Title: Bewildered

Author: Desi (obvi.)

Rating: M

Summary: Two years. Two years and the thought of her still disrupted his life. And that bewildered him.

A/N: Companion piece to "Flustered". This is for Rocio, whose (totally non-dramatic) reviews always leave me wanting more.

Fucking summer. In fucking Spain. It was hotter than Hell and the temptation was twice as high. Women in thong bikinis - and nothing at all when it came to the nude beaches. He had to do something to get away from them, or he might find his charm turned on and his eyes and hands roaming. Since he'd been in Europe, he'd had his fair share of benders, and it always ended the same way; the following morning, he'd awake with the room spinning, sun blinding him and his legs intertwined with a brunette that had given him a run for his money the night before.

There had been that petite brunette that had slapped him across the face and then pulled him into the bathroom, letting him fuck her right there against the sinks. And then there was that other brunette who gave him attitude all night before inviting him and a friend up to her hotel suite. He had dug into her not-so-tight cunt while Leon had her friend bent over the couch. Fifteen minutes later, one of the girls' boyfriend entered the room with two of his friends. He had to admit, that had been fun. He and Leon had gone head to head with the three idiots.

He'd let loose a lot of frustration and anger that night. Leon had stood beside him, going head to head against the three of them. The next morning, they were at it again, on the beach watching the 'talent' as Leon called it. Most of them were too desperate for their attention. he wanted a little spitfire who would play hard to get until he inevitably got into her panties. Like her.

Deep down he knew he'd never find exactly what was looking for. No, he'd already lost that. Too much pressure is what it boiled down to. And every knew the story: boy leaves girl in the Dominican Republic for her own safety, girl tries to clear boy's name, girl dies... except not really. Boy finds out girl is alive and hunts her down only to find out girl only retained about twenty percent of her memory. It took nearly a full year before even seventy-five percent of her memory came back.

But then boy pressured girl to get married and have his babies. And girl... well, girl just wasn't having that.

And so, in the span of two months, she began pulling away until one night, like he'd done, she left his cross chain on the bedside table and stole away like a thief in the night.

That was, what, almost two years ago?

For a year after she left, he and Leon traveled Europe, Central and South America getting shitfaced and fucking as many women as they could just to say they'd had a taste of everything. Some nights, he would just drink until he couldn't remember his own name and stared at an old picture of he and her. It was on those nights that Leon would call Mia and inform her that her brother was not in the healthiest of places.

Oh, lest he forget the thirty-day rehabilitation program he'd been involuntarily tossed into during his stay in France. Mia had warned that it was 'either the drinking or your family'. And the thought of never seeing her or Jack again was just too much to bear. But to celebrate his thirty days sober, he went to a club and took one shot that led to two. By shot number four, he was using his phone to call her old number, which shockingly was still in service.

"Hello?" The raspy voice came. He opened his mouth to speak, but choked on his own air before hanging up.

That was the last time he attempted to contact her. But he thought about her every day and every night; and sickeningly, he even thought about her while he fucked other women. God, what he'd give to be buried so deep inside of her, to spill his seed into her womb and create the perfect combination of him and her. For the next year, he got his shit together. After all, she wouldn't want him if she'd known just how close he'd gotten to rock bottom. So, he sobered up, got to know some of the local racers and mechanics and eventually made himself a small family of friends in Spain.

"It's amazing how big an impression you leave behind wherever you go." A familiar accented voice pulled him from his thoughts. She sat down in the sand beside him and nudged his shoulder with her own. He smiled, happy to see another familiar face. Lately, he'd been missing home.

"Yeah, well, I'm a big guy."

Together, they stared out into the bluest ocean and watched as the waves danced and people played. It seemed as if it was always holiday break here. There were no worries. This was paradise. At least, for most people. Not for him, though. Nope. He pushed her out of his mind for as long as he could during the day. But at night when he was in his room, alone, he thought about one person, and his whole world came crashing down around him. Two years. Two years and the thought of her still disrupted his life. And that bewildered him.

"I talked to her last week."

"I don't care."

"Oh, come on." She scoffed. "You don't care? Really?"

"How was Tokyo?" He inquired, trying unsuccessfully to change the topic.

"She's not happy with him."

"Good." Was his only reply. "I'm not happy without her."

"So, why don't you hop your stubborn ass on a plane to London?"

"It's not that simple." He swiped his hand left and right across the hot sand at his feet. "She doesn't want me."

"No, she just doesn't want kids right now. Look at us. We're wanted. Even Mia can't go home with Jack. You think she would want this for your kids too?" She shook her head and looked over her shoulder, a habit that had formed from years on the run. "We all got together for a little reunion of sorts back during Easter holiday. Met up in the DR and had some barbecue. You were missed, you know? Even she asked where you were."

His head shot to look at his companion's face, assessing how genuine she was being. It was hard, though. Her years in the army had taught her to steel her expressions and never give too much away. She shrugged and turned back to look at the water.

"Anyway, how are you? I heard about rehab."

"Yeah, well, that was for Mia. Not me. I needed to see her face clearly, and the only time that happened was when I was staring at the bottom of a bottle." He rested an elbow on his knee and rubbed his head. "People say shit like 'I could never forget your face', but sometimes, I did. I would forget what her exact features look like. So, instead of drinking, Mia sent me this." He handed her the picture and she looked it over.

"Happier times."

"Easier times," he ammended.

"We can get those back, you know. Your sister's boyfriend has a plan."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

He stood up and held out a hand to help her up as well. "I'm all ears.

A/N: I hadn't planned on writing a third piece to this, but I am. Look for it soon.