THE DIARY
If we could cross the many hills of time
Back to where we were when you were mine
I wouldn't have these sleepless nights with tears in my eyes
If we could cross the many hills of time
MC MC MC MC
I lay on my back with my hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling. I had awakened this summer morning with sadness in my heart. A diary that I had stumbled across yesterday had gotten me to thinking of the first time I saw Sara Johnston. Smiling, I remembered back to that day as if it were just yesterday.
She was walking towards me on the boardwalk when our eyes met and locked. She stumbled a bit then continued into a millenary shop. I stood where I had suddenly stopped, stunned by her beauty and wondering how I could get to know her.
But, unfortunately my job took me out of town at that time and it would be more than a month before I would see her again. I had thought of her constantly, but had no idea how to find her, or if she even lived here. But I was a lawman, it was my job to find evidence, so find her I would!
I shook myself out of my reverie, my body telling me to get up and tend to business. I lit the fire and put the coffee on, then after washing up I started preparing breakfast. After eating I went to the barn to feed the stock and while I was brushing the horses I decided I would go back to the lake, back to where we spent our happiest times together, so I began saddling Chase while continuing with my memories.
I had just entered a small, family run café when I saw her sitting at a corner table reading a book. I can still remember how my heart gave a lurch and my feet didn't want to track right. She hadn't noticed me come in and after I pulled myself together and before my courage left me, I walked to her table. Sweeping my hat off and clearing my suddenly very dry throat, I asked if she minded if I joined her. She looked up at me with a start, I stood there smiling, not daring to breathe, fearing she would send me on my way.
After what seemed like an eternity she finally pointed to the only other chair at the table. "Thank you, miss. My name is Mort, Mort Cory." My breathing was still rather ragged and throat still dry, but I was making progress!
She smiled and said, "Hello Mort Cory. My name is Sara Johnston, it's very nice to meet you." She was lovely and had a beautiful smile below bright brown eyes and a head full of long auburn hair! If I hadn't been in love before, I certainly was now.
After a few moments of shy silence, we both started to speak at once. Laughing, we began again. It was nearly three hours later when I remembered that I was supposed to be at work! With my apologies, I made to leave, but before I did, I asked if I could call on her. She told me she would be delighted! I was on Cloud Nine and that began a wonderful courtship.
MC MC MC MC
I packed supplies enough to last three days, then stopping at my office on the way out of town, I asked Cal Peterson, my deputy to keep an eye on things for a couple days.
When a person is riding along on the back of a horse their thoughts just flow and so my memories of Sara continued.
I learned that Sara was born and raised on a large cattle ranch. Her father had moved into the area in the '20's and worked in the mines for a number of years. He saved up his money and homesteaded some land and after making improvements on the property he bought a few head of cattle. Being the first cattle ranch in the area, he was soon selling beef faster than he could bring the cattle in. After a few years he had built up a sizable herd and was known throughout the country as a fair and honest man.
Sara's two brothers were now running the ranch, as her father and mother had semi-retired to town, where Sara now lived.
I had been Deputy Sheriff for about two years and had been asked to run for Sheriff after it was learned that the present sheriff was going to retire. I had the backing of the sheriff and the town council and won the election handily.
I knew that Sara was the only woman for me, she was not only beautiful she was my partner and my best friend. It was right after the election that I asked Sara's father for her hand and we were married that summer.
So began a loving relationship, oh it had its ups and downs, as in any relationship, but we continued to be very happy. Then we learned that we were to be parents. Sara delivered a beautiful baby girl nearly three years after we were married. We both were thrilled, as we didn't think we would be able to have children, as it had taken so long for her to conceive.
Sara became pregnant again about a year later … but our baby boy was stillborn. His death devastated both of us, but was especially difficult for Sara to accept. It was worse when we were told by the doctor that she wouldn't be able to bear any more children. It put a terrible strain on our relationship for quite a few months, but she finally rebounded and was once again the caring, passionate woman I had fallen in love with.
