A Train Ride to Nowhere
"Are you Finnick Odair?" A girl sitting on the subway next to him asks. "Hey." The girl says and puts her hand on his shoulder thinking he didn't hear her.
"Yeah I am." Finnick says not looking at her. He feels like shit and can't tell if it's because of the drugs he took or the feeling of being used. Finnick liked it at first, the deal. Snow phrased it in a way that made it seem very appealing to a sixteen year old boy.
It didn't start as a threat or a name on a card for who he needed to see. It started out with parties, over the top Capitol parities, with loads of delicious foods, alcohol, and drugs. Snow planned marvelous parties for the clients but really it was for Finnick. Snow wanted to show Finnick how fun Capitol life could be. Snow really did it so he could reel Finnick in like a fish on a hook and for a short time it worked. Finnick made friends or at least he thought he had. He didn't realize they were hired by Snow, only pretending to like Finnick to get information back to Snow. Finnick still doesn't know that those were the first clients, people just wanted to be his friend and they were to him. After wanting to be friends people wanted to go on dates with him, but Snow just called them meetings it was obvious it was a date even Finnick could see that, but he didn't care
Snow didn't even need to talk about 'the deal' when it came to the first few girls. Finnick was either fucked up on drugs or he was attracted to a girl who was affection towards him. Snow wasn't going to intervene because Finnick was doing fine by himself, but when Finnick started hanging around with a girl who came from the average class people got mad. This girl genuinely liked Finnick, she was a waitress at a cafe Finnick always went to when he was in the Capitol. He liked her because she wasn't very Capitol and even though she was clearly a fan she never went too far over the line. She was just grateful a Victor was talking to her, they went on dates. Entertainment shows started to call her his girlfriend.
Snow didn't like this so, he invited Finnick over to his house for tea. He suggested to Finnick he should stop seeing her because it wasn't good for his image. Finnick didn't realize it was an order and not a suggestion. He saw her that night though and went back to her small apartment. They slept together for the first time and Finnick spent the night, something he'd never done before.
Finnick walked her to work the next day and promised he would visit her in the afternoon and he did, but when he asked where she was they told him she never showed up for work. Finnick dropped her off at the street corner so he knew something must have happened to her. He went back to the cafe every time he went to the Captiol, but he never heard or saw the girl again. Finnick thinks Snow killed her but that is not the case. He had her turned into an Avox and had her serve District Seven tributes during the Hunger Games so she would always see Finnick even if he didn't notice her.
After this happened things went a little downhill. Snow finally told him about 'the deal' and Finnick didn't really object because he didn't really have a problem with it. However, that started changing when the clients asked him to do strange things; rape fantasies and anything considered BDSM made Finnick uncomfortable. So, he started saying no and what happened next was a shock to Finnick. It all happened so fast really, once Snow heard that Finnick had said no Snow made the call and bang Finnick's Father was dead.
One no equaled one kill and Snow needed to show Finnick he was being serious. Finnick's Mother died a month later, but that wasn't Snow's doing his Mom had been sick for awhile and Finnick knew she was going to die soon. Finnick didn't think his parents deaths would've been so close together. After the death of his parents Finnick went back to taking the fun drugs and he started sleeping with the clients or sometimes just a random girl at a bar because he wanted to feel better.
He could always find a girl to bring back to his place and the reputation Finnick started gaining was part lie and part truth. Finnick didn't really care either. Even though the rumors always said he never saw the same girl twice that isn't exactly true, he always saw one girl more than once and that was his dealer. She didn't want money as a payment, she already had enough. She had two forms of payment for Finnick she usually wanted sex, but every once in awhile she would ask for the other type of payment and that was secrets. She knew Finnick had plenty so he gave her some secrets. Finnick tired lying sometimes, but she could always tell when he was. Finnick adopted the same method of payment when clients tried to give him money or gems. He wanted secrets and secrets alone.
"Why are you riding the subway? I'm sure you got loads of money to own a town car." The girl says. She has bleach blonde hair with blue streaks and has smeared black eyeliner. Finnick can tell by her look; the fishnet stockings, the crop top shirt, and heels that she is coming home from a night of partying.
"Can't drive." Finnick says not looking at her.
"Oh right District 4 doesn't have cars." She says.
"Kinda." Finnick says because there are cars, but there isn't much point in having one, they don't really have streets. Snow does have an assigned driver for Finnick, but Finnick finds that the subways usually get him back to his apartment faster. People rarely recognize him because the last place someone would expect a victor is on a Capitol subway.
"So, what are you doing here?" The girl asks moving closer to him.
"Having fun." Finnick says in a sad tone.
The girl nods.
"You sound down though." The girl says and grabs her purse and starts to rummage around. "Take this." She says and holds out two blue pills.
Finnick finally looks at her and the girl smiles.
"No, thank you."
"C'mon it will be fun."
"I said no." Finnick snaps. "Fuck I meant no thank you." Finnick says quickly remembering when he says no he has to act like a good school boy.
"Fine." The girl says and puts them back in the bottle. "You're hungover."
Finnick smirks.
"Maybe." He says because he can't tell if it's the drugs he took or the client he had to see. He could just be tired as well.
"There's this really good diner at the next stop that serves the best hangover breakfast cure." The girl says.
"Neat." Finnick says.
