Donna Noble sighed. This new Doctor was...weird. Weirder than old big ears. He stood before her, all cocky grins and brown in her Grandad's old pajamas, wielding a sword in his left hand while his right one slowly reformed.
"This new hand, it's a fightin' hand!" Donna snorted.
"Bloody hell, I miss big ears already."
"Tell me, Donna," The Doctor started, his face falling into grim seriousness. "am I..." Donna looked up at him, eyebrows raised.
"Are you what?"
"Ginger."
"..."
"Am I?"
"No. You're just...brown."
"Aw, man, I wanted to be ginger, I've never been ginger!"
"Believe me spaceman, it's not fun."
"What happened to my other hand?" He asked, as he and Donna walked to the TARDIS. The Sycorax had been blown up and the Doctor got Harriet Jones fired. Donna just wished he'd tell her what he said to that aide. If she didn't like the next Prime Minister, she would have used whatever he said to get the man or woman fired. Maybe she could run for Prime Minister! The Doctor coughed to catch her attention.
"Oh, uh, the one you got cut off?"
"Yeah."
"It fell off the ship."
"You didn't catch it?"
"How could I have?!"
"What's that smell?"
"Apple Grass!"
"Apple grass…"
"Ooh, love the apple grass!"
"The Face of Boe!" The new Doctor skipped up to the tank containing the face. "It's been so long! What's wrong with him?" The catnun standing next to the tank picked up the face's medical chart.
"The Face of Boe is dying."
"No." The Doctor said in disbelief. "Of what?"
"Old age."
"Oh great, it's the bloody trampoline." Donna glared at the flap of skin.
"The name's Cassandra, ginger."
"It's Donna, you waste of skin." The two of them stared intensely at each other. After a minute or so, they both smirked.
"Oh, it's been far too long, Donna."
"That it has, Cassandra."
"Donna, what's with you?"
"Ah've no idear what yer talkin' bout."
"Uh-huh."
She was kissing him. Donna Noble was kissing him. The Doctor's eyes widened and he pushed her away. She smirked and licked her lips.
"Wh-What the hell was that?!" He shouted. She giggled.
"Oh, that was wonderful."
"Oh baby, I'm beating out a samba!" Cassandra said, hand on the Doctor's, whose body she was inhabiting, chest. She wiggled a bit and smirked at Donna. "How can you not like this?" She ran a hand down his chest seductively. "I'm gorgeous like this." Donna rolled her eyes.
"He's an alien. I'm only into members of my own species."
"Zombies again, spaceman. Is this going to become a running thing on our adventures?"
"Technically, they were plague carriers."
"They acted like zombies."
Donna walked into the console room wearing rather short jean shorts and a long, tie dye shirt. She zipped up the purse she was carrying and smirked at the Doctor, who had been staring at her.
"Like what you see?" The Doctor snorted and returned his attention to his repairs.
"I'd rather look at a naked Slitheen."
"Liar."
"You know," Donna started, as she and the Doctor walked a few paces behind a large carriage containing the Queen Victoria of England, who had called her a naked child. "I thought you said 1979." She shot him a glare.
"Eh, 1979, 1879, same difference."
"I'd be a better driver than you."
"No you wouldn't."
"You know what, after this, teach me to drive the TARDIS. Then we'll see."
"I bet you, five quid, I can make her say 'We are not amused.'"
"It'd be an abuse of my privileges as a traveller in time if I take that bet."
"Ten quid?"
"You're on."
The Queen gestured vaguely at Donna's clothes.
"Excuse the nakedness of this girl."
"Yes, she's but a feral child, bought her for six-pence down at the-" Donna cut the Doctor off by smacking him in the gut.
"He thinks he's so funny." She looked at the Queen. "But I'm definitely not amused by it. What about you, your Majesty?"
"Oh, it hardly matters." The Queen said, turning to talk to one of the soldiers. Donna leaned to the side and whispered in the Doctor's ear,
"So close."
"Werewolves."
"I heard him Donna."
"But no, seriously, there's a bloody werewolf?!"
"Is that the werewolf?" Donna asked, straining against her restraints to get a better look at the young man in the next cell. One of the other women shushed her. "Ooh, he's pretty." The werewolf chuckled and raised his head to look at her.
"Hello there." He said.
"Hello yourself." Donna waggled her eyebrows.
"That werewolf said something strange when we were locked in the cells." Donna said, as they entered the TARDIS.
