Alone
If ever I can turn back time, it would be now. Nothing in my life is right. I sit in my room, staring into darkness, lost in thought, and memory.
I do not remember Mother. Only that she was very beautiful, and graceful. she had a wonderful voice. And that song, the one she'd always sing to me at night, that song still lingers within me.
No one had ever told me she died, save Boromir, who told me after I had found out. After her death, Father acted so diffrent with me. He had a certain hatred for me. Boromir would try to cheer me, though my self-esteem stayed low. I felt that I needed to believe my Father's cruel words. That they were somewhat real, true. My heart fought against me. I do not know why I am living today, in such position of disgrace.
I cannot forgive all of the abuse my father has given me. I do not understand his hatred towards me. I have done nothing to upset him, save my presence being alive.
FLASHBACK
Me and my brother stand beside one another in the cold, high voltage citadel.My father is praising Boromir for his success. He turns to me. I concentrate on his hard, cold black eyes, and try not to turn from the gaze. "You're the one who brought Osgiliath down in the first place," he says. "Why are you trying to let the enemy win?"
This is not true. I ponder for a better answer, but my Brother acts before me. "Father, his men were too few. He was not trying to let the enemy win."
My gaze at my father breaks, as he turns to Boromir. "Your brother has a tongue for himself, Boromir." he turns back to me. "I want your answer", he says, still looking at me.
Forced to give an answer, I speak. "Never will I want to bring the city back down, my lord. I would not want to enemy conquering Osgiliath," Denethor clicks his tongue. "He speaks, only but a lie".
"This is not a lie, Father.", I plead. He then stares at me again. This time, it is hard for me to look upon him.
"Osgiliath has been very important to us both, Father", My brother says, defending me. Always. Always Boromir. I open my mouth to speak, but my father speaks first. "Shut your mouth!" this was said loud, and clear, echoing through the hall. "You now both have my leave", he says, a little softer.
Me and Boromir both turn around. All little hope that I had left, that I will ever hear my father speak the words that I dearly wanted to hear, a praise, or compliment, was now gone.
Once we were outside, my brother tries to comfort me, but for the first time, I pull away, and leave his sight. everyone's sight.
An hour later, he found me, sitting on a rock, and looking at the stars. We used to sit on that rock when we were children, playing a game. But I now go for comfort.
He sits next to me, and sighs. "Faramir... I know what he said was mean, but...you just have to hang on."
I know he's trying to get answers from me. But I stay silent. "Faramir, please talk to me..." he asks. I know he wont leave me in peace, until I give him a proper answer. "I do not wish to talk", I say. "Do you want me to leave you alone?", he says. Alone. It has always been a friend to me. I was alone my whole life. Sure, why not leave me alone. I slowly nod my head, not even facing him. "Alright", he answers, getting up. Yes, He understood. He's the only one who understands me the most..
As he leaves my sight, I bite my lip, trying to hold in my tears. I put my head down, close my eyes, hidden under my hands, and silently weep. What are these tears for? A longing for attention. For love. For respect. For care. I am an outcast.
/FLASHBACK
I wish he was now there to comfort me. to tell me its going to be ok. To love me, want me...to care about me. There's no one now.
Rarely in my life, was I happy. I tried so hard to hide my sadness, my grief. What for? Everyone knows. I try to be strong, but deep within, I'm in need of someone.
I get up from my bed, and into the hall. I slowly walk to another room. this one was much larger, for it was Boromir's.I move around to the bed, my hands gliding through the sheets, the sheets that he hardly slept on, let alone had time to make, ever so neatly on the bed. I bend down, and lay my head on the mattress, my hands gripping the sheets tightly. I feel a tear roll down my cheek. How can I go through with this? How will I every move on, when such a big part of my heart had been ripped off? I'm just the other son. The forgotten one. The spare. Oh, Eru, why must you do this to me? Why must you make me go through with this? "Why?" I say outloud. as I grip the sheets even more tight, as if it were a lifeline. "Why!" I repeat, and start to sob loudly. Uncontrollably.
Through the crack of the door, my father watches me...