Author: OKAY!! Guess what story is back on ?! That's right! It's time for my really really old story that I wrote in high school! This used to be written in script form, but then the site took it down because it wasn't written properly. So! I'm going to take a stab at writing it regularly, which being the writing genius I am (pfft, haha!) I'm pretty damn sure I can pull it off. However, since this story is pretty much already written and stuff, I probably won't be taking requests for what can happen in this fanfic. I mean, probably, but I used to get a lot of awesome ideas so there are possibilities that I will take your ideas. Uhhh, what else…? I just hope this doesn't get taken down again! Man, I also hope I pick the right rating for this story, haha! Ahhh, I'm just so glad to be able to get this story up again! It was really popular a long time ago, and I really hope it gets popular again! Please read my disclaimer/cast list below. Seriously, read it.
Note: I do NOT own Final Fantasy X or the characters. Squeenix does. Also, I do NOT own Blues Clues or any of the characters. I would, however, like to own Tidus and/or Auron if I could.
^_^
Blah, blah, blah, you don't care, do you?
The ONLY ones I own are Setsuna who is the Director, and the stupid pathetic audience who pays the money and comes to see this stupid show in the first place. Don't you feel sorry for the poor saps? ^_^
************
Cast:
Steve (Or Joe. Whichever you choose. It's only the host, so why does it matter?)- Tidus
Blue- Kimarhi (^_^ Lol, get it, he's blue?? LOL, aw screw you guys, I'm going home.)
Mr. Salt- Wakka
Mrs. Pepper- Lulu
Magenta- Yuna
Pail- Rikku
Shovel- Auron
Director!!!!- Setsuna! (Okay, I'll let you know this. This is not the Setsuna from my other story, this is me…uh…like…playing Setsuna. I know it's weird, but just run with it! It was Setsuna in the original writing script, so it's Setsuna here! She just…looks the same. Yeah…)
This story is set on the Tour that's happened in the State's a good while back. Now, I didn't go see it because I wouldn't see it even if you paid me! unless it was a million dollars... ^_^, but I'm doing a story on it anyways. I hope you like it!
By the way, this story is rated T for Teen by the SSS Corp. (Setsuna Says So) for excessive swearing by Setsuna, sexual themes, or hints of it, whatever it means, and some violence because Setsuna will be beating the shit out of some people a few times in this story.
******Scene One: Welcome to Hell in Theater Form******
The lights dim in a theater where many families have brought their children to see a live version of the popular television show "Blues' Clues." The kids finally quiet down as the red velvet curtains are pulled back to reveal a cardboard house painted yellow with a red roof. The background has what appears to be actual grass glued, taped, and stapled to a large white canvas that has been painted sky blue with cotton candy…wait, seriously? Wait, wait…yes, that is actual cotton candy, unflavored, somehow attached to the canvas. Suddenly, the cardboard house's door opens up. A man wearing a yellow shirt with darker yellow boxes and khaki pants steps through. With a smile, he closes the door and it falls over. Backstage, the sound of someone smacking their forehead is heard. The man takes five minutes to finally set the house back up. However, after he sets it up, the cardboard house manages to rip n half. The man scratches his head and looks over at the rest of the catch watching him behind the curtain, who erupt into a fit of giggles. He shrugs and then he turns around and steps into the light. The kids cheer, the parents gasp. It wasn't Joe! It was some guy with yellow spiky hair, blue eyes, and…shaved legs? The parents, annoyed already at how bad the production was already going, turn to their programs and began muttering to each other. The actor on stage heard mumbles of "Who the hell is 'Tidus'?"
"Oh look. It's our special friends! Hi, how are you doing?" Tidus waves at the kids in the audience, who keep on cheering. "We're having a special guest over today, aren't we, Blue?"
Tidus turns and looks down at a blue…cat man with a broken horn crouching next to him. Badly attached to him are long floppy ears and a big blue nose. On his hands are large stuffed blue dog paws. He yawns and looks at someone behind the curtain with…puppy dog eyes…on a cat-like man? From the other side of the stage from where the cat-like man is looking, a rolled up paper ball hits him on the side of the head and a loud irritated whisper is heard.
"Kimarhi, I'm paying you, do it right, damnit!"
Kimarhi sighs and turns back to the audience.
"Woof…woof…" he says sarcastically.
Another paper ball gets thrown at him, and yet another whisper.
"KIMARHI, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!"
