Frozen in Time
Laughter.
It seemed to summon me, reaching deep into my heart and calling me closer. The forest was barren and cold, so unlike the warm giggles that echoed around. I found myself watching, from a tree branch high up, as two little girls played in the knee-deep snow.
One was younger, barely old enough to stand, the other probably only a few years older, with a kind expression as she helped her younger sister. They were making a snowman, rather small, just their height.
I felt a smile tug at my lips. My day seemed to brighten, lit by the light laughter. But then that smile faded, as I knew that I could only watch, never doing anything. I was eternally alone. I always was.
Then the older girl looked up, her pale blonde hair shimmering slightly in the sun. Her eyes seemed to look directly at me, as if she could see me. I didn't move, but just looked back.
"Hello." I was utterly stunned, as she spoke directly at me. Her younger sister looked up, confused.
"Who're you talking to, Elsa?" She asked, her little girl voice squeaky and high pitched.
"That boy, over..." Her voice faded off.
I wasn't there anymore. In the split second she'd looked away to talk to her sister, I'd flown away, back far enough where I'd be out of view.
That was when a couple came, clearly the parents. The two girls were rounded up, and the family turned to head home. But before they were out of view, that older girl looked over her shoulder one last time, checking to see if I was there.
But I wasn't.
...
For some reason, I followed them, not entirely sure why. Maybe it was because that pale blonde girl had seen me, unless my eyes and ears betrayed me.
I followed them to the large castle, sitting on the edge of a snow covered village. Something in my heart kept tugging me forward, convincing me to talk to her, at least once.
The sky was already turned to dusk, and I watched from a safe distance outside one of the castle windows, as the two girls were tucked into bed. Then, the youngest was asleep, the other, Elsa, following her example.
I found my body moving, almost on it's own. My staff rapped against the thick stained glass, before I had a chance of stopping.
The pale blonde girl's eyes flickered open, but her sister's stayed shut. She sat up, and looked over, her expression changing into shock as she say me sitting outside the window.
Now was the time to confirm it.
I gave her an experimental wave, a smile playing across my lips. She waved back, her expression changing to a sort of awe. I grinned, before launching myself off the thin ledge, letting the wind whisk me away.
As I did so, I could hear the window being thrown open behind me, the girl calling into the empty night, words that did not reach my ears.
...
Why?
Why was I so interested in her?
It was the only thing on my mind, as I settled on the ledge outside her window. Only the night after, and I was already back. But... I didn't know if I truly wanted to speak with her. I turned, preparing to leave, when the window flew open, almost making me loose my balance.
"You!" Her small hand wrapped around my wrist. She could touch me! "Who are you?"
For a few moments, I was too speechless to answer. I didn't move, I could only stare at her. Then, my lips parted, forming two words that were scarcely a whisper. "Jack... Frost..."
Her grip loosened, and I took that chance, summoning the wind that carried me away.
I was a coward, unable to face her directly. But... I accepted that.
...
A week passed. Every night I'd come. She was always waiting, looking hopefully at the sky, the window wide open. But never again did I ever go so close. I'd stand on the frozen harbour, or in the nearby forest. When she'd see me, I'd fly away an instant later.
I don't know why. But I couldn't stay away, yet couldn't get close. But the next night, she was waiting for me, standing on the shore next to the harbour, where I usually was.
I thought about leaving. That it was better I didn't get close. But maybe this was finally time.
I landed, a meter in front of her, as silent and smooth as the snow that fell around us. Of course, she was the first to speak.
"Why is it... only I can see you?" Her voice was sad, drowning in her own confusion and lack of understanding.
I was mildly surprised. But then I remembered the one night when she got her sister to stay up with her. I remember Elsa pointed at me, her sibling only looking on with blank eyes, before going back to bed.
"Jack..." She rarely said my name. That got my attention. "Would you please answer me?"
I looked at her, my lips finally moving. "Because... they don't believe in me. Nobody does. Except you."
"Me?" She seemed almost surprised, as she struggled to understand. "Why?"
I didn't give her an answer. I didn't have one. My mind went blank as I looked into her innocent blue eyes. Finally, my gaze flickered to the glowing moon above us, where it stayed.
"Goodbye... Elsa..." I barely whispered, before taking off in a gust of wind, deep into the night. Once again, unable to hear whatever reply she shouted after me.
...
