Thnx all around for the reviews on my first story. This was actually not supposed to be my second but it grew out of writer's block on the other. Also supposed to be a one-shot but I felt like it was long enough for 2 chapters.

Pls enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly

I

I sat alone on the fire escape nervously waiting. I thought that maybe I should have worn something else, but I wanted this night to be special so I just wrapped myself tightly in my coat to try and keep warm. I've asked myself over and over again why was I here and why was I doing this – this felt stupid and desperate. I was still amazed that I let Carly talk me into this. When I thought about it, though, deep inside I knew I had to find out. I looked around and made sure everything was ready. Carly and I worked hard at setting this up and I didn't want anything to go wrong. But I guessed that will depend entirely on what he says. I hoped I wasn't already too late – I hoped I hadn't taken too long before telling him how I truly felt. I checked my phone again but there was no message. I sat down on the cold metal steps and waited some more.

Freddie kissed me here one year ago from tonight. It was the first kiss for us both. We decided it was a good idea to just get it over with. I thought I owed him that at least for what I put him through the week before. We even promised go back to the way things were between us. It was an innocent kiss. It was awkward too. There was no passion behind it, no promise of anything more. There were no fireworks in my head, no sudden revelation of hidden feelings – none of the things I've heard about that moment. It didn't last very long either. I was slightly disappointed – but what did I really expect? We were just two self-conscious kids who shared a kiss. Freddie seemed pleasantly surprised by how nice it was – me too if I was honest. But it was not much more than that – just nice. It didn't mean anything and we were still friends. I left him there on the fire escape and assumed things would go back to normal.

The day after the kiss, Carly, Freddie and I went school together as usual. A few of the upperclassmen still poked fun at Freddie when we got there, but he took it in stride. Throughout the day he just laughed it off or completely ignored it whenever it happened. A stupid sophomore thought it was a good idea to make fun of me and made a lewd offer to help me out with my kissing problem. He regretted it quickly when he found his head sandwiched between his locker and my algebra textbook. So, all in all, things were as they should have been. After a couple of days, the whole kiss thing was forgotten.

After about a month I started to notice changes in the way Freddie behaved. It was nothing bad – in fact it was quite the opposite. It wasn't any one thing I could put my finger on. He just seemed to walk around with more confidence. He would look people in the eyes as he talked to them and he talked with more people too. Although he was still nerdy smart, he acted less so. He didn't seem so hung up on Carly anymore either. Carly noticed how different Freddie was acting too and gave him encouragement. Maybe he was actually becoming cool – for a nub. I decided I liked this new Freddie, but I wasn't going to tell him that. If anything, I actually gave him more grief about it.

I found myself watching Freddie a lot after that. Again, I couldn't tell you exactly why – I would just find a perch which gave me the best view and then I would watch him intently as he did whatever it was he was doing. Freddie didn't say anything about it to me – he just smiled when he caught me staring. Of course I would say something snide and insulting when he did. The truth was that I began to find fewer things about him to poke fun of. It became a struggle to keep up the act when Carly or anyone else was around. He didn't seem to mind that I stopped picking on him so much. Carly did ask why I was being so nice, but I just blew her off.

Spring break came and Carly and Spencer visited their grandad in Yakima. I usually try to tag along with them, but I came up with excuses to stay around here this time. I went over to Freddie's as often as him mom would allow and when she wouldn't, I snuck in anyway. He would sneak some ham into his room for me everyday and we would just sit and talk about ideas for iCarly. I started looking for reasons to sit next to him or touch him accidentally. He didn't act like he minded much. Mrs. Benson caught us once and, as expected, she flipped out.

Summer break came around and I was a bit depressed. Freddie was going away to a computer camp in California. He was excited to go, but it sounded too much like summer school to me. He was away for six weeks. He kept in touch with Carly and me throughout. The phone calls and e-mails helped cheer me up a bit. We even did a link up with him for iCarly a couple of times. He acted like he was in nerd heaven – I guessed some things about him won't ever change. I resented him a little for enjoying the time away. Carly noticed how I was acting and began to suspect something. I wasn't entirely sure why I was acting like that myself, so I repeatedly denied what she was suggesting. She can be a real pit-bull when she gets an idea in her head though.

Finally, before summer ended, Carly got me to admit to her that I liked Freddie as more than just a friend. Actually she helped me admit it to myself. It was a relief to have someone to talk to about it. I told Carly what happened on the fire escape and Carly was beside herself with glee. While talking about it I realized the kiss must have affected me more to me than I pretended. I made her promise not to tell him though. When Freddie came back I was thrilled to see him again. I was surehow I felt about him, but I was too afraid to find out how if he felt the same. I figured I would think of a way once we were back in school, so I put it off. He wasn't going anywhere.

The problem with that became apparent when school started. I discovered I wasn't the only one that noticed the changes in Freddie. I overheard a group of girls talking about how cute he was. Two of the girls argued about who could get a kiss from him first. They were lucky Carly was around to hold me back. Everyday after that, while we were in school, Freddie was surrounded by girls – girls who just a few months ago wouldn't have given him a second look. They would make eyes at him and flirted outrageously. I even watched Shannon Mitchell rubbing his shoulders and neck while we waited for class to start. Freddie acted like he didn't mind at all.

I sure did. I was starting to take exception to the grinning idiot's behavior. Carly told me I should just tell him the truth, but I was too angry. Instead I reverted to the way I was before. I started insulting and belittling him again. I knew it wasn't his fault but I thought maybe I would feel better for it. The thing was that when I would make fun of him, he looked really hurt by it. I couldn't stand to see that look in his eyes – so I just kept my mouth shut.

A couple of weeks later, one of the things I'd been dreading the most happened. One night in Carly's kitchen, Freddie told us that he started dating Shannon. She had asked him first and he agreed. It seemed like he was asking for our approval for the whole thing. Carly was shocked into silence and looked at me as if I should do something about it. Before she could blurt anything out I forced myself to act like I was happy for them. I told him it was great and that they made a cute couple. I even said I was sure he could get his first real kiss. He looked confused, but I kept pressing. I told him since a lot of girls wanted him, he could kiss anyone he wanted – he didn't have to settle for just anyone to get it over with. When he didn't say anything, I just laughed it off and talked about other things. After he left Carly found me in her room alone – I cried for a long time.

I was too late.

Hope you like it so far.

I wanted to write this as if Sam was telling the story. I didn't want to use any dialogue at all. Let me know if it worked.

I'll post chapter 2 this weekend. Sooner if enough of you ask.

Thnx for reading. Pls review if you got a sec. XD