and let go

I've gotten to know a lot of interesting people in school. Not interesting in a bad way, mind you. I mean, when you consider the fact that there are over 7,840,000 middle school students in Japan, the fact that you get to meet one or two who really stand out is kind of amazing. Well, that's what I think anyway.

Houtarou Oreki and Mayaka Ibara are interesting.

Actually, conventionally speaking, you probably can't find yourself a more average pair of people. Houtarou doesn't really do much because of his energy-saving policy. Mayaka's a pretty typical middle school girl too. But, as I've gotten to know them, I've come to realise that my first judgements of them were a little off. I've never really been all that good with anything other than statistics, so I can't really hold it against myself.

Mm. Yup. These two became special to me before I even noticed.

"Say, Houtarou, want to go somewhere after school today?" I asked as a sat down at my desk.

The boy sitting next to me raised his head out of his arms. He seemed to consider the offer. "Nope," he replied before resuming his initial state.

"There's a reason why you aren't really friends with the rest of the class, you know," I said as I flipped through my notebooks, which was something I preferred to do in the last ten minutes of lunch break.

Houtarou made a sound. I'd only known him for a few months and I hadn't been able to decipher all his grunts yet, but I guessed that that probably meant something like 'that doesn't really bother me'. Not a lot of stuff bothered Houtarou. He was really odd in his own way. I don't think I could ever relate to him. It's hard not to get bothered by a lot of things, you know? Maybe that was why I came to enjoy spending time with him. He didn't really say anything about my bags or my coloured shirts, which was different from the treatment I got from a lot of the other guys.

"So, the library, then?"

"Next time, we're definitely going to the arcade!"

"Again?" Houtarou said as he slid the door aside.

"Of course. I'm definitely going to beat you the next time we clash!" I vowed as we stepped into the library.

The only place Houtarou and I could faithfully agree to spend time at was the school library. It was for entirely different reasons. Houtarou liked the atmosphere and the way no one was technically allowed to disturb him, what with the 'minimal noise' policy. I liked the books. Or, rather, I liked filling my head up with information. Most of it amounted to irrelevant facts, but the irrelevance simply added to the challenge of remembering it.

So, we always herded ourselves here when I didn't have club activities or student council to attend.

"You're here again?"

I looked up from the book I was reading. Mayaka Ibara was talking to us. She was in our class, but for some reason, she never wandered close to the section at the back of class where Houtarou and I sat. Standing at 143cm, she was one of the shortest in our year. Not the shortest though. There was someone called Abe from Class D, who was only 142cm.

"Mm," Houtarou answered her.

Ibara rolled her eyes. She glanced over at me and her expression evened out with polite formality.

"Hi Ibara-san!" I greeted.

"Hi!" She responded with a friendliness I didn't expect. It vanished the next instant when she turned back to address Houtarou. "Anyway, Oreki, the library's for studying or reading, not for sleeping." Her voice had sharpened drastically. "And you can't ignore me, because I'm a librarian now," she said smugly.

Houtarou's eyes widened a little at the news. Ibara pointed to the badge on her collar to prove her claim. 'There goes my sanctuary', was written clearly across his face. Ibara gritted her teeth and picked a thick book from the basket in her hands to wave at him. Houtarou pilfered a book from the stack I'd gotten and opened it to a random page.

The girl lowered her arm, but the look on her face was fixed. "Just do some work for once, Oreki," she told him as she began to walk off. "Bye, Fukube-san," she added curtly, tipping her chin before rounding the corner of a bookshelf.

"Ibara-san is funny," I chuckled a little. The way she flipped between two personalities was interesting.

"Funny," Houtarou repeated, his voice gloomier than usual. "Right."

"What's the matter, Houtarou?"

"Nothing. We just have to look for a new place to go to after class now."

"What? Why?"

"Because: Ibara."