Laughter emerged from my lips, as my feet moved easily over the ice. Elsa followed my example, giggles escaping her as she danced around, skates secured to her feet.
I held her hands, her warm skin touching my cold palms. I lead her around, the lake our stage, the moonlight our company.
This happened when I finally decided to visit her once again at the window. Only two nights later, she demanded me to teach her how to skate. Who was I to refuse? And her smile... it made me happy. More happy than I'd ever been in my life.
"Do it again!" She insisted, tugging on my arm.
I smiled, raising my staff into the air and letting out a blast of frost that exploded into a thousand snowflakes. She held out her hands, watching as some fell onto her palms, before melting.
"Can you teach me?" her next question took me by surprise.
I couldn't. No mortal would be able to. I didn't want to say no, but I had to. "I can't." That hollow feeling returned to my heart. Along with the temptation to run away. But for once, I didn't want to.
"That's okay." Her reply startled me. Shouldn't she be mad? But her eyes remained clear and forgiving, immune to the darkness of the world. "Just... promise me you'll always come visit."
I looked at her... and smiled. "I promise." I repeated. "Even if you stop believing in me, even if you stop seeing me, no matter what happens, I'll always be there for you."
She returned my smile.
...
I began to live for her happiness. I don't think I could ever stand to see her upset. Her laughter and smiles became the things that I looked forward to every night.
Sometimes we'd sit for hours at the window, just talking. Other times it was one-on-one snowball fights in the forest, or skating on the lake. I don't know how much time had passed, but every moment made my life that much brighter.
But then she came.
Tonight, when I went to the window, Elsa was waiting for me, just like she always was. I landed gently on the cill, facing her, waiting for the conversation to start.
"Jack," She greeted me, her eyes wide with pleasure. "Guess what happened today!"
I waited, until she went on.
"I lost a tooth!" She grinned, holding out her hand, which contained a small white object. "Now the tooth fairy's going to come!"
I didn't share her happiness, but smiled anyway. I wasn't exactly fond of the Guardians. I leaned towards the edge of the cill. "I guess I better go. If you're awake, the tooth fairy won't come."
Her happiness dwindled slightly. "That's okay, Jack. We have all night. You don't have to go just yet."
I shook my head. "Nah. I was kinda tired anyway. I'll see you tomorrow, Elsa."
She nodded, her joyful expression returning. I let the wind take me from the ledge, off into the night. But I didn't go far. Before I even reached the forest, a female voice called out.
"Jack," I looked down, seeing a familiar figure, who was almost entirely covered in feathers.
I should've just ignored her. Continued on as if she didn't exist. But instead I landed beside her, looking with distrustful eyes. "Tooth." I spoke her name, hostility riddling my voice.
What could a Guardian possibly want with me? We weren't exactly the best of buddies.
"Jack," She repeated. "Is it true? Can that girl see you?"
There was a slight hint sorrow that entered her voice, as she looked at me. "Yes." I felt cautious, wondering where this conversation was going.
Then she sighed, finally spilling her thoughts. "You can't stay with her, Jack."
My fists clenched. "Why not?" My anger was rising, the wind already picking up around my feet.
"She can't live forever." Tooth whispered. "Not like you and me. One of these days... she'll die. It's best not to get too close."
My fury was rising. "Who are you to talk?" But deep inside, I knew she was right.
Tooth looked at me for a long while. At the irritation in my eyes, along with the flickers of doubt that kept going through me. "You don't have to listen. But Jack, the sorrow you will feel will be like nothing else. Please, consider that."
She lifted off the ground, not meeting my gaze. Instead she flew off, probably to collect the tooth that was waiting for her. I gritted my teeth, but slowly my hands unclenched. What she said was true. All of it. But... how could I abandon Elsa? After all, I'd promised her I'd always be there.
"Wind," I murmured under my breath. "Carry me far away. Anywhere, but here."
...
I didn't visit Elsa the next night. Or the one after. I was lost, in my own fearful thoughts. All I could do was find a remote place, on one of the mountains far from the kingdom. There I spent my time, curled up, refusing to look at the world.
Why? Why did Tooth have to interfere? Why were the Guardians so against me being happy?
The wind howled, the hollow sound passing by my ears. For once, I looked up, my cheeks tear-stained. "You're right." I whispered to the chilling breeze. "She's waiting for me."
The wind died down, satisfied I'd listened. With a heavy heart, I let it carry me back, to that place of happiness and sorrow.
