Words Can Be Such Burden
A One Piece short story.
Summary: It was a simple declaration, left to him by his first mate after the rocky separation of their crew. It is surprising how easily we can carry these words after months have passed; and even Monkey D. Luffy couldn't help but agonize over them.
Warning: Rated T for language and angst.
If even for an instant, the guy who is my leader lets other step over him… next time, it is me who will leave this crew!
Such a simple declaration. An easy portrait of one's heart and desires that even the most competent could comprehend what it meant.
And toil over.
Ever since the words left that of his first mate's mouth, Luffy couldn't help but reflect upon the head of the Sunny. Those words twisted from the swordsman's mouth like another blade, japing deep into the tender flesh around his heart.
He knows what Zoro said could come true.
Gently, the wind tousle his hair, caressing this straw hat as his eyes idle over the water. How many times has it been his own words caused his nakama pain?
See ya, Usopp. It was fun until now.
He cringes.
We are getting a new ship!
Luffy pulls the bill of his hat down.
Gold Roger is your father? Really? Tell me about him!
Words are such simple bullets; and when one is not a marksmen, the target could be someone unintended. Monkey D. Luffy was never one for words—but when he thinks about it, it seems most of his blunders have come from saying the wrong thing.
Like Usopp leaving.
Robin.
It was all because of that one, simple sentence. That one declaration that had him mulling over things more than his mind would normally focus.
If his words could cause his nakama so much pain, what was stopping them all from leaving?
Wow! You're a monster!
Ew, this tastes horrible!
One did not have to see the way his eyes clot with tears. Perhaps in any event, he was out to have too much fun; and as a result, said so many horrible things that could mark the separation of him and his nakama.
He could not lose a single one of them. Not again; not after Sabaody and Marineford.
The thought of it makes his throat squeeze. He could have said so much more then…
But all he did was cry.
"Ace…" The cacophony of the sea consumes his small, broken voice. What could he do? He had to do something, or he would lose everyone he knew and loved. He couldn't, he just couldn't, go through that.
He would break.
"Oi! Luffy! Come fish with us!" Usopp calls and Chopper cheers him on. Luffy quickly rubs his eyes clean.
"Sure..." He gets up and stretches his legs, making his way over to his nakama. Zoro was muttering numbers, thrusting the weights out before him; Robin and Nami were bathing in the sun, flipping through the newspaper; and before he could get much further, a decadent scent wafts from the kitchen, distracting him instantly.
"That smells soooo good." He takes a big whiff, his mouth watering at the idea of what his chef could be cooking.
"Don't bother Sanji-kun, Luffy." Nami snaps, fanning herself with the paper. "You know what happens—"
But it is too late; the young captain could honestly not help himself as he barges into the kitchen.
"Sanjiiii!" He sings and plops himself in the nearest chair, clapping his hands happily. Sanji glares at him from over the bar.
"Out of the kitchen." He points to the door, but Luffy simply leans forward on his elbows, smiling. "Come on Sanji! Feed me!"
Luckily for his Haki, he jumps out of his seat before Sanji's attack could hit its mark, laughing as he did.
"Get out fucker!" Sanji growls. They made it clear that there was strict no audience policy while he was preparing a meal—the exceptions being Nami and Robin of course. For some reason though, Luffy feels like ignoring it.
"I'm starving Sanji. Can't I just have a little bite?" He ducks quickly to avoid Sanji's quick swipe at his head.
The chef scowls at him. "No! Get out before I beat you out!"
"Neh Sanjiii! I doubt you can!"
A heartbeat passes.
"What did you just say?" It is dangerously low; Luffy couldn't understand the sudden change of atmosphere.
"I said I doubt you can." He cocks his head slightly. "Cause I've been training super hard with Rayleigh."
Sanji forehead twitches.
In that moment, the captain realizes what he did wrong.
He used his words.
"You're not the only one who's trained his ass off in the past two years, Captain." Luffy takes a step back, as if he could deflect the confrontation. "I went through Hell actually. And you're saying I didn't get stronger?"
"No no Sanji that's not what I—"
Sanji points a firm finger at the door and mutters darkly. "Out."
Luffy went without another word, knowing undoubtedly he had screwed up again. Staring down-castedly at the floor, Zoro's words replay in his head.
If even for an instant, the guy who is my leader lets other step over him… next time, it is me who will leave this crew.
The captain stops. Was letting Sanji order him around allowing him to step over him? He did say something bad… but he was also the captain. Taking orders from his nakama was something he wasn't supposed to do right?
Right?
"Uh… Luffy?" Usopp raises an eyebrow when Luffy lifts his head determinedly, pivots, and enters the kitchen again. If he let Sanji order him around, then Zoro would leave. He couldn't let that happen. Not ever.
But he is stepping into the den of a lion.
"What did I just say?" Sanji questions, hostility apparent in the way he raises his knife at Luffy's entry.
The captain crosses his arms, trying to slip into his serious leader mode. "If I want to stay in here, I can. I'm captain."
