She had prepared herself for the worst, steeled her self to face the news. After all, things had been going too well, so the other shoe was bound to drop. She was sure of it.
But this was the last thing she expected. Sure the deed had been done to get this way but with everything that had been going on and the adjustments that had been made, she never really thought this was a possibility.
She folded her hands together and placed them under her chin. She looked over into her studio at Mia staring intently at sheet music on a page, strumming her guitar and biting her lip. This morning her concerns were a moody artist and the possibility she might have evening her artist was still moody and she just found out she was pregnant.
Peyton Sawyer, soon to be Scott, was pregnant with Lucas Scott's baby. They were having a baby, a family of their own. Of course Lucas was off in LA meeting the director for his movie and wouldn't be back until tomorrow and she had to keep the news to herself.
She should be nervous, she should be scared, she should be unsure. But Peyton wasn't any of those things. She was thankful. After what she had to go through she truly believed she didn't deserve a child – but getting all her dreams was more then she could have hoped for.
Peyton wanted to run out and find her best friend Brooke Davis and tell her. She could hear Brooke squee with joy when she told her, but Peyton knew Lucas deserved to be the first to know. She could just imagine the look on his face when she told him, he would be so happy.
It would be different this time. She was sure of it. She loved Lucas, and this child was created from their love, unlike the last time.
She stood at the bathroom sink and tapped her foot. She placed her hand on her hip and pulled up her arm to check the time on her watch – one more minute. Not that it mattered, she knew the outcome. The only outcome she would accept. How could it be any way else? Would life truly be that cruel to her?
Peyton blew out a long breath and picked up the white wand. A long pink stripe filled the window. Yes, life was that cruel, to her anyway.
Just three short weeks after Julian walked out her door, going to Sundance without her, after finding a copy of Lucas' novel in her bag; she discovers she is pregnant with his baby. Well, this just sucks, Peyton thought.
She guessed she was supposed to be happy. She loved Julian and she knew he loved her, Julian just couldn't understand why she needed a copy of Lucas' book with her all the time. The book grounded her, reminding her what Lucas saw in her, the good he saw and brought out in her.
But Lucas had chosen to leave her, abandon their love and give his love to someone else. So, Peyton had opened her heart to Julian and she loved him, she really did.
Peyton looked down at the pregnancy test again and she felt her stomach drop and it had nothing to do with the pregnancy. All the words of love for Julian she kept playing in her mind halted when she thought, really thought, about carrying Julian's baby. It felt wrong.
She put the pregnancy wand on the sink and placed her hand on her abdomen. A child nestled inside her, a child that was part her and part Julian. But as she closed her eyes, all she could see was Lucas, his bright blue eyes lighting up as she told him she was pregnant with his child. The baby would be a girl, all blonde curls and bright blue eyes and she would love music and art and have all the compassion her father did.
This was wrong and she knew it. She just didn't know what to do about it.
Peyton's indecision continued as the weeks flowed by. Her once flat abdomen began to bulge slightly. Soon she wouldn't be able to hide her pregnancy or continue to deny it. She told no one, keeping the news buried deep within her.
Well, that was a lie. She told one person. Her friend, well not really friend but more of an acquaintance, Cindy, one day at lunch having to just tell someone. She thought many times of calling her one true friend Brooke, but she was so wrapped up in her business Clothes over Bros and her busy life that Peyton felt she couldn't tell her. And if she truly admitted it, she was embarrassed at her situation.
So, she had told Cindy one day when the news was weighing down on her. Cindy kept asking her if she was going to tell Julian. Peyton knew Cindy had liked Julian and she knew in a way Cindy was right, that Julian should know she was having his baby. But telling him would mean it was true, that she was having his baby when she longed for it to be someone elses, and not just any someone – Lucas Scott.
Peyton was struggling to wiggle into her apparent too tight pair of jeans that fit just fine a week ago when she heard a knock at her apartment door. Leaving the snap of her jeans unbuttoned and pushing her t-shirt over it, she padded to the door in her bare feet.