She was there, her eyes worried as they searched the sky. For once the window was closed, blocking out the cold that came with me. I watched, hesitating just outside her line of sight, as she slowly turned around, giving up on me coming tonight.
She was halfway to bed, when I tapped on the window, forcing on my playful smile. Her eyes lit up, and Elsa ran back, unlocking the panes of glass and throwing them open.
"Jack!" She didn't bother to lower her voice, even though her sister was sleeping nearby. "Where have you been?! I thought... I thought maybe you..." She couldn't form the words.
"Hey," I spoke directly at her, ruffling her hair with my hand. "I'm here now, right? Come on. I want to teach you."
"Teach me what?" Her question was met without an answer, as I simply offered her my hand. She took it, wrapping her arms around me as I broke off from the ledge, landing gently on the frozen harbour beside the palace.
I took a breath, preparing for what I was about to do.
She waited, her curious eyes trained on me, as I held out my free hand, allowing for small bits of snow and frost to gather, forming a glowing blue ball. "Here." I rolled it into her hands.
"What is it?" She looked up at me.
I smiled back. "It's a gift. You said you wanted to learn to make frost."
Her face lit up, with absolute delight. Elsa held the small object closer to her chest. Then it glowed brighter, ignited by her heart. It seemed to be absorbed into her, until only it's warm feeling remained.
I waited, praying this worked. I'd given her a portion of my power. It was my way of saying I didn't care what the Guardians thought. I'd stay with her. I promised her after all.
Elsa held out her hand, and instantly light flakes of snow began to gather, forming a mini storm that swirled around her. She smiled, gazing up at me with wonder. Suddenly, she dove forward, wrapping her tiny arms around my waist. "Thank you so much Jack!"
Her happiness seemed to flow into me, as I stroked her back. "Just be careful, alright? It'd be best to keep this our own little secret."
"Can I show my sister?" She asked.
I hesitated, but nodded, giving in to her hopeful gaze. "But no one else."
She nodded, already too happy to contain herself. Elsa took off, running across the ice, giggling as frost emerged from her hands, creating patterns that dispersed an instant latter.
I followed her, laughter escaping me as I skated across the harbour, my staff tracing the ground, making designs of my own.
The time seemed to fly, before it ended with Elsa falling asleep against me, as we watched the stars from the snowy shore of the harbour. I silently returned her to her room, making sure to tuck her into bed. I hesitated for a second, before leaving, making sure to close the window firmly behind me.
Maybe giving her some of my powers was bad. But... it was worth seeing her happiness. Yet I could almost feel the Guardians glaring at me, radiating disapproval. Somehow, it made me only more sure I'd made the right decision.
...
I watched over her the next day, making sure to stay out of sight. I just wanted to make sure she was alright, that her new powers weren't too much. She was smart. Taking her sister out deep into the forest, making sure no one else was around, before using her magic to form the snow.
Her sister's eyes were wide with delight and wonder, as a snowman was created before her. "Elsa, you're amazing!" The small girl hugged her sister, who was almost glowing with pride.
"You want to go skating, Anna?" Elsa asked, leaning down to her sister's height. "I'll teach you."
I followed them down to the harbour, watching Elsa slid easily over the ice, while Anna wobbled on thin skates. By the end of the day, I was satisfied. Elsa was fine.
I stopped by the window, and for the first time, she wasn't waiting. She was snoring in her bed, probably worn out from the day before, and the lack of sleep she'd had recently. I guess I was to blame for that.
I left her alone, flying silently away, back into the forest. The wind gently put me down on a thick tree branch, and I rested, head against the rough bark.
"I did the right thing, right?" I murmured, to no one in particular. "I mean, Elsa's happy, isn't she?"
There was no reply. The doubt in my heart seeming to be the only thing to listen.
...
I'd fallen asleep, by a nearby trail, watching the star's flicker overhead. I'd taught Elsa more about her power, and how to wield it. She remained happy, playing with her sister every chance she got. Using any excuse to show off her magic.
But... things only went downhill.
I was startled but a sudden clatter of hooves, on the road below. I looked down, seeing a horse run by, the royal family perched on top.
Elsa was among them, her sister in the hands of their father. Only Anna was... I stared in shock, at the unconscious girl, trembling from the cold.
No...
No, no, no!