"Woof! Woof woof woof!" and with that, Kimarhi wags his tail…which is funny because it's like a lion tail and he's playing a dog. (Seriously, who the hell is paying for this crap? Oh, wait! I know!)
Tidus smiles and looks back to the audience, slowly walking closer to the edge of the stage.
"Our friend Magenta's coming over and we're having a surprise birthday party for her! Hey, could you help us set up?"
The kids stand up in their seats and cheer louder. Enthusiastic "Yay!"s are heard. The parents just continue to look at each other, wondering why they paid for this. (I wish I knew, too, parents. I wish I knew, too.)
"Great! Now, come with me and we're going to head into the kitchen to see what Mrs. Salt and Mr. Pepp-"
"Tidus, did you even read the script or watch the show?! It's Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper! Read your damn lines right or I'm going to fire you!!" the voice that whispered earlier speaks again.
"Uh, yeah! Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper! We're going to go see if they're done making the snacks! Yay, let's go!"
Kimarhi leaves the stage, and Tidus turns to his right and starts doing a strange walk. It's not like Joe or Steve's, it's more like what happens when you're playing Final Fantasy X and you constantly tap the button that makes him walk and he does a sort of a skip. (I know, I have too much fun playing that damn game. ^_^ You guys should do it some time, it's very entertaining!) The parents begin showing very concerned faces as their children start imitating him. Behind him, the canvas that had the sky and ground on it appears to be on some sort of wheel pulley system thing as it changes to show a kitchen scene. Stage hands sneak ninja-like onto the stage. They're all dressed in black. They grab the remains of the house and take it to the left and stage hands from the right slide a kitchen counter into its place. They appear to be having a hard time… Tidus finally stops his, uh…skipping? and stands over near the counter.
"Oh Mr. Salt! Mrs. Pepper! Where are you?"
From under/in the counter, strange muffled sounds and slight moans are heard. A few parents are able to wrestle their kids in front of them to place their hands over their ears.
"So uh...does anyone else think they're doing what I think they're doing?"
A woman in the middle of putting large magenta covered ears on her head sticks her head out from the side of the stage.
"They're making Paprika!"
From backstage, a loud burst of laughter erupts. A few parents who don't have a stick up their asses chuckle as well. Backstage, a woman with waist length black hair, golden eyes with a spiral in the right, wearing a red tank top, black skinny jeans and black high heels with a headset and a clipboard in her hand sighs and hits herself in the head with the clipboard.
"Dear, Yevon…after this tour, no! after tonight…I'm going to need some serious therapy…"
Back on stage, Tidus is poking around the counter.
"So, where the hell are you guys?"
The moans and muffled noises stop and suddenly it sounds like someone hit their head on the ceiling…is that what you call the inside of a counter? You guys get the picture.
"Damnit, Wakka, we didn't have as much time as you said we did! They already started!" a woman says.
"Sorry, ya? I'm hurrying up, this salt costume is kinda hard to get back into place, ya?" a man with a Jamaican-like accent thing responds.
Lots of shuffling noises are heard and the counter doors open. A woman wearing a pepper shaker costume with long black braids sticking out of the top and a man wearing a very sloppily replaced salt shaker costume without a topper with a bright orange cowlick, oh wait, now he's putting the topper on, come out from under the counter. Backstage, the woman with the clipboard, who I probably should have mentioned is the director, begins scribbling something on the clipboard: "Destroy Lulu and Wakka…and hire an entire new cast." On stage, Wakka-Mr. Salt- turns to Tidus and waves.
"Hey, Joe! What's up, Brudda?"
"You guys are sick…" Tidus whispers, then returns to speaking normally. "So, are you guys all done with the snacks for Magenta's party?"
Wakka looks confused. He picks up a bowl of potato chips off the counter and begins eating them.
"Snacks What snacks, ya?"
Lulu, the woman in the Mrs. Pepper costume, smacks his hand, sending the bowl of potato chips all over the floor.
"Don't mess this up!" she hisses at him. With a fake smile on her face, she turns to Tidus. "No worries, Joe! They're all safely tucked away in the fridge, all ready for the party."
"Well that's great! You guys uhh…stop doing stuff in the counter, and I'm gonna head to the living room… Seriously, you guys need to pay attention to where you guys…make Paprika…whatever the hell that means…"
Tidus turns and begins doing his skip walk, this time to the right. Lulu shakes her head and grabs Wakka and leads him off to the right. The ninja-like stage hands perform their amazing scene change, this time a background of a living room is shown, and they bring in a large red chair. Kimarhi reappears on stage, sitting next to the chair, looking just as unhappy as he was earlier. Tidus turns to him.