A year later we were dealt another blow when I was forced to shoot and kill a young, well liked local man. He and his fiancé had had an argument, after which he had been drinking all day in the saloon, where he was fast wearing out his welcome. A friend tried to get him to go home when they got into a fight. I was sent for and rushed into the saloon just as he pulled a gun on his friend. I ordered him to drop his gun, but instead he turned and fired at me and I was forced to shoot him.
The mayor and town council, amid complaints from the boy's parents and a number of the more wealthy townspeople, asked for my resignation. Sara's parents were two of those people who thought my actions were too drastic for the circumstances.
I resigned my position and while Sara and I were discussing our future, I received a letter from Matt Sherman, whom I had known for a number of years. He wrote that there was a sheriff's position coming up in Laramie, Sara and I talked it over and decided to pack up and head north and we never looked back.
MC MC MC MC
I arrived at the lakeside cabin mid-afternoon and unloaded my supplies. After taking care of my horse I started a fire in the cook stove and got a pot of coffee going. I took out the diary that I had stumbled across yesterday, wondering why I had never seen it before … in fact, didn't even know it existed ... Laura, Doc Saunders' wife and our good friend, must have put it away after Sara died and not told me about it.
It was the last two entries in the diary that had caught my attention. I sat in the rocker and read the next to last entry.
Sara's Diary, entries dated July 23 - 25, 1865
July 23, 1865
Katie was at a girlfriend's house for a few days and it was just Mort and me at home. It wasn't very often that we were by ourselves and I was looking forward to spending the whole day alone with him. I was envisioning our day together, almost embarrassing myself with my thoughts! I do hope that nothing will interfere with my plans!
I thought back to the first moment I saw Mort walking down the boardwalk. Oh goodness, my heart nearly leaped out of my chest! He was a tall muscular man with dark hair … but what captured my heart were his eyes … soft brown, looking only at me! I wanted to get to know him in the worst way, but I didn't want him to think I was too forward, so I did the cowardly thing by ducking into the dress shop. Later I looked for him, but he had disappeared and my heart was broken, I wished I would have sought him out that day, I knew he was the only man for me and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him! How could I find him?
Mort and I have always had a wonderful relationship, not just as husband and wife, but the fact that we have always shared everything, even the bad parts of his life and job. He has had to endure ridicule, dislike, hatred, being shot at or worse yet shot, but he has never burdened me or took his frustrations out on me or Katie. When he walks through the door of our home, he is the loving, caring man I fell in love with so many years ago. I marvel at what a lucky woman I am!
He is my best friend and I worry every day that something will happen to take him from me. I have nursed him through illness and gunshot wounds, praying to the good Lord to let me keep him with me, for I don't believe I could continue to go on living without him in my life.
He walked in while I was contemplating what we could do today and asked me if I would like to go on a picnic! Oh my, maybe he has read my mind! Hugging him tightly and giving him a warm kiss, I asked him where we were going.
He gave me one of his wonderful smiles and told me it was a surprise, which really intrigued me!
He brought the horses up just as I finished making up a lunch. After tying the saddle bags on, he wrapped me in his strong arms and gave me a soft, sweet kiss. A perfect beginning to what I knew was going to be a beautiful day.
We had ridden quietly for an hour before my curiosity got the best of me, so I asked Mort where we were going.
"I'm going to take you to a real pretty spot up by the falls. I know you'll love it."
As we rode on, I gave a side-ways glance and saw that Mort was smiling his little smile that I so love. I think I am going to really enjoy this day! It is a beautiful, sunny day, just made for love.
We had ridden about an hour longer when Mort topped a little hill and stopped his horse, motioning me to his side. I did as he wished and when I stopped I was looking at the most beautiful country I had ever seen. There was a waterfall at the head of the little valley, which was all of 100 to 150 feet tall, falling into a pool made just for swimming on a hot day. The stream that left the lake meandered down the valley, entering a wide canyon and continued down the mountain towards Laramie.
I was awestruck, not being able to take my eyes from the beauty before me. "Oh Mort, it is so beautiful! I could lose myself here forever!"
