Body

Death Was Your Gift

Summary: Dawn reflects on Buffy's death.

Spoiler: Contains spoilers for the series finale "The Gift". If you have not seen it yet, I suggest you don't read it.

Disclaimer: Buffy & co. belongs to the genius that is Joss Wheadon. I'm only borrowing them.

Author's note: Couple days after the finale and there are already a million of these suckers out there. *l* Hopefully none like this,

You always told be to be strong.

Ever since the day Mom died, you told me to be strong. You told me never to loose hope, never to loose faith. You told me that you would always be there for me. You told me you would protect me.

You lied.

And like a child, I believed you.

I will never forget the expression you wore before you jumped. It was one of cold understanding. You knew. I hated you for that. Why'd you have to stop me Buffy? You took the easy way out. You don't know how everyone is dealing with your... death. You don't know how it feels.

But maybe.. Maybe you do..

Remember how I broke down and cried in the halls, as you tried to soothe me? Remember how I pulled away? I couldn't cry when you died Buffy. I just stood there, watching you in a pile of wood. I was shocked. I couldn't find tears. Spike did. He broke down. He loved you so much. He would have given up himself for you. I never understood him. Never understood you. You were a big mystery to me, Buffy. You seemed so assure of yourself, so sure of what you were doing. I never knew how much you had gone through. You were my big sister. You are my big sister. But you also were the slayer. Big important slayer. Fighting vampires, and still managing to seem like the perfect woman, aside from Mom. Mom had protected you. Protected the big bad slayer from the monsters under your bed. Don't think I'm being bitter on purpose. I'm not. But you gave up so much when you took that plunge into the electricity. You gave up your life. Just like Mom did.

Are you with Mom now, Buffy? Are you laughing with her? I can just picture you. You are both dressed in white, the colour of innocence, with petals in your blonde hair. You both have blonde hair. Mother and daughter.

My hair is brown. I don't belong with you. Instead I am on Earth. Cold. Alone. I want to scream! I want to scream your name, in hopes it would bring you back, take you from Mom and to me. I'm cruel that way, sister. I don't want you to be happy when I'm so lonely. I guess that's the word for it. Lonely. Then, when you were back, you would hug me and reinstate the fairy-tale promises that you made to me. I can almost smell you. You smelled of blueberries. I always noticed that. Always noticed that despite your 'job' you still smelled fresh and... alive

But you don't anymore.

Your body is rotting under the ground. Your lovely skin is drying, peeling off of your bones. But you aren't there You are elsewhere. I don't know where. I never believed in stuff like that before. Never thought of it. Until death became a part of my life.

But...

But death was always a part of your life. You always dealt with it with a strong smile and a witty comeback. Now that your gone, it seems as if everyone else had died. Giles... Willow... Xander... Tara... Anya... Even Spike, who wasn't alive in the first place. The happiness seemed to have been sucked out of them. You took it with you when you died. Thief. Your a thief! Nothing but a thief. You stole our happiness, you stole your own life.

After everything, everything you went through, Death ended up being your gift after

I love you, thief. I love you Buffy.