Summary: Sasuke has a conscience after all. He experiences his first nightmare that has little to do with the Uchiha massacre but much to do with Team 7 and Konoha. Remorse. Wishful thinking. He acknowledges he once had it all. Now he is well and truly alone. Even in a dream, in a parallel universe he is always hurting people, leaving them behind. He can see this now. But he cannot stop the flow of time, just as he cannot forge a happily ever after to any of his dreams. (slight AU)
Sasuke felt the subtle lift in the haze on his surroundings; his Sharingan finally pierced through to discern his location.
Where was he?
Something was slightly off but he couldn't tell what it was.
The sound of the slap of the waves on scorching hot sand reached his ears and he found himself surrounded by civilians bathing in the water. They were wearing very strange clothing - rather revealing material that stuck to their every curve even more so than the tight black spandex of the ANBU uniforms.
For some unknown reason he felt the impulse to walk towards the shoreline and as he did so a freckled lady with short-cropped hair, sunburnt arms and a queer inflated loop around her waist suddenly shrank back and shrieked at the top of the lungs. "Witch! Sorcerer! Warlock! Get away from me! Someone...anybody - SAVE ME!"
"Oh, heavens. Protect me," she muttered fearfully flapping about in the shallow water. Heads turned around to see what the ruckus was all about. They all wore the same anxious, fearful look on their face as they backed away, turned on their heels and ran away from him.
"...Oh my god. Oh my god. I can't believe the Salem witch trials were actually justified in attempting to drown witches to see if they floated..."
"Psst. Where's your iPhone? Film it! Film it!"
"O Angel, my holy Guardian, protect me from all evil..."
"Mummy, he is walking on water!" A child exclaimed before his agitated mother dragged him away.
"-Amen."
Shit, he cursed as he glanced down at feet. He hadn't even realised he had been molding chakra to stay afloat. But unfortunately, try as he might he didn't seem to have any control over his chakra, for he was unable to step through the surface of the water.
Where the hell was he?
He had experienced civilians before, those who gazed in awe and terror at shinobi walking up vertical walls and across liquid surfaces. But never had the reaction been this...bad.
Suddenly the impulse to get to the shoreline overwhelmed him and he sprinted along the water's surface, earning more shrieks and horrified stares. But as soon as he got close to the shoreline his left foot broke the surface and he fell plunging through the water. His cloak and sandals were quickly snatched away by the tide and he waded in after them in utter desperation.
When was the last time he had felt like this? Shunned, alone and desperate?
He couldn't remember.
By some scrap of luck he managed to retrieve both sandals before they were sent out to whatever oblivion lay ahead. He wasn't sure if there was a sea adjoining this beach anymore. He was convinced that he was dreaming - hell the civilians didn't even recognise him as a ninja. What kind of world was it if civilians couldn't even recognize shinobi when they saw one?
His cloak hadn't drifted much; it simply bobbed up and down with the waves a few metres from the shoreline so he waded over to retrieve it. Water pushed back against his legs making his movement awkward. Now try as he might he couldn't regulate chakra precise enough to balance himself on the water surface.
He was certain that this dream was out to get him.
As soon as he lifted it up his heart skipped a beat. His cloak had been draped over a corpse. The same lady with the inflatable hoop who had earlier brought all that unwanted attention to him. Some part of him cruelly grinned and muttered that she had been annoying. The larger part of him was worried, guilty, fearful but most of all confused. was wounded - wounded in pride and emotion by guilt, fear and confusion.
What had he done? He hadn't done anything! Why had she died? He didn't know!
Why?
Why was he always hurting the people around him without realising it?
It wasn't so much the fact that he had killed someone that threw his heart into chaos. He was a shinobi; killing was what he did for a living. It was the fact that he had killed without meaning to whether the person deserved it or not.
He was out of control.
In shame or something akin to it, he leapt up onto the thin ridge of the towering sea wall. He ran away, attempting to escape from it all: the watchful gazes he couldfell piercing through the back of his head, the shrill screams...his own emotional turmoil.
The sky had gotten dark; it was as black as night. Stars twinkled in the had walked on and on and there was no sign of respite. He didn't know what he was looking for or why he had to go on but that's what he did.
Alone. He was alone in the world. It came as a brief but shocking realisation to him.
His eyes were cast down at his feet lest he fall of the wall's edge so he caught it immediately when stone changed into silver. The wall had come to an end. Lying in front of him were silver benches.
He stood there just gazing at it for a few minutes. It was all so strange. Why would there be rest benches on top of a sea wall?
His breath caught in his throat as he saw a petite figure appear from nowhere and approach the seats: her short stylish rosette hair restrained by a matching pink hair-band...
It was Sakura in her favourite red dress; slits on the sides exposing the milky whiteness of her thighs as she moved under the moonlight. His heart twisted as she stared and walked directly towards him.
Sakura. He wanted to laugh. She had always been a respite to him. It was only natural that she appeared when he wanted rest, support, relief..
