Author's note:

- No rewind/time travel

- No storm

- No dark room

- Max was born and raised in Seattle, not Arcadia Bay

Chapter One, Escape from Blackwell

Friday October 11th 2013

Going to Blackwell was supposed to be a new beginning for me. Mom and Dad said that as much as I thought it. Of course, there was only one problem: I left Seattle behind but I didn't leave Max Caulfield behind. I have been here a month and I have been branded as the shy, awkward weakling who takes photos and doesn't talk to anyone. Moving to another state doesn't cause your personality to do a one-eighty.

At least in Seattle I could lean on Mom or Dad when things got bad. Now I have no one. This is what it's like to be alone and lonely at once. I had my chance to make a good first impression here but I failed. The worst part is I have been alone for so long that it's my default setting now. So now I find excuses to not leave my room. I hate being alone like this but it's what I am used to. It's basically an addiction.

Victoria's habit of writing insulting shit on my room slate has become part of her morning routine now. And erasing whatever she writes is a part of mine. She wrote 'retarded mute inside' today. It normally doesn't get to me but today was different. I just hope she didn't hear me cry.

As much as I hate Victoria and her vortex club rats, I always find myself checking out Taylor. OMG she has amazing legs she always shows them off in her little jean shorts! That's fucked isn't it? The closet lesbo checking out one of the girls who picks on her. Well perfect legs or not, she is still a cunt.

Since Blackwell is an arts school I thought about making my big 'coming out' debut here but since I don't talk to anyone it wouldn't make a difference. A part of me wanted to tell Mom and Dad before I left but I held back. I had this ridiculous fantasy that I would meet my first girlfriend here and everything would change. I imagined we would be madly in love and always be sneaking into each other's dorm rooms. But instead I write about how fucking miserable I am in this fucking journal and watch lesbian porn. I hear that the real thing is nothing like porn so I shouldn't make a habit of watching it.

I really have to pee right now but I can't leave my room because the hallways are so busy. There is some vortex club party tonight so all the girls are going from room to room borrowing cloths or makeup or whatever people do before parties. They should be gone within the hour. I really need to work out some kind of system for situations like this.

This is what my life has become.

I'm sorry Mom and Dad. I can't imagine what you will think of me when I tell you nothing has changed. They bought me a new car for nothing.

I hate living like this. I am a coward.

I'm so lonely.

After closing my journal, I put it back in my desk and retrieve my game boy advance. I can't believe I paid so much for pokemon fire red but it was worth it. Maybe my imaginary girlfriend would have leaf green and we could trade and battle on our date nights. I sigh at my stupid thought and block out all the chatter from outside my room. Time to focus on 'catching em all'. Or rather as many as possible without trading.

After a while, the noise from outside has stopped. I press my ear against the door. Silence. Good. All clear. I leave my room and make for the bathroom.

As expected, the whole dorm is a ghost town which works for me. I enter a stall and savour the much needed relief. On the way back I notice some slander on Kate Marsh's room slate. Written in red and in Victoria's hand writing is 'I love Gods Rod'. Kate is a sweet girl. I don't see her talking to many people. I should have made an effort and talked to her when I first got here. Or maybe not. She would scream and throw holy water at me once she knew I was gay.

I erase the insulting message, replace it with a simple smiley face and head back to my room. Of course, someone has left a new message for me as well. How fucking wonderful. It simply says 'Party Pooper!' I don't recognise the hand writing but it's one of the nicer messages I have received so I decide to leave it.

Having the dorms empty gives me a chance to play my guitar. I take it from my closet, dust it off and launch into The Animal's House of the Rising Sun. I hate having such little opportunity to play. Playing while people are around the dorms will attract attention and the last time I played outside around campus it ended with a football being launched in my direction. Telling myself it was a simple accident would make me a liar.

My clock tells me it's almost ten thirty. I can't stop thinking about all those normal people who just get off their asses and be social. It seems so simple.