In the middle of the school term, our seating arrangement got reshuffled. I ended up assigned to the desk next to Ibara. Houtarou was two desks behind me, staring at his textbook. I didn't expect Ibara to start talking to me the moment we'd settled into our new seats. She never did say much outside of the occasional acknowledgement in the library.

"Hi," she said as she unzipped her pencil case.

"Hi," I said with a smile. "What's the matter?"

Ibara blinked. "Nothing in particular. Why? Can't I just talk to you?"

"Well, you've never talked to me in class before!" I explained cheerfully.

The girl looked a little apologetic. Her eyes darted away for a brief, self-conscious moment. "It was because of Oreki, not because of you. You seem like a nice person, Fukube-san. To be frank, I've always wondered why you were friends with him. I thought you were like him, but, you're not."

When Ibara said she was being frank, she really meant it. It was refreshing.

"What's so bad about Houtarou?" I asked with a chuckle.

Ibara tapped her pencil against her chin, searching for the right answer. "Everything?" she said thoughtfully, tilting her head. "His existence?" she tried again. "Or the fact that he's only bothering to breathe because he needs oxygen to live?"

That was my limit. I broke down laughing after that.

When a substitute teacher came into class and informed us to do silent self-study, I took the chance to slip a note on Ibara's desk. She raised an eyebrow and decided to entertain me, writing a quick reply before folding the note precisely and tossing it back to me.

'I'm curious. Why are you and Houtarou on such bad terms?' I'd written with my light blue pen. I'd also drawn a smiley face, thinking that that would help persuade an answer out of her.

Ibara had replied in black ink: 'We're mortal enemies.'

I tried to keep my chortling to a minimal volume, and glanced over to her. Ibara's solemn face revealed that she had been serious about the reply, and it made me press the back my hand against my mouth to keep myself from laughing out loud.

'He's really not that bad a person! Let's sit together in the library next time.' I wrote after my laughter subsided.

Ibara scanned the message and a short, quiet laugh escaped her – but she decided not to reply. She squeezed the note underneath her pencil box and ordered me to start on my own self-study with a strict flick of her hand.

"Satoshi."

"Yes?" I looked up from my book. It was odd for Houtarou to be the one starting a conversation. "What is it?" I leaned in, interest growing.

"… Something's off," he mumbled.

"Hm? About?"

Houtarou tugged at the front of his hair before gesturing subtly towards the front of class. It took me a moment to realise that he was referring to Mayaka. She was sitting alone at her desk, focusing on her work.

"Mayaka?" I asked, and Houtarou nodded. "Why do you think something's off about her?"

Houtarou didn't immediately reply. He thought about it for a moment before saying, "She hasn't said a thing to me today. Not that that's bad. But she usually says something stinging at least before lunch."

Ah, right. Mayaka and Houtarou had that whole 'I hate you' and 'I'm too lazy to care' thing going on between them. It started happening at the end of last year when I tried to help them get along. My efforts were in vain, but at least they were on speaking terms now. We were already in the second year of middle school, but neither of them seemed ready – or willing – to shake hands and make up despite their long history together. I now knew that they were childhood friends. You couldn't repeat that anywhere in the vicinity of Mayaka though, because she reacted strongly to the phrase.

Still, it was a fact that they were classmates since elementary school. That was a great coincidence if you looked closely, because that's six years, with a class change every year. The probability of it isn't as high as you'd expect, but then again, maybe there weren't many classes in their old school.

For them to be classmates in the first and second year of middle school too, though, made it an amazing streak. I was the only one who was awed by the mathematics of it. Houtarou was unmoved. Mayaka was irked.

"Come with me." I tugged him out of his seat and towed him over to Mayaka's desk.

Mayaka looked up as we surrounded her. "What?" She gave a suspicious glare to Houtarou and a more normal one to me.

"Houtarou here thinks that something is bothering you!" I announced.

Mayaka's arm stretched across her desk, hiding the papers she'd been looking at. "Nothing's bothering me. Like you have the attention span to even care about that, Oreki."

