Welcome, readers, thank you for coming to Alias-Truth's first look at Naruto fanfiction. And a special welcome to our star author puppydoglove678, who wrote 'Story of Rose Wolf', the fic that won the honor of being our first in depth review. If interested, you can read 'Story of Rose Wolf' at .net/s/4806266/1/Story_of_Rose_Wolf. Let's get down to business, shall we?
We do not own any of puppydoglove678's character's or her fic 'Story of Rose Wolf' just like we do not own Naruto.
We really weren't going to bother with a review, but your plea for reviews (while giving yourself one more number to your review count) caused us to pause and think about it, just for a second. How does one become a better writer if not through criticism, perseverance and hard work? ... In the case, we believe that criticism is greatly needed, to which, if you truly are a writer, you will answer with hard work. Let's begin, shall we?
Right off the bat, you know that this is going to be a sue story, and we're not even talking about the opening line of 'My name is Rose Wolf', which is also a give away. This is way before that, even way before your 'Pre-Understandings', which again, give it away rather quickly. No, it starts with the title. What's that? You don't see anything wrong with the name? It's the name of your Su- er...OC, and this story is about her, rather then Hinata and Shino, as the description claims. It's perfectly legitimate to name it after her, right?
Wrong.
Let us have a quick review session. Naruto. Sasuke. Sakura. Kakashi. Kiba. Hinata. Shino. Kurenai. Ino. Choji... Think of all the names of all the Naruto characters. Notice a difference between Hyuga Neji (even Neji Hyuga, if you prefer given name then surname) and Rose Wolf? Oh... We don't know, perhaps that they are all asian? That perhaps Rose is up there with the name Lily, pertaining to the names of Sues? That bother your characters given and sur name are English? We'd continue, but such rantings really digress from the story, where even bigger problems wait.
The first paragraph is enough to turn any reader away, even the bravest who dared to tread into obvious sue territory. But why, you ask? You are simply providing the ground work to explain how super special awesome she is, and how she survived persecution from idiots and people who were jealous and scared of her powers. That and in theory this creates the feeling of 'oh, poor Rose! Prosecuted for no adequately explained reason! I do so hope she is able to break from this rut and make friends and live up to her true potential!'. Not.
Furthermore, in this first paragraph, Rose talks about how she wasn't always the odd kid of the village hidden in the flames (or rather village hidden outside the canonverse, but again, we digress). In fact, once upon a time, possibly in a magical kingdom far far away, she had both friends and family, but she was kidnapped by 'teh ebil Mind Seekers'! The real question is, if her memories are indeed stolen. how does she know this? Perhaps she was a child of abuse or an orphan (and we would not put this past her poor sordid past, after all... that is the staple past of the sue, even more common then the memory loss past). Furthermore, how could a person with amnesia possibly know, with absolute certainty, that the people who are claiming to be her parents are not in fact her parents? Simple answer, she could not.
At the end of this first paragraph, little Rosie finishes up the brief blurb of her past (a.k.a. sob story) with a few sentences about how she went through the famed clan training. And by famed, we mean complete crap.
Let us have another look at the series, shall we? More specifically, the clans. In the Naruto-verse, the clans are very important, there is no denying it. However, there is another thing about the clans that is undeniable. They are, in fact, rather exclusive. The Byakugan, for example, was kept the Hyuga family (quite the concept, huh?). The Aburame's keep their secrets. The Inuzuka's. The Yamanaka... the list goes on. Notice, however, that you don't see, say, Shizune running around controlling the kikaichu now do you? Some (all non-sue writers) would even say this was fail at it's best (or worst, depending on how you look at it).
And then, as the icing on the cake, the readers learn of another injustice done to our talented, perfect heroine (who probably sneezes sparkles that can kill her enemies and grant good fortune to her friends). The poor outcast is thrust into untalented teams that despise her and hold her back from her true potential. And the tissue box is passed around by the audience in an effort to control the tears.
Also, in the sentence 'They said I always lived there ,but I knew it was a lie and soon it became known, I was not aloud to be near my so called parents.', it's not aloud. It's allowed.
