Freddie didn't like to think of himself as a selfish or jealous person. Stubborn and slightly whiney, sure, but not selfish or jealous. However, he couldn't help but feel left out of tonight's activities. He sat on his couch in the dull silence creating different beats with the tapping of his feet. He contemplated what lie he would tell them tomorrow so they didn't think he sat at home all night brooding about his unfortunate social life. His refusal to call anyone, in the rare chance they would call him and invite him over, was probably the real reason for his quiet evening alone at home.

The light knocking on his door snapped him out of the extravagant lie he was conjuring.

"Brad?" Freddie was surprised to see him, and a little disappointed that his one man pity party had to come to an end with his arrival.

"Hi Freddie," Brad let himself in and walked towards Freddie's room. Freddie followed and found him at his computer loading World of Warlords.

"Where is everyone?" Brad asked.

"Everyone?"

"Yeah, Carly and Sam? Carly texted me and told me to come over to your place, I figured you guys were hanging out."

Freddie sat on the end of his bed and reached under it for his secret junk food stash. He felt the weight of the bag, noting that Sam must have snuck in there not too long ago.

"Well, they aren't here. They are having 'girl's night,'" Freddie put air quotes around Carly's excuse for not letting him cove over, dropping the beef jerky bag. "Stupid."

"Oh yeah?" After a few clicks, Brad's avatar was ready to start his adventure on the screen. "I wonder what girls do at those things. Something tells me it isn't how we imagine it. Probably just watch The Journal and cry while they do their nails."

Freddie looked down at his fingers and scraped at the blue nail polish the girls had put on him a week ago that he still hadn't gotten off his cuticles. Freddie felt his phone vibrate.

IF I BUY YOU CHERRY CHAPSTICK WILL YOU WEAR IT

He tilted his head and snickered.

"Who's that?" Brad asked, not taking his eyes off the monitor.

"Oh, just Sam, she's texting in all caps so she's hungry or drunk." Freddie finished his beef jerky.

"I don't know how you do it." Brad shook his head, hand furiously clicking.

Freddie opened Phrases with Friends on his PearPhone and opened his game with Gibby, who was winning. "Do what?"

"Hang out with them. They're super hot." Brad's keystrokes were deliberate and loud but stopped abruptly with a frustrated sigh. After a few clicks, he was playing again.

Freddie didn't know how to respond to this explicit observation so he shook his head and let out some kind of grunt of agreement. His phone vibrated.

holaaaaaa fred-o get me a a el taccco mi amorr

"Definitely drunk," Freddie said aloud, to no one.

"They are drunk?" Brad asked, a hint of excitement in his voice. "I didn't know they really drank."

"Girls night and an occasional party, usually." Freddie closed the pop up text and opened his game with Spencer. He had no vowels.

"Have you ever... you know," Brad paused. "With either of them?"

Freddie wasn't sure how to answer this question either. He pushed around an R tile and contemplated his response. He wished he didn't have to answer. He wished he was playing King's Cup with the girls.

"Well, of course."

Brad paused for a second but resumed play after he got hit by a sword. "Wait, both of them?"

Freddie's phone vibrated again. The word he was trying to build faded away.

DO GIN N RUM GO TOGETHR?

He closed the text box and tried to assemble his word again. "They both have lusted after me," Freddie wanted to laugh but didn't. "I kept my cool though." Freddie finished his turn and opened his game with Gibby again. Gibby still hadn't made his move but he stared at the screen anyway.

"They are ok with that?" Brad asked. The clicks and taps stopped as he waited for the screen to load.

"They knew what it was," Freddie responded casually. As he swiped his game board back and forth with his thumb, his text message box popped up again with the accompanying vibration in his hand.

answer: THEY DO NOT YU ASSHOLE.

He smiled, holding back a laugh. Brad's screen had loaded and he was playing again. Freddie closed his game and opened Mad Ducks. He was tired of Sam's texts. They were constant reminders of what he was missing out on and they were disturbing his games that were distracting him from Brad's questioning. He wondered what scene they were at in 15 Candles.

Minutes went by in relative silence; Freddie opened and closed apps on his phone while the sound of the keyboard filled the space between them.

Brad broke the silence with lots of shouting at the screen. "Quit spamming ultimate fire ball, asshole!" He took a breath and then spoke to Freddie. "So you're not hooking up with either of them right now?" Many seconds went by without an answer from Freddie. "I was just wondering. They both seem really awesome," he paused. "So could you help me out, put in a good word?"