"Well, you lot would call it a werewolf, but really, it was more like a lupine wavelength haemovariform." The Doctor said, rushing to the console.
"A what?" Donna frowned at him. He turned to explain, but she cut him off with, "No, never mind. I don't need your silly science babble."
"It's not silly."
"But seriously, he said some strange stuff."
"Like what?"
"Well, that I've got something of the Wolf in me. Also, something about burning like the sun." The Doctor paled and Donna raised a brow. "Oh, was he onto something? Something to do with you regenerating and me looking into the Hea-"
"NO! No, no, nooooo. Donna, no. He didn't mean a thing!" The Doctor grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her towards the console. "Didn't
you say you wanted to learn how to fly her?"
"NO! DONNA, THE OTHER LEVER!"
"YOU SAID THIS ONE!"
"I SAID BLUE!"
"YOU SAID NOT BLUE!"
"I hate you." Donna glared at the Doctor as she spooned some mush onto his tray. He beamed at her.
"I'll have the crumble!"
"I'm going to kill you."
"Sarah Jane Smith!" The Doctor shouted happily, bringing his arms around the older woman.
"It is you, Doctor! I've missed you, so much!" Sarah Jane said, returning the hug with fervor. Donna snorted.
"How could anyone miss this lump. He's next to useless and he's got the attention span of a hamster." The Doctor sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Sarah Jane Smith, meet Donna Noble. Donna, Sarah Jane."
"Grandad!" Donna called cheerfully, rushing towards the older man. Sarah Jane turned to the Doctor.
"Grandad?"
"Wilfred Mott, good, quiet, man. Much quieter than his granddaughter that is." Donna glared at him over her shoulder as Wilf let out a few chuckles.
"I heard that, spaceman!"
"The teachers are bat-people."
"Yes, Donna."
"The teachers."
"And four dinner ladies and a nurse."
"K9!" The Doctor crooned, reaching down and patting the metal dog. "Donna Noble, Wilfred Mott, let me introduce you to K9! Well, K9 mark III, that is." Donna stared down at the dog.
"He's rather...disco."
"Hey, this was cutting edge in the year 5000!"
Sarah Jane smacked the side of the sonic screwdriver and ran it over the computer. It wheezed and whirred for about ten seconds before
quitting out.
"Used to work right away back in the day." Donna rolled her eyes and held out her hand.
"Give it here." Sarah Jane handed it over and Donna flicked through the settings. Settling on one, she ducked under the desk. Sarah Jane shifted and crouched next to her.
"Donna, can I give you some advice?"
"I've a feeling your going to no matter what I say, so go right ahead."
"Well, I know how intense a relationship with the Doctor can get and-" Donna jolted up and smacked her head against the desk. "-are you okay?"
Donna let out a string of curses and crawled out from under the desk.
"WE'RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP!" She shouted, pointing the screwdriver at Sarah Jane.
"Okay, okay!"
"We are friends! FRIENDS!"
"Alright! I get it!"
"Does he still do that thing where he'd start some long, complicated, explanation and then stare at you like you dribbled on your shirt?" Sarah Jane asked and Donna snorted.
"All the time. Did he stroke random bits of the TARDIS?" Sarah Jane laughed.
"He did that all the time!" Donna began laughing as well.
"I walked in on him doing it and I said, 'Should I leave you two alone?'" The two of them laughed harder. The Doctor chose that moment to enter.
"What's so funny?" The two women looked at each other and then at the Doctor, and burst out laughing again. "What is it!?"
"I can't believe you blew up Sarah Jane's dog."
"I made her a new one!"
"Still, you blew him up in the first place!"
"Where do you want to go, Grandad?" Donna asked Wilf, who stood somewhat awkwardly near the jumpseat. He drew his brows together in thought.
"I don't know. How about you two take me somewhere randomly." The Doctor grinned and flipped a lever.
"Sir yes sir!"
Wilf looked around the spaceship they landed on in awe. Donna glanced around and shrugged.
"I've seen fancier." The Doctor smiled. "And the TARDIS doesn't count." The Doctor stopped smiling.
"Why doesn't she count?"
" 'cause she's sentient. It's not fair to other spaceships. Plus, she travels in time."
"Oh."
"Time windows to the past, huh?"
"Yup."
"Cool."
"Did she snog you good, Doctor?" The Doctor sputtered, turning to face the smug Donna.
