Hah. I would make an excuse for this but I'm actually quite pleased with how it turned out. I suppose there are some thoughts you should just keep in your head but this is by no means as bad as some of the stuff I've read on here. Althought that's not saying much...

Set just after Polly discovers Lofty/Tilda is a girl.

Please read and review! Especially if you hated it or thought it wasn't even worth a review.

Polly sat gazing into the fire, pondering the latest revelation. So she wasn't the only one. Who cared? She felt vaguely as if she should do something about it but all she could think of was 'spare socks'. She couldn't really approach Lofty - or whatever her name really was - with Tonker there anyway. Polly recalled the look the boy had given her and resolved to keep quiet.

"You're supposed to be on watch, private."

Polly started up from her thoughts. "Sarge-" she said, but it wasn't Jackrum. "Uh, Tonker." She started to blush and mentally kicked herself for it. Still, it was dark.

"The enemy is going to come from that way," Tonker said, and pointed away from the fire, "and you won't see them if you lose your night vision either."

Polly opened her mouth to make an excuse then shut it. "Yeah?" she said aggressively, "just knew that did you?"

The boy grinned loutishly. "I didn't ask sarge for advice either, but trust me you'd rather it was me telling you."

Polly smiled back nervously. We're all mates here, yeah? Definitely no girls, no sir, we're all big men in the army now, right?

"It's your shift now."

"Yeah. Get some sleep, Ozzer."

Polly lay down where she sat, having already put her piece of blanket out where it would be closest the fire. She watched Tonker with half-closed eyes, noticing that he looked particularly hard at Lofty's tent. Polly wondered why she - why everyone even - hadn't seen it before. But people didn't think to look for it.

"Oz?"

"Y-yes?" said Polly, then cursed herself for it.

"You know, right? About Lofty?"

Polly was silent, thinking furiously. Should she say no? Probably not; she wouldn't be entirely believed and something already told her that you have to trust your mates in a war. "Yeah, I know, Tonks."

"She's not the only one, you know. I'm pretty sure Shufti is too, and then of course there's..."

Me, thought Polly. Remember other people are watching you. Unfortunately she never seemed to remember until too late. She'd tried so hard too."Yeah, I know," she said, hoping that her gruff tone would signal the end of the conversation. She didn't want these silly - well, girls - spoiling it for her. It wasn't her fault they hadn't thought it through as much as she had. The last thing she wanted was for them to think it was okay to relax.

"Well... I guess I'm asking you to keep quiet about it." The request didn't sound very friendly coming from Tonker. The boy seemed to be naturally twice as angry as most people.

Polly tried to laugh it off. "Well, I guess. So long as you can return the favour."

There was a short silence, after which Tonker gave a derogatory snort. Polly took that to be a yes.

Although apparently it wasn't. Next second the boy was leaning over her, glaring at her with fiery eyes, his face an inch from hers. "Is that all?"

"All- all what?" Polly stammered.

"God, men are easy. Well then, I think we can do a deal."

Polly opened her mouth to ask 'what deal?', but Tonker suddenly shot forward and kissed her, his lips silencing her, his tongue darting inside her mouth ever so slightly. Polly's eyes widened in shock and he drew away. "What's the problem? You're the one who wants this."

"What?" Polly asked weakly.

Tonker continued as if he hadn't heard her. "I don't know when you found out about me though, I thought I'd been pretty good so far."

At what? Polly thought in confusion. At the back of her head though a little part of her was starting to get it. That soft-featured face, the smoothness of the skin, and, yes, those lips really were rather full.

"Tonker?"

He - she laughed mockingly. "Sounds weird when you call me that. If you have to talk then it's Magda." She leaned forward, kissing Polly again. Polly found herself closing her eyes, instinctively relaxing. She felt two small bumps press against her chest.

Magda laughed at her stunned expression. "Men are so easy. Let's get this over with." Her hands travelled down past Polly's chest, resting on her... socks. She grinned and Polly could feel her breath on her cheek. Her expression was strange, a mixture of playfulness and disgust. She slipped her hand inside and it rested on -

Absence. Polly flinched as the girl's soft hands found what was missing, and felt a deep blush creep up her throat. Tonk - Magda shot up and away from her quickly, leaving her lying there slightly dazed.

"You're - but -"

"Sorry! I tried to -"

The other girl's mouth was hanging open and she started to turn crimson, the colour blending with her scruffy hair. "Ah - no problem. My fault. Goodnight!" With that she dove into her and Lofty's tent as fast as she could. Polly sat up slowly, feeling slightly-

"Disappointed?"

She stifled a scream as she heard the voice come loudly from the darkness. Spinning around she saw Maladict with a big grin and a strange look in his eyes. "What?" she said, managing to sound entirely unmanly.

"Are you disappointed?" Polly gaped at his bluntness, and he continued. "Young farm boy like you, got to lose it before you get killed in battle, right?"

Polly glared at him. There was something about that smile that was a little too familiar. "Yeah," she grunted on the basis that Ozzer wouldn't see what was implied by that subtle expression.

"And now he - she, sorry - has gone to bed when she's supposed to do the shift." The grin stayed where it was. "Well, I suppose I'd better take over."

You bloody know, don' t you? But you're not going to do anything about it, just so I'm never quite certain, right? The way things are going you're almost certainly a girl too, but with vampires... well, the males were delicate and pretty and the women were still strong enough to rip off someone's head with their bare hands. And they weren't renowned for being fussy about their partners either; after all, when all you had to do to reproduce was bite, anything as technical as gender was a bit superfluous really.

Polly settled back down into her threadbare blanket and sulked for a while before falling asleep. Maladicta watched her hungrily.