BOB'S BURGERS
SIGNATURE TUNE
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
As Mr. Frond led his class towards the exit of the local Zoo, the class field trip coming to a close, Louise Belcher was annoyed slightly at how uneventful it had been.
Behind her, Andy and Ollie emerged from the tourists shop wearing three pairs of shades stacked on top of their foreheads, playfully signing vacation cards and handing them to the student body.
"What are they doing?" asked Regular Size Rudy as they got on the bus.
"They've taken something I said far too literally again" Louise replied as the twins handed the pair of them some of their cards.
"Thanks guys, that's really generous" said Rudy.
"You can pay us tomorrow" said Ollie.
"Oh" Rudy said, a little dismayed. This angered Louise.
"It's on the house as far as he's concerned" she said, "And I'm not paying either, you'll get shiners in your eyes before you get a shinier dime from me"
"Hey, this card has some musical notes attached to their signatures " said Rudy as he read the card's inner contents.
"Yeah, you're meant to hum it aloud."
"What exactly did you say to them Louise?" a curious Rudy asked
"They were constantly coming up with all of these annoying little diddys on the way up here, and I was seated right in between them. to spare me the headache, I told them if they wanted to make some money off of it. they had to settle on a specific signature tune"
"Oh now I know what you mean" said Rudy, chuckling to himself.
"Hey, it's not funny" Louise said, elbowing him, before slightly giggling herself.
As the bus disembarked from the Zoo, Rudy observed the emotionally wrought looks of some of the Zookeepers. It looked as if some of the animals they were tending to shared in their grief.
"Wonder what kind of mudhole they're sinking into?" Louise asked.
"A sizeable petition came down recently asking the council to close this place, they don't think it's that safe for the animals, quite a number have died here" Rudy said
"They ought to give procedure the slip and let slip the dogs of war, and the monkeys of menace, and the lions of larceny, and, well, you get the gist of it" Louise replied, ever anarchic.
"At least we got to see the polar bears before it closed, I hope they'll be taken care of. I know you like them Louise"
"Yeah, it's funny, but I told Mom that if I ever had kids, first thing I'd do is feed them to one of those cute little cubs, just to show how much I appreciate 'em"
"That sounds heavy" Rudy replied
"Yeah, hypothetical child abuse probably isn't the best dab of wit to tell at parties"
"I meant having kids"
Louise looked at Rudy with curious eyes. She was well prepared to offer some snark in response, but something in her was stirred by Rudy's sincerity.
"Oh come on Rudy, like I would make mother of the year, can you imagine it?"
"That's what imagination's for Louise" said Rudy.
"Well wake up to reality sometime" Louise advised.
"So shortly after that kiss? Not a chance" Rudy whispered in her ear.
"When we get off this crazy thing" she whispered back, "I'm going to give you my signature tune, and there won't be time for rehearsal"
" Life's a song, you don't get to rehearse" Rudy replied in easily the worst attempt at making a line from a Joss Whedon screenplay his own. Louise appreciated the effort though, and she calmly placed a hand tenderly on his.
And as soon as the students disembarked from the bus, and Louise and Rudy found a secure spot, they once again indulged in the music of their affair at no extra charge by pressing their lips gently together.