"What do you mean?! We didn't-"
"Spaceman, my Grandad and I saw first hand how great she was at snogging. No need to lie."
"B-But she, I-"
"Hehehe, you were with her for quite a while, did you, ahem, take it to the next level?"
"NO!"
"DONNA, WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
"I DIDN'T DO A THING!"
"Parallel Universes."
"Yes Donna, we went over this several times."
"But seriously. We're in a parallel universe."
"Yes, Donna."
"Oh, look Grandad! Grandmum!" Donna pointed at a shocked looking older woman. Wilfred turned and gasped.
"Eileen!"
"Wilfred!"
"Cybermen!" The Doctor shouted. Donna raised a brow.
"And those are?"
"Bad! Very, very, bad!"
"You're just going to leave your Grandad there?" The Doctor said, as they started up the TARDIS.
"He's got Grandmum."
"What about your mum?"
"..."
"Donna?"
"...she's gonna kill me."
"Elvis! New York!"
"This is London."
"Oh."
"What's with all the TV aerials?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Grandad said that the whole family had to all go to his brother's house to watch the coronation, cause he was the only one who had a tele. I
thought they were supposed to be rare in 1953."
"Huh, you're right."
"Oh, you admit I'm right?"
"Yes Donna, I can admit when someone else is right."
Donna stared at the face in the TV. The face stared back. Mr Magpie fidgeted. Donna stared some more.
"Well." She started. "It seems we're at an impasse." The face grinned.
"HUNGRY!"
"Good for you. I can go for some chocolate."
"Feed me! Hungry!"
"Wait. What is this?" Red tendrils leaked from the TV and launched at Donna.
"HUNGRY!"
"DAMMIT SPACEMAN!"
The Doctor waved a hand in front of the faceless Donna. He snapped his fingers, but she didn't respond at all. He smiled.
"Well, I have to say, I prefer her like this. Much more quiet."
"JUST BECAUSE I HAD NO FACE DOESN'T MEAN I COULDN'T HEAR YOU!"
"Donna! Donna stop hit-"
"QUIET! YOU WANT QUIET?! I'LL SHOW YOU QUIET!"
"OW OW OW! STOP HITTING ME!"
The Doctor scowled and held the ice pack to the bruise on his face. Donna stood smugly next to the console.
"What do we say, spaceman?"
"Donna, I'm not saying it." She raised a hand and he winced. "Fine, fine. Donna, I'm sorry."
"Right, well, orbiting a black hole you say?" The Doctor looked up at the large black hole.
"Yes." One of the crew said.
"That's kind of impossible."
"Well, it's happening."
The Doctor stared at the door to Habitation 17. Donna stared at the door as well. They looked at each other. Donna gestured to the door.
"Wasn't the TARDIS-"
"Yes."
"So it-"
"Yes."
"What," Donna started, pointing to the weird looking aliens. "are those?"
"That," The Doctor grinned. "is an Ood."
"Ood?"
"Yep."
"Well, that's...ood." Donna snickered.
Donna held her tray and looked at the mush stuff that the Ood were serving. She read the little labels before each mush container.
"Er...some of that, please." She pointed at the whiteish mush. The Ood scooped some out and placed it on her tray. "And, uh, some of that one too." She pointed at the blue goop and the Ood spooned some out.
"Would you like some sauce with that?" The Ood's translator ball lit up. Donna shrugged.
"Sure." The Ood picks up a different container and shook some sauce onto her tray. "You know, I did the whole dinner lady thing one time. Uh, not
that I'm calling you a lady." Donna eyed the Ood. "Are you a lady?" The Ood raised it's translator ball.
" The Beast and his Armies shall rise from the Pit to make war against God. "
"I'm sorry..?" The Ood shook it's translator ball.
"Apologies. I said, 'I hope you enjoy your meal.'" Donna raised a brow.
"Riiiight."
"Can you build another TARDIS?" Donna asked, biting into a bit of the white-ish mush. The Doctor shook his head.
"They were grown, not built." He sighed. "And with my planet gone..."
"We're stuck."
"Yup."
"So..." Donna looked back at the crew. "...this lot said they'd give us a lift to the closest planet." The Doctor raised a brow.
"And then?"
"Well, I dunno. Get a job and live a life like the rest of the universe." The Doctor shuddered.
"Oh no, I'd have to settle down. In a house. In a proper house. A house with...with...with doors and things! And carpets!" He raised a hand to his mouth in horror. "Me! Living in a house!" Donna cackled.
