"Promise you'll take care of it today, Arthur," he pleaded. "You know I've got to work, and you may as well do something useful while you're lying there like an overturned turtle."
Arthur gave his flatmate a look that he hoped sufficiently conveyed his lack of appreciation for the metaphor.
Merlin sighed, grabbing his backpack from the floor and turning toward the door. "Just this one thing, Arthur. Listen, you won't be able to look at porn…"
"I do NOT look at porn!"
Rolling his eyes, Merlin tried for one last appeal. "If you can't send Uther his weekly report on whatever reason you've come up with for why you can't come into the office, you know it won't be long before he comes looking for a real excuse."
"I think a broken leg is sufficient, Merlin."
Giving up, Merlin swung his bag over his shoulder and made to leave. "Alright, but don't blame me when he comes around here to lecture you." He'd just let that one sit a while.
Arthur glared at the door in frustration after Merlin left. Much as he hated to admit it, Merlin was right. Arthur hated speaking to his father on the phone, the man wouldn't answer his texts, and the only way he could reach him with minimal engagement seemed to be by email.
Which tended to require an internet connection.
It wasn't technically Arthur's fault. Sure, maybe their flat's living room was a bit small for kicking a football around on his knee, but he usually had good control.
It was just by chance that the ball had hit Merlin's glass pitcher of sun tea sitting on the windowsill, which had promptly smashed on the floor, gushing all over the router.
I mean who makes sun tea? In England? He had always known there was something off about Merlin.
In any case, they had been internet-less for over a week and a half, and Merlin had been spending the majority of the little free time he had outside of his hospital internship at the library, where he could depend on internet access.
Arthur, on the other hand, was stuck in the flat with a broken leg, once again thanks to Merlin's sun tea.
Well, he had meant to clean up the mess as soon as it happened, but just as he had determined to grab a towel from the kitchen, he'd slipped and jammed his leg against the radiator.
And here he was, probably looking like a complete tosser, sprawled out on the couch with only Merlin's terrible DVD collection for entertainment. He had at least another week or two of this misery, and maybe more if he didn't care for it properly.
His main concern was avoiding Uther. Unfortunately the man never seemed to take the hint when Arthur neglected to "check in" with him, and Arthur knew it was entirely foreseeable that he might just drop in to check on his son, who would be a pathetically captive audience in his current state.
He supposed the one consolation to the whole ordeal was that he didn't have to go into the office to see the man himself. If he was being honest, he detested working under Uther. It was exhausting.
But neither did he want his father to know of his injury, or he was positive he would indeed end up a captive audience to another lecture about irresponsibility.
And so, he supposed the solution was to fix the damned internet connection so that he could continue lying to his father about why he couldn't make it in.
Trouble was, he'd need the internet to get the company's contact information, wouldn't he?
Sighing in exasperation, he closed his eyes, starting to doze off. He scratched, annoyed, at the hair that was fluttering against his eyes and his forehead, reaching over to turn off the offending fan.
The fan that was conveniently propped on top of a stack of old phone books. God, did anyone ever use those things for what they were intended for anymore?
He might just be the last person.
Reaching out gingerly, he pulled the fan down off the stack and grabbed the first phonebook on top.
Hefting it onto his lap, he flipped through lazily, looking for the IT services section.
His eyes ran down the list of IT providers, searching for a familiar name. He couldn't remember what their service was, as Merlin had set it up. Web- something, he thought.
Scanning down the list he found seemingly hundred of companies with similar names. Come on, someone's got to be a little more original. He reached the bottom of the list without any bells ringing, then started at the top again in case he was missing something.
Ah, Dominant Web Systems.
He snorted when he recognized the name. He remembered thinking it sounded like some kind of S&M networking service.
Picking up his phone, he dialed the number, hoping it was current. Or maybe hoping that it wasn't, so that he could have the satisfaction of telling Merlin he'd at least tried.
Merlin wouldn't believe him anyway.
Somewhat disappointingly, he heard a ring, and then another, before an automatic message picked up.
"Thank you for calling Dominant Web Systems. Your call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes. Please hold for the next available operator."
A moment later, a polite but obviously fatigued male voice answered. "Dominant Web Systems, my name is Leon, how may I direct your call?"
"Uh…We've had a problem with our internet connection," he supplied dumbly.
"What kind of problem, sir?"
"Er…it's the equipment. The router? I think it's ruined."