I raced after them, slowed by the realization of what might have happened. Had Elsa accidently... I couldn't even finish the thought.
They emerged into a clearing I'd long ago explored. The trolls lived there, I knew. But I didn't venture in, only perched on one of the trees on the edge, facing away.
Please... Let her be okay.
I couldn't look, couldn't listen. Only looked on with blank, hollow eyes. It seemed like forever, before the family came by. I didn't look at them. I just sat there, feeling dread overtake me.
"Jack, I know you're there." One of the trolls called.
Without emotion, I lowered myself out of the tree, looking at the small stone creature, already knowing what he'd say.
"What did you do?" They were all looking at me, with the same disappointment.
But... my eyes had already hardened, my mind turned to anger. For the longest time, not a word was said, until the troll tried again. "Jack-"
Before he could say anything else, I brought down my staff, a large blast of ice cold wind shooting through the clearing, acting as my rage. I took off, in a single blast of air, rocketing into the sky, out of earshot.
Maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was regret. I thought about staying away, but I couldn't leave Elsa.
But when I went to her window... only Anna's bed was there.
It took me forever, but finally I found where she was. Elsa was sitting on her bed in another room, staring blankly at her hands, as if they were the those of a murderer's.
"Elsa!" I pushed open the window, not waiting for her to come to me. "Are you okay, is everything al-"
I stopped, when she looked up with tear filled eyes. "Jack... what have I done?"
"Elsa," I said more gently, sitting beside her and pulling her into a hug. "It's alright."
"No, it's not." Her shaking voice made me freeze. "I... I hurt Anna. I'm... a monster."
Mon...ster?
My whole body went rigid as she said those words. "Elsa, you're not a monster." I told her firmly, holding her at arm's length, and forcing her to look at me.
But she had already sunk into the hollowness of despair. "I... wish I never asked for these powers. I'm sorry, Jack. I'm sorry..."
I found myself looking straight ahead, as she fell back against my chest. Why... was she apologizing? I was the one who'd given them to her. I was the one to blame.
Elsa, in her misery, had fallen asleep against me. My heart heavy, I tucked her into bed. Then, ever so carefully, I brushed her hair out of the way, as I gently kissed her forehead.
"Goodnight... Elsa." I whispered, leaving an instant later. I felt so empty. Any joy and sense of belonging gone. But... It would only get worse.
...
I didn't even wait till dusk.
I found myself back at the darkened room, watching from outside the locked window. Elsa was curled up in the corner, seemingly afraid of her own self.
I tapped my staff against the glass panes, retrieving her attention. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, yet they still held a hopeful light as they looked at me. "Jack!" She went running to the window, placing her hands on the cill.
Instantly, ice began to form, racing up the locked glass panels, and onto the wall. She jerked back, staring at horror at her own hands. I was helpless as to comfort her.
Why? Why now, of all times did her power have to-
The door to her bedroom was thrown open, the king walking in urgently. "Elsa, did something-" He stared at the frost littering the wall, and then at his daughter, as if she were... a monster.
Elsa glanced at me, knowing her father didn't believe in me, couldn't see me. But then she turned to him, and I could no longer see her expression.
"Here." Her father placed a pair of thin objects in her hands. "The gloves will help."
I wanted to scream that it wouldn't. That if anything it would make it worse. But I remained silent, my heart already shattered.
"Conceal it,"
"Don't feel it."
"Don't let it show."
Those words spoken burned my ears. How? How was this possibly helping?
Elsa didn't look at me again, instead focusing on her father, and his words that were poisoning her mind. But... how were my methods any better?
My feelings were all but gone, as I slowly turned, and flew away.
...
The next day, she didn't even look at me. And I could only watch helplessly, as the frost slowly covered the walls, turning the room dark and cold.
I knew her sister was always stopping by. Desperate to play like in the old days. But even her attempts fell on deaf ears, as did mine.
Her parents were always coming to her aid, but seemed to do more bad than good. It got to the point where she was scared to touch anyone. And all the while I came, I was always there for her. If only she'd notice me.
...
The years went by. I kept my promise. I always came, every night, the same time. But I no longer tapped on the window. Instead I sat on the cill, watching for hours before flying away.
This was when she seemed the most peaceful. Sleeping, while the frost slowly melted around her. But even then, her dreams were riddled with nightmares. Sometimes she'd thrash around, causing snow and ice to be emitted from her hands, unconsciously.
