Devil: I'm getting bored Dice. What do you suggest we do?
Dice: *In a feminine voice* Ooh I know! We can play a game! How about spin the bottle? Or how about charades?
Devil: Oh come on Dice! We played those games already. And those games usually involve one of us getting kissed. Or gay men.
Dice: Okayyy then. Ooh I got it! How about Depression Bingo?
Devil: Not this again.
Dice: Okay. Do you stay in your room all day?
Devil: Yes.
Dice: Do You lay in bed all day?
Devil: Yes
Dice: Do you binge eat crackers and water?
Devil: Yes.
Dice: Bingo! You have depression! Now come on. Let it all out.
Devil: You idiot! I don't have depression! I've just hit a plateau. I'm the ruler of the underworld! Evil incarnate! Why would I have - *Breaks down crying and hugs Dice* My mom abandoned me at a young age and my dad beat me as a kid! *Cries out a huge pool of tears*
Dice: There there. Let it all out. It's okay.
Devil: Ahhh. Now I feel better! And I have the prefect idea! We can make a reality show!
Dice: A reality show?
Devil: Yeah! It'll have the debtors that were stupid enough to hand over their souls to me!
Dice: This sounds interesting. I'm in! But how will we get them?
Devil: I know just how to do it.
Cuts to Baroness Von Bon Bon's castle
*Bon Bon is crying* "Oh I feel so worthless! I got my ass handed to me by two cups! *stuffs her face with candy canes* All I can do is binge eat candy canes and sugary treats! God I need to get out of here! *a portal sucks her in and teleports her to a house with stairs, brown walls, a television, kitchen, and multiple rooms* *sniffles* "Huh? Where am I? What happened to my candy kingdom? Am I lost? Did I get kidnapped? When I said I wanted to get out I didn't actually mean it!" *she cries and sobs loudly*
Cuts to Beppi's carnival
*A group of skater kids rides by Beppi* "Hey clown, I fucked your mom last night! Hahaha!" "Yeah so did you and every other kid on Xbox Live." *Little girl and her mother walks by* "Mommy, the clown is scary." "Oh don't worry Molly. You don't have anything to be scared of. He's just a Ronald McDonald reject. He probably still lives with his parents." "Hey you take that back you whore!" Beppi sighed. "Nobody takes clowns seriously anymore. In the past we were honored for our scariness. My great great grandfather, Beppi Kerfuufle Mcham, was the greatest clown of his time. He scared kids to death and those same kids later came back to get his autograph as an adult. Now it just seems like clowns aren't scary anymore. The presence of clowns in popular media just made them less scary. Being a clown isn't just a something we do. It's a way of life. Clown lives matter."
"Shut up clown!"
"No you shut up!" *Beppi gets a pie thrown at him and everyone starts laughing* "Oh who am I kidding? I'm a failure! I never went to college and dropped out of high school and I get laughed at every day for a living!" *Beppi starts crying* Suddenly, a portal opened up and sucked Beppi in. He was taken to the house.
"Huh? Where am I? What happened to my circus? *Begins crying more* Beppi notices Baroness. "Why are you crying?" He asked. "I got beat by two cups. What about you?" "I'm a failure to my parents!" Beppi and Baroness begin crying in unision and hug each other.
"Hey are you as turned on as I am?" said Beppi. "What did you say? Ugh gross!" "My mistake m'lady. I never introduced myself. My name is Beppi the clown." "So you're a clown. No wonder you're a failure. I'm Baroness Von Bon Bon. But you can just call me Baroness." "Nah. I think I'll call you Bon Bon instead. It sound funner." "Funner isn't a word." "Well it is to me! So you wanna make out later?" "Ugh no! I just met you!"
"Allright." Beppi sighed.
Cuts to Djimmi's pyramid
"All right babe, now I will turn my penis into an elephant trunk." Djimmi cast a spell and an elephant sound was heard from his groin area. Djimmi's wife, Taja, laughed. "You are so silly! Now do it to me!" "Okay. Watch as I magically turn your boobs into an octopus!" Taja's boobs started growing tentacles. "Ooh! It tickles! You are such a good boyfriend Djimmi. I wouldn't trade you for anyone in the world." "Me neither." Djimmi reached in to hug Taja but was suddenly teleported to the house.
"Huh? What happened? Where am I?"
