Disclaimer: If I owned, things would be soooo different. Espo and Lanie would be married…just one of the things I would change after Monday!

A/N: This was so hard for me to write! I had no inspiration after Monday but I really felt like we all needed some Espo and Lanie loving! This is a post ep for the one where Esposito gets trapped in the subway. I hope you enjoy!

Lanie was trying hard not to chew her lip. She had done enough of that when Esposito was trapped on the subway, now that he was safe she should be relieved. Still though, sliding her eyes to the left, she was worried.

Castle had suggested they go to the Old Haunt with the intention of relaxing everyone. For Kate, Castle and Ryan, even Esposito, the proposition had seemed to work. They all were talking, laughing and acting like nothing had happened. Lanie, however, just couldn't get this afternoon out of her mind.

Esposito noticed, out of his peripheral vision, Lanie looking at him again. He could tell that she was trying to be discreet and if he didn't know her so well, he wouldn't be able to tell. He knew she was scared to death this afternoon, if only because she told him so. He also knew he shouldn't have cut her off in the precinct, but quite frankly, he just couldn't listen to her tell him how scared she was. He had brushed it off with Ryan, calling him a wimp, but he knew he wouldn't be able to do that with Lanie. He would have to have a conversation (one where he would be sharing his feelings also) and there was no way he was going to do that with all of his co-workers listening.

Lanie slightly started hearing Esposito's voice close to her ear, "I'm not going to disappear you know."

In response, she gave a smile, though she knew it looked fake. She wondered how long it would take for Esposito to decide they needed to leave. She wanted that time to come and she didn't. She wanted to talk to him, but she wasn't sure what his reaction was going to be. Lanie had told Esposito she liked things the way they were, and she did. However, she no longer felt like that. She wanted to move forward (not that she knew what forward actually was). She knew the incident in the subway had caused her decision, but regardless she was sure. She just wasn't so sure Esposito would believe she was sure. The longer they stayed here, the longer she could deliberate on how to broach the subject with him.

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Kate squinted and looked at Lanie. Normally she wouldn't be studying her friend like this, knowing she'd get caught and scolded, but she knew Lanie was too absorbed in Esposito right now.

Kate was worried about Lanie. She knew she should probably be more worried about Esposito, but hearing him tell Ryan he was a wimp, she knew he was fine. It was Lanie who had captured her attention and the fact that Lanie hadn't said much—if anything—since they had arrived and kept sneaking glances at Esposito, made Kate nervous. She knew something was going on and she could only hope it wasn't something bad. She decided she needed to break up the "party," so everything could get back to normal.

Giving a huge yawn—and purposefully nudging Castle in the process—Kate said, "I am worn out!"

Castle, having felt her nudge, knew she wanted to get out of there. He wasn't sure why but he knew that if he didn't comply he would be in trouble. He hurriedly agreed. "Me too!"

Esposito chuckled. "I guess getting trapped in a subway with someone who plans to blow you up does take something out of a person."

Kate bit her lip when she saw Lanie wince at that statement while everyone else was laughing. She hoped Esposito would agree to have a talk with Lanie, because she knew that was what Lanie needed.

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Sitting up in bed, Lanie was again chewing her lip. Since Esposito was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, Lanie decided it was safe. He wouldn't see her and immediately ask what was wrong. She still didn't know how to tell him she was ready to move forward in their relationship and she heard the water shut off in the bathroom, which meant she had about ten seconds to decide—if she wanted to do it tonight, and she did!

Lanie ran her fingers through her hair and swallowed when Esposito entered the bedroom. She silently cursed herself as a lump grew in her throat and her eyes began to fill with tears. She was not going to cry! Just because today could've been the last time she would've seen him, just because she might not have ever been able to be like this with him again…and it was over. Her tears fell. Maybe Esposito wouldn't notice?

Esposito, folding his clothes neatly on a chair, turned to look at Lanie as he heard her let out an unsteady breath. Seeing her tears, he sighed. Truthfully, he had been expecting this all night. He dropped his clothes, climbed onto the bed and gently gathered her to him. "Lanie."

Squeezing her eyes shut, Lanie let out another breath, slightly more steady than the last one. "I'm sorry. The tears weren't planned."

Esposito tried not to chuckle, knowing it wouldn't be appreciated. "I didn't think they were."