He took my hand, leaned over from his horse and kissed me so thoroughly I nearly swooned then said, "Come on, there's more."
Mort led us down into the valley and towards a grove of Quaking Aspen and as we were at about 8500 feet elevation and there had been a couple of light frosts, the leaves were beginning to turn a beautiful golden color. We rode through the aspens and when we started out into the meadow I saw a lovely little log cabin, with a porch that overlooked the lake and had a wonderful view of the falls. We stopped our horses and stared at the site before us.
Mort broke the stillness, "Do you like it?"
After I could get my senses back, I answered, "Honey, it is indescribably beautiful!"
We rode up to the cabin as we talked and when we stopped in front of the cabin Mort stepped off his horse and came around to help me to the ground. Keeping his arms around me, he surprised me by asking, "Would you like to spend a few days here?"
I couldn't believe what he had just said, my dream has come true!
I gave a hearty laugh and hugging him tightly I told him "YES, oh Honey, it would be wonderful! But what about …." Kissing me sweetly, he quieted my question and led the way to the cabin.
As we stepped up onto the porch, I turned to look at the scene before me. I had never looked on anything so lovely, breathing deeply of the crisp mountain air, I exclaimed, "Honey I could stay here forever!"
He stood behind me, with his arms around my waist, kissing me on the back of my neck, he whispered, "I'd like that too."
After Mort took care of the horses we ate our picnic lunch and were relaxing with drinks in front of the fire when Mort shocked me, saying he wanted to apologize … what in the world did he need to apologize for? This is what he told me: "I haven't been a very good husband or father over the years. I'm away from home more than I would like to be, doing a job that could get me killed at any time. I can only imagine what that feels like for you."
Mort stood and walked to the fire, leaning on the mantle … I so wanted to go to him, take him in my arms and kiss away his pain … but I let him continue.
"I've often thought that you would've been better off marrying a store clerk or banker, at least they are home every evening, safe and sound." Taking a deep breath Mort looked at me with watery eyes, he walked over and knelt in front of me and taking my hands said, "Honey, I love you with all my heart. I know I haven't told you or showed you how much you mean to me as often as I should have and I'm so sorry. I only hope you can forgive me my shortcomings and I promise I will try to do better."
With tears in my eyes, I watched his expression go from sadness and despair to hope, all in the space of a few seconds. I took his handsome face in my hands and looked deep into those beautiful brown eyes and assured him, "I have never been sorry that I married you! You're a loving, caring and faithful husband and wonderful father, the joy of my life. Of course there have been times that I've been afraid that you would be hurt or killed, but Sweetheart, I love you just the way you are, please don't change." Standing, Mort took my hands and lifted me into his embrace, kissing me tenderly, then more urgently as he gently steered us toward the bedroom. Oh, my dreams for the day have come true!
July 24, 1865
I woke when I felt Mort get up quietly, but lying in bed a little longer, I ran the events of yesterday through my mind once again, marveling at how Mort could surprise me, even after all these years. Smiling as I remembered last night, one of the most romantic we have ever shared. Oh Mort, I love you so! If only you knew what you do to me, my heart skips a beat whenever you walk into the room! I can't imagine my life without you!
I had gotten up and was starting breakfast when Mort returned from the barn with another surprise for me. A brightly wrapped package was in one hand and in the other were … Roses! He very seldom gives me flowers, I am wondering what the occasion is when he took me in his arms, giving me one of his beautiful smiles and said, "Happy Anniversary Dear!"
Oh my goodness, I am so ashamed! I cannot believe that I forgot our anniversary! The most important day of my life and I forgot ... I broke down in tears, blubbering like a small child! Mort hugged me tightly as I told him, "I'm so sorry … oh, I love you so much!"
Don't be sorry, he says, all I've ever wanted was your love, he says. I gave him a loving kiss, which turned to passion then urgency … Needless to say, breakfast was forgotten!