It was always his words that got him into trouble, the way they would never connect with head and would come out free and willingly. Those were most definitely the things Sanji did not want to hear, but the captain would never know; not until things went from bad to worse.
"Oh really?" Luffy nods his head, and the chef barks out a laugh. "So now you think you can play order me around?"
This had been weeks in the making. A strained food supply and lack of cigarettes had done a number on the chef; Luffy was only adding to the list of problems.
"Yes. Because I'm captain." And if I don't act like one, Zoro would leave.
The knife slams into the grains of the cutting board, intentionally missing the vegetables.
"You know, I didn't join this crew to be bossed around and treated like a food miracle worker." He pauses, before his eyes harden. "Actually, last time I checked, I didn't even join the crew. More like it was forced to."
Luffy's defense weakens at that. "But... I am captain… and I have to have what I want."
"Then don't expect me to follow a selfish captain around loyally."
Was…he implying?
It hurt. His chest contracts, his breathing stutters. No, Sanji couldn't mean that right? But he was like Zoro; he always meant what he said.
No… no no no…
It feels like a vacuum is sucking the oxygen in his lungs; that his mouth forgot how to open and inhale.
If he was to be walked over, Zoro would leave; but if he was to be assertive, Sanji would be gone. Losing either one of them felt like a sea stone bullet to the heart.
Everything comes rushing back, the list he was making of all the mistakes he had made in the past. This is just another addition to a long list of screw ups.
But one memory makes the world stop spinning.
His body ached all over—not like the wounds actually physically hurt, but the idea of who had inflicted them mentally doubled the sensory experience he was receiving. Before him was the crumbled form of his beloved nakama, blood dripping from his mouth.
Just like Ace.
Just like Ace.
See ya Usopp. It was fun until now.
Blood. Blood on his hands. Broken words. Blood everywhere. Tears. Goodbyes.
If even for an instant, the guy who is my leader lets other step over him… next time, it is me who will leave this crew.
Then don't expect me to follow a selfish captain around loyally.
Thank you…everyone!
Why couldn't he ever say the right thing at the right time? Why?
Why why why why why why why why why why?
He looks down his hands and sees the blood, the blood that never would come off, the blood that stained his skin.
Why couldn't he say the right thing?
Why couldn't he make his nakama stay?
….why couldn't he say goodbye?
Why were his words burdens?
Ace!
It feels like the whole ground has given away; like he is tumbling far into a black hole. The air is gone and he couldn't breathe, isn't sure if he should keep trying to. The faces of his nakama flash before his eyes, once as happy souls, the next as broken people, all because of him, because of his words.
He failed his nakama.
Bang.
It feels like he is drowning in blood; so once he hits the floor, he is out, consumed in a soft darkness as his hat slowly cartwheels to the floor.
"LUFFY!"
It seems like he shoots awake in minutes, clutching the blanket at his hips like a life line, gulping down huge breaths. The sounds of crickets greet him.
Crickets?
He looks around. The wooden hull around him was not the Sunny-Go; it wasn't even the Merry. It was…
A snore next to him startles him. Was it Zoro?
No, it was not.
The man next to him swats his thigh agitatedly, sleep crusting his eyes as he runs a hand through his shaggy hair. Luffy's mouth goes completely dry when he sees his chest, one complete scar rippling out from the dark area of impact at its center.
"Geez Luffy… stop hogging all the blankets."
The captain is too afraid to speak; afraid his words would shatter this moment, the moment he gets to meet Ace's eyes again. Trembling, he swallows thickly.
But he couldn't help it.
"Ace…?"
Like Luffy had done, his brother shoots up too when he hears his voice, rubbing his eyes quickly and looking Luffy up and down. His next words feel like another bullet to the heart.
"Oh God…"
Luffy couldn't remember what had happened; but to see his brother again, it felt amazing. Even if he wasn't too fond in seeing him right now, Luffy couldn't help but clasp his waist in the tightest hug he could.
"Ace... you would never believe what's been going on…" The tears come naturally, so tired of being bottled up that they flow from his eyes without warning. "I've been so stressed... I was afraid my nakama would leave me and then after you died…"
Luffy slowly raises his eyes to his brothers; only to see an expression he is not prepared for.
"Ace…?"
He pursues his lips and tries to find his words. Slowly, the captain pulls away.
"Did I…say something wrong…?"
The second division commander quickly shakes his head. "No Luffy… but you shouldn't be here."
"Why…?"
A heart beat passes.
The simple length of time it takes for Luffy's entire world to break apart.
"Because… Luffy… that means you died…"
Sometimes words are bitter vassals; or a land full of mines. For Luffy it was just that, fearing that if he made one wrong step then everything will be blown apart.
That stress had been harbored since Water 7, everything after being a tentative approach that simply added to the weight of his words; until one day even his body could not take it.
Who knew his words could be such burdens.
Came up with this after watching the scene at Water 7 where Zoro tells them to leave Usopp. Heavy stuff man.
-Soul Spirit-