Even her sister stopped trying, realizing that Elsa would never be Elsa again.
If only... If only I hadn't given her some of my powers. She might still be...
Worst of all, I knew I couldn't take them back. They were hers forever, whether she wanted them or not.
It was when her parents died, from an accident while travelling overseas. I could no longer just watch. I had to act.
Tonight she sat at the window. Not looking at me. But at the stars. Hesitantly, she undid the lock for the first time since that night, so long ago. She pulled the panes of glass open, the cool night air flooding in.
I gently landed on the cill, looking at her.
"Elsa..." I whispered.
But she didn't notice my voice. She wasn't even looking at me. It was like... she couldn't see me.
Horror flooded my mind.
No.
No way that was true!
She'd stopped believing in me?
Elsa stood, turning around, no longer interested in looking off into the night. During this movement, a part of her body touched me... and went through me.
I gasped, feeling the all too familiar cold, empty feeling of someone passing right through me.
She... couldn't see me...
She... no longer believed in me...
Why?
Why did this have to happen to me? To her?
Everything was a blur. The next second, I was flying overhead, away, as far away as I could possibly get. Tears were stinging me eyes. I blamed myself. Everything that had happened was my fault. If only I'd been there for her. If only I hadn't given her my powers. If only... I hadn't met her.
Cold realization greeted me.
Tooth was right. She always had been. Because this sorrow... was worse than the sadness of being alone.
...
I kept my promise. It was the only thing left to do. She no longer saw me, no longer heard me, but I was always there. Even if she didn't know it.
When she was made queen, I was there. When she ran away, I was there. When she was alone, trying to face her fears on some mountain far from the village... I was there.
So... when they accepted her. No longer called her a monster. For the first time, I was happy. Her life was finally bright and cheerful and fun. And so was mine.
She still didn't believe in me. But... I was getting use to it. Because she was happy, and that was everything to me.
...
The years passed by quicker than I could count. She grew older, but I didn't. Every day I'd come, watching quietly from outside the closed windows. Until finally, one of the maids left a window open, and I took the chance.
I found her in an empty room, sitting on an old rocking chair. The years seemed to finally weigh, as I looked at her greying hair, and wrinkled face.
Elsa... she never once got married. Never once took the chance and fell in love. And even in her elderly days... she was still beautiful.
I found myself talking to her, even though she was deaf to my words. I told her about the times we shared, even though she probably didn't remember. I spoke about how I kept our promise, even if she didn't know it.
Our roles were switched. All those years ago, before everything, she'd always start the conversation, and continue it, while I listened. Now it was her turn, to listen to me.
For once, it seemed like no time had passed at all. It... didn't really matter that she never responded, never knew I was there. So long as she was happy, so was I.
...
But... Tooth's words were still coming true. As eventually, Elsa's time came. She was lying on her death bed, surrounded by friends and family. Her breath was ragged and barely anything. Her heartbeat slow, and getting slower.
As always... I was there.
I'd come. I promised I always would.
She was unconscious, never knowing that her loved ones were surrounding her. Never knowing that I was beside her.
So, as dusk fell, and her last breath was taken, I leaned over, gently kissing her on the forehead, like I'd done so long ago. "Goodbye... Elsa." I whispered, watching her body grow still and cold. Her heartbeat fading to nothing.
...
I realized so many things, as I stood by her grave at the funeral. I felt so hollow, as Tooth said I would. But... I was comforted by the thought that she died peacefully. That her powers... weren't such a burden in the end.
Yet, they'd caused so much misery in her life. And for that, I was to blame. It was never her fault. And it pained me that her last words to me were to apologize, as if it was her fault everything had gone wrong.
I sighed, looking up at the bright full moon. I felt like crying... but I didn't. She had never believed in me again. Not once. Even when her life ended, she died never remembering me, never knowing I existed.
Before I let the wind take me away, I murmured the last words I'd ever say to her. "Elsa... I'm so..." My voice faded away, as sadness finally chocked me.
Sorry.
I thought the last word, as the wind carried me away.
I visited her grave every day still. I refused to break our promise. Though I came less and less, I always found time. Because so long as our promise was still intact, I felt like she was still here beside me. Still playing games on the ice, throwing snowballs in the woods. Still talking to me, while I listened patiently.
And the only thing I ever wanted, was the one thing that was impossible.
To hear her laughter again.