Harry Pothead and The Chamber of Suicides
All H.P. Characters
Belong To J.K.
Author's Note::Ok this is it so far.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Harry a boy born into a Pothead family of wizards was made orphaned when an evil dark wizard that was running for President murdered his parents. The thing was the evil wizard "Voteforhim" cousin of George Bush was running and lost the election and the reason was because the Potheads didn't vote for him and when the Potheads don't vote no one votes. It wasn't because they didn't want to vote it was because the night before they got so wasted they woke up to late and when I mean wasted I mean Harry which was only a 1 wasn't even sober it was one of the trade marks of the family. Well anyways Voteforhim found out and tried to find them but of course they had a secretkeeper the one that holds the secret of where their hiding and of course Sirius Track was theirs and this guy didn't have his last name for nothing. He was the most f**king trackable person you would ever meet. He would leave something here and there untill you found the ass wipe. So the Potheads convinced Sirius Track to make Peter Asskisser secretkeeper at the last moment. Voteforhim found Peter Asskisser who had been on Voteforhim's side all along and told him where the Potheads were and of course when he went there there was so much dope smoke he got high himself and when he found the Potheads just blown out on the floor he killed the both of them, leaving him and the baby alone. But when he tryed to kill Harry a smell of cronic and acid came out of the baby Harry and consumed Voteforhim and ever since Harry Pothead has had a dope shaped scar on his forehead. But Voteforhim did come back even though in a differnt body once before and in Harry's second year everyones betting he'll come back for more.
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While Harry Pothead has to worry about Voteforhim in his second year at "Hoghores School of Tacky Witches and Sick Wizards" to come for him and has to keep Hermione Stangler from choking people to death who don't know the answers and Ron Easy from going with any girl who says his name no matter what they look like is a struggle for him. And for the fact that he has a scar on his forehead that looks alot like a piece of dope. His fight for keeping sober is also a challenge and from all the possibillities he doesn't know whats going to happen next.
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The Beginning of the Year Feast::
Voices rose as many students entered the Great Hall for the Beginning of the Year Feast. It wasn't the typical pure words as you would hear in a private school. You could hear skrieks of pain curses and somewhat sexual noises who didn't bother to lower their voices. And the sick thing is some of them were the same sex.
Harry Pothead entered the Great Hall with his two best friends holding his arms to keep him on his feet, Ron Easy and Hermione Strangler. He had kept sober all the way to the train station but when he got on the Hoghores Express he pulled out his stash and went into that 'If-you-touch-me-when-I'm-enjoying-myself-I'll-kill-you' state. And everyone took that seriously and just let him get as wasted as he wanted. So there they are in the Great Hall holding up an indisposed Harry. But it happened..Some girl called Ron's name and he forgot all about Harry and dropped him to go talk to the girl. Hermione couldn't hold his weight alone and dropped him smack on his face. There was blood everywhere.
Hermione::you f**king d**khead:: she screamed at Ron who was flirting with the fat Slytherin girl::
Hermione turned Harry around and felt better when she learned she only broke his nose and not head but he was still out cold. She pulled out her wand and muttered something when Harrys head burst into flames.
Hermione::oops, I must have exhaled to much dope smoke::She muttered something else while Harry started to scream nobody really noticing him except for Hermione who was holding him down with her foot.::Harry, Harry you a** stop it let me fix it, she muttered something else and the blood and fire vanished leaving no trace.::
Harry rubbed his dope shaped scar.
Harry::next time I'm not sober please don't try to make me by magic::
Hermione::it's not my fault you smoke to much and I enhaled alot of it::
Harry::yea and you were just against the whole thing he said sarcastly::
Ron walked up to them.
Ron::man I shouldn't of told the Slytherin girl how big I was she said Neville Longbottom was bigger and I was gay::
Harry::you mean that fat ass bitch over there::
Ron::shes not that fat::
Hermione::she can't fit through the Great Hall doors without magic, Ron, ewww::
They sat down and stopped talking as the Great Hall doors opened once more and they could hear the cursings of Professor Mcnotahore to the first years::
Mcnotahore::you lil sh*t's stay in line or I'll turn you into a f**king old granny::
First Years::shut up you f**king old hag::
They walked up to the steps leading to the the tacky looking wizard hat. All of a sudden the hat opened it fungus rip and started to rap::
Sorting Hat::
Hey lil sh*ts
And overgrown 11 years old with tits
I'm your f**king sorting hat
You got that
We got some gay houses
We got some laid houses
Gripurhore is for the laid ones
Every Slytherin has some
Ravendull is gay
Hufflestuff is too
You want to learn
Go to a real school dude
Everyone clapped and hooted and hollered and everything untill Mcnotahore came into view again cursing under her breath.