Freddie looked up at Brad who was concentrating on his game.

"I guess I could set something up with you and Carly." Freddie saw Brad's head nod, signaling a gentlemen's agreement.

Freddie looked back down when he felt another text message arrive.

WANT TO CHEWWW ON YORR RIBS!

"What about Sam-" there was a familiar ringing, Brad's game paused and a chat window popped up. "Oh wow, looks like some one isn't drunk enough not to know how to use video chat."

Freddie's head snapped back up from his text. Dropping his phone on the bed he jumped up in front of the computer as Brad clicked the "answer" button.

Carly took over the screen. On her computer desk was a half full bottle of Jack Daniel's and her hair was covered in blue and yellow confetti. Her shirt - unluckily for Brad - was on, but rumpled under her arm. It showed a bit of her stomach, which was covered in flour. In her right hand she had a shoe which was used to point at the screen.

"Brad!" Her nose scrunched in disappointment. She brought her face closer to the screen. "Freddie! Where's Freddie?" She was loud.

"I'm here Carly. What are you doing?" He spoke slower than usual.

"Freddie! She squealed. "I'm changing!" She grabbed the bottom of her shirt.

"Noooo, Carly. Not now." Freddie was reaching for the monitor's off button but she pulled her shirt down and laughed.

"I got stuff on my clothes. Stuff, Freddie, it is not important to yoooou." She giggled but her eyes fell on the middle of the screen. "Brad, you've done your part, now go away." She gave her best mean look, then laughed.

Brad looked at Freddie, confused. Freddie shrugged but a flash of gold caught his eye on the screen. He heard a thud.

"Carly, I thought you said it was girls night." Freddie wanted to keep her long enough to try to figure out what they were up to. And to see if he could be a part of it.

Carly put her fingernails up to the camera, each one a different color. "It is girls night, I am pretty."

Freddie nodded at her. "Very pretty, Carls." He decided to give up looking and asked her, "Where's Sam?"

"On the ground." Carly answered quickly. "Hey Freddieeeee, are you lonely?" Her words were almost incoherent through giggles.

He heard a familiar laugh and saw a rush of blond hair. A hand covered the camera then the screen went black.

"How are you not over there right now?" Brad's eyes were wide with a hint of thrill.

Freddie avoided Brad's stare by looking at the screen. He bit his lip in contemplation. He spoke after a short pause. "You know I am probably going to have to be on standby for them in case anything happens, so..." Freddie waited for Brad to move but he didn't. "I wouldn't want to make you wait around with me or anything so, maybe we can hang out tomorrow?"

Brad looked at Freddie then back at the screen as if the girls were going to call again. He finally got up, agreed, and with a "see you tomorrow," left the room.

Freddie let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and grabbed his phone. No new text message from Sam about something he didn't understand. He took a seat on his bed, wondering what was going on across the hall. He was pondering if either of them had puked yet when his phone buzzed.

DO YO LIKE CUKEEZ I HAVE SOM COME DO YOUR DOOORR SENNOR

He shot from his bed and quietly jogged to the door. The sooner he got there, the less likely she was to start shouting or knocking loudlyn.

Sam was on the other side of the door as promised. She wasn't wearing a shirt of her own - he recognized the shirt as Carly's. This shirt was in Carly's 5th grade school picture, a constant source of humor for Sam and himself, but embarrassment for Carly. The shirt barely covered her stomach and the sparkly unicorn was stretched over her chest. Her jeans were splattered with flour, her feet were bare. Her hair was pulled back in a loose bun, a look he had only seen once before when she participated in a hot dog eating contest. She had a large plate in her hands that was covered in mounds of what appeared to be raw cookie dough.

"Hey guy," she slurred in a higher pitch than usual. The plate almost fell out of her grasp as she waved to him.

Freddie swooped the plate out of her hand and guided her quickly to his room before she would start singing Spice Girls songs or reciting a battle cry from Brave Heart. After he shut his door, he put the dough rounds on his desk.

"You are fast, Fredward." She twirled twice on her heels before she sat down on his bed and mimicked taking her shoes off. He wondered if she didn't know she was barefoot, or if it was a joke. He laughed just in case.

"Sam what are you doing here? Carly is going to be sad if you're not at girl's night."

