A/N I'm back with another song-fic. It's just so easy to write ER ones, every song I listen to I can link in some way or another! This one is a Reela, though I shall probably do more today that might be Lubys, while waiting to post the last chapter of "If You Were With Me Tonight..." as I am bored! This one is set um... oh I don't know, after season 12, in the summer time, although it's Ray looking back. It's angsty with a hint of fluff, as is my nature! Hope you like!

Disclaimer: I do not own any ER characters, I do not own the lyrics to Belle and Sebastian's song, they do, that's why it's their song. Anything that is in italics and centred is lyrics from the song, everything else is my own words.

"Winter Wooksie"

Who's that girl?

She must be nearly freezing,

Who's that girl out there,

All that snow makes it hard to see her,

Did she wave to me?

I was looking through my tapes, most of them of various gigs I'd played at, when I came across one that wasn't labelled. I wondered what it was. It was most likely something I'd taped off the t.v years ago, but it was in my home movie section. Alright, I'll admit it, I had sections. It was Neela's fault, she'd got me into organisation. Of course she didn't live with me any more, but it wasn't like I was just going to mess everything up out of spite. It had been tempting though. It had hurt a lot, when she'd moved out. It hurt even more that she wouldn't return my phone calls, wouldn't let me comfort her when Gallant died. I understood why, I just wished it didn't have to be that way.

But that had been almost a year ago, give or take. It was summer again, not that you could always tell by the Chicago weather. And I'd almost gotten over her. Almost. My heart still skipped a beat when I saw her, but I could control myself. We talked now as well, she'd invited me to her house warming, when she'd moved into her new apartment. Granted, she'd invited everyone from the ER, but I was glad she hadn't left me out of the invites. We were slowly, ever so slowly, becoming friends again.

I went to the t.v with my tape, and stood looking out the window. Everyone was bustling passed on the street below. I was glad I had the day off, it gave me a chance to do spring cleaning, a few months too late. I had decided that I needed a room-mate. I'd put it off, hoping like a fool that Neela might come back, but now I was getting stretched for cash every month. So I was clearing some space, making it look nice, so someone would be willing to spend $500 on it a month. I bent down, sticking the tape into the player. I really needed a new one, this one was old. Or maybe I should just get all my tapes converted to DVDs. That was probably the way forwards.

The screen flickered into life and I saw the ER, decorated for Christmas. So that's what this was, me testing out my new video camera that I'd gotten as a Christmas present from my Mom.

"Say hey guys!" I heard my voice ring out, as the camera panned everyone at the desk. "Come on don't be spoil sports."

Luka looked at the camera and gave a smile, "Thanks Luka. Hey Sam," Sam gave a wave, before rolling her eyes.

"You're such a fool Barnett."

"Thanks." I started walking outside, to the ambulance bay. "And here's Lockhart, coming in for her shift."

"Get lost Ray, I've been up all night, and now I've got a twelve hour shift. Get the camera out of my face," Abby said as she walked up to the doors.

"Touchy!" I called back. Then I panned the ambulance bay, looking for a new victim.

Made a film,

I made it through the window,

Who's that star I cast?

All wrapped up in her winter wardrobe,

She hurries by so fast.

"Neela!" I heard my voice call through the speakers, as the camera zoomed in on a figure hurrying in, head ducked down, hood up, trying to fight the wind. It was Neela. She looked into the camera for a second, and I saw her smiling at me.

The film cut off, and I sat back. To keep it or not? It was short, boring, but it had that shot of Neela. I was just about to stop it and take it out when suddenly it started again. This was something I hadn't filmed. Neela and Abby were up on the roof, giggling.

"Hey Ray, we stole your camera because you were being so bloody annoying with it," Neela said, grinning.

"Yup, so this is us, owning up and apologising. I wonder if you'll ever watch this?" Abby asked.

"Yeah, I'm watching it."

"So, if you don't watch it, we could say anything," Abby continued. "Like... How Neela loves you, how she wants to get you into bed!"

Neela gasped, "Abby, shut up! God, how do you record over that now," she came forward, trying to fiddle with the buttons but the camera pulled back and I heard Sam's voice -she'd obviously been operating the camera.