"So, Blue. Got a surprise birthday present for Magenta?"
Kimarhi lifts up one of his hands and shows the underside of his attached paw, showing a large blue paw print. Tidus stares at the print for a few minutes.
"Ohhh! Blue wants to give Magenta a high five!"
"Tidus! You have to do the Blue's Clues song thing! Now!" the director screams at him from backstage.
"Oh, okay, so, Blue wants to play Blue's Clues!" Tidus smiles and does the gesture he made at the two girls from the beginning of FFX, causing the director to break her clipboard in half. "We're gonna play it to find out what she wants to get Magenta for a present!" He turns and looks at Kimarhi. "Haha, you're playing a girl dog." Kimarhi growls at him. "So, anyway, you kids wanna play?"
Being little kids, they get excited easily, so they begin jumping up and down again, each holding a cardboard paw print on a Popsicle stick.
"So, help me out with the song! To play Blue's Clues we gotta find a-"
"Paw print!" the kids scream.
"No, I think you got it wrong, it's a pen!" Tidus responds proudly.
A flying script is thrown from backstage and hits Tidus on the head and then proceeds to land on the floor. He bends down and picks it up and reads from it, closing it after he reads the line.
"Oh, wait, I guess it is a paw print. Okay, so right! And that's our first-"
"Clue!" the children interrupt again.
"No! It gets you an autograph!"
This time, a note folded football style hits Tidus in the head. The director allows herself to scream 'And it's good for another point!' He picks this up, too, reads it, and then gulps at what it says: Get it right or you die!- Your Lovely Director, Setsuna ^_~. He reopens the script and reads the next line, keeping it open just in case he forgets again.
"'A clue?'"
"A CLUE!" the kids shout again.
"Then we put it in our-"
"NOTEBOOK!"
"I think you're wrong again, an autograph goes in a…" he turns and notices a very angry director whose eyes have managed to turn red. "Uhh…yeah, you're right, our notebook. Anyway! 'Cause it's Blue's Clues, Blue's Clues!"
Tidus begins to get into the song. He's started to dance around the stage, throwing his arms around and skipping. Kimarhi is forced to join in, jumping around.
"We gotta find another paw print, that's our second clue! We put it in our notebook, then you know what to do! We sit down-"
Setsuna is pointing at the script Tidus still has in his hand. He looks down and reads from it again and looks sheepish.
"I mean, we gotta find the last paw print, that's out third clue! THEN we put it in our notebook and well, you know what to do!"
The kids are still dancing in their seats. Some of the parents have gotten into it as well, of course, not as enthusiastic as their children, but it shows some signs of acceptance. Tidus, on the other hand, has stopped dancing. He is currently standing in the middle of the stage with a blank expression and a little bit of drool on the corner of his mouth. The woman with the magenta dog ears from earlier, let's just say Yuna because it is Yuna and it makes these descriptions so much easier than typing all that stuff, sticks her head out again.
"You jump into the aisle and do the chicken dance!"
The other cast members proceed to laugh as Tidus looks like a light bulb exploded over his head.
"Oh yeah, that's right!" and with that he leaps off of the stage and onto the floor, runs over to the nearest aisle and does the chicken dance.
"NO! You have to sit in the damn Thinking Chair and think, think, think your damn ass off!" Setsuna yells from backstage, flipping a table over as she yells.
"All right, damn, you don't have to yell!" Tidus yells back, just as loud.
Tidus heads back over to the stage and manages after five minutes to scramble his way back onstage. He sits down in the chair, rests both elbows on his knees with his chin resting on his fists, and gets another blank stare.
"Hey, did you guys know that this thinking stuff hurts?"
The cast giggles again. Setsuna slams her head into the nearest wall. Tidus stands up to finish the song.
"When we use our minds, take a step at a time!" he tries to skip but falls over his own two feet and manages to land on his face. He gets up quickly and tries to hide his pain with a smile. "We can do anything-!"
At that point, Kimarhi remembers that he's supposed to jump over Tidus when he crouches, but he remembers too early. He jumps and crashes into Tidus' back, landing on him in the process.
