That's What He Said, a d.gray-man fanfic

That's what He Said!

Summary: Lavi drags Allen into the Twist game, who, in turn, attempts to drag Kanda into it, too. Yullen, oneshot, slight lime, and hopefully funny.

Warnings: Light shounen-ai; a bit of lime; Kanda is his own warning; sexual innuendos by the buckets at the end; a stressed-out, sleep-deprived, mentally exhausted, and a wound up author (FUCKING CERTIFICATE OF MERIT. FUCKING COUNTY SPELLING BEE. I WANT TO PLAY AUDITION.) who happens to feel like cussing.

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man. If I did, there'd be tons of Twist-game moments. ;D And then lots of Yullen. But too bad. There isn't.

"That's what she said!" Lavi practically shouted, standing up and pointing at Lenalee. Allen frowned.

"That's not fair, Lavi! I wasn't ready!"

Oblivious to the both of them, Lenalee protested loudly. "Lavi, that is so disgusting! How do you think like that?!"

Only two tables away, Kanda sighed, setting his chopsticks down across his empty plate of soba. Irritated, he rubbed his temples gently to try to alleviate the headache that had plagued him through the duration of the entire week. Damn. If only Lavi hadn't learned that stupid Twist game…

"Heyy, Yuu-chan!" Lavi chirped, seating himself next to Kanda. Suddenly, the swordsman had the urge to slap his lunch in the junior Bookman's face. "You want to play the Twist game with us? Of course, Yuu'd need to work like crazy to catch up to my score by the end of the week," he added.

A sword tip found itself pointed at the redhead's neck, edging threateningly into the tender skin. "Don't call me that," Kanda snapped. "And no—I'm not playing some stupid twisted game."

Allen huffed, seating himself across from the two, shortly accompanied by Lenalee. "Stupid is right. Lavi, that's such a perverted game!"

"How is twisting someone's words in a competitive setting perverted?" Lavi protested. "The Twist game is pure genius!"

"… Uh huh. A game where you try to twist everyone's words in sick, twisted ways to gain points and win a prize. Excellent," Lenalee drawled. "And I can't believe you're playing too, Allen."

The shortest Exorcist pouted. Kanda found that he liked the way that the bean sprout pouted; it was quite cute… for a vicious vegetable sprout, that is. With a dismissive smile, he replied, "Well, Lavi was going to buy me food if I win, so why not have fun and empty his wallet at the same time?"

"Hey!"

Ignoring Lavi and his protesting headlocks, Allen managed to gasp, "So Kanda, do you want to play?"

"… Che. Why would I want to play a twisted game like that?"

Lavi and Allen stopped their fighting and glanced at each other. At the same time, creepy grins spread across both faces.

"If you beat one of us at the Twist game…" Lavi began.

"… we'll stop bothering you for a week," Allen finished.

"Week?" Lavi whispered sidelong, his hand by his mouth in a coy attempt to try to block the conversation. "I don't think I can do that, bean sprout. A day or two is fine, but a week?" He shook his head. "I might not make it."

"Doesn't matter. A day, a week; I won't play that sick, perverted game," Kanda snarled… although, he did entertain the prospect for a bit.

Lenalee grinned. "See? Someone sees it the way I do."

Allen was somehow intent on making Kanda play. The game was so fun; the enjoyment was to see how creative one could be. To win, one had to twist the words into the most obvious sexual innuendo… and then say "he said" or "she said" depending on who said the twisted phrase before the other players shouted it out. (A/N: THIS IS THE MOST FUN GAME EVER. I play it with my friend, and trust me—THE most entertaining thing. xD In two days, the tally is 20-19!)

A sly grin spread across Allen's face. Oh, he would get Kanda to play. He would definitely get him to play.

Just a few feet away from him, Lavi and Lenalee shirked from their comrade's evil dark side aura. This couldn't bode well, no matter how one twisted it.

"… so you're going to do it on each other and—"

"That's what he said!" Lavi and Allen screeched, standing up and pointing at each other with accusing fingers.

They both frowned. "I said it first!" they said simultaneously. Deepening their frowns, they repeated. "No, I did!"

Sighing, Lenalee ran her fingers through her short hair. It was starting to get long again… should she cut it? The teen was far too used to these short little skirmishes now; it had been almost a week since Lavi and Allen began the twist game.

The same could not be said for Kanda. Again, he sat at the far end of the table where Allen and crew had decided to station themselves and rubbed his throbbing temples impatiently. The Twist game was getting old. Not to mention there was a fifth limb growing on Kanda's lower end due to the sick innuendos the two were pointing out. The swordsman had stopped talking altogether to prevent them from drawing anything perverted out of a simple, ordinary sentence.

The current tally was:

Lavi: 504

Allen: 0

Unfortunately for Allen, Lavi had the sharpest, most disturbingly adulterated mind in the entire Order. And luckily for Lavi, Allen had one of the youngest, most saccharinely innocent minds in the entire Order. It was only natural that they would outweigh each other by such a large scale.

With a coy grin, Allen slid over, now sitting across from Kanda. Ignoring the other's go-away-I-don't-want-you-here glare, he smiled pleasantly and spoke as easily as if he were on an afternoon stroll.