"I resent that." Houtarou's voice was dulled. He didn't sound resented.

I peered down and tried to get a better look at what Mayaka was attempting to conceal. She pressed her palm against my cheek and diverted me easily. "Not you too, Satoshi," she warned.

Houtarou was already dragging his feet back to his desk by then. I stared at his back as he walked away, but chose to remain with Mayaka for a while longer. "If it's really nothing, that's great!" I said, "But if something's bothering you, you should tell someone about it, Mayaka."

She clenched her hands on the surface of her desk.

"Thanks," Mayaka said, and drew her hands back. I saw that it was the week's math test, graded and awash in red. "Thanks for noticing, but, I'll be okay. I just need to work harder."

I already knew beforehand that Houtarou was really astute about stuff like this. He made observations that no normal person would be able to. That's what I've noticed about him, but it looked like he didn't know it himself.

"Don't thank me, thank Houtarou," I said before skipping back to the middle of The Sign of the Four.

As I ran past the back of the school's cafeteria, I thought that if I couldn't be the fastest runner in class, I should at least aim for one of the top 3 positions. Takeshi and Jin were a ways ahead of me, and with no one immediately on my tail, I thought that I had it in the bag. As I rounded the corner, I saw someone jogging up front. Judging from his pace, I knew who that boy was.

"Houtarou! I think you're one lap behind me!" I shouted out as I ran up to him.

His reply was a session of heavy breathing.

"I - don't - like P.E.," Houtarou finally panted out.

"You don't like anything that leads to sweating," I reminded him, and laughed when he grumbled in reply. We had to do three laps around the school for P.E today. The girls had started 10 minutes earlier than the boys, so most of them had completed their laps by now. With most of the boys behind, there was no one else along the stretch we were currently jogging down.

However, as we passed the back of the auditorium, I saw someone sitting against the wall of the building. When we neared, we realised that it was Mayaka.

"Mayaka? Why are you alone?"

"I – I told the girls to go ahead without me. I didn't want to slow them down since this was a test," she told us. "I didn't think it would be so bad though."

"What's the matter?" I scanned her, but couldn't find any visible bruises.

"It's my ankle," Mayaka said, hands locking around her shoe. "I lost my footing and it became like this."

"We need to get you to the Nurse's Office, then!" I said. "Do you need help walking?"

Mayaka shifted into a squatting position and tried to stand. Midway through the action, she reached a hand out, and I took it on impulse. Her hand was small and warm. I couldn't really afford to go into further discussion on the softness of her hand because the next moment, she was cringing and reclining back down. "I can't put my weight on it," she said, sounding more furious than anything else. Mayaka slowly let go of my hand and tucked her arms over her knees. She seemed to shrink into herself after that.

"Does it hurt?" Houtarou asked, still catching his breath.

"No," Mayaka said fiercely, staring at the ground, her face obscured from view. "No," she repeated.

"I'll go and get the teacher, hold on," I said, pivoting and running towards the track field.

By the time I got to Takeda-sensei and told him about Mayaka, the situation had resolved itself. Takeda-sensei patted my shoulder and instructed me to cool down properly, "And make sure those two go straight to the Nurse's Office," pointing over me. I turned around to look in the direction of his hand.

Coming up the track field was Houtarou and Mayaka. Or, better put, Mayaka on Houtarou. It was an odd sight to behold. I wished I had my handphone with me so I could take a photo. Mayaka, who probably didn't want her identity known, had her face glued against Houtarou's back. It was still pretty obvious, though.

Houtarou looked exhausted as he trudged. I'd never seen him express so much emotion with his face before.

"This is not happening." Mayaka frowned.

Houtarou shrugged.

"I'm going to ask the teacher to change this," she resolved.

"But you need a valid reason before requesting for a switch," I told Mayaka. Her jaw dropped in disbelief. She remained standing for a few more seconds before collapsing back into her chair, distraught.

