This is based on a true story. You have been warned.

"I'm in the business of misery; let's take it from the top." --Paramore

Welcome to my life bitches! Be prepared to wish you were never born. To all those who still read, well, that's because you are the ones who didn't have enough love in your child hood. And now you sit there, reading this, and nodding you head.

Who am I? Let's call me Armory. It is close to armor, something I don't have. I am not wishing to have it either. My age is long lasting; no one can judge how old I am. My appearance? Use your imagination. Family? Got a bunch of them. They love me to death…literally. Scientists, they couldn't fix me, and I'm so tired of getting out of bed. I am tired of life in general. Once in a while, I feel like I am blooming…till I look at myself in the mirror. Talk about ugly.

Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's looking for my own piece of mind; don't assign me yours.

I created myself to be on my own but I didn't expect to be alone. Did you create yourself to be on your own? These are the reasons things should be unknown.

I wanted freedom from the world. From my chained up life. A boy chained me up. This boy, oh, let's called him: Nikui. The Japanese word for hateful. That is what he is and that is what he shall be for the rest of his life. I don't want to be mean, but it is true. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'why the hell are you calling him that?' Well, I will tell you…

He broke my heart.

I lost my brain already. It exploded. Blood, mush and fat splattered all over the walls. The blood dried invisible.

I lost my heart already. He already has it...ripped it in half and hid the two pieces in two different places with no hints or whereabouts of where they are.

This is what he did to me. He ripped me in half and ruined my life. Ah…unrequited love is such a bitch. How I hate it.

This, this boy is the start of it all. I shall not explain the details behind it but I have had a crush on him for a year and a half now. I kind of wish I didn't. I don't know why I like him so much. He has no friends. He is a jock. He isn't even cute or hot. He is a dick and a bastard.

Maybe…maybe it is because he acts just like my father.

Yes, maybe that is it.

Let me at least explain this: My parents got divorced when I was seven. I lost my father physically and lost my mother emotionally (and mentally). And this had changed me.

That is why; when I go out with someone, it can go two ways. I can like them so much, that I am afraid to let go of them so I will cling on to them and be very jealous of other people. Or, after a couple of days (or even that day), I break up with them, afraid of getting my heart broken.

To those who are still reading for kicks, first: Now I'm driven to be ten times better than you think you are. Piece by piece I've built my walls. And burned the bridges down. That lead back to people like you. I can see that you are snorting saying things like: 'this is stupid, emo, bitch, mean.'

Let me say a couple of things to you:

1st – I don't label people. Bitch. Emo. Labels.

2nd – Why is bitch offensive to girls any way? You shouldn't get upset and mad at them since they called you a bitch, you thinking it means: mean. No, get mad since they called you a fucking female dog!

3rd – Yes, I am emotional. Emo is short for emotional and emo is a type of music. Another reason why it is weird to call people that. You are calling them music.

To those who still read since you feel my pain, kudos to you. Now, let's continue. Where were we by the way? Oh yeah, Nikui.

He hurt me and tortured me with his glares and silence. So I say thank you for the scars. And the guilt and the pain. Every tear I've never cried. Has sealed your fucking fate. I would never cry for that boy. Cause when I am about to, I think he is looking at me through my window and I quickly covered my eyes and force the tears to go back. So that when someone makes me upset or if I don't do anything right, I explode. And I feel sorry for the people around me. They could get crying or bitching. Or maybe both.

You wanna know what the worst part of this is? I could never gain acceptance from him.

I want to be his friend. I want him to not see me as someone who I am not. I want him to accept me. I want him to love me.

Want, want, want. God, I'm a bitch.

I have faced the fact that he would never even think of me, unless in the wrong way. The problem is accepting it. I want to live in this fantasy world where we go out with each other. But then, thinking of this, leads to depression. Major depression.

My friends don't really care for me. Then why in hell's name did I just call them my friends? I don't know. But they get into fights a lot. I'm their therapist. God, a person like me. That should be exciting. No, but I care about three of them the most outta the 30 or 40 of them. Yep, I actually have a lot of friends. Surprised?

And to those who feel me, stand up. Ha, joking.

But, to tell you the truth: I am a teenage girl who is just trying to be accepted in the world. I just want LOVE, peace and respect. I want to follow my dreams...and have fun on the way. If you can break down my thick brick walls, you are very lucky. After that I will be your pal, best friend, or lover. And I swear to you on everything I am. And I dedicate to you all that I have. And I promise you that I will stand right by your side. Forever and always until the day I die.

I am insane.

Insecure.

Jealous.

Vicious.

Caring.

Loving.

Hateful.

Deadly.

Stupid.

This is me. Deal with it.