She swung open the door and stepped back slightly shocked to see Julian standing in her doorway. He was wearing a faded pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt with that ratty green jacket he loved so much over the shirt. His hair was cropped close to his head and he wore a slight stubble on his face.
"Peyton," he began as he walked uninvited into her apartment. "I think we need to talk."
"What do we need to talk about?" Peyton asked as she shut the door and leaned against it. "You walked out and left me, I assume we broke up and you didn't want to see me again."
"That was before," Julian said as his gaze that had been drinking in her appearance glided down to her slightly burgeoning abdomen. "You have something to tell me?"
"Julian," Peyton began but didn't know what else to say. How could you tell a man you thought you loved, that you did love in so many ways, that you were pregnant with his baby and didn't want to be.
"You are pregnant, aren't you," Julian said bailing her out. "It's mine?"
That hurt Peyton. "Of course it is." Peyton slid down the door and sat on the floor. Her legs just didn't seem to be able to contain her weight anymore.
"Well, I had to ask, didn't know if Lucas Scott had blown back into town," Julian said his voice laced with bitterness.
"Julian," Peyton's voice was full of hurt. "How could you think that?"
"I see it in your eyes, Peyton." Julian walked toward her and hunched down next to her. He reached out and stroked her hair.
His hand stroking her lovingly should have brought her comfort but it didn't. It just brought sadness. Because the time alone, away from him, had allowed her to admit to herself that she could love this man but he would never be the man she was in love with.
"I'm sorry," Peyton said quietly. "I tried to love you, and I do in a way." She began to cry, tears beading and then flowing down her cheek.
"I know," Julian said as he placed his hands on his thighs and stood. "I know you did, Peyton."
Peyton stood too and walked toward him. She stared him in the eyes but didn't know what to say. Didn't have anything to say.
"What do we do now?" Julian put his hands on his hips. "Try to be civil and raise our child. You aren't going to…." He couldn't force himself to say the word abortion.
"No," Peyton shook her head violently. "Never. I could never do that."
"So, again, what now?" Julian lifted his hands and spread them wide.
"I don't know," Peyton admitted. "I haven't really thought about it."
"But you have thought how you wished this baby wasn't mine." Julian knew he shouldn't have said it the moment it came out of his mouth. But he was just a little bitter that he had this amazing woman for all this time but it was all a fantasy. Now they shared the most intimate of connections, creating a child, and she longed for the baby to be someone elses.
"I never said that," Peyton said. She backed away from Julian slightly. "It's just, I don't know, I am barely 20 and now I am having a child and, oh, I don't know."
"I know," Julian said. "I know you wouldn't be like this if you were with your precious Lucas."
"Julian don't," Peyton warned. She didn't want to get into this again and besides she wasn't feeling well. She began to feel a wave nausea assault her and the apartment began to spin.
"God, Peyton, did you ever love me." Julian stalked toward her and took her arm. "I loved you, I still love you."
Peyton could see the hurt in his eyes. The longing for her to just love him back.
"Julian, I don't," Peyton began before the room began to spin and go black. She heard Julian say her name and scream something about blood before she passed out.
A steady beep woke Peyton. The antiseptic smell of a hospital assaulted her senses. She opened her eyes to the strains of light seeping through the blinds of the window to her right and the pale white color of the walls. She placed her hand on her abdomen and noticed immediately something was missing.
"You lost the baby," she heard Julian's voice say before she saw him. He was sitting in a hard back chair to her left. He lifted himself up to stand over her.
"Something about the baby not attaching to the wall properly or something.," Julian said. "Guess you got your wish."
"Julian," Peyton said in a hoarse voice. "I would never wish to lose this baby. It was my baby too."
"I know, Peyton, I am sorry." Julian backed away from her. "But it would have been a child you would have grown to resent. And I think it was best it never was."