Mcnotahore::you lil sh*ts:: hm hm let me see..oh yea well we will sort these lil sh*ts I mean kids she corrected herself. When I call your name you better come up here or I'll hex you. If you start to get fungus on your forehead from contact with this digusting hat don't worry about it cuz we have fired the nurse cuz she was to nice to students so if you get sick it's your problem.. so let the damn sorting begin.::
She called name after name. Most of them got stuck into Hufflestuff and Ravendull with the queers and I mean that. Most of less half got into Gripahore and Slytherin. After everyone was sorted and sames sexes stopped making out Dumpatdoor the Headmaster of Hoghores stood up and coughed for everyone to listen but it didn't work that easy. Snape looked into Dumpatdoors eyes and Dumpatdoor nodded. Snape pointed his wand at Ron Easy who was flirting with his lil sister Ginny and put one of the unforgivables on him. Everyone clapped then there was silence, scared they would be next even though it was quite enjoyable to watch for them. After Ron stopped twitching from pain Dumpatdoor began.
Dumpatdoor::as to the first years I hope you have the most miserable years here and if you complain I will torture you::he laughed at the look the first years had on their faces:: I'm just joking you lil sh*ts he answered to them.:: I wish I could torture you but I can't my magic is too weak and mental so........ Snape will torture you and many other teachers at the same time. ok now our rules.... our rules... umm... I dunno really but if you do something and feel undesrible pain, that means you did soemthing wrong..now let the feast begin he said with a huge mental smile::
Everything started again. You could hear shrieks of pain sreams of horror and many other undesribable noises. The food was the best thing about Hoghores or the only good thing. There was everything you could and not eat. But sometimes there were strange things in the food and lots of hair. It was sort of the thing in Hoghores after Dumpatdoor fired the Elfs after Hermione olmost killed him from her strangle and hired Trolls to cook and ever since kids would go missing.. Once Harry found a rubberband in his chicken pie or else he thought it was chicken but was to high to comment.
The next day after their sleep in the dungeons.......................................
Harry Ron and Hermione were sitting at the breakfast table finishing their breakfast when Mcnotahore came through and handed them their schedules but Hermione's had a lil surprise. Ooze started flowing out and covered her hands and boils started to develop and pop and burst blood and her blood spelled out.
DON'T YOU EVER THINK YOU SMARTER THEN MEE!
MS. STRANGLER!
PROFFESOR MCNOTAHORE
Hermione::oh my god that bitch she screamed and Mcnotahore winked at her::
Ron::hey thats kind of sexy::
Hermione::Ron I'm gonn kill your sorry ass::
Harry::hey i'm sick of your fighting stop it::
Hermione::you f**king sh*t and started strangling Harry with her boil covered hands::
No one interupted cuz they didn't want to come in contact with her boils. Thats when a girl called Rons name and he left the spot to flirt. All of a sudden Ginny kicked Hermione in the back.
Ginny::hey get off of him hes not sober::
Hermione::what she said crying from the pain in her hands::
Ginny::look hes not sober where not suppose touch him or more like kill him::
Hermione::she took out here wand and pointed at each of her hands and muttered something. Her hands got a lil better without so much pain.::
Ginny picked Harry up when Hermione put her wand upon Harry, Ginny grabbed it.
Ginny::wait Hermione::
Hermione::what Ginny he's gonna hurt himself like this::
Ginny gave Harry a huge kiss and then ran away and let Harry fall smack on his face again.
Hermione::sh*t she said and murmered once again and Harry became sober with a gigantic headache and bump on his forehead which looked a lot like a cracks ass::
Harry::oh my god I think Voteforhim is trying to channel through me again::he said while rubbing his dope shaped scar::
Hermione::you idiot you fell on your face again it's a normal reaction and HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-ELECTED wouldn't waste his thougts on you.::she started to strangle Harry again::
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I hope you liked it I sort of got ideals for the next chapter if people review. So please review and comment on things if you think its to much or I need more.