"Isn't this – " she gestured loudly at Houtarou, " – valid?!"

I chose to laugh instead of agree.

She slapped her hands on her face and slid further down in her seat. "How did this happen?" she lamented.

"… You wound me, Ibara," Houtarou said dryly.

"I don't need your judgement!" Mayaka snapped. "I'm going to be doing this whole project myself if I'm partnered with you. There are 32 people in our class. How did I end up getting paired with you?"

"Just lucky, I guess."

Mayaka flung her eraser. It bounced off Houtarou's shoulder. She made him pick it up from the floor.

In the end, both of them got an 'A' for the assignment.

On a boring afternoon, while Mayaka and I waited for our respective clubs to begin, Houtarou's absence was apparent. It was an odd thing to note, since the classroom would probably still be this quiet even if he was around. He was bundled at home, sick with the flu.

"Are you going to visit Oreki later?"

"Yup! Why? Do you need me to pass him something?"

"Today's homework and the notes he missed in class." Mayaka handed me a file. She was the sort of reliable person who compiled things together without being asked, but I was surprised that she had done this for Houtarou.

"You know where he lives, right? Near the eastern part of town, in the middle of the residential area there," Mayaka said.

"I've only been to his place once, but I'll find my way," as I said this, I slotted the worksheets into my bag.

Mayaka didn't place full trust in my sense of direction, because the next moment she was drawing out a map. It was a pretty detailed map too, from the looks of it. I'd seen a few of her drawings on stray scraps of paper before, so I knew of her obvious talent, but sometimes it still shocked me to see how skilled she really was.

"Make a left at the traffic light, then go all the way down and don't turn right until you get past this house with the really loud, barking dog," she narrated, pointing the tip of her pencil to each section.

"You've been to Houtarou's before, huh?" I said as I scrutinized the map.

Mayaka made sharp, offended noise at me. I jumped.

"Wh-when I was in elementary school, I might have gone there a few times," she carefully admitted before seething. She faced her chair back towards her desk and picked up her pen. "Don't tell him I was the one who gave you the notes."

She stopped moving abruptly, as if a thought had just hit her.

"Wait, Satoshi. You should tell him. I want him to owe me something. Not sure what that slug would ever be useful for, though," Mayaka said as she changed her mind. "I'll think of something." There was an insidious air to her voice.

"Mayaka, you only get this way when it's about Houtarou. Why does he get all this special treatment from you?" I laughed, "You must like him or something."

I'd meant it as a joke. Of course, sometimes my plans backfired. Or, to rephrase, my plans concerning Mayaka always backfired.

She stood up and spun around to face me, her whole body reeling back, the legs of her desk screeching as it jerked against the floor.

"Wh- at?" she lowered the volume of her shout in time, reining her emotions in before they got the better of her. Apart from her severe disapproval of Houtarou, Mayaka was always careful with how much she showed, but without realising it, she'd become less self-conscious about things like that as the school year went on. I thought it made her look warmer, in a way. I don't know how a person looks warm though, that's something I can't ever describe with words. I don't really have much talent in that area.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Satoshi!" Mayaka said. "Why would I ever like Oreki? Oreki, with his lazy-ass attitude, his annoying habit of touching his hair, how he doesn't even bother to give you a proper reply more than half the time, the way he talks in general, the way he sometimes forgets his lunch and we have to share with him, the fact that he doesn't ride his bike to school anymore even though he used to when we were in elementary school. The irritating way he spins his pen and – the – th – " Mayaka's cheeks darkened into a livid red when she realised how long she'd been talking.

She threw me a very specific angry glare, even though I thought the real person she was angry at was probably herself. I tried not to worsen the situation, and smiled in apology back at her. Her eyebrows creased even further before she sighed and looked away.

"Mayaka?"

She covered her eyes with her hands and leaned back, curving in a way only a girl could. I got up, my arms raised, and I thought I might have to catch her if she lost her balance. But, trust Mayaka to have her feet firmly on the ground. "Why did you have to say that?" she asked, straightening her posture. Was it a rhetorical question?

