Disclaimer: Thank god I have nothing to do with this piece of shit show. All cultural refrences thereof do not belong to me It'll get funnier, I promise. It's intentionally skippy.
During a particularly rainy evening, when all the Tanners were in the quaint San Fransico home, a deep, dark act was being committed behind an innocent-looking closed door. A girl was bound in straps, praying for her death. The rough leather scraped against the wounds from where her protests had earned her countless lashings. It had been awhile since the seemingly harmless radio personality shoved her in his car, threw her in his closet, and ravished her. For the last few days or so, she'd been locked in a small closet with only the company of various stuffed animals. One of these became her sworn mortal enemy.
The twisted soul had tilted her so she was facing HIM. The goddamn WOODCHUCK. He'd always talk to her through it. If she refused to speak to him, Master Gladstone brought out the silver hammer, and her asshole bled for hours afterwards. She hated the puppet with the fury of a thousand suns. If her internal clock was right, her "master" would be home soon. Sure enough, he just pulled up at the Tanner home. He merrily whistled as he turned his key into the door, for he knew one of his dolls would need her beating.
He stepped onto the shining linoleum floor, just in time to see a rather pissed-off Danny.
"Joey, I'd appreciate it if you'd just walk on Michelle's carpet"
WHAT LUCK! Did Joey hear him right? Was he giving him an open invitation to trample the sexiest little girl's alive virgin kitty?
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?" Joey spoke with venom, afraid Danny was catching on. Danny pointed to Michelle, sitting on her personal little rug, alotted for the princess of the Tanner home. "Hi Joey" his angel spoke. She was loudly trying to blow bubbles with her chewing gum. "Hi Michelle..." Joey said, his voice dripping with a wild lust and dissapointment. He stared in desire at her nimble 4th grade tounge, working at the gum with such dexterity. Joey shook his head. Michelle probably didn't HAVE carpet. Suddenly, he was struck by a wonderful idea.....
Build a merkin for his beauty.
He chuckled at his own genius. He walked to his radio partner's room, where two beautiful twin dolls were. But who should greet him than the charming Rebecca, smacking her bitch Jesse up, for not eating her delicious pussy to her liking. "Oh! Hello Joey." she said in her sexy voice. "Is this a bad time?" She turned around, wearing nothing but a vinyl teddy and thigh high stilletto boots, whip in hand. Joey sneered. "Cheap whore" he thought. "Spreading her legs for the masses." when her and Jesse had just started going out, he had tried to tame her, but she was too witty to be captured. He didn't think she knew of his intentions though. Joey swallowed back hatred, and replied "I'm coming up to tell Nicky & Alex goodnight." He walked into the twin's bedroom. He took out his scissors, and walked up to the sleeping Alex.
He clipped a great deal of hair, making sure he didn't loose a strand. This would lie upon his angel's pussy in the form of a wig he had crafted himself. He had some paranoia, he felt as if he was being watched. But he continued cutting off the flaxen locks. A quick scrunch dry, and it would be so befitting for her. As he flipped Alex over, he couldn't help but notice his own raging boner. No one was looking, he could reach into his pocket, take out his whip, and give Alex's ass a quick smack. He reached into his back pocket, only to find nothing.
"Looking for this?" a sexy voice replied. He whipped around, only to see Rebecca with HIS whip! "Bitch. You've wanted to stick it in to my babies since they were born. I think it's about time for this to end." All of a sudden, she released a bloodcurdling scream. "JOEY'S RAPPING THE TWINS!" She flashed him an evil grin. The entire family had arrived, ready to take him down. Joey drew in a deep breath. He knew this day would come.
He whipped out his keys. "Program activate!" he screamed into them. Every door in the house was locked, and all the windows were barred. He braced himself. He'd have to eliminate each one..........