Darkness Speaks

Who knows what you have spoken to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all your life seems to shrink, the walls of your bower closing in about you, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?

Why did Grima speak those words? What has he heard? What does he know about me?

Indeed, who knows anything about me; my thoughts, my feelings? If anyone at all, it is surely not me.

I do not know why I cry myself to sleep every night…

I want my parents, but I do not wish for them to have lived through these dark days.

I must care for Uncle Theoden, but I wish more than anything to run from this place – to anywhere other than here, far from Grima's eyes.

My heart breaks for dear cousin Theodred, but I am glad that he no longer has to suffer.

All my life, I have wished only the best for Eomer, for him to fulfil the desires of his heart. How happy he was to finally become a marshal of the mark, but I did not rejoice with him then. I did not think he would leave me behind.

Now I am alone. And I do not know what it is I desire any longer.

I fear a cage the most, but that is what I find myself in more than ever. I cannot do what I wish, so I will wish no longer. If I cannot find glory and honour in battle, so be it, for I only wanted death. Let it be that I will never be a queen, for what is a queen without love. And I have no more love, though I long for it.

My heart is cold, cold as the tears that fall from my eyes. Let the darkness come, for even when the sun shone, darkness and despair was all I saw.

I want this life no longer, but I will live, and I will continue to show courage and strength though I am already broken inside. For, I do not know what I have spoken to the darkness, nor do I know what I have whispered through my tears in despair. But I know that whatever has escaped from the depths of my heart and passed my lips, that is all they have been; whispers… and I am still here, at the edge of my tether. And in my loneliness, I will continue whispering to the bitter darkness. And I will find my comfort there.

Standard disclaimers apply

Notes: I know the title doesn't make much sense (or maybe it does, but it probably gives the wrong impression). I really wanted to title this fic 'Whispers', but that title had already been taken (many times over. Come to think of it, a fic. like this has probably already been written as well). As much as the title doesn't make sense, neither does the whole fic. It's not really about Eowyn giving up hope (I'm sure her inner strength is so much more than that). It's more about feeling confused and detached. About wanting something but not being sure if it's what we really want. In a way, I guess it's just about being numb… Ever feel like that? Btw, the quote (indicated in italics) is taken from 'The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers' movie (everyone probably knew that already), spoken by Wormtongue to Eowyn in poor dead Theodred's chamber…;;