"I was so scared," Lanie admitted. "It wasn't so bad, being able to see you on the camera, but when he shot it out…and then knowing that he was sick…"

Esposito closed his eyes in pain, hearing her small voice, and rested his head on hers. "I know. I should've waited for Ryan but we would've lost him if that happened. I was able to jump on the train just as the doors closed."

"It's your job to protect people," Lanie reminded him. "And I respect that and understand it. I just don't like it when it puts you in so much danger."

Esposito dropped a gentle kiss in her hair. "I'm sorry, querida."

"It's okay," Lanie said. "Besides, I wouldn't love you if you weren't a police officer."

"I meant the subway..." Esposito trailed off. "You wouldn't love me?"

Lanie hadn't planned to say it, but now that she had, she didn't regret it. She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "Not if you weren't a police officer."

Esposito didn't know if she was playing it off or if it really wasn't that big of a deal to her. He was leaning toward the former. After all, they hadn't said those three words yet and she liked their relationship where it was. Still though, he just had to know. "You said you loved me."

Lanie tilted her head. "I didn't. Not really. But I do. Love you I mean."

Esposito's eyes widened. "You do?"

"I do," Lanie confirmed. "I love you."

Esposito's heart soared hearing her say those three precious words and he pulled her to him, his lips meeting hers in a passionate kiss. Suddenly he pulled away. "What made you decide that?"

"That I loved you?" At his nod, she continued. "I've known it for a while."

"What made you say it tonight?" Esposito asked.

Lanie didn't want to say why, she knew he would think she didn't mean it (that she loved him that is), but she couldn't lie. Not to him. "This afternoon?"

Esposito rolled his eyes. "Lanie…"

Lanie put her finger over his lips to silence him. "Javi, listen to me. This afternoon may have made me say it, but that doesn't change the way I feel. I've known I loved you since before we broke up the very first time. I just get wary around those words. I liked things the way they were because they were safe. I don't want to be safe anymore. I don't want a situation like this to happen again and…and have a different ending. I need you to know how I feel if another nut decides to do something stupid, regardless of where you are."

"He didn't know he was carrying a disease," Esposito had to point out.

"I'm not talking about that! He shouldn't have put his hand anywhere near that detonator, he shouldn't have had it! If he had hurt you, I would hunt him down and make him so sorry he was born, much less worn that stupid vest. He could've," Lanie took a deep, unsteady breath, closed her eyes and made herself continue. "He could've put you on my table. I would've killed him."

Lanie opened her eyes and saw Esposito staring intently at her. She might as well go all the way. "My life wouldn't be worth living without you in it."

Esposito was quite sure his heart stopped. "Lanie…"

Lanie put her finger over his lips again. "Javi, do you really want to talk right now? If you do, I won't object…" Lanie began to walk the fingers of her other hand up his chest. She moved the one finger from his lips to join her other hand in winding around his neck and scratching her nails in his hair. She began nibbling on his left ear as she whispered. "But I'd much rather it if you'd just kiss me and…"

She couldn't say anything else, because Esposito complied with her request.

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Later that night—much later—Esposito spoke. "So, I'm assuming this means you would like to move forward with our relationship."

Lanie laughed. Esposito would never admit it, but he was sure Lanie's laugh was the most beautiful sound in the world. "Yes."

"And…where exactly would forward be?" Esposito questioned. He wanted her input (especially since he didn't really know where they would go from here).

"I'm not sure," Lanie admitted, moving her head to a more comfortable position on his chest. His chest would always be more comfy than any pillow she could ever find and with his arm around her, she was perfectly content. "But I'm willing to find out…together."

Esposito tightened his arm around her and dropped kisses into her hair. "I can't think of a better idea."

"I love you, Javi."

Esposito was sure his heart would skip a few beats every time he heard her say that, no matter how many times she would say it over the years. "Oh Lanie, I love you too. You have no idea how much."

Okay, I don't know if it was as good as all that, but I seriously melted my heart quite a few times here! Also, we all really need some happy after that horrible, horrible episode of Castle on Monday. I would love to elaborate, but for those of you who haven't watched it…I don't want to give away any spoilers! I will say, some things better be changing after the first episode in January! Anyway, review if you read and if you liked, please tell me what you liked! I have another idea for another Espo/Lanie story and we'll see if it will see the light any time soon. Thanks for reading!