I can´t tell him!
He will hate me.
What do you think?
That it is just so easy?!
That I can simply go over and tell him "I really like you. I think I fell in love with you?!"
What would you do?
How would you react?
Scream at me.
Yell.
Be speechless.
Shocked.
Would run away.
I have done this one time.
I was in love with that guy for nearly five years and then one day I had the courage to tell my best friend.
But that was already four years of hidden love for him.
I never told anybody for four years can you believe me?!
I don´t know how I have ever managed that.
Being an outsider isn´t easy.
You can´t change one day and suddenly be popular.
And you can´t get the people you want all of a sudden.
Now the situation is exactly the same.
I will never make myself so vulnerable again.
Only to be rejected afterwards.
Do you know how it hurts?
Even when you are comforted by people you like afterwards.
Additionally the person you love but doesn´t love you back, tells you he isn´t the right one for you, but you will find your soul mate some time.
Tears in your eyes.
And then about a year later you fall in love with another guy.
It leaves you shaking your head.
But he is so beautiful.
The laugh.
The eyes.
His hair, you want to stroke.
And so much more.
You won´t tell.
Seeing him everyday leaves you in pain.
I am not brave enough.
He is straight and doesn´t like guys.
That is at least what you think.
Some days are easier than others.
On some days you think I will be brave enough.
You remember love confessions don´t end good and the courage vanishes.
Your friends always say they will always be here for you.
You believe them because your real friends love you.
Then there are others you don´t want to know your secrets.
That is the real problem.
You could confess to him and it would be ok.
If the other person you confessed your love would have kept the secret.
But instead he told everyone.
Not one person ever said anything to you.
Although you know that they know.
I don´t want that again.
I can´t bear it anymore.
I will have to leave.
And that was when Nico packed his bags to travel to the underworld to his father Hades.
He knows that he feels like he has found a home here, but he can´t bear it anymore to be anywhere near Percy.
You know your home is there where your heart is, that would mean leaving Percy would be leaving home.
Gods, Nico knows.
Knew, knows and will always know.
The son of Hades decides to leave the day after tomorrow.
Because he will spend the next day with his sister and his friends.
The boy will not tell anyone about his decision.
Nico goes to bed and sleeps through the night without any interruptions or nightmares.
In the morning Hazel wakes him up and drags him over to breakfast. "Nico, come on. Hurry up a bit I am hungry. You haven´t forgotten that we will train today together with Frank, Piper and Jason, have you?"
"No, I havn´t forgotten about this" Nico chuckles quietly and continues "I am looking forward to it. But now eat or I am angry because you had to tug me out of bed so early for nothing."
She quickly nods and swallows the last bite of the croissant she had for breakfast. Nico finishes his coffee in the same second and they both get up. ,
As they reach the arena, their friends are already chatting loudly. Jason shouts "See who also decided to join us."
Piper, Frank and Jason begin to laugh and I slap him on his arm jokingly. "Then lets start with training."
The bunch of demigods is training until it is time for dinner,but before they all go for a shower.
Nico is really exhausted today and he will miss such days with his friends but he can´t stay.
He just can´t be hurting anymore.
Finishing dinner Hazel tells Nico that they would meet on the beach this evening and that he should come too.
"But all you will do is making out with your boyfriend, so why should I bother to come?!"
"Nicoooo, please just be there. For me?" She looks at me pleadingly.
When she gives Nico that look he can´t say no, so he nods and she beams.
Half an hour later Nico goes to the beach but when he arrives there he can´t see anybody.
"But isn´t there a light? I will go over there." the son of Hades mumbles to himself.
Stamping through the sand he sees a bunch of candles on the ground.
About fifty candles standing there, in form of a heart.
What the hell?
All of a sudden there are hands on Nicos face.
He can´t see anything now and thinks about fighting the hands.
Then he hears a soothing noise and relaxes a bit.
"What are you doing and who are you? Why don´t you let go now?" Nico wants to know.
"I don´t want you to leave, Nico."
Nico knows this voice.
Knows it better than any other voice.
It is Percy.
The son of Hades goes stiff. What is Percy doing? Why the candles?
Nico is confused and Percy hasn´t let go of him but now his hands are caressing his face gently.
The boy begins to blush and wants break free from the son of Poseidon.
He can´t, the hand hold onto him strongly, but now Percy is turning Nico around so that they can look into each others eyes.
"Nico, I think I fell in love with you."
"Percy? Why? Why tell me? Why now?"
"Because I am dumb. And it took me so long to admit to myself that I am gay and feel something for you. But I knew I had to tell you eventually. More important do you like me back?"
Nico can´t do anything but stare at Percy.
Is this really happening?
Did he just confess his love for me?
Then the candles are for me.
Nico can´t believe anything that was happening right now was real.
Percy looks disappointed and sad when Nico finally speaks up. "Percy, that is ridiculous-"
The other boy interrupts him "It is ok, I knew that you possibly wouldn´t feel the same."
Percy wants to leave but Nico stops him. "That wasn´t what I wanted to say. You see I decided to leave tomorrow with out telling anybody.
That leaves Percy dumbfounded "Why?"
Now Nico is laughing "Because I love you so much and I couldn´t tell you. I have had bad experiences with love confessions in former times."
The son of Poseidon is looking at Nico.
Nico is looking at the other boy.
And then Percy takes a step forward and hugs Nico, only so that he can kiss the son of Hades softly on the lips.
Nico is kissing back happily.
Parting breathless half an hour later, Percy wraps his hands around Nicos waist from behind and they watch the stars until the candles go out.
Hand in hand they return to the camp smiling while Hazel hides behind a tree. She is happy she could help Percy and that she can see her brother more felicitous than ever.