I could feel his eyes on the back of my head, boring holes into it. I knew why they were there. He wanted the answers that I was not willing to give. It was nearly graduation night and I knew that it was only a matter of time before one of us cracked and seeked out the other. We had been having our affair away from the prying eyes, because he would get in trouble if any one found out. But it was supposed to be casual, something that we did to get a kick out of life. The desire we felt for one another was undeniable, but for him that was as far as it went.
Lust.
That word is the sort of word I have to force myself to say. I did not want to have to explain to him that I had fallen in love with him. It seemed so stupid that I could allow my self to fall in love with a professor. The plan had been perfectly set out in my mind. We would continue are affair in secret and no one would be any the wiser. Our attraction had grown steadily after a few months and everything between us intimately was full of heat and passion.
The first time that any thing had happened between us was when he had asked me to stay behind after class. He had walked over to my desk and grabbed me by the waist. Without a seconds hesitation he had pushed his lips insistently against mine. He pulled back slightly to gauge my reaction. With a satisfied smirk he had flicked his wand lazily at the door and it had locked. I had backed up a step and he had smirked even more smugly.
"Miss Granger, it seems to me that I have startled you. Is there a problem?"
"Umm, it's just that… Professor I, I don't quite understand your intentions."
"For a smart girl, Miss Granger you seem rather idiotic today. You must know what I want from you and I know that I am not mistaken about what you want from me. So I ask again is there a problem? Or can we get back to our previous engagement; I find that I was rather enjoying it."
I didn't answer so with one final smirk he had kissed me again. It was a rough kiss that had me struggling for breath and fighting for dominance. He had pulled me closer to him, so it felt as though our bodies were melded together and he backed me into a wall. Instinctively my legs had wrapped themselves around his waist of their own accord. I pulled at the hair that rested at the nape of his neck and with a growl that sounded rather animal; he had begun to undress me.
Our first encounter had held my first kiss. It hadn't been my favourite of our encounters, but it was certainly close. One of the reasons why I had broken it off was because I could feel the attraction between us growing out of control, for me any way. He had never told me that he was attracted to me. He never would and so while I could still turn back, I decided that I would. Although it was by far the most painful thing I had done, I kept trying to convince myself that it was for the best.
However, I knew that it was only a matter of time before he confronted me. All I could hope was that I got to graduation unscathed. Then I would be going abroad to a quite corner of the Himalayas where I would continue my studies in Arithmacy. I hoped that from the outside I didn't look like a wounded puppy pining for its owner. All that I could think of was how is it possible to love and hate some one at the same time? Now that I had finished taking my N.E.W.T.S and studying for the year I thought I might go mad with the pain and the worry and the love and the sleepless nights. The only thing I could do to stop myself from thinking about him constantly was by throwing myself into my head girl duties.
I patrolled the corridors at night until I dropped with fatigue. Yet my eyes still refused to close, because if they did then I knew that I would dream of the man seven floors below. The man who I hated and I loved more and more all the time. For nearly a month I slept for less then an hour a day. Every one became concerned and yet they said nothing. Those shrewd, black obsidian eyes weighed me up each time I came into view. They glared more and more with each gaze. It seemed that my illness made him angry at me. As this crossed my mind I thought bitterly it is just because the body he lusted over is falling into disrepair. He didn't really care or he would have given in by now, he has not even tried to seek me out.
I knew that we were both stubborn and no matter how much I longed to see him, I would not give in. I would not be the first to submit or the first to bow down. So I knew that the only reason he would search me out was when he was in need of fulfilling his desires.
It happened as I was finishing my rounds for the night. I got to the tapestry around the corner from the common room. As there was a secret passageway that led to the dungeons, I felt compelled to check for any couples gallivanting. Yet, as I began to check the narrow staircase by the light of my wand tip I got the feeling that I had made a huge mistake. This instinct was confirmed when I reached the bottom of the staircase and an arm reached out to grab my wrist. Long, slender fingers snaked around my wrist and my breath caught in my throat. The light died from my wand tip as I lifted the wooden shaft to point at the person who grabbed me. They didn't seem fazed by this in the slightest and just chuckled airily. When I heard this I knew that I was in the company of Professor Snape. I struggled against the iron grip on my wrist but he simply lifted me over his shoulder instead. When he spoke he sounded so full of rage I dared not even breathe.