"Oh hey there genie. You too huh?" said Beppi. "Ahh! A clown!" Djimmi hid behind a plant. "Don't worry genie. We won't hurt you. We just got teleported here like you." "Oh so you aren't going to fondle me?" "What? No. That's gross." "Oh thank Allah! My names Djimmi the Great!" "My name's Beppi the Clown! And the candy queen is Baroness Von Bon Bon." "Oh why hello there your majesty." Djimmi bowed. "Oh save it, steroids. I've heard it all before." "But I haven't even said anything yet. And why do you say steroids?" "Because all you genies are the same. A huge outward chest and muscles. Meathead." "Oh you're mistaken candy queen. This huge chest all natural baby. No magic involved."
Cuts to Cala Maria in the ocean
"All right eat up babies! Now who's a good boy?" Cala Maria cooed, feeding her eels. "Walter, stop that! We don't eat dead fish! No treats for you!" "At least it's better than the crap you're feeding us." the eel snapped back. "What?! You ungrateful bastard! Why I oughtta-" Cala Maria was cut off by being sucked into the portal. "Hey guys, she's gone! Let's go attack the Mexicans that always eat us!"
Cala Maria fell flat on her face on the ground. "Woah! What the - what happened to the ocean? My babies - where are they?! And where am I?!" "Join the club mermaid. We all got stuck in here for some unknown reason." said Beppi. "Hey there sexy. My name's Djimmi. And you?" "Ugh. Out of my way jock." Cala pushed Djimmi away. "At least there's another girl in this house. What's your name?" said Baroness Von Bon Bon. "I'm Cala Maria. And you candy queen? Nice hat by the way." "I'm Baroness Von Bon Bon. And thanks." "So where did you come from Cala?" said Beppi.
"I'm from the Atlantic Ocean. I live deep underwater away from land dwellers." "Oh I see. So are humans your mortal enemy?" "Sort of. Pirates have tried to hunt me for money. I'm on a wanted list." "That must suck, being hunted down like that." said Beppi. "You have no idea. By the way, what's your name?" "I'm Beppi. I'm a clown." "Did you graduate college?" "No. Why does everyone assume that?" "Well being a clown isn't the most educated profession in the world. Plus a lot of them are college drop outs. You'd have a better shot having a liberal arts degree."
"Wanna see a magic trick?" said Djimmi. "No thanks, Dumbledore." said Cala. "Look! I'll turn my penis into an eel!" "Please don't." "Abra Kadabra schlongmdong!" Instead of turning into an eel, Djimmi's penis turned into a flattened ballon. "Hahah! You are so lame!" Bon Bon joined in on the laughter.
Cut to the Phantom Express with the Blind Specter
"I want to ride on the train next! Please!" said the Blind Specter. "Specter, you live in here. Plus don't you have errands to run?" said the Phantom Express. "No I don't. See? I ate all my fruits and vegetables and smoked all my crack like a good ghost." "Haha, I dream about killing you. Except you're already dead. What did I do to deserve this?" "You already died and you're in hell."
"Well if it isn't little Specter the gay ghost." said the Blaze Brothers and laughed in unison. "For the last time, I'm not gay!" "Oh yeah? Then explain this!" One of the Blaze Brothers pulled out a rainbow flag. "This was in your room." "Oh come on. My cousin was visiting and I had to show him I was a liberal sjw or he would cut me in pieces!" "We still think you're gay." "Hey T-Bone, help me out here! I'm not gay!"
"Sorry Spector. I can't intervene on these matters. I'm from the 1940s remember? Gay people didn't exist at that time." "Oh that's right. Thanks anyway."
"Hey Specter? Can you deliver this mail for me?" "Sure Phantom." "Oh wait never-mind. I just remembered I can't trust you. You always run off and get lost somewhere. Remember how you used to get lost in the mall as a kid?" "What? You can trust me! Plus that was when I was a kid. I won't get lost, I promise." *portal appears* "Oh hey a portal! Woahhh!" Specter was sucked in.
"What the - where the heck am I?" said Specter. "Well you look different." said Beppi. "It's because I'm a ghost, isn't it? Well I see a clown, a genie, a mermaid, and a candy queen in front of me. So I'd say I wouldn't look too different." "Aren't you technically dead?" asked Cala. "Well yes, technically. And how about you mermaid? I see you're the only one here bare chested." Specter stared at Cala's breasts and groped one of them. "Honk honk." "You pervert!" Cala Maria grew wet. "Ah see! She likes it!" "Ooh keep going!" "Look at me - I'm a sexy boy!" said Specter.
To Be continued in the next chapter! In the next chapter - Introducing Cagney Carnation!