"I'm sorry about that, sir. Would you mind holding while I transfer you to Equipment and Service?"
"Yeah, sure."
"One moment while I connect you, sir."
Arthur sighed, pulling the phone away from his ear as he was suddenly assaulted with 80's easy listening.
Two minutes passed, and he was just beginning to doze off again when a confident female voice shook him from his daze.
"Dominant Web Systems, this is Gwen speaking, how may I be of assistance?"
"Uhh…er," Arthur fumbled, pulling the phone to his ear once more. "Yes, we've had a problem with our router."
"Ok, what sort of problem, sir?"
"Er…it's ruined. It's not working."
"Ok, thank you sir. Have you tried rebooting it?"
Arthur glanced across the room at the sad state of the router. He was fairly confident that it could never be recovered, let alone turned on.
"I don't think that will be possible."
"Ok sir, I can place an order for a new router to replace the damaged one. Can I please have your account number? It should be located in the top righthand corner of your most recent bill."
Bill? Arthur thought. He had no idea where Merlin kept that. He glanced over at the neat stack of papers near the entryway that he was reluctant to disturb for what Merlin might say. Then he glanced down at his immobile leg, realizing that he probably couldn't reach them without exacerbating his injury anyway.
"I don't have access to that. Can I give you a name?"
"That's fine, sir. We should be able to look it up. What is the name on the account?"
"Merlin Emrys."
"Ok sir, can you please spell that for me?" He obliged, listening to the soft clatter of her fingers on the keyboard as she entered his name into her system.
"Thank you, Mr. Emrys. Are you still living at 27 Hanover Road?"
"Ah…that's not me actually, I'm his flatmate, Arthur. But yes, that's the correct address."
"Alright Arthur, thank you for confirming that. Unfortunately we would have to put a charge on Mr. Emrys's account for the new equipment until the damaged equipment is returned, and we will need his authorization before we can put the order through."
"He's told me to call and sort this out, he'll have no problem with the charge, I'm sure."
"I understand, sir, but I'm afraid I'm not allowed to process any charges without the primary account holder's consent."
Arthur sighed in exasperation. Loath as he was to admit it, he was sort of hoping he could get this situation fixed without Merlin's intervention as a way of proving that he wasn't completely useless. Besides, he'd already done the research and made the call. He was invested.
"Look, Guinevere, it's just my flatmate's quite busy and he's asked me to sort this out for him. I'm a bit useless right now and it's sort of the least I can do. Can you help me out?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but—" She faltered and was suddenly silent.
"Hello?" Arthur prompted.
She cleared her throat. "…How did you know my name was Guinevere?"
Arthur didn't understand the relevance. "That's what it's short for, isn't it? Look, I'd really just like to get this all sorted so I don't have to hear him complain anymore. Are you sure there's nothing you can do for me?"
The woman was silent a moment, then he heard her exhale. "I'm very sorry, sir, but I'll need to verify Mr. Emrys's billing information before I can put this charge through."
Arthur was beyond frustrated, suddenly completely determined to see this task through and hopefully get Merlin off his back for good, and this woman was preventing him based on some ridiculous formality. "Yeah, right…well, thanks for nothing." He blurted out before he could contain his anger, and hung up on her.
Sighing, he threw his phone across the couch and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes.
Merlin would probably think he was making up some lame excuse. And Arthur would have to live with his disappointed glowering for months, he was sure.
Arthur decided to hatch a plan.
In her cubicle, Gwen Leodegrance ripped off her headset and cast it onto the desk in front of her, flipping her middle finger at it as if the arsehole who had just hung up on her would feel her rage.
She'd had enough of this for the day.
Running her hands coolly over her hair, tied back in a neat bun, she took a deep breath to compose herself. Glancing up at the camera mounted on the wall across the room, she sighed and gently replaced the headset over her ears.
Only two more hours of this bullshit and she'd be free of one of the most awful days she'd had in quite a while.
Just one more arsehole to add to the list of petulant, entitled customers she'd been fielding calls from all day.
She really hated this job, but she had little other choice.
A blinking green light caught her eye and she squared her shoulders, sitting up straight once again.
"Dominant Web Systems, this is Gwen speaking, how may I be of assistance?"
A/N: A big thank you to everyone who read and supported my first story, "Boys & Girls." The response was unexpected. It was meant to be a oneshot, but some of you have me wondering where their story goes from there. I'll be thinking about it!