Disclaimer: I do not own HP. Too bad, no?
Doubting
Perfection
by chibimangaangel
Bill Weasley had always expected to do great things with his life. To be someone his family could look up to and to be able to support a family of his own. And he'd always expected to find someone to love him unconditionally; someone that he could love in return with all his heart. And for a while he had believed that he'd found her, and he'd believed he was on the way to a better life.
And now, he wasn't so sure.
When he first met Fleur Delacour, she'd been pushing a trolley cart at Gringotts in London working to her best potential on improving her English; and eyeing him like he was for sale and she was the top buyer. Of course, he hadn't minded the eyes she'd been giving him, since he'd returned them with just as much enthusiasm. She'd been a sight for sore eyes, no doubt about it. Long blonde hair, shining eyes, a body to die for, and an amazing, bubbly personality. He'd be having the worst day at work, and then there she'd come, looking completely amazing, making everything seem okay.
She'd been something new and something exciting, and it hadn't been long before he began inviting her out for dinner, and even a shorter amount of time before he'd begun falling in love with her. She was everything he expected his life mate to be: loving, gorgeous, helpful, funny and smart. She was perfection in a person, and he couldn't get enough of her.
And, of course, there had been the doubts on his part of the relationship. How could a guy like himself ever be good enough for her? How could he even manage to try? And yet, she was always the one who came back. She didn't care that he was poorer than dirt, even with his job, and that his family was no better off. She didn't care that he wasn't proper or well known, or that he was a bit of a slob. And if she didn't care, why should he?
But now, things were different. So much different.
Rolling over in bed, Bill's eyes drifted out the window, meeting the light shining from the full moon blankly. That light was the one reason he now doubted everything he loved; doubted the one person he'd ever love in this way. Once a month, he was confined to this bed because he was too weak to move around, his strength completely drained. He couldn't complain though; he shouldn't complain. Things could be worse, much worse.
The fact that Greyback had not been fully transformed when he bit him was one thing Bill still gave thanks for at night. The fact that he had been bitten at all was what now cursed Bill's life.
She said she still loved him and that she didn't care if he was different now. That she didn't care if he had his troubles once a month…that she always wanted to be with him. And yet, he still had so many doubts. Her words, her undying love for him, were too prefect. And he'd begun doubting her perfection.
When they'd met, he'd been attractive. He wasn't blind, he knew what he looked like, and it definitely wasn't anything terrible to see. He'd had many affairs and knew that the way he looked was appreciated by the opposite sex. After the attack, he wasn't anything pleasant at all. His face was scarred, ruining all traces of the good looks that had been there; all traces of anything that someone like Fleur would ever be attracted too.
Maybe he was being to materialistic; maybe he was just being stupid. Maybe, he needed to just forget the moon and let things be. He just didn't see how that was possible. Shutting his eyes against the light of the moon, Bill let out a small sigh.
-
She'd burnt the meat again. It was the third time she'd burnt the hamburgers in less then an hour, and Fleur was beginning to believe she couldn't do anything right around here anymore. Especially with Bill, and he was really the only one she cared to please. Leaning against the stove, she stared down at the charred remains of what was supposed to be dinner, swallowing back the lump that rose as tears threatened.
He liked his meat really rare, a small effect of the bite, but that had never bothered Fleur. She didn't mind making the food just the way he liked it, she never minded doing anything for him. She'd clean, she'd cook, and she'd do whatever he wanted. But lately, he just wanted her to leave him alone, and that was one thing she couldn't do.
She knew he was pushing her away, she just didn't know why. She hadn't done anything wrong, she hadn't said anything out of line…she'd done nothing but love him. And though he had yet to tell her to leave, a part of her could feel it coming. When he looked at her and the love that used to be there was gone, she knew. For now he looked at her as he looked at moon-as a burden.
Throwing away the old, Fleur started up a new batch of hamburgers, watching them sizzle for a moment before shutting her eyes tight, still forcing the tears back. She would not cry; she would not become weak no matter how much it hurt. She'd always been a stubborn person, never giving into anything. And she wasn't going to give into the pain of him pulling away from her until she had a reason. She was going to be stubborn this one last time with him, just in case it was the last. But, Merlin, she prayed it wasn't.