"That we…wanna do…" Tidus struggles to get out, but he still manages to finish the song. "Can't…breathe…"
Kimarhi stands up to his full height, scaring everybody in the audience.
"Kimarhi is sorry he hurt bleached blonde hair boy…"
He then turns and walks to the left offstage. The parents look at each other again, whispers of "Is Blue supposed to talk?" are heard. Tidus stands up and looks in the direction that Kimarhi walked off.
"I'll have you know my hair is naturally this color! Anyway!" He turns and looks at the audience again. "So, uh, did you guys see which way Blue went?"
"That way!" is all the kids scream. They're too excited that the show is really getting underway to point. Besides, on the T.V. show, there is never any pointing from the kids screaming on the show.
"You kids are idiots! There are two ways Blue could've gone, so point damnit!"
At his outburst, Tidus is hit with half of the clipboard that Setsuna broke earlier. He looks nervous, turns in her direction, gulps, and then looks back to the kids.
"I mean, which way did you guys say?"
"That way!" they scream again, this time pointing to the left.
"But that's where…she is…" Tidus gulps. "Oh well! Thanks!"
Tidus does his little walk, but this time he walks off stage to the left, following Kimarhi and right into Setsuna's clutches. This creates the first Intermission. The stage goes dark and the curtains are closed. Setsuna is waiting near the table she flipped over, tapping her foot and one of her eyes is twitching. Tidus tries to sneak past her, but has no suck luck. She reaches out and grabs his shirt and pulls him in front of her.
"Tidus, I have had it up to here," she points to the ceiling, "with you! You better stop screwing up! I don't want to be sued; I put a lot of money into this piece of shit! I really had expected better from you!"
Tidus hangs his head in shame, but suddenly forgets why he was hanging his head in the first place and lifts his head up and looks his director in the eye, his eyes sparkling.
"Yes, Ma'am! Hey, maybe I'll do better if you give me a hug for good luck?" he pleads.
Setsuna looks around and sighs. It's hard to stay mad at him, and she knows it. She loves him too much.
"All right, I'll give you one hug if you promise to stop screwing up."
Tidus breaks out into a large smile and wraps Setsuna up into a big bear hug. He gives her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks, Set! I appreciate it!"
Setsuna can only smile at the big goofy grin on his face.
"Okay, Tidus, go ahead and take you're break, but remember, you're on in ten, and you better be back here on time."
"Yes, Ma'am!"
Tidus runs off into his personal dressing room. Setsuna sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.
"Stab me in the eye…put me out of my misery… I gotta get them all in one place because I need to talk to them all. Even Tidus again…sorry, Tidus, but it's gotta be done. Plus, I gotta make myself look tough." She smiles evily.
******End of Scene One******
Author/Setsuna/You get the picture: Wow, that took longer to rewrite than I thought, but I think I did a really good job! Now, please remember to sit in your seats patiently while I start rewriting the next chapter and potentially think up some new ideas for me to add in! Remember to get some popcorn while you wait!
Tidus: What?! Popcorn!! There's popcorn?!!??! WHERE?! **Proceeds to go psycho.**
Setsuna: Uh…please also remember to keep it away from Tidus… I really don't need to him to be super psycho in the next chapter, haha. So, here's a bit of what to expect from the next chapter!:
-The first clue is introduced!
-There needs to be a Mailbox! Find out who's playing him!
- Are the parents going to take the kids out of the theater for 'corruption reasons'?
Tidus: You kinda gave the whole chapter away, stupid.
Setsuna: Well, technically, the chapters are already written, I just gotta make them all look like this. Besides, what if someone gives me a really good idea that makes me want to squeeze it into the next chapter thingy? Also, this chapter is actually two of my old chapters, or 'Scenes' as they were called a long time ago, well, I guess they still kinda are, put together into one because I only typed one at first, and it looked really small, plus I really liked my second scene and wanted to put it up here!
Tidus: You're typing a lot, you ok?
Setsuna: Not really, I'm super freakin' tired and I typed this from 11 pm to 1 am something while being distracted by [adult swim] and keeping myself up to finish this and I gotta go to work tomorrow.
Tidus: If you give me popcorn, I won't keep you up. **Sly grin.**
Setsuna: Depends on what you mean by 'keep me up.' **Returns the sly grin.**
Tidus: Uhh…this is kinda awkward because…you know what, it's too late…er, early to get into this.
Setsuna: Yeah, you're right.
Please read and review! Seriously, I need confidence!