"Carly told me to come over here. She suggested it." Sam somersaulted backwards on his bed and landed on his pillows, her legs outstretched. Hair fell around her face and the Galaxy Wars pillows welcomed her. She sighed and looked around his room, wide eyed. She caught sight of her unbaked creations and got up with great difficulty. "I made you cookies, they are soooo good." She grabbed one and took a huge bite.

Freddie took it from her quickly. "I had one, Sam, it was delicious but I think you've had enough." He slid the plate farther back on the desk and put a picture of himself in a Nug Nug costume in front of it.

"I will tell you when I've had enough!" She shoved him hard and he fell on his computer chair. She laughed.

Sam pushed the photo aside and grabbed another cookie and took a smaller bite through grinning teeth. A brown smudge of chocolate chip smeared on her upper lip, creating a quarter of a mustache. Her eyes danced back and forth from her cookie and Freddie. With each shift of focus her hips bobbed back and forth to a rhythm only she could hear. He noticed one side of her jeans were slipping down her hip.

Freddie knew the move was dangerous; he had done the same to a falling bra strap months earlier and now had a scar forming on his chin. But he hooked his finger in her belt loop anyway and pulled her jeans up. The cookie dough wad fell on the ground as Sam tried to balance herself. She repeatedly hit Freddie's hand as she giggled.

"No one touches mama without permission." Her hand kept slapping his lightly, her fingers lingering after each one. She took a clumsy step towards him and leaned down, their noses bumped. "You have permission."

The smell of alcohol from her lips reminded him of nights drinking in the iCarly studio. Carly would lay on her stomach in a beanbag chair making a pros and cons list for each boy she had a crush on. Sam would let Freddie's spinning head lay in her lap, her fingers running through his hair keeping him from throwing up.

Sam snapped him back to reality as she shifted her weight into him and for a moment she wasn't stumbling or slurring. He forgot she was drunk, her eyes were focused on his face and the smell of chocolate was overpowering the alcohol. She stopped swatting at his hand and instead wrapped her fingers behind his neck, her elbows digging into his chest. She let out a small sigh and leaned towards him.

His computer chair glided backwards due to her added weight and she fell with a loud thud on the floor. Freddie jumped up, but before he bent down to help her she flopped over on her back and laughed loudly.

"I'm a gymnast, I won all the medals!"

"Shh, Sam! Be quiet, you'll wake up my mom."

"MRS. BENSON! I am in Freddweiner's room! I came here with intentions of doing iiiiit!" Sam's screams and laughs bounced off his walls and Freddie squirmed on top of her as she flailed.

"Sam, stop!" He laughed.

"I am so drunk so I find him sex-" Freddie covered her mouth with his hand. She quickly bit it. "Get off me, you toad!"

Freddie grabbed his hand and rubbed his freshly injured palm. "If I get off of you will you be quiet?"

Sam nodded, biting her lip to hide her smile. Freddie didn't trust her, but he also didn't trust himself on top of her, so he got up.

He presented her with his hand. "You have girl hands," she said.

"Thanks," he snorted. "Now how about I get you some water.

She nodded and did another twirl and plopped belly-down on his bed. Freddie paused to make sure she was still breathing and left for the kitchen.

Freddie stood in the middle of the kitchen listening for the sound of his mother waking or the whistle. All was quiet so he prepared Sam's drink. He clutched the cool glass in his hand and took a sip himself and let out a refreshed sigh. He wasn't sure what was going on. Being drunk around the girls had led to a lack of personal space before, even a couple suggestive comments have been made to each other, but hell, they were usually between the two girls.

Freddie wasn't stupid. He knew why she was here. Now, he felt like he hadn't told as big of a lie to Brad earlier; Sam did want him and he was keeping his cool. How long could he keep his distance from her? He knew she was drunk and he knew what she wanted and he didn't want to say no, but had to. If it wasn't girl's night he would be drunk as well and he'd probably be fumbling with her jeans in the car sculpture Spencer built years before. Just another reason to resent Carly for having a girl's night in the first place.

He and Sam didn't get along. There were quarrels and there were slaps. She had once tied him to the back of a pick up truck to see how far he could go before losing his clothes. He had once handcuffed her to Gibby. He wondered what game they were playing now. If she was going to flaunt herself in front of him, the greatest challenge would be to turn her down. Take away Sam's pride and be the ultimate champion in the game of their friendship.

When he opened the door Sam wasn't where he had left her.

"Sam?"

The closet door burst open and she was now wearing one of his striped polos. Freddie realized this game would be harder to win than he had expected.