She'd fallen in love with Bill the first time she saw him. He'd been at Hogwarts to watch Harry during the Triwizard Tournament, and she hadn't been able to take her eyes from him. He was been the most intriguing man she'd ever seen, and even at 17, she wanted him; and with a childish mind and heart, she swore to herself to one day have him.
When she'd ended up working at Gringotts in London, it seemed fate had finally worked towards her childish wishes, for she had finally met him again. And just as before, she hadn't been able to stop from thinking of him, her body from wanting him or her heart from loving him.
As she waved her wand to turn the burner off, the moon came out from behind a cloud, its light catching the diamond engagement ring she wore. The shine the two produced danced on the wall, and she watched with a small smile on her lips. The one thing she loved, and the thing that was tearing her away from it were together, creating an illusion of powerful beauty. But, nothing that was made from that moon was beautiful.
Moving her hand swiftly away from the light of the moon, she moved the meat onto a plate, smiling with pride as she looked down at the food- she'd finally done it right. With one more glance at the moon, Fleur made her way slowly up the steps, pausing outside Bill's door. She hated to see him like he was on these nights. His eyes went completely dull and he could barely move to feed himself. She hated seeing him hurt so much, and she hated the self-pity that shone from his eyes. She just wanted him to be happy once more.
Hesitantly knocking, she waited quietly until she heard his grumble that beckoned her to enter.
"Bill?" she asked as she opened the door and stepped through, placing a smile along her lips as always. "I've made you some meat. Just ze way you like it." She spoke pleasantly, pain filling her eyes instantly as she watched him move his eyes from the moon to her. His expression should change, but it didn't; it stayed blank and hurt. She just wanted to know what she was doing to hurt him.
Moving slowly and gracefully, she took a seat at the edge of his bed, making sure not to disturb the way he was laying. "Are you 'ungry?" she encouraged when he didn't answer.
"I'm fine," he muttered, looking away from her. Gripping the plate tightly in her small hands, she was once again swallowing back tears.
"Bill, you must be even ze slightest bit 'ungry, you 'aven't eaten since last night…" her voice drifted off as she feebly attempted to make him eat.
"I'm fine, Fleur," he repeated, his eyes still holding the light of the moon. A flare of her old passion and anger shot through her, the pity she'd been feeling for herself and their love adding to it. She didn't understand any of this; why he was treating her like this and why he was pushing her away, but the least he could do was eat the food she made for him.
"Bill, please," she started once more. "I spent ze last 'our making sure zis was prefect, just ze way you like it. You could at least attempt to eat it, or just pretend to be a little happy zat I'm here," she finished, her tone more clipped than she had expected it to be. She didn't want to get mad at him. But, the Veela in her, the part that held so much passion and love for this man, wanted out. It wanted a fight, and she wasn't sure she wanted to stop it. If she was going down, at least she'd go down swinging.
"No one is asking you to be here!" he snapped, looking back at her roughly. Something inside her twisted painfully as she watched hurt and humiliation run over his features, and she was sure the same look was in her own eyes. He had nothing to be hurt over; he was the one causing her pain and she was doing nothing but trying to help him. "No one is asking you to cook me food and pamper me when the moon is full. No one! If you're so damn unhappy, then leave!"
Fleur bowed her head, her white-blonde hair falling down to curtain her face, as her eyes slid closed and the first tear rolled down her cheek. She let it fall, hoping he didn't notice. She told herself she wasn't going to cry, and she still wasn't. Swiping at it angrily as it tipped off her chin, she blinked her eyes once and then looked up at him. She had to stay calm with him. He was under so much stress with the changes in his body and everything going on with the war and with them…she couldn't be rough with him. No matter how much it felt like she should. "I'm not un'appy. I just want you to eat-"
"To eat your perfect hamburgers," he practically spat, glaring at the plate still gripped tightly in her hand.
