DISCLAIMER: I don't own Total Drama. In no way am I advertising anything.
Trent was sitting in one of the nine spots on one of his nine couches, watching one of his nine TVs in one of his nine sitting rooms on the ninth floor in one of his nine houses. The 9 o'clock news was on. Trent made sure to record it so he could watch it nine times. He wished he could make nine recordings of the news but the DVR wouldn't let him, so Trent was in the process of teaching himself how to hack his DVR so he could do that. So far, he's taught himself that eight times, so after the ninth time, Trent is going to hack his DVR.
"And so Westminster has decided to ignore the results of the English independence referendum following threats of nukes from the Welsh, Scottish and Northern Irish governments," said Blaineley, standing before the Houses of Parliament in London. "As a result, England will begrudgingly remain in the United Kingdom until France invades it. And back to you, Josh!"
"Microsoft has announced their next version of Windows, due to be released in 2015," Josh announced, sitting in the newsroom. Trent squeaked nine times in delight at this. This can only mean one thing. It's finally arrived! Trent thought, patting his nine inch boner nine times.
"This new version of Windows is said to be Microsoft's final operating system, so future updates will be added without rewriting the whole OS," Josh explained. "It will be unified across all platforms."
Trent instantly jumped on his couch nine times at this. Not only was Windows 9 finally coming, it was also going to be permanent. Trent was so proud of Microsoft he was ready to boycott Google, Apple, Mozilla, Jolla and all other software companies and force everyone to use Internet Explorer just because he plans to make Microsoft an essential part of his number nine cult- er, I mean, religion.
"The new operating system will be called Windows 10," Josh continued. Trent stopped celebrating as soon as he heard this. He jumped in front of the telly with his hands clutching his hair in horror.
"WHAT?!" shrieked Trent. "WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!" Josh cut to Blaineley, who somehow managed to be standing outside Microsoft Mobile in Espoo, Finland. She went through the details about the new operating system. Trent could not believe his ears as he heard that woman bullshit on about how great the new operating system was, even if Blaineley was being objective. There was no way this operating system could be good. Trent decided to watch the news eight more times just to be sure, but no. It was true!
There wasn't going to be a Windows 9. EVER!
Trent sighed nine times as he went to bed and cried himself for nine minutes to sleep. Internet Explorer is shit anyway, he thought to himself before masturbating nine times and nodding off to sleep.
The next morning, Trent woke up. After having nine showers, brushing his teeth and shaving nine times and getting dressed nine times, Trent gathered all nine of his laptops, all nine of his desktops, all nine of his tablets, all nine of his netbooks and all nine of his smartphones. All of them running Windows 8.1. Trent took them outside and placed them into a pile. He returned 90 seconds later to throw nine Xboxes, nine Xbox 360s and nine Xbox Ones into the pile. Next, he dosed them in nine barrels of oil. After lighting up nine lighters, Trent sighed miserably nine times.
"I'm sorry," he said to the pile of electrons, "you all run Windows 8.1. I am aware that 8 and 1 makes nine. Unfortunately, the company that made you is evil because it wants to skip Windows 9, so I cannot use you anymore. Otherwise I will go to the Place Devoid of the Number Nine for blasphemy." He threw the lighters into the pile, and it went up in flames. The electronics incinerated while Trent sang a demonic-sounding song nine times. Needless to say, the song lasts nine minutes. The smoke coming from the incineration and Trent's loud singing (he made sure to sing at 117 decibels because 117 divided by 13 equals 9) was disturbing the next door neighbours, because they had a daughter with asthma and a son with a hangover. They screamed at Trent to knock it off but Trent simply shoved them into the pile.
Later that day, Trent was driving in his nine-wheeler to the nearest computer store. He was wrecked because he had to chase seven more of his neighbours and throw them in the pile. As soon as he got to the shop, Trent ran in and proceeded to break everything that was made by Microsoft in the shop by grabbing each item and throwing it on the floor nine times. A number of employees tried to intervene, but Trent bit them nine times each. Trent was arrested for vandalism, assault, murder and arson (the fire from the pile spread to Trent's house and somehow to eight of his neighbours' houses as well) and was thrown in jail. Originally sentenced to eight consecutive life terms, Trent appealed his sentence for nine life terms and got his wish. However, he broke out of prison after having served for 81 days. He ran into the nearest Microsoft facility, killed nine employees and blew up the facility, somehow killing a further nine employees and seriously injuring nine more. He did the same thing in eight other facilities. Trent was among the fatalities in the last one, but Izzy resurrected him nine days later, so everything was back to normal again.
Let's face it, I was BOUND to write this eventually after hearing about the new operating system! Keep in mind that this was in no way to promote or demote Windows 10.
Until next time!