My legs to shake a little. Shit, another one.

Stop it Max. You are not like them. You never will be. I swear to God, the walls are closing in on me. Stop thinking Max.

The bullies at my old school.

The bullies here.

Living life in the closet.

Carefully planning my movements to minimise human contact.

I smash my fists on my desk with the rage of the weak. "WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE!"

The fact that I didn't think that but screamed it brings me back to the here and now. Fuck. I have to get it out of here. Right now. I put on my hoodie, pack my camera and all my other shit and make for the door.

Not bothering to check for noise I head straight out and keep my eyes focused on the exit.

Christ my heart rate is off the charts. Please let the dorm be empty.

As I pass the small hallway leading to the shower room I notice Kate coming out. She's pale and her hair isn't even in her signature messy bun. She really is quite beautiful. I hope the shower's running water blocked out my pathetic screaming rant but her face tells me otherwise. We look at each other for a moment. Whats on her face? Sympathy? Pity? Whatever it is, I can't talk to anyone right now. I keep moving for my goal.

Would it kill you to at least try Max? Kate Marsh is your best chance at friendship.

Opening the door to the girl's dorm, I get hit with that chilli air. Despite my dark mood, I still love being outside at this time of year.

My appreciation of the weather is shattered by the sound of footsteps heading in my direction.

"Shit" I whisper to myself. I move quickly and crouch behind one the bushes. I am out of sight and in the dark. Story of my life.

I see two people staggering towards the dorms. They are both clearly tipsy. I recognise them as Warren Graham and Brooke Scott. Both are in my science class with Ms Grant and seem like nice people. I have seen them share the occasional kiss but never like this. The two stop walking and with very little grace, start tongue wrestling. I can see the lust in Brooke's eyes as Warren kisses her neck. "Damn baby. You are rock hard already."

Gross. Brooke isn't exaggerating. I can see it pressing against his pants from here.

Warren grabs her ass and leers at her with that hormonal desire I hear so much about. "What can I say? You bring it out of me."

"No way are we doing it in the boys dorm ever again bae. The wolf whistles and the sight of jock assholes are a total mood killer. We are going to my room." Brooke seems to be making a stand. Can't say I blame her.

And I thought it was just athletes and cheerleaders that got laid in high school. Sexually active science geeks give me hope.

I need to focus on staying still. I can't let them see me.

Warren smiles at Brooke. It's obvious where these two love birds are heading. "Fair enough babe. As long as there is no one to rat me out."

"Relax. That new girl Max is the only one there and she never leaves her room" Brooke laughs. "I think our shadows that will pass her door will scare her. She is such a party pooper. Enough talk Mr G. Get your horse cock and the body attached to it to my room."

Well that's one mystery solved. What a charming girl. I wonder if her drone is the only toy in her room.

The two start to laugh and Warren heads to the dorms but not before Brooke slaps him across the backside and follows him.

I breathe a sigh of relief. All clear Max. Get to your car.

This anxiety is killing me. I have to get off campus.

Of course, the parking lot has to be right by the otter's liar which is where the party is. The trashy dance music is matching my heart beat. Luckily the lights along the walkways make it harder to see me if I stay on the grass.

I see my goal. Almost their Max.

It was so cool that my parents got me a car for my birthday but they really didn't have to buy something brand new. My 2013 metallic blue Toyota corolla has become my most prized possession. I guess they thought having my own car would change who I am. If only.

Maybe me and my imaginary girlfriend can take a road trip to that drive in theatre in New Berg.

I notice a few heads turning in my direction. People are starting to notice me. Shit.

To avoid the flashing lights which will bring more attention, I unlock my car door manually, climb in and fire up the engine. Breath Max. Breath.

Thankfully I parked back end first so my getaway is quick and clean. Once I am off campus I switch my lights on and my anxiety slowly recedes.

I made it. The only bullies around now are the ones in my head.