(Author's Notes: I do not own Megatokyo or any of the characters. If they belonged to be I'd be a happy camper, but sadly they are not mine.)

(Thoughts)

((Japanese))

The alarm sounded with a loud obnoxious ring.

Erika stirred quietly as she shook off the deep sleep she had been in. A new day had started; the night was over at last. She sighed as reached out limply toward her screaming clock. Once she had slammed a few different buttons on the clock, it was silenced. Erika rolled from her side onto her back. Her eyes wandered around her room as she tried to concentrate on actually getting out of bed. Erika's green eyes traveled from her book shelf in the corner, to the clothes hanging out of her closet, and finally back to her blue sheets on the bed. She didn't want to get out of bed at all. It seemed this had been her mind set since they had gone. Getting up was harder, forgetting the pain day after day was starting to tire her abused heart. In the bright basking rays of the sun, Erika's eyes found a picture sitting next to her alarm clock and beside her blue lamp. The picture had only been taken a few months back, but was already standing proudly in a silver frame with small pink hearts. The frame had been Kimiko's doing. She looked at the picture sadly, remembering the night it had been taken. Just as harsh as the sun was, so was the memory playing in Erika's head.

Flashback

"((Keep your eyes closed you two!))" Kimiko giggled as she led Piro along the street. He stumbled and tried to make sure he didn't fall. Piro was holding onto Largo by the shirt. Both of the American boys had been forced to keep their eyes closed for some reason. Kimiko said that there was a surprise waiting for them. "What does she want?" Largo asked. In all the time he and Piro had spent in Japan, Largo still hardly spoke Japanese. Piro sighed keeping his eyes tightly shut. "She doesn't want you to open your eyes," Piro answered. Kimiko laughed and made sure Largo was keeping up with her and Piro. Erika had told her not to trust him to keep his eyes shut, so she also tied a scarf over his eyes. So far poor Largo had almost gotten hit by 3 cars and tripped over a cat. Lucky for him they were almost at their destination. Kimiko carefully led them into MegaGamers, making extra sure Largo made it in the door.

Kimiko smiled at Erika as she watched her put up some of the last decorations with Ping. Together they had turned MegaGamers into a place for a party. Streamers hung from the ceiling every which way, along with balloons, and confetti covered the floor. Together Erika and Ping hung a banner that said "Good Luck!" Kimiko's smile grew, she was really impressed with the going away party they were able to get together. It had only been three nights ago that they had learned Piro and Largo were going back to America. "((Open your eyes now!))" Kimiko yelled. Piro did as he was told and his eyes got wide. "Open your eyes now," Piro translated for Largo.

Largo struggled to get the scarf off his eyes but as soon as he did he looked around and smirked. "A party? B33r!" He cheered.

"((I hope you like it… we couldn't just let you leave without a proper goodbye,))" Kimiko said shyly. She was blushing a little as she locked eyes with Piro.

"((Thank you… so much Kimiko-chan…))" He was also blushing a little. Before he could say or do anything else he found himself in Ping's iron grip. "((We'll miss you so much Piro-san! Don't go!))" She wailed. He laughed nervously trying to breathe. He weakly hugged her back.

Erika made her way over to Largo with a small smile on her face. "You better like this," she muttered almost glaring at Largo. He took her hand and gave it a small squeeze. He and Piro had been there for nearly 2 years and for about the last year he had grown very close to Erika. Neither of them would admit to being in a relationship, but they both cared for each other. They had gotten off to a rocky start. Things weren't easy when Erika had not wanted Largo to even be around. She ripped him apart, and for a long while it seemed like the two of them would never even be able to speak again. They did avoid each other for awhile, but then something changed. They both managed to find the good in each other. They were alike to begin with and with some help from Piro and Kimiko, they finally noticed. They had a friendship that was almost a relationship. The two of them were both happy like that; there wasn't any danger of heartache in a close friendship. It also gave them a chance to care about each other without fear. That's why Erika was smiling, she was acting for him. She cared about him, that's why she'd never admit she was screaming mentally. The thought of him going tore her into piece and spit on her heart. It was like what happened before; Erika was being left behind yet again.

(You don't love him. You don't. You can't. Erika, let him go. You're fine on your own. You've been like that for so long, it shouldn't matter. Just keep acting, he'll never know. Never know how you want to cry, how you're going to miss how he smells like burnt cereal and beer…or how you're going to miss how he cares. How he makes you feel… feel nothing! This is for the best. I'm sure he's had enough of Japan. Besides he's got so much to look forward to in America…Act. Just like before, you can make people think you're happy. Do it now.)Erika thought quietly.