"It was just what I was thinking," I answered anyway. "Why're you so angry? It's okay!" I chuckled to show that I wasn't taking it seriously. "I don't think there's anything wrong wi– "

Mayaka grabbed onto my shoulders and shook. Quite. Vigorously. "Nothing wrong?! There's loads of things that are wrong here! I don't understand, Satoshi!" Her hands were clenched but they were still oddly soft, and even though she was so close that I could see the detail of her uniform, she seemed a little bit further away because of my recent growth spurt.

"It's fine, Mayaka, I won't tell anyone," was the only thing I could think of to reply at that moment.

Eventually, she let go, her fingertips brushing against my shoulders. Maybe all she needed was someone to reassure her. I could do that!

"Haha! Don't worry! Your secret is safe with me!"

Mayaka seemed placated, but it became apparent that her panic had only been directed elsewhere. She worried her fingers, her left thumbnail digging into the back of her right hand.

"We can pretend this never happened?" I tried, regretting the fact that I even started this topic. I didn't know it'd affect her so much. And, how, in a way, Mayaka's reaction had an effect on me as well. I couldn't quite place the feeling, but I just couldn't say that I really liked seeing her act that way.

She could wage wars against him. She could beat him over and over again with her textbook. She could probably crush him under her heel if she put her mind to it. But, the moment she harboured any romantic affectations for Houtarou, she was lost. It was a little sad if you thought about it that way. I think I understood her reaction a little better now.

"Let's go. It's time for library duty," Mayaka finally said. She zipped her bag and hurriedly shoved it up her shoulder. I followed, deciding not to bring this topic up ever again.

In our third year of middle school, Houtarou and I started spending more time at the school's library, and we no longer went to our usual hangouts, like the arcade. The arcade stopped being fun a while ago. High school entrance exams were approaching anyway, so studying was the main thing we did with our time now. Mayaka joined us sometimes if I asked.

"Sorry, I have to leave early today – student council duty," I said as I packed my things.

"You're leaving me alone with this slug?" Mayaka asked.

Houtarou looked vaguely insulted. "You can leave any time you want," he informed her.

"No, my duty doesn't end till five," she hissed back. "I might as well do some homework since there aren't any books to organise."

I glanced at the clock on the library's wall. She only had to spend roughly another two hours with Houtarou. I chuckled at the thought.

"You're the one who could leave any time, Oreki." Mayaka crossed her arms at him.

"No, I like it here," was his simple reply as he flipped a page in his novel.

Mayaka's forehead hit the table. I grabbed my drawstring pouch and said goodbye to both of them. They remained in their seats despite the conversation.

I didn't actually have to report to my seniors for about another hour. Mayaka and Houtarou didn't need to know that, of course.

Another Thursday afternoon, another day where only I and Mayaka were one of the few people still sitting in class. Houtarou had left early to help his sister with some chores.

"I can't do this anymore." Mayaka suddenly sat up from her desk.

"History?"

"Not that," she said, prodding her pen so that it rolled over her notebook. Mayaka's handwriting was neat, like how you would expect a girl's to be, but also hard and firm on the pages of her notebook. If you pressed a hand down on the paper, you'd think it was braille, you could feel every hard line she wrote for each character. Even now, she was still writing in black ink.

She folded her arms as I flipped through her work. " – Or – " she stopped.

"Sorry?"

"O– Oreki," she tried again, and shut her eyes as she said his name.

I raised an eyebrow and offered her to continue.

"I can't continue leaving it like this. Nothing's going to come out of it," Mayaka explained her reasoning, "If I have something to tell him, I should just– be straight with him and tell him, right?"

"Right!" I chirped in reply. I was obligated to say it.

Mayaka's face scrunched up at the thought. "… How in the world am I going to ever do this?" she asked sourly.

