Left Alone

"arggg", with difficulty I tried keeping my concentration at bay. I can feel it the power bubbling just beneath my skin, if I would just open my eyes I will see it just like other time, the vein that tried to bulging over its capacity.

"Lucy-sama it's enough", for the umpteenth time I tried to ignore Capricorn worried voice. It's not that I want to worried my spirit, it's just I need to keep burning and create more magic within me, to keep growing, to keep the power grow within me if only a little.

'Stupid child, enough is enough", ahh the concentration that I so difficulties maintain broken abruptly. Huh of course it is that slap in the back of my head and that harsh voice will always automatically cause it. With half open eyes I just can see it Aquarius angry face.

"Didn't we tell you stop doing it if your vein bulging, stupid", there it came again always scolding me, like they don't know why I keep doing it, after all they are the one to show me how to get stronger, though I can never tell them why I train more than they deem acceptable.

It started 1 years ago when I told them I need to get stronger, and I need them to help me. After all kind of training they finally trust me enough to start teaching me to channeled the base of their power myself. But still for that to happen I still need certain circumstance for it to happen, and in my case right now only when a full moon, new moon, and eclipse do I capable to channeled it if even a little, and still up to right now the only place I'm capable to do that is only in this special plane which is brimming with magical power. A place special for a spirit, an annex place to the spirit world, when the time in that place run at the earthland pace.

I know in some part of my spirit they want me to get stronger so that Aquarius sacrifice never happen again. Even right now when Aquarius is beside me in this plane I still feel guilty for destroying her key because of my own incompetence. Though she said it's not my fault but I know part of it is always my lack of power.

Well it's always the lack of power isn't it. It doesn't matter what kind power. Magic power, Physical power, or even emotional power. I know I lack all of that so that's why I need to get stronger. So that maybe someday I don't need to depend to anyone anymore and maybe someday I can be someone who other can depend on.

I have to say in this short life of mine. Everyone and anyone I have know have left me at some point. If it's not of my lack of something I know it'll never happen. Even know when Fairy Tail is already back together who say someday if there is not enough power again they will tried to dissolve it again, though if that time came I'll fight it with all my might, though it's not that my protest in the first Dissolvement bear any fruit.

It's not that I hate them from leaving me all alone, after all I already forgive them all. It's just in the back of my mind I know, if only I'm stronger then maybe even if every one have a path they want to pursue, maybe just maybe they will consider taking or even offer me to come with them.

I know I sound desperate, even I'm embarrassed by thinking about it, but what can I say every time I think about it, it always hurt. I don't know why it hurt so badly even though I have my spirits that'll always available when I call them on their contract day when I'm feeling lonely

So that's why I need to get stronger, I need to be dependable, I need to be able to stand on my own two feet ( I know I myself even contradict my own statement), but what I can I say maybe I just need someone familiar to be around with, yeah maybe it's that