Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...blah, blah, blah. Stephenie Meyer does...blah, blah, blah.

This lovely fic, resulted from a conversation(well this is the convo) on .

Julie and I both love Twilight(I love Carlisle, more than is healthy), so we mean no harm.

We were not influenced by any substances, though it may see like it. We apologize for our INSANITY. Enjoy!

Carlisle found vampires alright

He wasn't the luckiest chap.

He was so utterly disgusted with himself, and tried to commit suicide several times.

He was very lonely. Then stuck with the Volturi. Yeah, that doesn't seem fun.

Then doing nothing but working in a hospital, that had to be depressing.

And having no one to talk to, because you didn't want to get close to someone, because you be afraid they'd find out.

Then suddenly getting attached to a family only to have the mom realize you were special and ask you to change her son.

Then having to change him, and fall into a fathering role, because you changed him therefore he's you believe he's your responsibility.

Then falling in love with another newborn you changed.

The changing a girl you believed would be a soul mate for your son, who never wanted the this life you gave her.

Then having her ask you to change some random dude so she can fuck him.

All the while having to constantly move around all the time, lie all the time, and feel like you damned members of your family by changing them.

Then getting tangled up in a vampire/human romance.

And the human is fucking clumsy as hell.

Then having the human ask you to change her, if her boyfriend won't.

And then having your closest vampire allies bail on you when you need their help, because on of them is pissed that her boyfriend is dead.

Having your son marry the human, and have to answer his questions about sex.

Then having her get pregnant with a mutant.

And have absolutely no idea what to do, but having everyone believe you should because you're a doctor. You do know chromosome numbers after all.

So now your son is coming for sex advice, everybody wants your help with the baby, and you've got werewolves surrounding you constantly.

So now you're a grandfather, and you have to worry how it's mother is going to react to it now that she's a vampire.

So the same bitch that wouldn't help you before, sees your granddaughter and runs off to tell on you.

The Volturi come to fight with you.

Then you think it's all over, that's there's no hope, and you're all going to die.

Then your new daughter produces the magical love shield.

And your daughter and son come back with this dude who is just like your granddaughter.

And then this dude gets a crush on your granddaughter even though it's guaranteed your granddaughter will marry a werewolf.

Then the Volturi decide not to kill you and your family, and they leave.

Now you're stuck with mutant boy who still wants your granddaughter.

So you go back to your mansion, and talk with some friends, before you kick them out. All the while mutant boy is staring at your granddaughter.

And so is fucked up were-boy.

So you have these two stupid dudes, staring at your granddaughter who is still very young. And your son and new daughter are all over each other.

So now you're babysitting while these guys are mind banging your granddaughter.

And your son and new daughter are groping each other on the couch.

Before deciding for some private time while two guys continue to mind bang their daughter.

So you finally kick the last people out of your house, and all is well.