All H.P. Characters
Belong To J.K.
Author's Note::Ok this is it so far.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Harry a boy born into a Pothead family of wizards was made orphaned when an evil dark wizard that was running for President murdered his parents. The thing was the evil wizard "Voteforhim" cousin of George Bush was running and lost the election and the reason was because the Potheads didn't vote for him and when the Potheads don't vote no one votes. It wasn't because they didn't want to vote it was because the night before they got so wasted they woke up to late and when I mean wasted I mean Harry which was only a 1 wasn't even sober it was one of the trade marks of the family. Well anyways Voteforhim found out and tried to find them but of course they had a secretkeeper the one that holds the secret of where their hiding and of course Sirius Track was theirs and this guy didn't have his last name for nothing. He was the most f**king trackable person you would ever meet. He would leave something here and there untill you found the ass wipe. So the Potheads convinced Sirius Track to make Peter Asskisser secretkeeper at the last moment. Voteforhim found Peter Asskisser who had been on Voteforhim's side all along and told him where the Potheads were and of course when he went there there was so much dope smoke he got high himself and when he found the Potheads just blown out on the floor he killed the both of them, leaving him and the baby alone. But when he tryed to kill Harry a smell of cronic and acid came out of the baby Harry and consumed Voteforhim and ever since Harry Pothead has had a dope shaped scar on his forehead. But Voteforhim did come back even though in a differnt body once before and in Harry's second year everyones betting he'll come back for more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While Harry Pothead has to worry about Voteforhim in his second year at "Hoghores School of Tacky Witches and Sick Wizards" to come for him and has to keep Hermione Stangler from choking people to death who don't know the answers and Ron Easy from going with any girl who says his name no matter what they look like is a struggle for him. And for the fact that he has a scar on his forehead that looks alot like a piece of dope. His fight for keeping sober is also a challenge and from all the possibillities he doesn't know whats going to happen next.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Beginning of the Year Feast::
Voices rose as many students entered the Great Hall for the Beginning of the Year Feast. It wasn't the typical pure words as you would hear in a private school. You could hear skrieks of pain curses and somewhat sexual noises who didn't bother to lower their voices. And the sick thing is some of them were the same sex.
Harry Pothead entered the Great Hall with his two best friends holding his arms to keep him on his feet, Ron Easy and Hermione Strangler. He had kept sober all the way to the train station but when he got on the Hoghores Express he pulled out his stash and went into that 'If-you-touch-me-when-I'm-enjoying-myself-I'll-kill-you' state. And everyone took that seriously and just let him get as wasted as he wanted. So there they are in the Great Hall holding up an indisposed Harry. But it happened..Some girl called Ron's name and he forgot all about Harry and dropped him to go talk to the girl. Hermione couldn't hold his weight alone and dropped him smack on his face. There was blood everywhere.
Hermione::you f**king d**khead:: she screamed at Ron who was flirting with the fat Slytherin girl::
Hermione turned Harry around and felt better when she learned she only broke his nose and not head but he was still out cold. She pulled out her wand and muttered something when Harrys head burst into flames.
Hermione::oops, I must have exhaled to much dope smoke::She muttered something else while Harry started to scream nobody really noticing him except for Hermione who was holding him down with her foot.::Harry, Harry you a** stop it let me fix it, she muttered something else and the blood and fire vanished leaving no trace.::
Harry rubbed his dope shaped scar.
Harry::next time I'm not sober please don't try to make me by magic::
Hermione::it's not my fault you smoke to much and I enhaled alot of it::
Harry::yea and you were just against the whole thing he said sarcastly::
Ron walked up to them.
Ron::man I shouldn't of told the Slytherin girl how big I was she said Neville Longbottom was bigger and I was gay::
Harry::you mean that fat ass bitch over there::
Ron::shes not that fat::
Hermione::she can't fit through the Great Hall doors without magic, Ron, ewww::
They sat down and stopped talking as the Great Hall doors opened once more and they could hear the cursings of Professor Mcnotahore to the first years::
Mcnotahore::you lil sh*t's stay in line or I'll turn you into a f**king old granny::
First Years::shut up you f**king old hag::
They walked up to the steps leading to the the tacky looking wizard hat. All of a sudden the hat opened it fungus rip and started to rap::
Sorting Hat::
Hey lil sh*ts
And overgrown 11 years old with tits
I'm your f**king sorting hat
You got that
We got some gay houses
We got some laid houses
Gripurhore is for the laid ones
Every Slytherin has some
Ravendull is gay
Hufflestuff is too
You want to learn
Go to a real school dude
Everyone clapped and hooted and hollered and everything untill Mcnotahore came into view again cursing under her breath.