Later, we took a picnic lunch and walked down to the lake. We discussed our dreams and plans for Katie and our future and what we wanted to do. The day had turned very warm and I began removing my clothing, daring Mort to go swimming with me I rushed into the lake! Oh my, that first dunking was very cold, but we soon warmed each other with our kisses.
While we were lying in the sun drying off, Mort took me in his arms and nuzzling my ear, whispered to me that he was the luckiest man in the world! That I was all he ever wanted since he saw me that first time, I was what he had dreamed of all his life! We are like two peas in a pod … meant to be together!
As the afternoon wore on it began to get chilly so after getting dressed, we returned to the cabin for supper, as we had both worked up quite an appetite!
After supper Mort handed me the package that he had brought in this morning which we had forgotten all about it in our, shall I say haste! It wasn't a large package, but when I opened it I gasped! It was the brooch that I had been admiring for months! It is one of the kind that has room for pictures when it's opened … he had even had pictures placed in it … one of he and I when we were first married and the other of Katie, he and I. I jumped up, hugging and kissing him … and …
Oh love, you made my dreams come true, not just today, but throughout our lives together. Thank you!
July 25, 1865
Yesterday was the best day of my life! I can honestly say that this, our twelfth anniversary was the best of our marriage. It has been years since Mort and I have been able to spend even one day by ourselves, let alone three!
Mort Cory, I am so blessed to have met you! I just knew when I saw that handsome young man walking towards me down that boardwalk that you would make me the happiest woman on earth!"
MC MC MC MC
I sat staring unseeing at the diary … I was stunned … and pleased. I knew that Sara loved me, she had told me every day and showed it in so many ways, but to read the words she had written ... oh God I miss her, even after all these years … her face … her laughter … her beauty … her warmth … holding her in my arms!
I rose and poured a healthy shot of whiskey. I recalled those three days as if they were just last week … we were closer than we had ever been in all of our twelve years together. I remembered us reminiscing about the years we had been together and discussing our dreams of the future … and our sweet, passionate love making … undisturbed by children or work.
I can still see Sara's face the day I walked in with that package. I nearly laughed at her look, questioning at first, then surprise to embarrassment. That was the best day of our lives, oh how I wish we could live them again.
I walked out onto the porch to get some fresh air. Looking up to the stars, I thought about the times I had spent in Sara's arms, sometimes recovering from a bullet or knife wound, but mostly just loving each other. It suddenly hit me how alone and lonely I really was. Oh, I had a few good friends and numerous acquaintances, but I still went home to an empty house each night.
Sighing heavily, I finished my drink and went inside and climbed into bed, alone, where I slept fitfully with disjointed dreams.
MC MC MC MC
I woke feeling more tired than when I went to bed the night before. But I drug myself up, stirring the fire and adding kindling and wood to the coals before I made the necessary trip out back. After washing my hands and face in a pan of cold water I figured I could face the day.
Going back inside, I put the coffee water on and sliced some bacon for breakfast. After some food and a pot of coffee I thought I would be able to make it through the day, so I headed to the barn to tend my horse. I gave him a thorough brushing and picketed him on some fresh grass and like a man alone, I stood talking to him while he grazed on the green grass, telling him how lonely I was and how much I missed Sara, the most wonderful wife a man could want and a great mother to our daughter. It's amazing that one small diary could bring back so many memories … memories that were tearing at my heart.
Going back to the cabin, I poured another cup of coffee and sat down. Looking at Sara's diary, I wondered how long she had been keeping it. I almost felt like I was intruding into her life and was very reluctant to read any more, but her life was my life … I began reading the final entry …
Sara's Diary dated November 15, 1865
A couple weeks ago Dr. Saunders and his wife Laura stopped by with devastating news for the area. They came to tell us that there had been five fatalities from some form of fever. He was very concerned that there could be an epidemic in the making, telling us that he knew of three other people who were showing the symptoms, but he didn't know what could be done to treat or stop it.
I am so concerned about Katie! Three of the fatalities have been children and Dan told us that older people and children were most at risk! I couldn't bear to lose another child … a parent isn't supposed to live longer than their children! Please God … keep her safe.