"Julian," Peyton said. "Wait."
"For what?" Julian continued to back away. "For you to love me as much as you love him?" He shook his head. "Never happen. This is for the best. Good-bye Peyton. Goodbye."
"Julian," Peyton attempted to call him back but it was a feeble attempt. She knew he was gone before the door slammed behind him. She used to say people always leave but sometimes that was a good thing. Maybe she was destined to live her life in solitude or maybe it meant she was supposed to just focus on her career. She had let that part of her life slide lately, and it was now time for her to re-focus and do what she came out her to do. Change the world, starting here in LA.
Lucas Scott walked into the house he shared with Peyton Sawyer, soon to be Scott, and noticed the candles all over the house. It was dark except for the illumination from the candles and it reminded him of when he had put them on house arrest. That made him chuckle.
"Peyton," he called out, placing his jacket on the couch.
"In here," Peyton called back.
She was in their room. Lucas felt a hint of excitement hit him. Oh, maybe she was naked in their bed, that would be a nice welcome home present.
He slowly walked down the short hallway and stood in the doorway to their bedroom. He clicked his teeth in disappointment when he saw Peyton on the bed, that was a plus, but she was wearing a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and one of his t-shirts. But she did look sexy as hell in his shirt. He always liked putting on a shirt she had worn, the smell of her lingering on the fabric.
"What cha' doin'," he asked as he strolled into the bedroom. He climbed on the bed beside her and leaned in for a quick kiss.
"Nothin'" Peyton answered with that hint of southern drawl that she would deny she had. "Just waiting on my guy to come home." She looked around the room. "I wonder where he is?"
"Very funny," Lucas chuckled. "How was your time without me?"
"Long," Peyton admitted. "Why is it I always have things to tell you when you are gone?"
"I don't know." Lucas pulled Peyton toward him lying her head on his shoulder. "You could have called me."
"You don't tell this over the phone." Peyton lifted her head from his shoulder to look him in the eyes. "You would miss seeing the reaction."
"And what reaction would that be?' Lucas said teasingly but with a hint of worry.
"Oh, I don't know." Peyton said smiling sweetly. "How does a guy react when you tell him he is going to be a daddy?"
"I don't know," Lucas said without thinking and then what she said sank in. "Wait, what did you say?"
"I'm pregnant," Peyton said quickly. "Look I know we haven't really talked about this and the timing is off, but there it is. We are having baby."
Lucas jumped from the bed and placed his hands on his head. He spun around once and then lifted his hands high in the air. "We're having a baby," he screamed. "We're having a baby."
"So, you are happy?" Peyton said with a smile.
"Are you kidding?" Lucas scrambled back to the bed beside her. "It is all I have dreamed about." Lucas placed his hand on her flat abdomen. "We made a baby. Something that is ours."
Peyton shook her head yes. "Yes we did."
"And no one can take this from us," Lucas said. "It is ours."
Peyton felt a stab of pain go through her. Yes, this was the first time she was pregnant with Lucas' baby but not the first time she was pregnant. She had to tell him. She couldn't let it drag on like the time she didn't tell Lucas about being involved with Julian.
"Lucas, I have something to tell you," Peyton began. And she told him everything. Why Julian walked out on her, about the pregnancy, about the miscarriage and what it did to her.
"Peyton," Lucas drew her close. "I am sorry."
"For what," Peyton asked. "You weren't even there."
"Exactly, I wasn't there." Lucas kissed the top of her head. "I was childish and stubborn and scared when I left you in that hotel room in LA."
"Lucas, we both," Peyton began.
"No, I did this for thinking you didn't love me enough." Lucas sucked in his breath. "But you were the one that was always there. I was the one that left you and I am sorry."
"What does it matter now?" Peyton lifted herself from his arms and looked at him. "We are together now. And guess what?
"What?" Lucas began to laugh.
"We are having a baby," Peyton yelled and fell on Lucas' chest.
They both began to laugh.