The Legend of Diabeto

Chapter 1: Coming of age.

I am Karmog and Diabeto is my cousin and my only friend. Unfortunately for me, he has the IQ of a sack of potatoes. We have been living with my father's garrison in the burning steppes since the humans were run off a few years ago. Now we are turning 14 and will be old enough to participate in our racial conflicts.

"Welcome young Karmog and …what was your name again?," Bellowed Warlord Kromgar. It was clear the old orc was very serious in nature.

"My name be Diabeto!"

"Well, Diabeto, you and the other orclings that have come of age will go through evaluation tomorrow to determine your place in the horde."

"Hey karmog U know why my pants R brown?"

"Shush Diabeto, the warlord is addressing us!"

"It be because Diabeto never wash them! Haahaha that so funny! "

"Diabeto, that's more pathetic than funny, why not wash them next time you take them off?"

"I supposed to take them off?!"

"Uh, let us pretend this conversation never happened."

"You morons over there!" Yelled warlord kromgar pointing his finger angrily. "Be quiet! This is important! If you keep ignoring this lecture you will forever be peons!"

This was enough to strike fear into Diabeto and I was able to concentrate on the words of warlord..zzz…I mean, the interesting words of Warlord Kromgar.

"As we begin testing you tomorrow you will endure test of strength and weapons training. Once you are evaluated you will be given a position. From the lowliest peon to the fiercest warrior every position counts, but some carry far more prestige. Try your hardest and the horde will rein supreme!"

Diabeto and I went to our barrow with Diabetos' family present. His mother, sister, Diabeto and my father and myself have been living together since my father had allowed us to move into the steppes. It was a simple Orc family unit and it worked, when Diabeto wasn't getting us all into trouble. As we prepared to get some sleep for the big day Diabeto broke the silence.

"Diabeto know what yew need to do Karmog! Wear my sisters dress tomorrow make you look pretty!"

"Diabeto... that's just no.. I'm not wearing a dress to our training!"

"But it has +4 strength!"

"What in the world are you talking about Diabeto? This is training not a game, get some sleep so we have a fighting chance."

At daybreak we woke up to another warm morning in the steppes. If only we'd go somewhere cold in our travels, I bet all cold places are nice and peaceful. I put on my harness and my shoes and waited for the hour to draw near.

"Diabeto up now Karmog! I be ready for breakfast! Also, Diabeto do good thing! Set clock back two hours to give us more time last night!"

"You did what?! Let us hurry else we lose our heads!"

We ran to the table where my aunt gave us boiled hog. It would have been great if I had not been forced to eat it without chewing.

"It's time, Diabeto we must go now, or as your clock says, in two hours we must go."

"Okay! Diabeto get wedy."

"Also, speak properly Diabeto!"

"Will do! Karmog sir!"

"How did you?"

"Wheee Diabeto feel like Diabeto in war movie!"

"What's a movie? You need checked out Diabeto."

We walked to the training camp where warlord Kromgar and my father awaited. The first thing we were able to see was a long line of young Orcs who were our age. They were being weighed and judged by several officers.

"Nuuuuu! Karmog they want to know how large we be so they can eat us!"

"Calm down Diabeto, you're jumping to conclusions."

"Well aren't you a tasty one!" exclaimed the officer.

"What?!"

"I said, aren't you a fit one!"

"Diabeto, remind me to stay away from that guy."

"Karmog, stay away from that guy."

"You idiot! That was a figure of speech!"

"Diabeto can draw stick figures!"

"Why do I bother?"

Our time finally approached! I hoped we would be able to become grunts and fight the humans in hand to hand combat. But I would gladly settle for something less as long as it was a combat position. We approached a sergeant who weighed us, again and checked our muscle mass.

"Hmm Karmog you are a little weak, But I think you are strong enough to wield an axe and perhaps lob a spear. Do you believe yourself to be intelligent?"

"I'd like to believe so sir."

"And him?" as he pointed to Diabeto, while Diabeto was trying to count his fingers but continually losing his place.

"Uh, well sir…"

"Sure! I bet he is a genius! Both of you can take a written exam just to see if you are capable of being officers in service of the horde."

We then proceeded to take the written test. I was unaware Diabeto was able to write in Orcish much less any language real or imaginary.

"What kind of questions are these? Why must I know multiplication to fight in battle?!"

"You use it every day!" quipped the instructor.

"When?"

"I…my instructor told me this! Therefore…just answer the questions."

I looked over to Diabeto and he was drawing pictures on the back of the exam. This was not going to end well.

"Diabeto! Stop that you are going to get us both in trouble!"

"But it fun! Diabeto guess he can stop."

We waited for a sergeant to tell us the results of our exam and the evaluation as a whole.

"Karmog and Diabeto! You two are not fit for the infantry, are you even fit to care for potted plants? First of all you are too weak, have you even been exercising?"

"Diabeto skips a mile each day! Dat be exercise right?"

"Speaking of you, Diabeto, you answered your exam by drawing yourself beating the instructor to death?"

"Diabeto get bored! Instructor need be quiet!"

"Diabeto don't defend it!" I tried to whisper.

"Do you have any excuses for yourself?" the sergeant asked with a stern expression.

"It was a figure of speech!" Diabeto yelled back.

"What? Never mind, you two will both be placed into a skirmishing war band. I can't believe I am saying this but I think you are above peon level.

"Whew! This is great news Diabeto! I thought you ruined our chances! We get to fight humans!"

The next day my father visited us and told us that Warchief Doomhammer was planning an invasion of the dwarven kingdom of Khaz Modan. There was also going to be a naval invasion to weaken the human hold on the Hillsbrad Foothills region.

"Son" my father addressed me. "I have been here in the steppes since we first crossed the portal and your mother was slain by a human defender. Please be careful and take care of Diabeto for he is my sisters only… son. That's what he is, I think."

"Yes father, I will try to stay safe and keep Diabeto from getting into trouble."