As the number of cases increased, Mort and I helped in any and every way we could. He rode to all the outlying ranches and farms, telling the residents to please stay home if at all possible, so that they weren't putting themselves at risk and I helped Laura do laundry, clean homes and cook for those that were too ill to take care of themselves.
We worked all day, every day for a week, but there were more people coming down with the fever every day. We all were worn out from the long hours and hard work, but there was no end in sight. I keep a close eye on Katie and Mort, so thankful that so far they have escaped getting sick.
On the sixteenth day I awoke with a sore throat and was feeling extremely weak. My breathing was labored and rapid, I immediately sent Mort for Dan, fearing the worst. Dan confirmed my fears, I have contracted the fever!
Mort is at my side day and night, I fear he too will come down with this horrible fever, he is getting no rest and I know he is very tired. And Katie, our sweet daughter, what will happen to her? They are my life and I cannot bear to think of not being with them forever. Dan has told me not to worry, that there are survivors of the fever, but we both know that as tired and rundown as we all are, that my resistance is too low.
This will be my last entry as I fear that I will not last another day. I am so weak that I can barely write.
Mort love, when I first saw you on that street all those years ago I knew that you were the only man I would ever love. We have had so many wonderful times together, please remember them, as they far outweigh the bad.
Mort … you are my life … my friend … my lover … please don't grieve, I am at peace.
MC MC MC MC
Suddenly needing some fresh air and not wanting to remain in the cabin any longer, I grabbed my hat and headed out the door. Tears clouded my eyes as I walked quickly towards the falls, taking the trail that wound its way to the top.
I tried to outrun the memories, but I couldn't shake the visions of my wife's life slipping away while I held her in my arms, crying with helplessness. Then our Katie also contracted the fever and after ten days of bathing her and trying to bring down her raging temperature, I had watched our beautiful daughter join her mother. I had lost my whole life in less than three weeks! I locked my doors and my heart to my friends and not being able to stay in the house, I slept in the barn or went out to line shacks and spent weeks, then months trying to forget.
I stopped about half way up the steep, narrow trail, breathing hard from the exertion of the climb. I turned to look out over the valley that Sara loved so much, as I did a rock dislodged from under my foot, causing me to lose my balance and fall down the hill. I slid and rolled about fifty or sixty feet, hitting rocks and brush before coming up hard against a tree. I hurt like hell and was afraid to move for fear of rolling on down the hill.
I lay still, wondering how I was going to get out of this predicament. I was on the steepest part of the trail and would have to hold on to tree branches and bushes to keep from sliding on down the mountainside, but when I tried to sit up to see how bad I was hurt my left arm wouldn't work and the pain was so severe it took my breath away.
I lay back cussing myself for being so careless and for not letting someone know where I was going, I couldn't expect any help, so it was going to be up to me alone to get out of this.
I rolled slowly onto my right side, trying to sit up, but the pain in my arm and chest was such that I couldn't. I rested a few minutes and tried again to get up. There was a branch about three feet above my head and I tried to sit up enough to grab onto it, but the stab of pain was so intense that I collapsed, fighting consciousness, but I soon lost the battle.
MC MC MC MC
It was nearly dark when regaining consciousness I felt someone pulling on my arm and pressing lightly on my ribs and chest. I groaned in pain and nearly passed out again and whoever they were was telling me everything was going to be alright. Through the pain I realized that I must be dreaming, because the person helping me was a woman! What the hell was a woman doing on the side of a mountain, twenty miles from town, in the middle of nowhere?
"Wh … who are you and how did you find me?" She had kindled a small fire and was brewing some coffee. I couldn't see her very well, but she looked real good to me, at least I knew I wasn't going to die alone. She was rummaging around in a pack, finally bringing out a bottle of whiskey.
Turning to me she said, "You've dislocated your shoulder and it's going to hurt like the devil when I put it back in place, this will help with the pain." She lifted my head and put the bottle to my lips, urging me to drink. Well, it was some mighty good tasting whiskey, so she didn't have to urge me very much and before long I wasn't feeling much of anything.
