I do not own Gossip Girl, because if I would Serena would end up with Nate.
And I do not own the song. It belongs to Taylor Swift.
Speak Now
I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl
Serena can't believe she is doing this. Standing here behind one of those columns and sneaking glances around like she is and intruder. Basically, she is one.
She has never done something like that. It's crazy. She hasn't mentioned it to Eric and to Chuck. Both brothers would have tried everything to stop her.
And yet, here she is in the Waldorf penthouse at the worst day in her life. When she glances around she sees the guest sitting already. She sees her mother and Eric. They are chatting silently but do not seem comfortable here at all. Eric's face is a frown and although her mother wears her society smile, she can see her disgust in her eyes. Chuck isn't here. Of course, he isn't. Chuck wouldn't witness this train wreck at all costs.
In the front row, she can see Anne Archibald. Nates mother smiles tightly and doesn't seem happy at all. She looks down at the program or stares straight at the altar as if she tries to escape this place. Next to her sits Nates grandfather. He looks rather pleased with the scenery and tries to talk to his daughter who still ignores him. When he gives up, Serena can see his eyes wander over to the other side of the aisle. His eyes turn wistfully for a moment as if he wants someone else sitting there.
On the other side of the aisle, she can see Eleanor and Cyrus holding hands and smiling proudly. Next to them sits Roman reading the program.
When her eyes wander over the heads of the guests she can't help but feel lonely.
I sneak in and see your friends
And her snotty little family all dressed in pastel
She sees Dan wearing a tux. Fixing his bow tie in front of a mirror. He looks nervous, runs his fingers through his hair in a repeating move. His eyes are restless and he seems to be very uncomfortable here.
Next to him are some guys she recognizes from the Lacrosse team. She has seen them several times but she really can't remember their names.
Through one of the open doors in the Waldorf apartment she can hear the bridesmaids. She sees Jenny stepping out of the door and hastily hides behind her column. Jenny's wearing a hideous light-yellow dress that makes her paler than she even already is. When she sneaks another look, she can see Jenny scowling at the dress and Dan trying to suppress a laughter.
She looks around, searches for a familiar face, a certain familiar face, but he is not here. Chuck is absent. Like she is supposed to be absent, she reminds herself bitterly. Her brother is somewhere in Europe, traveling across the continent, checking out girls on every corner. It's his way of dealing with this train wreck of a marriage. She called him yesterday. He sounded drunk and high. But in the background, she heard some female voices, so she wasn't too concerned about him. He's Chuck. He can handle this. He can handle a little heartbreak.
And she is yelling at a bridesmaid
Somewhere back inside a room
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry
This is surely not what you thought it would be
Suddenly she hears Blairs voice. It's shrill and sharped like it always was, but right now the high-pitched screams from the bride-to-be seem to burst her ears. Blair is yelling something about the floors. When nobody reacts, she is storming through the doors and Serena can finally look at her former BFF. Her hair looks rumpled and her face is red from screaming, but probably the worst is her dress. Serena can't believe someone would be this dress. It's white, sparkling and glittering and it is awful. It really is.
She is dragged back to reality, when she hears Blair bellowing for Jenny and slams the door on the way back inside her room.
Serena leans back at the column and can't help but wonder why Nate would agree to this. She can't believe that he might be happy with that turn out.
I lose myself in a daydream
Where I stand and say
Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door
Don't wait, or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said speak now
She is catapulted out of her day dream, when she can see Nate emerging the steps and padding up to the altar, Dan in tow. While Dan smiles nicely at the audience, Nate seems to be deep in thought.
Serena can hear some lady whisper that "he must be really nervous" and the woman beside her nods. She knows better. She knows that this is Nates sad look. She has seen it before. Suddenly his blue eyes seem to lose all the light held in there.
Fond gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play
A song that sounds like a death march
Dan seems to feel that Nate is uncomfortable. He taps his buddy lightly on his shoulder and a tiny smile emerges Nates mouth. Serena can't help but she always imagined someone else beside him. In her day dream she sees Chuck next to Nate, whispering to him. But there goes nothing. Cause in her day dream it isn't Blair that descends the stairs but her. She is sad again.
When the organ starts to play the song, everybody turns his head towards the stairs. She can't help but look too. Blair looks everything but perfect. But still she is the one marrying Nate Archibald and that is enough for Serena to envy her.
And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride to be
She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen
But I know you wish it was me
You wish it was me
Don't you?
While Blair and Harold stomp down the aisle, Serena presses herself further against the column and holds her breath. She tries to sneak a glance at Nate, but his face is hidden by Dan's curly hair.