"Do you want to go?" The girl asks even though she can tell Finnick isn't very interested, but sometimes a good hangover cure will help.
Finnick looks the girl up and down almost pitying her.
"I know it looks like I don't have money but-"
"Jesus." Finnick says annoyed.
"What?" She asks confused.
"I don't want your money." Finnick says.
"People say you charge because your time is so important." She says. That's the lie Snow tells anyway.
"I just want to go home and go to bed… alone." Finnick says.
"You must've been to some party." She says.
"Yeah, I was." Finnick says and the subway slows.
"This is my stop, I can't believe I met you." She says and holds out her hand. Finnick shakes it and she walks off.
Finnick soon feels a body replace hers. Finnick looks over to see who it is and he rolls his eyes.
"Jesus Remus." Finnick says as a tall buff man slides next to him, it's his bodyguard. Finnick usually just ditches them and they don't usually follow, but today is different.
"You didn't go off with her." Remus says in his rough deep voice. Remus has dark skin and a shiny bald head despite being only 30. Finnick has seen him shinnying his head before. There are tribal looking tattoos on his head so maybe that is why.
"Tattle on me if you wish Remus." Finnick says no longer caring.
"I wasn't going to Finnick." Remus says and Finnick half believes him. Out of the two bodyguards Finnick has he likes Remus better. The other one would've ratted Finnick out right away, probably call Snow from a cellphone.
"You should have this though." He says and hands him a bottle of orange juice.
"Why?' Finnick says.
"You are seeing Snow aren't you." Remus states. "You need to look somewhat presentable to him."
"That's tomorrow and I couldn't care either way."
Remus smiles.
"You know for a person who survived an arena I would think you would treasure your life more." Remus says.
"I don't have a life anymore." Finnick mumbles.
Remus looks at him carefully.
"You don't want to be put on watch again, do you Finnick?" Remus says and Finnick sighs. Finnick tried to kill himself when he was here two months ago. Snow had a whole bunch of people in Finnick's apartment watching him. Finnick couldn't figure out if they were doctors or his minions, but they didn't go away. Finnick also noticed peacekeepers keeping a closer watch at him back home.
"I don't need to Remus and next time it will be at home." Finnick says.
"Next time." Remus says.
"Jesus just tattle on me already. Snow can threaten Mags, but she's an old woman who has lived a long life. She'd be alright with dying." Finnick says. Mags has said this to Finnick before so he knowns the statement is truthful.
"But would you be alright for being the reason." Remus says.
"I wouldn't be the reason. It would be that bearded rose smelling bastard." Finnick mumbles. "Besides, if he wants to stop me from harming myself then his solution shouldn't be to kill the last person I care about." Finnick says.
Remus sighs and Finnick rolls his eyes.
Finnick knows Remus is going to tell Snow about all of this, Finnick wouldn't be surprised if Remus was recording this conversation.
"You'll never get the upper hand Finnick." Remus says.
"I think if I kill myself I will." Finnick mumbles.
"Are you excited for the months to come?" Remus asks changing the subject.
"Oh yes the chance to see 23 kids die two of whom I will know personally." Finnick says.
"You get to see the other victors again and they're your friends, right?" Remus says.
"Not the word I would use." Finnick says.
"Right, well since this is the 70th Games it will be special." Remus says.
"How's that Remus?" Finnick asks.
"The new decade ones always get more coverage and are usually more creative."
"Yippee seven decades of people dying." Finnick says.
"You shouldn't talk so openly about your distaste Finnick." Remus says.
"You brought up the topic and I'm not going to lie." Finnick says.
Remus' phone starts to ring.
Finnick sighs.
The conversation last seconds.
"You coming home with me then?" Finnick asks.
"Well-"
"Thought so." Finnick says.
Remus doesn't reply and they get off at the next stop.
Finnick walks to the apartment quickly. He lives in a fancy one so paparazzi are always outside it waiting to get the perfect shot at a big celebrity.
"Just keep your voice down." Finnick says to Remus when they walk inside. "I just want to get some sleep." Finnick says and heads to his bedroom.
Remus follows him.
Finnick doesn't say anything, people were watching him around the clock last time so he won't care if Remus watches him sleep.
Finnick turns on the television set and gets comfortable in the bed. He can see they are playing a repeat of the games so he quickly changes it to a news station. He needs something on while in the Captiol to fall asleep.
"Wait Finnick." Remus says as Finnick is all cuddled up in bed.
"Jesus, can't you let me sleep." Finnick mumbles into the pillow.
"You didn't take those nightmare pills." Remus says
Finnick rolls his eyes.
"If I don't have them in 4 then I'm not going to use them here." Finnick says and rolls over.
"Yes, well that theory would make sense if you didn't take other drugs while here."
Finnick puts the other pillow on top of his head so he can block out Remus' lecture. He doesn't want to hear it and doesn't care either.
This is what it is like when he goes to the Capitol. Terrible people who pay for his affections, bodyguards who oversteps their bounds, and Snow who is always lurking in the shadows.
Finnick closes his eyes and blocks out Remus' voice. He focuses on his breathing and hopes sleep will come quickly. He hopes he will have a nice dream because you see in dreams you enter a world that is your own. When Finnick dreams, he dreams of simple times in District 4 and for a brief moment he can feel the happiness that used to be there.