"Well handsome, this isn't going to feel good at all, so bite down on this," as she stuck a stick in my mouth. She sat down and taking my arm in her hands and putting her feet against my side, she began pulling and twisting on my arm. Just when I thought I couldn't stand the pain any longer, she gave my arm a jerk, I bit into that stick and groaned as I felt my shoulder pop then promptly passed out.
MC MC MC MC
It was totally dark when I again regained consciousness. I was so cold my teeth were chattering and so thirsty I figured I could drink the whole lake dry, but I didn't have any water and when I tried to move, it hurt so bad I groaned out loud and squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I tried to keep from passing out again. The woman built up the fire then moved to my side, "How are you feeling?"
Opening my eyes and through clenched teeth I replied, "I hurt, I'm thirsty and I'm freezing." Chuckling, she lifted my head and let me drink a little water then I felt another blanket being thrown over me. I was still shivering when I felt her crawl under the blankets and as she snuggled up to me, she wrapped her arms around me and tucked the blankets in tight against my body. I finally felt warmer and fell back to sleep.
I woke about mid morning when I felt the sun shining on me, thinking 'where was this warmth when I'd been so cold last night'. Seems like I remembered someone crawling under the covers with me, was it the woman? I heard footsteps approaching and when I looked up I saw the woman clearly for the first time. She was dressed head to toe in buckskins, well, I must have looked shocked, as she chuckled and said, "Howdy, you're probably wondering who I am and what I'm doing here."
Smiling, I replied, "The thought did cross my mind." She was an attractive, middle aged woman with whitish blond hair surrounding a handsome, tanned face and deep blue eyes, glittering with amusement.
"How're you feeling this morning?" She was pouring water into the coffee pot, the sound making me thirsty.
"I hurt everywhere, but I would sure like to have some of that water, don't think I've ever been this thirsty."
"You probably have a touch of fever. Here, but don't drink too much or you'll get sick." She held the canteen to my lips as I drank the cool, delicious water. She pulled it away before I had drunk my fill, telling me she would give me more later. She then started frying bacon, the smell making my stomach growl and reminding me that I hadn't had anything to eat for twenty-four hours or better.
When breakfast was ready, she helped me sit up. The pain wasn't as bad as before, but still enough to pull a groan from me. As I leaned against the tree that had stopped my fall down the mountain, I tried to slow my rapid breathing and ease the ache in my arm and chest. My breathing had finally returned to normal when she handed me a cup of coffee and a plate of bacon. I can't remember anything tasting any better.
With a smile of gratitude, I told her, "Thank you. I was in a pretty bad way and I'm in your debt."
Laughing she replied, "You don't owe me a thing, I was on my way down this trail, heading to the lake to do some fishing yesterday and saw you fall down the hill. Watching you tumble, I really thought you were going to be hurt worse than you are. When you're through eating we'll see if we can get you down off this mountain. Are you up to it?"
"Can't say that I am, but I will do my best." I certainly wasn't looking forward to the trip and thought I could sure use some more of that whiskey, but she didn't offer me any!
MC MC MC MC
She put a sling under my arm and tied it up around my neck, which didn't feel real good at the time, but it took some of the pressure off my shoulder.
After she had loaded everything into her pack and got it settled onto her back, she carefully helped me to my feet. The pain wasn't quite as bad as I anticipated, but it was still right up there with a howling toothache.
After stopping to rest a dozen times, we finally made it the half mile back to the cabin. Chase nickered when we got there, he had been tied out all night with no water and he had eaten most of the available grass, so he was ready to be taken care of. I stopped to pet him, telling him I was sorry that he had been neglected and gave him a sugar cube to try and appease him.
"Come on, let's get you into the house and into bed, you are about to pass out again and I don't want to pack you! I'll take care of your horse when I get you bedded down."