Serena really wants to see his face, so she takes a step away from the column. She risks being seen by everyone, even by the bride herself, but she can't hide anymore. She takes one look in Nates face and is relieved. He still looks weary, not even a single smile on this face and his eyes a hopeless. She's not happy that he is unhappy, but she is happy that he doesn't seem to be happy with Blair.
While her eyes linger on Nate, she is catapulted back in her day dream and sees herself descend the stairs, Eric by her side. She sees Nate at the altar in his tux, smiling wide at her and his eyes sparkling. She sees Chuck beside Nate grinning genially at his step sister. She sees her mother sitting in the front row beaming next to Anne tearing. She can see it all.
Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door
Don't wait, or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said speak now
Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door
Don't wait, or say a single vow
And while she can see herself marrying the love of her life, the preacher starts marrying of the couple in front of him. He starts talking about love and responsibility and truth and faith.
While Nate seems to listen intently, Blair looks up at him with her lovey-dovey eyes that urge Serena to nearly strangle her. Nate is completely oblivious to them.
When the preacher asks Nate if he wants to marry Blair forever he barely whispers a yes. Serena can't help but feel a sting. After Blair excitedly screams her "I do" at the preacher, Serena sees all her hope disappear.
Your time is running out
And they said speak now
I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold your peace
There's the silence, there's my last chance
She can't do this, she really can't. But she must. She sees Blairs triumphant smile when no one in the audience moves. And she sees Nate scanning the audience like he is looking for something. His eyes narrowed like he is concentrating himself. She can see his eyes lingering on the mother and Eric. He looks wistfully for a second before there settles a sadness in them Serena has never seen before.
But he got her.
I stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on me
Horrified looks from everyone in the room
But I'm only looking at you
She can hear the gasps from the audience, when she appears behind the column and stands on the other and of the aisle. She feels everyone looking on her and hears Cyrus standing up and phoning the security.
She lets her eyes linger on the familiar faces. Eric grins up at her and raises his thump. Her mother looks shocked for a second and then her lips tilt into and understanding smile. Dan and Jenny simply look shocked. Anne smiles up at her relieved. There are some tears glistering in her eyes.
The bride to be fumes. Her face is redder than Serena has ever seen it and she is kind of sure she is only alive at this point, while Jenny stepped on Blairs dress and trapped. Even if her wedding falls apart, Blair Waldorf would never ruin a Vera Wang dress.
Finally, her eyes are looking at him. Nate stands still, doesn't move a single bit and just stares at her. There is no sign what he is thinking, no wink, not even a tiny smile. Instead he is watching her carefully like a hawk.
Everybody watches her and she clears her throat.
I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl
So don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door
Don't wait, or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said speak now
Suddenly she feels stupid. What was she thinking?
She clears her throat and looks up at Nate. "Don't", that's all she whispers.
His eyes wash all over her.
"You should not marry her. You should marry someone who makes you happy. Who makes you smile." She wonders who is speaking when she realizes that these words are her own.
Still no one moves. She feels stupid. Really stupid.
She turns around and whispers a "sorry".
She takes off for the elevator frantically pushing the button when she hears steps behind her. She is not sure who might be approaching her. She hopes for Eric. He might be the only one you can comfort her right now.
There is a tap at her shoulder and she turns around. It isn't Eric who is standing there.
Instead she looks into the bluest eyes she has ever seen.
And you'll say let's run away now
I'll meet you when I'm out of my tux at the back door
Baby, I didn't say my vows
So glad you were around
When they said speak now
Nate presses her against his body and drops his forehead against hers. She feels tears prickling in her eyes.
And then, as if the both were the only people in the world, her whispers in her ears: "Meet me downstairs in 10 minutes in my limo. I need to end this."
When the elevator dings she pushes her inside and takes a step back. The doors close and she descends downstairs wondering about what might happen in the Waldorf penthouse right now. She leaves the elevator and walks through the lobby. When she emerges the front doors, Nates driver already opened the door and leads her inside the fond.
Alone in the limo all the nagging feelings come back to her. What if Nate just wanted her to leave? What if she just made a complete fool out of herself? She even feels sorry for Blair.
She glances at her phone to check the time. Eight minutes have passed. She has a new message and opens it. It's from Chuck. Of course. He always knows what she is doing even when he is on the other end of the world. His message is simple: "Way to go, sis. I'm proud of u!" She can't help but smile.
Suddenly the door opens again and Nate jumps in beside her. He's no longer wearing his tux and waves at his driver to slowly drive off.
She can't say how relieved she is.
He grins at her and opens his arms to embrace her. She lets herself getting wrapped up against his chest and sighs contently. Above his shoulder she can see various guests emerging the Waldorf house, heading for their limos and chatting.
It doesn't matter at all.
She closes her eyes and tugs herself closer to Nate. He wraps his arms tighter around her and pushes his head back so he can look in her eyes.
"I love you."