Mcnotahore::you lil sh*ts:: hm hm let me see..oh yea well we will sort these lil sh*ts I mean kids she corrected herself. When I call your name you better come up here or I'll hex you. If you start to get fungus on your forehead from contact with this digusting hat don't worry about it cuz we have fired the nurse cuz she was to nice to students so if you get sick it's your problem.. so let the damn sorting begin.::
She called name after name. Most of them got stuck into Hufflestuff and Ravendull with the queers and I mean that. Most of less half got into Gripahore and Slytherin. After everyone was sorted and sames sexes stopped making out Dumpatdoor the Headmaster of Hoghores stood up and coughed for everyone to listen but it didn't work that easy. Snape looked into Dumpatdoors eyes and Dumpatdoor nodded. Snape pointed his wand at Ron Easy who was flirting with his lil sister Ginny and put one of the unforgivables on him. Everyone clapped then there was silence, scared they would be next even though it was quite enjoyable to watch for them. After Ron stopped twitching from pain Dumpatdoor began.
Dumpatdoor::as to the first years I hope you have the most miserable years here and if you complain I will torture you::he laughed at the look the first years had on their faces:: I'm just joking you lil sh*ts he answered to them.:: I wish I could torture you but I can't my magic is too weak and mental so........ Snape will torture you and many other teachers at the same time. ok now our rules.... our rules... umm... I dunno really but if you do something and feel undesrible pain, that means you did soemthing wrong..now let the feast begin he said with a huge mental smile::
Everything started again. You could hear shrieks of pain sreams of horror and many other undesribable noises. The food was the best thing about Hoghores or the only good thing. There was everything you could and not eat. But sometimes there were strange things in the food and lots of hair. It was sort of the thing in Hoghores after Dumpatdoor fired the Elfs after Hermione olmost killed him from her strangle and hired Trolls to cook and ever since kids would go missing.. Once Harry found a rubberband in his chicken pie or else he thought it was chicken but was to high to comment.
The next day after their sleep in the dungeons.......................................
Harry Ron and Hermione were sitting at the breakfast table finishing their breakfast when Mcnotahore came through and handed them their schedules but Hermione's had a lil surprise. Ooze started flowing out and covered her hands and boils started to develop and pop and burst blood and her blood spelled out.
DON'T YOU EVER THINK YOU SMARTER THEN MEE!
MS. STRANGLER!
PROFFESOR MCNOTAHORE
Hermione::oh my god that bitch she screamed and Mcnotahore winked at her::
Ron::hey thats kind of sexy::
Hermione::Ron I'm gonn kill your sorry ass::
Harry::hey i'm sick of your fighting stop it::
Hermione::you f**king sh*t and started strangling Harry with her boil covered hands::
No one interupted cuz they didn't want to come in contact with her boils. Thats when a girl called Rons name and he left the spot to flirt. All of a sudden Ginny kicked Hermione in the back.
Ginny::hey get off of him hes not sober::
Hermione::what she said crying from the pain in her hands::
Ginny::look hes not sober where not suppose touch him or more like kill him::
Hermione::she took out here wand and pointed at each of her hands and muttered something. Her hands got a lil better without so much pain.::
Ginny picked Harry up when Hermione put her wand upon Harry, Ginny grabbed it.
Ginny::wait Hermione::
Hermione::what Ginny he's gonna hurt himself like this::
Ginny gave Harry a huge kiss and then ran away and let Harry fall smack on his face again.
Hermione::sh*t she said and murmered once again and Harry became sober with a gigantic headache and bump on his forehead which looked a lot like a cracks ass::
Harry::oh my god I think Voteforhim is trying to channel through me again::he said while rubbing his dope shaped scar::
Hermione::you idiot you fell on your face again it's a normal reaction and HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-ELECTED wouldn't waste his thougts on you.::she started to strangle Harry again::
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I hope you liked it I sort of got ideals for the next chapter if people review. So please review and comment on things if you think its to much or I need more.