"Look! I'm Freddie! I am a whiny pushover with a stupid face and a giant ass! Enchilada!" She was yelling again, but he forgot about his sleeping mother. He laughed as Sam skipped towards him, wiggling her eyebrows and flapping her arms in some kind of imitation of Freddie's walk.

"Have some water." Freddie smiled.

"Have some water," she repeated, and she turned around and shook her hips. "Look at my big ass, it holds all my knowledge of cameras and cords!"

Freddie put the cup down next to the plate of unbaked cookies in defeat. He watched her bounce around as he sat down on the edge of his bed. He wondered if she remembered where she was, what she was wearing or who she was with. She put her arms up and did a couple YMCAs. He felt bad for noticing that her jeans were slipping down her hips again.

Sam did a round of the Macarena and turned to face him, ready to start another but stopped when she noticed him sitting there. Freddie smirked.

"Mama needs another drink." She walked over to the glass of water Freddie had poured for her and swallowed it like a big shot. After she put the cup down she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, smearing the chocolate across her cheek.

"I think we both know why I'm here, Fredward." She took a step towards him. Freddie wasn't going to back down, this was his to win. He just had to egg her on a little longer. He put his hands to his sides and gripped the comforter. Her hips rocked as she walked towards him and he decided he liked the way his shirt fit her.

"To put my face on your face," she finished, her legs bumped into his knees clumsily.

Freddie swallowed as she tried to find a good way of mounting him. His moment of glory was nearing. In a panic stricken thought, he glanced around the room looking for hidden cameras. This may have been a thought out plan she had. She would pretend to be drunk and get him naked and handcuffed to the fire escape outside, or film the whole thing to play back at senior prom. He was sneaky and he wanted to win this game, but maybe Sam did too.

The smell of alcohol was mixing with the scent of Gain from his shirt as she steadied herself in his lap. Her knees crushed his hands and he pulled them out, unsure of what to do with them. She muttered a "move it" and bumped her chin on his nose. Freddie watched her lips hover over his face. He licked his lips on impulse and his hands fell to her waist before he realized what he was doing. She shifted in his lap, her body's movement against him made his hands grip her hips. Every move she made on top of him made his heart beat faster and his breathing became more rapid. He wasn't the bigger man, he hardly won anything between them, why would this be any different? His index finger felt a part of her smooth skin exposed by her slipping jeans, which caused him to take in a quick breath and kiss her.

Sam's hands instantly went up his shirt and flattened themselves on his back. Her lips parted and she kissed him hungrily. She tasted like cookie dough, alcohol, and Fat Cakes. He straightened his back, trying to be closer to her but she quickly pushed him down, his head bouncing on the mattress. Their mouths separated and she laughed above him. His hands moved up and down the curve of her sides and she squirmed on top of him. Through her giggles she tried to kiss him, knocking her teeth into his lips. He craned his neck up and put a steady hand behind her head and guided her towards him.

Sam's face pushed Freddie's head into the mattress. Freddie tried to control her greedy kisses but decided to let her take charge after her thigh brushed his lap. She felt around clumsily for his hand, and when she found it she pushed it up her borrowed shirt. Freddie's body froze. Sam let out an annoyed groan.

"Come on Benson, I can't do all the work."

Freddie's hand smoothed over her, his thumb rubbed over her hard nipple. She took an inward breath, Freddie's pulse racing. He ran his other hand up her back, the shirt going up with it, and gripped her, pulling her closer. Being under Sam's shirt had been a terrorizing fantasy, however he was happy to find out it was a game he was good at and not as scary as he once thought.

Her body was starting to move at a slow rhythmic pace against him, her breathing following to a similar beat. He was granted the control he wanted, their interactions becoming softer. His hand slipped from under her shirt to behind her neck. He felt her body relax, her lips only reacted to his movements against them. Her body started to slump against him and her grip on him loosened. Her head wobbled above him and fell to one side.

Freddie opened his eyes and turned to look at her. A bunch of blond hair had escaped her bun and found a home across her face, over her closed eyes. Freddie sighed, letting his hand fall from her hip. He tried to slide out from under her but she took hold of his belt buckle. He grabbed her as she stirred, but kept her eyes closed.

"Let me sleep, I made you cookies and boobies." She breathed.

Freddie grinned and let her hand rest on his belt. He could feel her chewing her tongue against his shoulder where her head lay. He fought to grab the side of the blanket behind her and he pulled it over her, leaving himself exposed. He sighed.

He lost.