Before there was light, the world was enshrouded in chaos.
Ciel was gone, and my youth had died with him. I walked among the scent of death and between the rows of blackened roses. And the manor that stands in front of me served as a mere reminder of that promise; the promise of jubilance in all its forms; a wide-eyed servant, the faint whisper of a violin playing, and his gentle butler. Yet he was no gentleman. And I had to live with this truth for a very long time.
Years had flew among the wings of crows and as if I had fell asleep on that tragic night, it was this morning that I had awaken and saw a young woman in a mirror. I was no longer the bashful girl and an oblivious child; I have not been such a person for awhile. At times I desperately hoped this girl still lingered inside me, and it was such hope that brings me to the manor in the summer evenings. Yet was I truly bashful towards the end? Was I oblivious when lying to precious Ciel?
He became the pawn and I was the chess player.
Checkmate, the opponent would say, I fell madly in love.
And I was blind when I followed my foolish desire; his sardonic grin perpetually haunting my dreams and my reality. I see it as I walk through streets of foreign cities and through books of centuries ago; the ends of his lips curving upward into an expression so undescribable, it becomes hard to breathe when I reminisce of it.
And I curse the universe for our fate was never meant to entwine. And despite all the attempts of trying to swim through the tsunamis of fate, we failed. I am awake at midnight, waiting for his presence to come and knowing that it will not. The graveyard crickets sing until dawn, wishing to see the odd man in black and the young girl arrive, lace their fingers together, and embrace once more. All those unbearable moments shared and given to the consuming darkness of space, leaving broken souls in its wake.
"Sebastian," I whisper to the mansion stained with ash, "Where did you go?"
But I knew where he went; down the rabbit hole to give his master's soul into eternal slumber. Ciel's deed was executed and it was time to leave; the little boy ordering his house to be burned to ashes as a final request.
"Sebastian," I say once more, "Why didn't you return?"
"I was afraid, my darling, that you would forget me," a little voice calls from the wind.
"I could be reborn a thousand times and still remember the coldness of your skin."
Elizabeth hears a faint chuckle, "Even so, they would not allow it."
"I know," She sighs, "I know, love."
The moon glows from a distance and Ciel's home casts a shadow over the garden of burnt flowers. And Elizabeth cannot resist the urge to walk through the hollow halls of her friend's abode. Perhaps she might see his ghost.
Steps are taken to the entrance and eventually through the mansion. Elizabeth cannot see clearly but her memory guides her through times of silly accidents and forced parties upon Ciel's birthdays.
"All these years," I smile as I pass family portraits, "I still find a pink bonnet in the servant's corridors."
"It was the first gift I have received," She feels him grinning in the darkness.
"I can tell when you're lying."
"It was the first gift from one whom I have grown to care about."
"Now you're simply spouting nonsense, silly butler," I cannot help but laugh.
My heels echo through ashes and the empty rooms and halt in front of a specific door. Tears sting my eyes and hands tremble.
"Do not be afraid, my lady. Please do enter."
A room untouched by the flame from years ago; a barren place. My eyes linger to find a bed with no wrinkles and a wooden desk covered in dust. Despite little furniture I could see him everywhere in this little room.
"The things you make me do," I feel my voice breaking.
Agony crept into my soul quietly and I felt something break inside of my body.
"I try to grow a new heart everyday, but then I come here and destroy it."
I pace through the room and struggle to calm my nerves. My vision leads to a world spinning, appearing as though earth was going to fall through gravity.
And thus time stops. The world stops spinning. I feel his touch upon the apples of my cheeks but I still cannot see him.
"Dearest Elizabeth, I have written you a letter and hoped it would be salvaged from the fire. Forgive me, it seems the message was not and you have my sincerest apologies but I shall recite from memory, if you will allow me."
"Why are you doing this? To further secure the lock in my cage?"
"Do I have your permission?"
"Go on."
"Dear Elizabeth Milford,
Wanting to be loved, for that sole obstinate reason, demons can even go this far as to be with the purest form of human. Yet I have no remorse for I have felt the strangest thing; happiness."
"The strangest thing," tears escape my blue irises, "The strangest thing…"
I could die in this little room; corpse rotting in the place where my beloved once lived. I strongly desire to fall into the eternal slumber, allowing Sebastian read to the letter to me until my last breath. And ever so hopelessly, I want to see his face; his sardonic grin.
"How can I escape this never-ending nightmare?"
"You must wake up, my darling."