"It is most l33t. You have learned well, now for the b33r!" Largo repeated his request. Holding Erika's hand he made his way to the store counter where there were drinks, ice, and cups. He also eyed a large party sushi platter. He let go of her hand and started to pour himself a beer. As he watched the liquid pour from the can he got lost in his own thoughts. (This is it. You're finally going home. I n33d this b33r… I must stop thinking. Thinking will m4k3 m3 lose the g4m3…My power is down. What could be draining my energy? It seems I am low on resources, I will rely on b33r to power up and reload.) He took a long drink of beer and looked over at Erika who was smiling. (I think I have found the reason I am losing so many hit points. This calls for more b33r… yes I need an excess to make it through this land!) Before Largo knew it, his cup was empty. He started to pour another.

A few hours later a new face joined the party. Junpei walked into MegaGamers carrying a cake. He grinned under his mask and set the cake down on the counter. "Junpei bring cake for L33t Master and his friend," the ninja said happily.

"Thanks Junpei," Piro said with a smile. Largo was starting to slur his words. "Yeesh looks good. You're a good ninjha," Largo added. "((Let's take a picture with the cake!))" Kimiko chirped. Everyone gathered around behind the counter with the cake in front. "((Who will take the picture!))" Ping asked. " Junpei will take it ," he said reaching out for a camera. Kimiko handed her digital camera to the ninja. He backed up, careful to make sure everyone was in the picture. "1…2…3…," Junpei counted and took the picture. After that was finished Erika started to cut the cake. She watched Largo starting to wobble after the picture. (Well, it is easier to say goodbye when only one person knows what's going on.) Erika thought as she placed the cake on plates. "I n33d more b33r…," Largo muttered.

So officially it only took Largo four hours to get more than just a little drunk. He could hardly talk or stand by the time the party was over. Erika helped him to the back room where he could lay down while everyone cleaned up. Largo's eyes looked distant as Erika laid him down on the couch. "Stay here," she whispered. Her goodbye to him was getting easier it seemed. With any luck he'd be hung over at the airport tomorrow and on the plane home. Erika had been leaning over him so that she could help adjust him and make him feel comfortable on the hard sofa. She was about to go help with clean up when she felt a hand on her wrist. Turning quickly back around she saw Largo's head poking up. His hand held her wrist and she tried to pry him off. "I have things to do," she said a little annoyed. "Did I.. telll you... you look pretty…?" He said slurring his words worse than before.

Erika blinked and again tried to pull her hand away. "Can we just say you did?" She said. He still wouldn't let go. Instead he tried to pull her closer to him. Erika could have easily smashed his hand, but didn't. She stepped back over toward him and bent back over him. "I told you, I have work to do. Not that you'll ever listen," Erika muttered. Largo looked at her, almost studying her face. "I'vee nevher relly likhed grirls befohre you. I'm gonna missh you lots," He said with a lose and drunk tongue. Now Erika debated breaking his arm, just so she could get away. Run away from the words he was saying. Try to escape getting attached, escape anything she might do. She didn't trust herself, she learned not to when around Largo. He had a way of making her walls come down; he broke through whatever she could throw against him. That's why she needed to go, needed to now. "Largo, let go," her voice was almost panicked.

"Dooun't woury Erika. You can trusht meh. I jusht want to show you… why I played the game witsh you," He said. Erika couldn't run before she felt his lips press against hers. They had kissed before, not many times but they had. It was part of their odd relationship, they were together but not. No one knew that they had kissed before. It was her secret and his. As far as Piro or Kimiko knew, they were just two friends who understood each other well. Erika tasted the beer on his breath and pulled away from his kiss. "Stop it!" She said sharply. "But Erika…when can I kissh you agin after I go?" She looked at him and felt her heart sink again. The truth was it wasn't his kisses she minded, it was the pain she knew was coming if she stayed.

(Erika, you swore you'd never cry over another man again. Get out now, unless you want to go back to living life half dead... If you stay… If you…keep up the act…Erika he's played the game. Let him go thinking he won. Make him go thinking he won. Then you won't look back feeling you crushed him. You can feel good that you made someone else happy…Maybe it'll stop the tears you want to cry. Knowing you did something good.) Erika thought.

