Hooray for insomnia! Anyways, I was trying (and failing) to sleep, and I was wondering…why doesn't Gaara have eyebrows? And a few cracky ideas popped into my head, and…voila! Prepare for the insanity. Warnings: The taking of innocence, mentions of how babies are made, and explosions. And no, I'm not racist, it's just a joke. If you can't handle political incorrectness, please leave. I don't and probably never will own Naruto. It's 2:02 in the morning right now. Let's see how long it takes…
Gaara was washing his face like he does every morning. Then he saw it. His ultimate enemy…a gray hair. He ran screaming from the room, shouting for Temari and her cure-all…hair dye.
"Temari! I found a gray hair! You have to help me! It's spoiling my luscious brown locks!" For at this point, Gaara was not a red head as we know, but a brunette. It was a lovely rich oak color, and it complimented his green eyes perfectly. Temari ran in.
"It is 3 o'clock in the BLEEPING morning, and you are yelling about WHAT?" Gaara recoiled in shock at seeing his sister without the pounds of makeup she usually wore. She had more wrinkles than Granny Chiyo, and she was covered in blood.
"Temari-san, why are you covered in blood?" Gaara asked innocently. He poked her and licked the blood off of his finger.
"Well, when a woman gets ready to have a baby…" She explained to him the wonderful process which allows women to bear children ( A/N-wonderful my ass) and corrupted her younger brother.
-one mind-scarring session later-
"So that means the blood came from your…" He trailed off hesitantly.
"Yep!" Temari responded brightly.
"!" Gaara screamed, running around the room and smashing headfirst into the wall.
"What was that? Temari! Why do I hear walls slamming! You aren't stealing the innocence of my wonderful student/killing machine again are you?" Baki yelled from the other room.
"Maaaybee." Temari responded suspiciously and jumped away from Gaara's unconscious body. "OH MY JASHIN IS THAT A GRAY HAIR? DOCTOR, PREP THE EMERGENCY EQUIPMENT IMMEDIATELY! I'M GOING INTO SURGERY ASAP!" Temari yelled to random sand villager #347, grabbing a box of hair dye.
-One potentially mind-scarring emergency hair dye, acid shower, and rabid hair dryer later-
Gaara groaned, and sat up. "Ow, my head hurts. I feel like I was hit by a truck."
"Nope, not this time, little brother. That'll be when we have to shave your legs for you because you're an emo kid. This was just an emergency hair dye, so we had a building fall on you instead."
"You fixed it? You fixed my hair? Praise the Lord, it's healed! Hallelujah- wait, did you do my eyebrows too? I can't stand when they don't match. I once killed a man because he forgot to dye my eyebrows." Temari gulped nervously.
"B-but he might've had a family, and people who loved him…" Her top lip started quivering, tears in her eyes, chibi-style.
"Nah, he was Asian. They're all clones anyways, serving the collective. He'll be replaced in 3-5 business days. All we have to do is not lose the pieces in assembly." Gaara said. "Now, can I see how my wonderfully beautifully soft and radiant hair looks? I'm going to Konoha soon, and I won't go looking like an inbred rat." Temari brought her diva brother a mirror.
He looked at himself in the mirror. He stared, caught in his own gaze. 'Sexy Back' started playing somewhere. He winked at himself and caused a few passerby's to go blind from such awesomeness. Then he noticed something. A flaw in his perfect image.
"Temari. My hair is red. Why is it red?" Temari shrank in fear.
"Oh, so it turned red, did it? I wondered what color 'tomato-blood-ketchup-corvette-lipstick-fire-burning-red head' was. Gaara attacked her with his sand, because he's too lazy to fight any other way. Temari's dead body floated into the sky and disappeared with a *pop*. *Gaara's thoughts* 'She dyed my eyebrows too. At least they match. I mean, My hair is read, and my eyebrows are…purple.'
"Purple…puuurple…purpllle…PURPLE!" Gaara started laughing insanely, brought Temari back to life, and killed her, again.
"Hey Gaara!" Kankuro walked in. "You look nice today." He noticed Gaara's hair. "Purple… puuurple… purpllle…PURPLE!" His head exploded. A clay bird flew up to Gaara. Itachi and Deidara were making out on the back.
"Hey, emo dude! I like, thought you might want to turn out like my little brother, so I'm going to supply you with razors and fake emotional problems." He activated his sharingan. "Tsukiyomi (sp?)!" He yelled.
-in Tsukiyomi-
Gaara was transported to a black and white land with a red sky. Itachi appeared, along with hundreds of Gaara clones. Itachi inserted a CD into a CD player. Gaara laughed.
"Wow, Itachi. Never knew your hell was this outdated!" Gaara laughed in the face of death- or Itachi, since they're one and the same.
"You will pay for mocking my CD player. DIE!" He pressed play. Happy music started playing.
"Do, do doo... Yeah-eah-eah, yeah…Vi undrar…" (A/N- the caramelldansen, for the n00bs)
"NOOOOOO!" Gaara screamed in utter agony as he was forced to dance.
-one mind scarring mind control personal hell dance lesson later-
"Anyways, thanks for listening to my favorite song for 72 hours straight on repeat, we'll have to do this again sometime, bye!" Itachi yelled as Deidara's bird flew away, turned into a shark, and dove into the ground and swam/dug away.
Gaara caught sight of himself in the mirror again, and started crying as he used the razor to shave his eyebrows off. "If I don't look wonderful, I might as well kill myself!" He started cutting his wrists with the razor. He then vowed to mot sleep until he found a way to fix his hair and eyebrows.
Little did he know, the hair dye was temporary, and only meant to last a week. His hydrophobia prevented it from being washed out for another 3 years though…
…AAND CUT! It's 2:45. 920 words of utter insanity. Now I'm going to bed, as I have school tomorrow, and don't want to be loopy from lack of sleep. More loopy than usual, anyways… YOU CAN REVIEW NOW! JUST PRESS THE LITTLE BLUE BUTTON! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TOO!