Running, screaming, the disgusting filthy smell of Fear and Hate. The sickly sweet scent as Death walked through our ranks. One after another, they fell as the enemy came closer and closer, I felt my breath quicken, I could not slow it. It came closer, and closer, trying to draw me forward. I did not want to Die, I turned and... I fled. I ran as swiftly as I could, carnage trying to trip me up, trying to kill me as well. I suddenly felt a cold Death pain in my -

I jerked up banging my head on the wall behind me, I looked about and gave a sigh of relief. I was safe. I was in the Tardis. Nothing ever got into the Tardis... except for a couple of times... But, that was the past, and you're suppose to forget the past, aren't you? But it's so hard. It's nearly impossible. I fear sleep and I fear Death.

I... I want to live, but... I must die, as it came to those before me and to those who will come after me.

The cold Death pain started in my fingers and toes, it was a curious tingling feeling, as the nerves died, I tried to focus on one thing, but all I could do was let my mind flee as Death approached. I felt new terror as an alien thought invaded my mind. I am not dieing! I'm living, breathing, Life! How precious and valuable. Who am I? I remember now. I'm the one who dies and runs, and runs and dies, time after time after time. Never stopping, never learning, yet so filled with knowledge. I'm the Doctor. I hear voices now, the cries of the past. I ignore them. I can live now, the past me is gone. I'm new, I live, I breath, I smile. I forget the past for one must.

I looked at myself, as the golden Death pain, died itself around me. I truly was new, gone was my stature, my old face, gone was the man who came before me... I felt a slight pang of regret, every time this happened, I lost a part of me, I didn't understand it, I don't think I ever will. I carefully and analytically studied myself, observing two main things, one, that I was now a red head, and I was girl. 'Wow, two firsts in one regeneration...'

I stopped and winced the golden Death pain still dealing with certain areas of me. I wished it would stop, it hurt. But so did so much more... Why did I have to have pain, and sorrow, and loneliness? Why was I so alone? I remember now, I wish I hadn't. I hate regenerations, they make you forget, then bring it all back in painful segments.
I continued my way finally entering the Tardis closet, filled with clothing from past companions, and clothing that was given to me through out my travels. I sighed as I browsed through the clothing.

After a long search I came out of the closet dressed in a simple form fitting t-shirt, a wild prairie skirt, knee high black boots and a Tardis blue jacket. I headed back to the console room, quietly thoughtful. I stared at the double doors that lead to the outside. Why do I even go out there? It only brings pain, why don't I just stay inside the Tardis? But, where's the fun in that... there's only so much you can do in a Tardis... But, it does always hurt...

I mulled this over, as I quickly flipped a switch, pushed a button, pulled a lever, and the Tardis headed off to some yet unknown place, comfortingly making that normal noise. I suddenly realized why I left the Tardis, some small still intelligent part of me was still working. Because, it's habit.

I shuddered. A horrible habit, one that results in pain and death. But, maybe it IS worth it... I'm the last of the Time Lords, if I really wanted to, I could bring them back... No. I can't! Can't or won't? I tried to fight it but the thought was prevalent, cycling through my head over and over and over again. So many have come and gone... How many more will I put through Hell? No more, no more ever again. I can travel by myself, I used to be able to do it, why can't I now? Because, you want to impress the little humans, let them see just how great, you are. But, they love it! They always do, well, a couple of them panic, but for the most part they adore it!

I shivered at this thought realizing that, I am a monster, time and space, there are no barriers to hold me back. I can do anything and everything. I can change the development of a billion different planets, I can instill myself into their myths more than I already have. I can rule the majority of the universe. I hurriedly shook my head, trying to remove such thoughts as this.

I used to be the president of Gallifrey, now look at me, small and weak and afraid to expend another life. What are the lives of my past companions compared to glory of bringing back Gallifrey? I could bring back Gallifrey... all my family and friends, they wouldn't of known Hell, I wouldn't of either, I would forget about this life... I would be free. Everything that happen, wouldn't of happened. I wouldn't ever be alone...

I remembered my past companions, all brilliantly bright. All long gone now. I sighed. Wishing that maybe, one of them was with me. They would always ask, always try to help... I chided myself for being so selfish and in such self pity.

During this time, the Tardis had landed, I snapped out of my thoughts, stretched, causing quite a few joints to pop.

I darted a glance at the doors, gathered my courage, and bounded over, pulled them open and suddenly stopped. I stared and tried to find my wits, which I believe I had left in the Tardis.