A Thousand Words Unsaid, by potionsmaster
Rating: T for implications of sex, language
Summary: Kaidan finds a piece of their past he wasn't expecting. WYWH universe, game three. Kaidan's first time visiting the captain's cabin after the relationship is official
A/N: for relationship week on tumblr, Tuesday's prompt 'Pictures of You'. The picture was taken on Kaidan's birthday. It was given to Shepard on his birthday. And this is posting on mine. ^_^ It fits.
Kaidan wandered aimlessly around the lower part of the cabin, awed at how spacious it was. Back on the SR-1, the loft had just been storage, but it made sense that when the ship was doubled in size, it became a bit more than just a forgotten area to stick spools of wire and other various items to repair minor things on the ship. Shepard -no, John...he had to remember he could call him John again, at least in private- was down in the mess, getting a couple of mugs of tea prepared and asked Kaidan to 'stick around for a bit, if you want…'
He passed over the cables and open panels, smirking at the fact that Shepard finally had someplace to work on his armor in his cabin. Kaidan chuckled to himself as he scrolled through the interface menu; Shepard had always seemed to gripe about the inconvenience of his locker being on crew deck instead of down in cargo hold with the rest of the team's gear. Especially because the workbench was down there. Damn inconvenient when he had an issue with his armor. He felt his ears tip pink; the last time Shepard had trouble with it, he had called Kaidan up to help him and-
He closed his eyes with a sharp intake of breath, stopping that thought in its tracks. That had been the last day he had seen Shepard alive on the original ship. The memory was mixed; he gained the world and lost everything all in the span of a few hours that day. No sense living in the past; done was done and the future was going to be what it is. He was just grateful they had a second chance. Damn miracle was what it was. Not everybody got what they had.
The blue glow from the fish tank melded with the orange glow from the bedside clock, throwing interesting patterns in the darkened space as he moved up the small set of stairs and trailed his hand on the smooth plexiglass. Fish followed along, hoping to be fed, he figured as he shivered in the cool air. He was still shirtless and in borrowed pajama pants, legs just ever so slightly too long for him. The hamster chittered at him, drawing him away from the fish tank and over to the bookshelves behind the commander's private desk and terminal.
"Hey, little guy…"
More squeaking came from the terrarium as the little black fluff ball braced its front paws on the front of the cage, sniffing at him. It made him shake his head in amusement; Shepard never really seemed like he was an 'animal' person when they first met, but here he was with a rodent and a tank fully stocked with fish. He supposed he really shouldn't have been shocked at the revelation, given how easily John had slipped into helping with the horses back on shore leave. He had laughingly confessed earlier on in the evening that the only reason the fish looked as well as they did this time around was that Garrus had bought him a V.I.-run automatic feeder.
'Running gag from the Collector mission...don't ask,' he had said, arms wrapped around him and panting slightly. Kaidan glanced up at him, head pillowed on Shepard's bare shoulder. A dewy sheen of sweat sparkled across his brow in the low light and Kaidan couldn't think of a moment Shepard looked better. He tilted his head towards his partner's, lips meeting in a gentle kiss.
'Wasn't even a thought right now,' he chuckled, tracing his hand down the faint patchwork of scars on the commander's ribs. 'I don't even remember how we started talking about them.' Shepard huffed a small laugh and rolled them over, nestling between his legs again.
'Me neither. Round two?' he teased.
Kaidan didn't dignify it with any other answer but another kiss.
He felt his cheeks grow warm as he remembered just a little while ago, warm skin and desperate touches, deep kisses and deeper feelings. Helluva ride. Hopefully this was just the beginning.
The hamster ducked back into its little hut and Kaidan saw the food dish in the corner had been dumped in the substrate of the cage. He sighed to himself and started hunting for the container of food on the desk. It must have been tucked away somewhere out of the way; he couldn't find it and was quickly losing interest in trying to find it. The hamster looked rather plump; missing a meal wasn't going to hurt it. He let himself get distracted by the things Shepard had gathered and lumped into attempted neat piles on the desk. Files with papers sticking out. Stacks of datapads. Books actually lined up and held up with a bookend.
The glass case above the books held model ships. Kaidan felt his lips twitch in a small smile; some were bought already made and some other ones he could tell were assembled. John always did like doing something with his hands to keep his mind busy. Kaidan traced the spines of the books, glancing over the titles and enjoying the feel of the covers under his fingers. Something thinner and smoother was tucked in between a copy of The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. Kaidan tugged at it, expecting it to be a datapad. Bit of an odd spot for one to be stashed.
Instead, a beat up old picture frame flickered on. His heart pounded as he picked it up in shaking hands and stared. His breath hitched in his chest; he couldn't believe it.
"Kaidan…?"
His name was soft, barely a whisper in the hushed air. John was standing a few feet behind him, uncertain and awkward. He had his N7 hoodie half zipped over his undershirt and pajama pants dragging on the deck. Kaidan hadn't heard the cabin door swish open or the commander enter, but then again, Shepard was an infiltrator. His boots were kicked off haphazardly by the door, messy in his haste to get them off. Two mugs of tea were in his hands; the steam was curling up and dissipating in delicate clouds, almost hiding the commander's face. Kaidan swallowed hard, not trusting his voice. After several long moments, he finally spoke, locking eyes with Shepard. He hated the waver in his voice.
"You...you still have this?" he whispered.
"Yeah."
"I thought it...it was, um. Lost forever, I mean-" he looked at the frame again, voice thick. He was almost choking on the words. Shepard's self-conscious grin was smiling up at him behind aviator sunglasses in the holo, the red mare he was riding looking bored. Kaidan's own eyebrow was quirked, amused at the circumstance while his golden horse was almost posing for the camera. Shepard in the flesh kept quiet, waiting. Watching.
"You kept this."
"Well...Yeah."
"How?"
Shepard carefully put the mugs down next to his private terminal and pulled the picture out of Kaidan's hands, still silent.
"How did you…the Normandy, it was destroyed, and you-"
Kaidan's breath caught in his throat, lump hard and difficult to swallow. Shepard gazed sadly at the holo before setting it back down on the desk next to his medals.
"Miranda," he murmured, "She...she somehow was able to recover it and she had it waiting for me in my quarters when they…" He rubbed the back of his neck, uncomfortable. "Yeah. Anyway. It, um...helped center me. For the, uh...mission. Gave me something to live for. Y'know?"
The commander gave him a sheepish grin and let his hand drop. Kaidan gazed at him for another moment, memorizing his face. The fading scars. Blue eyes twinkling in good humor. The corner of his mouth quirked in that amused half grin. He slid his arm underneath Shepard's hoodie, pressing their lips and bodies together, never wanting to be apart again. Shepard complied, sighing quietly and burying his face in Kaidan's neck. The tension leaked out of both of them, Kaidan relaxing into the embrace. The lump in his throat eased.
"I still can't believe you kept it? After all this time..." he whispered.
The response was soft and almost inaudible against his skin.
"...Always."