"You'd have to get a mortgage!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"I've, uh, found Scooti." The Doctor said, staring up with wide eyes. Donna followed his gaze and gasped.
"Where is she?" Jefferson asked. The Doctor pointed upwards.
"I'm so, so sorry."
"You better come back, hear me?" Donna poked the Doctor's spacesuit. "You're my ticket off this place!" The Doctor grinned.
"Sir yes sir, Donna!"
"Those are the words of the Beast." Toby said, his face covered in an odd scripture and his eyes glowing red. "And he has woken." Jefferson
pointed his gun at Toby. "He is the heart that beats in the darkness, he is the blood that will never cease. And now he will rise."
"Stand down officer!" Jefferson shouted, cocking his gun. Toby flexed his arms.
"Just shoot him Jefferson!" Donna said, backing away.
Donna crawled through the vents, muttering curses under her breath. "So it's either death by black hole, or death by Ood." She said to herself. "Death by Ood. Well," She giggled. "that's Ood."
"So, wait, that was actually Satan?"
"No, Donna. It wasn't... I think."
"So it was."
"No, Donna."
"But, like, it was, wasn't it?"
"Who're you?" Donna asked the blond man standing in her mother's doorway.
"My name's Elton." He said. Donna raised a brow.
"LEAVE MY MOTHER ALONE!" Donna shrieked, kicking Elton right between the legs. The blond whimpered and collapsed into a writhing ball of pain. The Doctor winced and shifted away from Elton. "YOU TOO MISTER ABSORBATHING!" She went to kick the Absorbaloff, but the Doctor stopped her.
"Donna, he'll absorb you."
"Oh, right."
"Children are missing."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Well...want to pretend to be police officers?"
"More than anything."
"I'm the Doctor, with the Police, and this is Donna Noble, the plucky young girl who helps me solve cases." The Doctor flashed his psychic paper at
the woman. Donna scowled.
"Plucky young girl?!" The Doctor shrugged.
"What, it was the first thing that came to mind."
"Chloe, alien thing inside her, whatever you are, I need the Doctor. And the TARDIS. Preferably the TARDIS." Donna said, pointing at the rather well
done picture that'd once been the Doctor and his sentient time machine. Chloe ignored her and began drawing again. "Well, fine, ignore me. I'll go do something else then."
"How'd you know to throw the ship into the Olympic Torch?" The Doctor asked as they entered the TARDIS later that evening. "I mean, I pointed it
out to you, but you never listen to me." Donna sighed.
"Okay, so, I may have listened to you." The Doctor smiled.
"Oh, you do care!"
"Ghosts?"
"Ghosts."
"Right, but, ghosts?"
"My mother's on board." Donna said, pointing to the shocked woman. The Doctor groaned.
"You better not make this all domestic."
"This is Donna Noble!" The Doctor said, pulling Sylvia from the TARDIS. "I know, I know, not quite the looker, nor as ginger as she used to be, but,
that's to be expected. Just a few weeks ago, she looked into the Time Vortex and now she looks fifty!"
"I'M NOT FIFTY DAMMIT!" Donna shouted from inside the TARDIS. The Torchwood officials exchanged glances.
"Ignore that. That's just a, uh, computer program."
The Doctor shot Donna an exasperated look through the computer's webcam. She sheepishly grinned back. The large void ship floated menacingly in the background.
"Dammit Donna."
"Grandad!" Donna beamed at the older man and threw her arms around him.
"Donna!" Wilf shouted happily, hugging her fiercely. The Doctor stood a few feet away and cleared his throat when they kept hugging for longer
than a minute.
"We're, uh, kind of in the middle of an invasion here."
"So..." Donna trailed off, holding the Magnaclamp.
"What?"
"Which of us is Shake?"
"Oh, I'm Shake."
"DONNA!"
"DOCTOR!"
"Oh bloody hell!" Donna kicked the wall and scowled. "He owes me ten quid dammit!" Wilf and Sylvia shared a glance. Wilf grabbed hold of Donna
and smiled sadly.
"You'll see him again one day, Donna."
"It better be soon!"
"YOU BLOODY PRAT!" Donna shouted and the Doctor looked affronted.
"What did I do?!"
"I'm trapped in a bleeding parallel universe!"
"That's not my fault!"
"If we ever meet again, spaceman, remember, you owe me ten quid."
"Quite right, too."