AN: While I adore Buffy, I really don't feel like she treated Giles fairly and at times, I kinda hate her. So this is just me blowing off some steam. Set after Season 7, somewhere after Lies My Parents Told Me.
Lonely was he that evening, but there was nothing out of the ordinary about that. In the motel near the Summers residence, he sat on the edge of the bed and contemplated his life here in Sunnydale. Had it of been worth it? He already knew the answer to that but he found himself asking it over and over.
Buffy more than hated him; she had disowned him. Somewhere deep inside the darkness of his soul was a voice screaming that he should have disowned her years ago; the night Jenny died. He almost did. Had Buffy not have ostracised her from the group, Jenny wouldn't have needed to translate Angel's curse on her own. He would have given her his orb of Thessuluh and she would be here right now.
The truth was it wasn't hard to track her down. His instinct had told him that Buffy had gone to Los Angeles because that's where her father lived and with the help of some (dark) magic, he had been able to find her not three days after she had run away. He'd been pleasantly surprised at her resourcefulness but it was of no comfort to him. Ever since Jenny's death, he had grown sick at the sight of Buffy. What had Jenny really done to her anyway? She was within her right to not share information about herself, she never betrayed any confidences, she never made confidences. He was only hurt that it had to come from someone else, with whom he cared about and had been hurt. Yes, Jenny was an easy scapegoat. he know it back then but he had to put his duty to his Slayer first. And it had cost he so much. Jenny had died for Buffy's lover. For her murderer. She died seeking retribution from Buffy. And no one ever talked about her again, not even in passing.
He spent two days in Los Angeles watching her, as was his duty, before deciding not to. Buffy wasn't the only one who needed time. He needed time before he could speak to her again. He needed time to quell the part of him that so vehemently blamed her for Jenny's death. The summer was spent in his apartment, alone and he was anything but sober. He spent every night sleeping on his sofa and ever morning crying into his bed, lying next to the area where her dead body once lay. He tried to hold her but, of course, she wasn't there.
His home was a complete mess. He tore it apart not long after his return from Los Angeles and he tore it apart again the day he found out that Angel was back in Sunnydale. When Xander and Willow would visit, he would claim to be searching for her to the point that he had neglected his household duties. They offered to tidy the place for him, like they had done so the night Jenny had died, but he refused. He wanted to wallow in his anger. They didn't seem to pick up the alcohol on his breath. They chalked up his unkempt home and clothes to worry. To sleepless nights. Truth is, his nights were filled with nightmares. And, oddly enough, Buffy dying was no longer his biggest fear.
Joyce even had the nerve to blame him for Buffy's actions. But still, he said nothing. And even when Angel came back, she made no attempt to apologies to him. He'd been forced to fight along side the monster that murdered the love of his life. There wasn't a drink in the world stronger enough to ease the pain of that feeling. And now Buffy had disowned him. Well, it wouldn't stop him. He was still willing to aid them in this fight. He was the last of The Watchers Council. To leave again now would only be childish.
Sunnydale is doomed, he thought. The Hellmouth is open and either the entire world will be sucked into it or just the entire land mass of Sunnydale. Neither particularly appealed. And Jenny's grave will be destroyed. Though it pained him, he oddly felt like he needed it. He had always seen Buffy as the daughter he never had but he was more sure than ever that she had simply looked upon him as an agony uncle if anything. And he needed her hate. He was no longer her Watcher, he was no longer tied to her. If they survived his war, he would disown her as she disowned him. Just her words had made it easier for him. He was finally ready to do what he should have done when he was fired from The Council - he was finally ready to let her go.