"Zey're not prefect," she whispered back, her tone sharpening a notch. She was such a demanding person, and it was hard to stay strong and not let go of her anger towards him. "I burnt zem three times before I got zem prefect."
"Why? Why can't I just eat them burnt? Why does everything always have to be so perfect with you?" he demanded, his eyes narrowed and once again returning to their blank stare that they now always held. "Why do you have to be so perfect?"
"Perfect?" she practically spat, standing up and throwing the plate to the ground, not sparing it a glance as it shattered; the hamburgers scattering. She had enough; she couldn't take this pain any longer. "Zis is not perfect," she waved a delicate hand between them. "Nothing is perfect with me. Eef I was perfect, I would not be standing 'ere, 'aving zis argument with you!" she declared, her tone growing a pitch every second. "Eef I was perfect, I would not 'ave dealt with the way your family treated me during ze beginning of my stay 'ere. And eef I was prefect, my 'eart would not be breaking every time you look at me as eef I am ruining your life!"
-
Bill hadn't seen passion like this from her since the night she declared she was never going to leave him. That not even something as terrible as his good looks being gone could ruin them; that she would be beautiful enough for the both of them. And she'd declared it all to his mother. And now, standing in front of him, the raw hamburgers spread over the ground, she had her hands on her hips and a look to kill in her eyes. And she looked beautiful.
He hadn't meant to be so mean to her when she came into his room. He always tried to stay civil, to keep things easy between them, so she could go on doing what she needed to do and he could go on trying to get the courage to end what they had. To end something he never wanted to see go. And yet, she stood there, declaring to not be the one thing he'd always believed her to be. He'd always thought she was more perfect then he could ever imagine. She had passion like no other, and loved with everything she had. In a way, she was everything he might never be again.
As he watched her, he could feel his gaze softening. She had gone through so much for him, so much more then someone of her delicacy should ever have to have dealt with. And she was still here. That had to…it had to mean something.
"And as much as I 'ate to say zis, if you ask me to leave, I'm going to go. I can't stay 'ere and 'ave you look at me like you look at zat moon," she waved a hand to the window, not glancing away from him as she did. Her eyes had gone as blank as his had stayed over the months, and his eyes followed her hand to the window, to stare out at the moon. She was giving him his out, and all he had to do now, was take it.
He'd seen the pain in her eyes earlier, the same pain he'd been feeling as he lashed out at her. He never wanted to hurt her, he loved her so much, but he didn't want to be hurt either. As he stared at the perfect circle the moon made, he realized that letting her go and hurting her, would cause more pain then keeping her close by and doubting her perfection.
He must have taken too long to respond, for she turned to the door, her whole body slumped, as if she felt defeated. He looked over quickly, her name sliding from his lips before he could stop it. He couldn't let her leave him; he needed her and she needed him He needed her passion and her love; it had just taken true perfection to see it. True perfection is what lay in the beauty of her heart.
"Fleur," he whispered once more, his voice becoming stronger as he spoke. As she turned and caught his eye, he knew something good must be there, for something good appeared in her own. "Would you still be willing to offer me those hamburgers? I seem to be a lot hungrier then I thought."
"But, zey 'ave fallen to zey ground!" she exclaimed, a smile gracing her beautiful face, and bringing more life to him then he'd felt since the attack. "I will go now and make you more, so many you won't ever need me to make zem again," she teased, turning around once more to open the door.
"No, Fleur-" he stopped her again. "-I'd like those hamburgers." He nodded his head to ones scattered over the floor.
"But zey are-"
"They are still perfect," he finished for her, nodding his head once more at the hamburgers. She met his eyes and nodded once, reaching down to pick them up. And as she handed them to him, he returned her smile with one of his own.
He ate all the hamburgers she made that day, having really been hungry. They really had been perfect. And though she may not have been able to see it, she was perfect too. Once again, he was going to feel like he had a chance at something better. He had a chance to really be something, and to really love someone, and a chance for life to be perfect. As Fleur drifted off to sleep that night, her head on his chest and the moonlight causing her hair to glow silver, he promised that he would never doubt her, or her perfection, again.
-The End-
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