The next paragraph, the reader is introduced your next OC, Kikimaru, who, rather then made to be perfect, she's the opposite of Miss Wolf. She has an asian name (though 'maru' is a masculine name ending which makes naming Kikimaru like naming a girl Bob, but that's a story and a lesson for another day) and she is anything but perfect. In fact, further along in the story, it becomes plainly evident that Kikimaru is only there because of Rose and to make the heroine seem that much better then she normally is. Crude, loud, mean, doesn't listen to Rose... one almost wishes that she would make like the missing teammate and leave.
Thankfully, though, Rose has the patience to put up with her, and even throw in some garbage about spiders, prey and patience. Foreshadowing of a potential relationship between her and a certain bug ninja (you know... the real one, not the copy cat sue and female one)? we think so, however, the reader will have to read on to find out!
In typical bad form, Kikimaru insults her and her insect relations (Rose's missing family perhaps), and ignores her, promptly landing herself in danger. After all... unlike Rose, Kikimaru isn't a ninja. She can't fight even a little, on top of that she's so disgusting that the guards of the gate (who one would think had the job of checking that the people entering the village are in fact who they say they are and to welcome the foreigners who just might potentially be diplomats on their way to Konoha to discuss silly things like preventing war and helping build bonds between villages or even discuss trade routes that could bring in thousands upon thousands of dollars) attack her and defeat her quite easily.
Insert the standard 'haha, I told you so", though our heroine would never laugh at her partner. She's too busy looking at the man 'who had a weird looking scar across his face'. He probably got it defending his village or on a mission (for his village) and is a true hero. However, this sacrifice of his flesh and blood and previously unmarred skin, the sacrifice that so easily could have cost him his life, is trivialized and degraded. The reminder of the selfless spirit of the shinobi working for the good of his fellow villagers is tossed aside as a 'weird scar'. Though, one has to sympathize with poor Rose. After all, Rose is too good to be caught in a life or death situation (or at least not a situation where her life was in danger) and the concept of scars is as foreign as actual character depth.
The confrontation carries on, and despite her situation being strictly because she was not listening, Kikimaru continues to not listen. Woe to any poor person who gets stuck as the partner to such a dunce. However, there is a single thing that she is useful for, and that's her job as a Rose's moving training dummy. So, instead of leaving her to the unfriendly guard and the weird scar man also known as the Phantom of the gates, as she rightfully deserves, as was illustrated in the last two or three paragraphs of the story, Rose saves her and is instantly let into the village with a stern finger wagging and a 'Don't cause trouble, you hear'.
Yay team Rose and lackey!
Though, the down side is we quickly learn Rose's strange habit. Asking strangers she has to be around what their names are. Well... obviously no one is perfect, amirite?
Promptly after giving her name and dissing her partner, Rose has the privilege of meeting up with the hokage and three certain shinobi, even despite the fact that the walk through the village was filled with Kikimaru being her (which so far means pissing off people, acting like a two year old, not listening to Miss Wolf, and being picked up by her feet by the ninja of the leaf village so that her teammate can save her). Immediately, Rose recognizes the ninja, or at least the clans from which they come from, and her fangirl side comes out. Oh how relatable she is! A second away from stalking her favorite character and having a background on her computer made from pictures she found of him on the internet. And, as an added bonus, the readers learn more of Rose's hard life and difficult training (you know, the training that only she has ever survived and finished). Instead of re-discussing the training in the Aburame family ways by a non-Aburame, We'll simply refer you back to paragraph eight (our eighth paragraph, not puppydoglove678's).
Tsunade then stares at them strangely, after all, as the hokage she couldn't possibly put two and two together, couldn't possibly connect the dots between two strange nins in her village and the fact that she's expecting two strange nins to be coming. It really is a good thing that it doesn't take a lot of brains to be something like a hokage.
Rose speaks, the clouds part, angels sing, and all of a sudden Tsunade realizes who they are. However, that isn't the only mystery that is solved. In a completely off topic rant, she talks about how the Village Hidden in the Flames (which she, like all people who have read and believe that the canonverse is... well, canon, didn't believe that such a village existed) and explains its absence from the original story . Apparently, it stopped sending out friendly messenger ninjas during the war because who needs friends during war time, amirite? Though, the real question lies with why the Konoha shinobi couldn't find the village? My thesis is that while cloning is on the ninja test, map reading is not. Only explanation.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Thus concludes part one of Alias-Truth's review on the first chapter of 'Story of Rose Wolf'. Please turn in next time for the conclusion of chapter one.