It suddenly hit him that she was the spitting image of her 12-year-old self. Disappointment rang loudly through him as it only served as more evidence that he was dreaming. He tried to tell himself that he wasn't disappointed. He had chosen this path. He had no regrets...He had chosen revenge.
Then he noticed that one of her hands were held out strangely behind her...because someone else was holding onto it. A boy with raven-black hair in a familiar tousled style and equally familiar obsidian eyes. There were cute little dimples in his left cheek - he looked to be about seven.
Otouto. The word came to him. In this dream or this world, whichever it was, he had a younger brother. Awe seemed to fill him, a surge in pride and a deep pang of longing.
It had to be a dream for Sakura had not aged. But he, Uchiha Sasuke, had never had a dream besides the obvious ones that kept spurring him on for revenge. Now that Itachi was gone they had become less intense but they never went away.
His heart leapt to his throat in shock as Sakura and his otouto abruptly walked through him as if he wasn't there. Turning around he gasped. It dawned on him that they had never seen him; never been looking at him. They had been looking at the man behind him on the silver seats.
Seconds ticked by and he found himself pinpointing what was so familiar about the man; it was him, he realised, in his twenties.
He watched as Sakura sat down by his side while his otouto skipped in front of the man.
Why was it that they couldn't see him now...when he actually wanted them to see him?
As he turned back to survey Sakura he saw the love and emotion flit across her face and something deep within him stirred. He could notice it now; despite her semblance of youthful innocence, her eyes were filled with a depth of maturity that a 12-year-old child was incapable of.
The 'Sasuke' on the seats laughed away the tension in the air, a lazy smile on his lips. "Otouto. Are you satisfied now?"
The little boy ran forward into his brother's embrace and pulled away with a bright smile. "Aniki! You're back! I knew you'd be alright; Sakura-neechan was worried. But I know that you're un-defeatable. There's no way that you couldn't have come home safe and sound."
The little boy skipped off to the distance this time and faded away from view.
It was just as well for Sasuke was spellbound by the ensuing interaction between himself and Sakura. She had turned her face to the side when his otouto had spoken and he had known she was crying. Her shoulder was trembling.
When was the last time he had seen Sakura cry? It had been that time. But she had never tried to hide it from him before and he found it irked him more than the fact that she was crying. It was annoying when she cried but infuriating when she tried to hide it.
His heart pounded as he watched the Sasuke on the seats wrap his arms around her in a tight embrace.
"You're still worried," 'Sasuke' stated.
"You're not back to stay." She replied without turning around. You're going again aren't you?
He inhaled deeply and nodded, pulling her closer so that her head fit just under his chin. She relaxed into his hold despite the hurt and confusion that flitted through her eyes.
Sasuke watched the whole tender scene from the sidelines. A feeling he had never experienced before - and could therefore not define - swelled deep inside him.
He watched Sakura's face carefully seeing her eyebrows pucker and her lips frown. She was resigned.
Why? She seemed to ask with her eyes. Why must you leave?
But then he saw the real conflict in her eyes.
It doesn't matter why, does it? In the end you'll leave anyway. Perhaps you don't know the answer yourself, Sasuke.
Her shoulders were trembling again. She was looking away again; not letting him see her cry. It was beyond annoying. It tugged at his heart; his heart-strings; his guilt.
It hurt.
He tried to distract himself whimsically.
What if he had actually had a younger brother?
His smile quickly faded. Would he have ended up like Itachi?
Strange how he thought he would have been happy if he had had a younger brother just a moment ago. A potential source of happiness turned into mutiny, violence and tragedy. Was it his curse to be unhappy?
A rustle of movement caught his attention. 'Sasuke' was hugging Sakura again. He dropped his head to her shoulder as if he was exhausted.
"I'll be back as soon as I can."
Sasuke suddenly realised that the dark green cloth his 20-year-old self was wearing was a military uniform. A patriotic "Konoha" was scrawled along the wanted to laugh at the irony. He was going to war for Konoha.
Why? Was it for revenge? Or maybe it was for peace, like Itachi?
But Sakura was right. It didn't matter why.
All that mattered was that he was leaving her behind again. He was leaving all of them behind.
'Sasuke' had never said, "I promise" or "Trust me." He did not make promises he couldn't keep.
He knew he might not come back. He knew it might be goodbye forever and yet he was still going.
- I'll be back as soon as I can.
Sakura turned back to face him, smiling weakly through her tears. "Thank you."
It sounded so serene. It was what he said last time, only it was to her and she was trying to get him to stay.
Was she letting him go now? Was she moving on? Was this what he wanted?
It sounded like good-bye.
But even so he knew he was being a hypocrite. He had always been the one to let go while others still held on. He was the one who had given up on Sakura, Team 7, Itachi and even Konoha.
Sasuke tried to control his dream. Would it hurt for once to have things go his way?
He wanted to dream of once upon a time...
Once upon a time...everyone was still happy because Sasuke had never let go.
Once upon a time... a happy ending still existed for everyone including himself.
Once upon a time...
End
Author's note: This story wrote itself. :) That's my reason for publishing it before I got working on "Ghost Whisperer" and "The Legendary Scientist (Saienteisto)". Finally edited.
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