She turned her green eyes back to Largo and finally pried him off her hand. "You can kiss me now Largo...," Erika said slowly. She walked over to the door and shut it, locking it behind her. Turning back around and making her way back to him, she turned on the CD player in the room. The CD was just one of her J-rock CDs that she sometimes used to listen to during her break. She got down on her knees and pressed her lips against Largo's. She felt him kiss back, as if he might have loved her, or as if she would let him love her.

End Flashback

Erika finally snapped herself back to reality from the memory. The picture still was in front of her eyes, they looked so happy. Even if her smile had been fake that night, Largo believed it. After the party was said and done, Piro told the group that he wasn't going back to America with Largo. Instead he wanted to stay in Japan; Erika knew the reason was her friend. She would leave Piro to tell Kimiko that one day, the two were still shy around each other; things might improve now that he was staying though. Largo still left the morning after the picture was taken. He had a lot to look forward to when he got back to America;an old friend of a friendhad gotten him a dream job with sony. It's what he always wanted and it was waiting for him.

Erika finally threw off her blankets and sat up in bed. She rubbed her eyes trying to be rid of the tiredness she felt.

"((Erika-chan! Are you up?))" Kimiko knocked on bedroom door.

"((Yeah…,))" She answered slowly.

"((Ah! That's good! I'll make some breakfast!))" Kimiko said, her footsteps on the other side of the door could be heard going back down the hall.

Erika stood up and walked over to her open closet, her feet sounded softly against the white carpet in her room. She flipped through her wardrobe looking for something to wear to work. While she looked for something to wear, she caught her reflection in her full length mirror besides the closet. The sun created a glare on the mirror and blinded her for a moment. She then temporarily stopped her search for clothes and studied her reflection.

Three months ago, she had said goodbye to Largo. Two and a half months ago, she learned she was carrying his child. Instead of just saying goodbye for good she found out that she had a lasting memory he left. She absently smoothed out her baggy t-shirt and let her hand rest on her stomach. Her grey shirt hid the fact that she already had a bump, but it wouldn't hide her secret forever. She had also managed to keep Kimiko in the dark so far, no one knew but her. She hadn't had a problem with morning sickness, she'd only thrown up twice and both times she was at work. Erika blamed it on a bad breakfast or not feeling well. It was another secret Erika would just have to hide, until the very last moment.

(You can't keep it from them forever… You're an idiot Erika. You let this happen; you just… keep making mistakes. How could you? How could you let yourself get that close to someone again…? Didn't you learn the first time! Now look… you've ruined another life.) Erika thought angrily. She violently the clothes in her closet from side to the side. She pulled a Lain bear suit off her rack. It would have to do for work. Some of her cosplay outfits would point her out as pregnant in a moment; Erika had to be careful about what she picked out to wear. She wasn't ready to have Kimiko get emotional over it and she wasn't ready to see Piro's reaction or anyone else's.

Erika looked at the fuzzy brown bear suit in her hand and sighed lightly. (I wonder how many days you can wear this to work in a row?) She thought. Erika would never admit that she was scared about what was going to happen to her, or her baby. All she could do was beat herself up for being stupid enough to do what she did. She let herself become the role she was acting and now she was paying the price. Erika looked out her window and saw the sun shining brightly down on her, as if wearing a smile to make her jealous. She felt so dark inside, so trapped, so torn.

(I… can't be anyone's mother. I don't know how, I don't even know if I could love a child.) She thought as she took off her black shorts she had worn to bed. (I'm on my own on this too… Largo can't know. It was my mistake, not his. I won't drag him back here for this. He walked out of my life and back to America, which is how it should be. With him far away where he can't trick me again… Can't make me weak again. Besides I can do it alone, I don't need anyone. Never again can I be that close… maybe this baby will help me remember how dangerous it is to care.)

As Erika got dressed she noticed her stomach's growth more. Maybe it was her concentration, but she felt even bigger as she studied her body. Erika almost glared at her reflection and her abdomen. "Don't grow up too fast on me… there's nothing here for you so don't hurry," Erika said as she finished getting dressed.

"((Erika-chan! Breakfast!))" She heard Kimiko call. Erika shut her closet stuffing her clothes back in and flinging her PJs back on her unmade bed. Today was a new, bright, harsh day for her to face on her own. That's how her life should have been, just her alone in everything.