"You could practice on me!" I joked without really thinking. I found myself staring at my indoor shoes even though there wasn't anything special about them. Size 7. Plain white. Probably manufactured somewhere in China.

Mayaka bit her lip. "Don't ask me to do something as embarrassing as that!" she scolded.

I laughed on reflex.

"How about you, Satoshi?"

"What about me?"

"Don't you have anyone you like?"

Lately, most interests sustained me only for a short period before I grew bored of them. Sewing, cooking, they were the few hobbies I could stick with because I could always try something new with them. Even then, I couldn't say I was always in the mood for either activity.

Sometimes, I wanted to do something completely new. I'd latch onto it and give it my all because I couldn't give anything less. I found myself getting bored quite easily though. Like the time I went fishing with my father, or the time I tried to join a kite flying competition. I wasn't good at any of it to begin with, and it bothered me, which was why it puzzled me how nothing ever bothered Houtarou. When I looked at how he handled himself, I thought maybe it would be better if I stopped caring so much about every single detail.

And if I couldn't like something as simple as fishing, how was I supposed to like a person?

I stared across the table to Mayaka, at the colour of her eyes and the handmade bookmark in her book.

"I like Sherlock," I said, and grinned when she shot me a sceptical look.

"I can't get this part right."

"It's like this."

Houtarou took the pencil from Mayaka and drew out the model for her. She stared intently at the paper as Houtarou spoke, her brow knotted and shoulders locked. She still struggled with math sometimes. Houtarou, for all his mediocrity in all he did, had a knack for tutoring Mayaka in math. Mayaka returned the favour by helping us with Japanese and English.

I provided the venue, which was my living room on weekends.

"Thanks," Mayaka said once she digested his explanation. She returned to her work without missing a beat, as did Houtarou. I sat back against the sofa, chewing on a biscuit. It was rare to see them sitting next to each other without protesting or expressing disgust. I didn't know whether to call it a relief or a miracle.

Somehow, neither word seemed to fit.

"I like you," Mayaka said.

"I like you," Mayaka said again, grabbing onto my wrist for emphasis. Her hand was small and warm. "Don't run away, you have to give me a reply now."

"Wait, wait, don't you think that's a little too demanding?" I asked.

"Huh. But, Oreki never gives me an answer unless I force it out of him," Mayaka replied, thinking as she re-evaluated her words. "You really think so, Satoshi?" she asked, squinting as she tried to come up with something better to say.

"Actually," I sighed, "you should just do whatever you want, Mayaka. You should just be yourself," I said, and smiled before I could stop myself. It had become an involuntary thing around Mayaka now.

"… Thanks, Satoshi," she said, returning the smile.

Then, she let go of my wrist.

"Houtarou."

He nodded towards me.

"Do you know, Sherlock never once used the quote 'Elementary, my dear Watson' in all of the 56 stories Doyle wrote?"

Houtarou's only reaction was a twitch of his eyebrow.

"When I first heard it, I didn't believe it was true. So I made myself read all 56 of those stories. I had to see it for myself," I continued, folding my arms behind my head. "It was a bit of a letdown to learn that something you thought was unquestionably real ended up being untrue all along. Has that ever happened to you?"

"Not that I can remember," Houtarou mumbled. He closed his eyes and looked like he was going to doze off.

I could only chuckle. "That's just like you."

"Satoshi, I'm going to tell Oreki."

"Mm."

"Today," Mayaka said.

"Alright."

She shifted, and her pale legs angled as she turned away. Her skirt swayed with her movements, and she was wearing a new hairclip, a box of Valentines chocolates in her hands. She took a step forward out of the classroom, before stepping back only slightly.

"… Aren't you going to wish me 'good luck' or something?"

I looked at my shoes. "Good luck."

Mayaka took another step back, breathing in, pausing.

I watched her leave.

end

notes: ahahahaahahahaha oh man what is this? ahahaha i'm still laughing at this i'm sorry this is probably not what you were expecting at all