with dried blood is funny, hunny…. That or those cute little boxers with the green M&M guys, that I bought you, are poking out the top of your pants again… They are strange."
Spike reached down and grabbed the bag of popcorn away from the table "Bloody Hell Harris, you took enough!"
Willow was coming back downstairs again. She and Xander crossed paths in front of the stairway… he was going up… fast.
Buffy stared blankly at the TV set. "Do we have to watch the Osborne's? It just reminds me of back when that camera crew used to follow us all over the place…"
"But they don't have that Joss guy hanging around and telling you what you're supposed to do all the time. They get to be themselves." Said Anya.
Willow sat forward, "I know what you mean Buffy… it was like an invasion of some kind, sometimes… but sometimes it was kinda cool, too. Like when Joss told Angel that he'd better show up at the Prom and dance with you, or he wasn't going to get his own show… that was kinda cool."
Spike uttered "Poofter" under his breath – only Buffy heard him and elbowed him.
Dawn perked up; she liked it when they talked about the old times when they were on TV. "I remember that!"
"No you don't." Buffy replied.
"Yes I do."
"No you don't"
"You came home and you were all…"
To get them off this argument, Willow interjected with "Buffy, remember when you and Cordelia went to that frat party…"
Dawn again perked in with "I remember that!"
And again Buffy came back with "No you don't…"
"Yes I do!"
"No you don't…"
"Yes I do… Mom was all…"
Now Spike tried to get them out of this argument with "Remember the first time I met your Mum, love… she had that axe and hit me over the..."
"I remember THAT!"
"No you don't…"
"YES. I. DO…"
"Dawn, you only think you remember, cause the monks made you have that memory… and you may have seen the re-runs… but you don't remember… you weren't there."
"Oh." She slumped back down… "Then what do I remember?"
"Sometime from around the middle of season 4 on… Xander bought all of the series on DVD, we can bring them over next time we have TV night." Anya said matter of factly.
Spike raised his eyebrow and stared down at Buffy "I liked season 6 myself."
They all looked over at Spike with disgust and in unison said "Season 6 sucked!"
Xander finally spoke up, while nursing his bottle of Pepto Bismol, "What could you have possibly liked about season 6? What the HELL was that Joss Guy thinking?"
"Yeah… he coulda said something like "Hey Willow, don't get so much with the magics, you're gonna get hooked"… but no… he gives me the spell to cure Amy, who introduces me to Wrack and gets me all junked out on the stuff – then he makes me think that Tara is dead and gives me the idea to get all strung out again, kill Warren and take out the world … what the hell was he thinking"…
"I hated pretending I was dead, baby… but it was the only way I could get them to stop making me wear some of those strange outfits, and making me look so… so… so… lame."
"Yeah, I know what you mean… he gave me that "Get Out Get Out Get Out!" bitchy whiney line that just annoyed half the world with me"… said Dawn.
"Well, we didn't want them taping us having sex, so Joss let us pretend that Xander left me at the alter at our wedding… then we got to sneak off to Vegas while we were on a break from taping... that was kinda cool."
"Maybe that's what we should have done, pet."
"I was only using you then, Spike. I wouldn't have married you…"
"Bloody hell, love."
Xander asked again "Spike, what could you have possibly liked about Season 6… besides having sex with Buffy?"
Anya blushed.
Spike noticed Anya blushing and said, "No pet, it wasn't you… although that was kinda nice… I never knew vengeance demon muscles were so…"
"SPIKE!!" Buffy hit him hard and definitely not wanting to hear this.
"Right… back to what I liked about Season 6… that's an easy one… I got my soul back."