"So, Kanda, if you beat one of us, we'll do what you want for a day," Allen offered, his voice uncharacteristically seductive. Or maybe it was just Kanda.

But when the swordsman felt Allen's leg trailing up his inner thigh, he was sure that Allen was seducing him.

The fifth limb on Kanda's lower body was starting to grow rapidly. What a 'he-said' moment, Kanda found himself thinking wryly as he suppressed a groan. Shit. Allen's innocent smile showed no sign of noticing Kanda's piercing glare.

Fuck. This was too much.

Grabbing the bean sprout by the front of his shirt, Kanda easily lifted him off of the bench and practically sprinted to the dorms. Unbeknownst to Kanda, as he was being whisked away, Allen gave a weak, but triumphant, thumbs-up to Lenalee and Lavi.

If all went well, then Kanda would be saying "That's what he said!" in no time.

Allen yowled in protest as his head hit the backboard of Kanda's bed. Hissing with pain, his hand reached back to rub the injury in question. But he had no time to react when the bed creaked with more weight and he suddenly found himself under the stoic swordsman. His grin from earlier faltered.

"K-Kanda…?"

With no warning, Kanda pressed himself onto the bean sprout, kissing him violently and taking him by storm. Gasping, Allen tried to suck in air when he could, but ended up suppressing coughs instead.

The feeling of being kissed by Kanda was a strange thing in the least, but not a hateful thing. Allen had an odd attraction to the swordsman; it was something like a magnetic pull. He quite liked the way that Kanda was; it inflicted fear and respect, and the older Exorcist's sheer countenance made one tremble in their shoes.

On the other hand, the aforementioned Exorcist was having a blast—not that he would admit it to anyone. He had simply classified his relationship with Allen as a physical attraction, and so it had remained—had being the key word. Fuck. After all, one could only be in such proximity to innocence for so long. And that fifth limb that Allen's thigh happened to be caressing wasn't helping anything either.

Just to get back at him, Kanda pressed himself into a sensitive place on Allen's body, making the younger Exorcist shiver in pleasure.

"Ahh… More, Kanda…"

A smirk on his lips, Kanda pulled away for only the slightest moment to slip in a wry, unnecessary comment.

"That's what he said."

LOL. SO. GOD. DAMN. FUN. xDDDD THAT"S WHAT HE SAID!!! –shrieks-

Haha. Sorry, you Yullen fans of mine coming from my Author Alert people. If you were expecting this to be cute fluff, you may have been disappointed. It was… actually pretty smutty by my standards o_O Smuttiest thing I've ever written, lol, except for the innuendos in my songfic… But do those count?

At any rate, I had fun with this. Can you tell? xD I think I rushed a bit too much with the story, but it was JUST SO GOD DAMN FUN. I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.

After this (relatively pointless) author's note, I'll put in some bloopers that I (for some odd reason) could not fit into the story. :D

If you like, review. If you hate, review. Heck, I'm yawning. It's 10:50 P.M. I have a piano test tomorrow but I don't give a damn (right now, anyway. You should've seen me fourty-eight hours ago _). I've cussed more in this story than some people have heard me in my entire life. So I don't give a fuck anymore. I am pissed. JUST LEAVE A DAMN REVIEW AND I'LL LEAVE YOU ALL TO YOUR FUCKING PEACE. D:

Sora Pwns x3

Blooper Numero Uno

"So you're going to go to Hungaria to find an Innocence before an Akuma takes it—" Reever began.

"THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!"

(In case you didn't get it… Before an Akuma "takes an Innocence"… innocence as in virginity… as in… raping someone…)

Blooper number Two

Komui tapped his pointer on the map. "There are several volcanoes in this area that are ready to shoot. They also have those two really big balls by them, so watch out—"

"THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!"

(Volcanoes? Shoot? As in… um… remember that fifth limb I was talking about? The one on Kanda's lower body? xD Yeah.)

Lenalee's Blooper (from the beginning of the story ;D)

"I remember when I was young…" Lenalee mused, a small smile on her face. "My parents were really poor and couldn't buy much, so when Komui nii-san finally got some balls, we played with them a lot."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"

(LOLOLOL. That's golden. Right after I came up with that, I cracked up so bad… It was hilarious.)

Blooper no. Tres :O

"I wonder what Kanda does with Mugen at night," A Finder mused aloud. "I mean, it's a freakin' sword."

Another Finder scoffed. "He probably plays with it. Mayb—"

"THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!"

(Lol. Umm. If you don't get it, I won't explain it lol.)

So I think I've scarred enough minds for now.

… I think my bad mood dissipated after writing that Lenalee innuendo. Lol. That happened to me once xD Sorry for the cussing.

If you have any sick, Twist-game jokes for me to add onto this growing list, please—TELL ME. I LOVE twisting words now (I hated it in 4th grade, but… -shrugs- People change.). xD Who knows? Your sick innuendo may just end up on here ;D (I'll probably do like, five or six at a time though. One at a time is too much space to waste.)

Also, I sent this to Chainsaw Mafia after I finished on Saturday night, and I think her face froze. O_O Probably that Lenalee blooper, haha…

Thanks in advance for reviewing!

Sora Pwns x3