"You and I are going to have discussion in my office. I wish to have the answers only you can provide. And I will hear your words. Stop struggling girl you know that I won't hurt you."
He walked for less than two minutes, and then he whispered some thing so quietly that I didn't hear and a gap opened in the wall. We were in his private chambers, a place that I had visited many times. Yet when I had been here before, I had felt immersed in a much greater emotion then now. Now I was scared and rather nervous. He slung me down in a leather bound chair that had seen better days. He began to pace backwards and forwards furiously in front of me. Breathing heavily, he sent icy cold glares at me every few seconds and muttered darkly under his breath. Finally he seemed to tire and he stopped his incessant pacing abruptly in front of her.
"Why? Godammit Hermione! Why? Am I not good enough? Did you stop wanting me? Is there some one else? Why do you insist upon trying to drive me crazy? You make me hate you and want you all at the same time. So I ask you again, WHY?" he shouted the last word in my face and looked as though he were being driven mad by these thoughts.
I couldn't answer and sat staring at the floor. I huddled as small as I could; trying to become invisible. The thought that I had been the cause of his torment was unthinkable because I knew that he simply felt lust towards me. He grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me up so that we were face to face. This time when he spoke his voice was some what harsher but much quieter."
"When you ended it, I thought that I was going to die. I realised that you were in love with Weasley, but that doesn't make it any easier to let you go. Now that I have had a good look at you I see that you love Weasley. You may leave Miss Granger and I give you permission to forget this whole thing ever happened."
He turned his back towards me and his shoulders sagged. In that moment I wanted what we had to come back. I would do any thing for him. All I wanted was to vanquish the pain inside of us. I placed my hand on his arm and squeezed gently. When he didn't turn I applied more pressure. He still didn't respond so I tentatively stroked the sensitive spot at the nape of his neck. He didn't turn but he gasped and whispered "what is the meaning of this?"
Words had left me so I let my body do the talking. I sidestepped in front of him so that we were facing one another; slowly so as to convey my meaning I brushed my fingers lightly against his collar bone. A sharp intake of breath was the only response to this so I took a step forward. As though he could not bear to be that close to me he took a stride backwards and fell into his chair, which I had previously occupied. Grinning mischievously I took another purposeful stride forwards until our legs touched. I edged forward until there was no space for either of us to move. As I straddled his lap he gave in and moaned in pleasure, he pulled me closer to him and trailed a row of kisses from my jaw line to the hollow of my throat. As he did I realised just how much I had missed skin to skin contact with him. He pulled my face in for a long rough and recklessly passionate kiss. The kiss was lingering and as I pulled away I whispered "the answers to all your questions are I hate you so much you wouldn't believe it."
He grimaced and pushed her off of his lap. "You may leave now Miss Granger, the password is Basilisk Venom. I would prefer it if this didn't happen again."
"You, Severus Snape are a bloody, bloody liar!"
"Fine I admit that you are my biggest weakness and living without you is impossible. But you have made how you feel quite obvious, so please leave. Go. Now and do not return."
"Fine" I lowered my voice so that he barely heard me "if you had let me finish I was going to say that I love you even more then I hate you. Good night Sir."
As I turned to leave I felt slim fingers snake around my wrist for the second time that night. I tried to fight him in vein, but his grip on me was like an iron vice. He span me around to face him and I barely had time to register the hunger flickering in his eyes before his lips captured mine. It was the hungriest kiss of ours so far. It was pure and yet so sinful that it burnt. His lips left mine and kissed every piece of bare skin he could find. His kisses left a trail of fire on my skin and I moaned in pleasure. As his lips met mine again he whispered "I love you Hermione." I knew that every thing between us would continue growing. And although I would hate him forever, the love between us would never stop growing. The man frustrated me to no end, but I always did love a challenge.