"No way, if he watches this then he'll know! And it'll be about time."

"No, Sam, just give me the camera. I'm not kidding."

"Never!" I heard Sam call, before the scene started getting jumpy as she ran away.

"Shit!" I heard Neela call, "Give it back, you can't let him watch that!"

Too late Neela, I thought, I have watched it. It had weirded me out. It was a pretty sick joke, they knew how I felt about Neela, and to say that was like rubbing salt in the wound. Again I was about to get up and switch it off when the scene changed yet again. This time it was Neela in the drug lock-up.

"Hey Ray," she said, "I'm sorry about stealing your camera. I'm recording this to record over something Abby, Sam and I did before, it wasn't very... um... good. Anyway, it did give me an idea. I know I'd never be able to tell you this to your face, and chances are you're not going to watch this but... I'm sorry, I'm sorry for freezing you out. I only did it because I felt guilty that all I wanted to do was have you comfort me, and that wasn't what I was meant to be feeling at the time." She paused, brushing some hair out of her face. "If you do ever watch this, you've probably forgotten me, moved on for definite -the amount of groupies you have. But I hope you know I'll never forget you Roomie. Thank you for being there when I needed you, even when I didn't let you."

The screen went fuzzy. The tape was done.

On summer days when the sun shines,

I watch the tape,

And through the snow,

through the window,

I watch her wave to me.

I sat on my couch, not knowing what to think. Was it fate that I had watched the tape? Should I phone her? No, most likely she'd forgotten she'd ever made it. God, I wanted to phone her though. I wanted to tell her to come over. But... I couldn't. She had moved on by now, just as she'd thought I would. I hadn't really though.

A knock at the door brought me out of my thoughts. I went to answer it. It was Neela. Shit... why was she here? I didn't think I'd be able to stop myself from saying something.

"Hey," I said, opening the door with a fake smile. "What's up?"

"Nothing..." she said with a small smile. "I was just... in the neighbourhood."

"Oh," I said, with raised eyebrows. "You want to come in?"

"Yes please," she said. I stood aside and she went to the living room. I went to the kitchen.

"I'll grab you a coffee," I said.

"Thanks," she called through. "You cleaning out or something?"

I went to the doorway, "Yeah, I kind of need another room-mate... I'm getting short on cash."

"Oh," she said. I went back to the kitchen. What the hell was happening? Why did she have to look so good? As I grabbed the two coffee cups I heard voices from the living room. I walked in and saw her sitting on the couch, watching the tape. Sam was just running away again.

"I didn't record over it," she said quietly.

"No..." I said, knowing what was coming next. "I'll just turn it off."

"No," she said, "If you've watched it... I should see it too."

I sat next to her as her face, six months ago, flashed onto the screen and she began her confession. When it was over I shut the t.v off with the remote.

"So," she said, "You know then."

"Know... what?"

"That," she said, pointing at the t.v.

"I guess." For god sakes, I thought, I don't know anything any more. This was all to surreal, it couldn't be real.

She turned to me with a small smile, "Have you moved on then? Got a new groupie?"

"Um... no actually."

"Why?"

I gave an unamused laugh, "I've tried. But I just... don't seem to be able to get over you."

She nodded, "I can't get over you either."

"You... you can't?" I asked, astonished.

"I told you I'd never forget about you," she said, simply. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and her mouth curved into a small smile. "It's been a long time though, it's not like we can go back to what we had. Not that we really... god, this weird isn't it? I mean we can't go back to being best friends... not after I..."

I made a decision, she was right it had been a long time, "No, but I don't want to."

"Oh... I thought," she said, looking confused.

"I don't want to go back to being friends, I want to... I want to kiss you," I said, smiling.

"Oh," she raised her eyebrows. "Well... I guess you should then. I mean, if you want to."

"I do," I said, before leaning towards her. I kissed her lips, and felt her kissing me back. I put the coffee cups on the floor without breaking away from her, I don't think I'd ever be able to break away from her now.

And maybe I'm in love,

love love love love

And maybe that's enough,

that stuff, that stuff

A/N Wow, that turned out longer than I thought it would! And also different to how I had planned. I guess that's the way it goes though, ain't it? I hope it's good anyway, do tell me in your reviews!