Broken Hearted Queen
By
Chari Vondillarizz
Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from any existing properties of the Sailor Moon Universe, with exception of originally created characters and properties. Thank you.
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Is this how it feels for other people? What does it feel like to lose the other half of your very soul? For me, it feels as if my world is crumbling around. Sure, the walls aren't literally falling down. Nonetheless, when I walk the halls of this palace all that I see are shadows and cracks... Echoes of the twelve hundred years we had together. It's so painful that I feel as though I can't even breathe.
He was my best friend, my lover, the partner at my side. He made me the strong Queen that everyone has seen me as for so very long. Of course, they did not see how much he held me up and supported me. I was their princess and then their queen, he wasn't even a Senshi which made it hard for them to see him clearly. Still, he encouraged me and pushed me to be the best that I could be. I could never tell him how grateful I am for that and now I've lost the chance. I feel hollow now, as if he took all of that strength with him when he left this world.
I know that I have duties, so many people who count on me for so much. But I cannot face them. The serene smile they have come to know. I have lost the ability to paint it on and play my part. I can feel the sympathy in all of their eyes and that only serves in making it worse. They've given so much to protect this world, my family, and me. How do I tell them that not hearing his voice again makes everything else pale and lifeless?
Even more so, how do I tell the little girls I raised? The girls that have grown into such amazing women. They have suffered so much too. Even before they lost their father. My cherry blossom haired lady was almost lost to the darkness itself. Then she fought so many battles at my side, learning and dreaming of the day she would become queen. I don't imagine this was the way she had wanted it to be. Then there is my ray of golden sunlight. She was such a daddy's girl and now he is gone. No matter how courageous a front she puts up, I see the frayed edges just waiting to unravel. I see them in need, but I cannot be there the way that a good mother, a stronger mother would.
There's this thought that keeps running through my head... 'A world without Mamoru is not a world I want to be a part of.'... This thought makes me feel like a coward, like I am that middle school girl once more frightened by a talking cat telling her that it's her job to save the world. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try I can't escape that thought looping in my mind, oh Mamoru how I miss you!
So, I will step back and trust my precious girls to watch over this world and its people. I am so tired... In my head I can hear him... 'If you're tired Usako, then take a nap.'... I know he didn't mean forever. I know that he wouldn't want it to be like this... But this is the only thing I can do... So I will sleep. I will sleep and pray to Selene that someday my sweet Endymion... Mamo-chan... Will be reborn and bring the color back to my world... Goodnight Mamo-chan, I love you….