"I do feel a bit light headed." She got me to the bed about the same time I started to collapse. "Thanks again, for everything," I whispered as she eased me onto the bed and removed my boots. I was asleep before she covered me with the blanket.
MC MC MC MC
After she had taken care of the man, she started a fire and got a pot of coffee going. She then went out to take care of his horse, turning him loose in the corral with a healthy armful of hay to tide him over.
She returned to the cabin just as the coffee was starting to boil over. Snatching it from the fire, she dumped some cold water in to settle the grounds and pouring a cup she sat down at the kitchen table to rest and savor the taste of the coffee.
She noticed a book on the table and pulling it over, she read the lines, "Mort, you have always been my life … my friend … my lover … please don't grieve, I am at peace."
She suddenly realized it was a diary and pushed it away, not wanting to pry into someone else's business, but then her interest was piqued and she pulled it back and read more. She smiled at the way Mort had surprised Sara on their anniversary and she wanted to cry when she read Sara's last entry. Turning to the first page of the diary she noted the date was June 1, 1853. Knowing she shouldn't pry, she couldn't help but read the entry.
I saw the most handsome man today while on my way to the dress shop! He is so tall … and strong … with a kind face and beautiful brown eyes. I believe I have fallen in love … I must meet him!
Looking over to where the man was lying, she wondered if he was the 'Mort' mentioned in the diary. If he was Mort, she thought that he was still mighty handsome and he seemed to be a nice man, what little she had been around him. She was looking forward to getting to know him and she had two or three days to find out, as he wasn't in any shape to be riding out of here.
She finished her coffee, banked the fire, checked on the man and finding him resting comfortably, she retired to the cot and was soon fast asleep.
MC MC MC MC
I woke feeling hungry. Looking around and not seeing anyone, I tried to get up, which I immediately found wasn't going to be easy. I was stiff and sore and the pain of moving my arm drug a loud groan from me as I lay back onto the bed.
The lady walked in the door just as I groaned and was at my bedside in a few quick strides. "What are you doing, you aren't ready to get up on your own! If you think you want to sit up, then at least let me help you."
After I caught my breath, I asked if she would please help me, "I think I can make it with help, anyway I need to use the necessary room and I can't do it laying here."
Laughing, she took hold of my good arm and slid her arm under my shoulders and with much grunting and moaning I was finally sitting up, with some pillows and extra blankets supporting my back. "You rest a bit while I get you a cup of coffee and a biscuit. Then we will see about getting you to the outhouse." Well, I needed to go now, but guessed I'd have to wait.
She brought me a cup of coffee to start with and as I drank it I watched her work. There were no wasted motions, this was someone who knew what she was doing and was used to taking care of herself. It suddenly hit me that she might be the lady living up on the mountain with Denver James. I think he was a cousin, or some such. "Could I ask you a question?"
She turned to me, smiled and replied "Sure, long as it isn't something too difficult."
Noticing again what a good looking woman she was, with her beautiful smile, I said, "No, you should be able to answer it with no problem. What's your name? Been calling you 'hey' so much, you'll begin to think that's your name!"
She laughed and told me, "It's Kate. Kate Munroe. And you are?" She thought to herself, now I'll find out if he's the Mort in the diary.
"Mort Cory, from Laramie. Are you Denver James's cousin? I heard he had a lady relative living up there."
She brought me a hot biscuit, with a thick layer of huckleberry jam and while I was eating it she told me, "Yep, that's me. I've been there a few years now."
Swallowing the bite of biscuit, I asked, "What brought you to this country? And what possessed you to move up on the mountain? I'd think you'd want to be closer to other women and shopping."
Looking long into his eyes, she wondered how much to tell him. But she saw true interest and yes, compassion, so she decided to tell him the story of moving here. "I had to get away from people for awhile. My husband and I owned a saloon in the Texas panhandle, made a real good living and enjoyed it, for the most part. But after Charlie died, I had to get away. I didn't want to run the business without him, hell I didn't feel much like living without him, but I pulled myself together, sold the saloon and moved up here. Best decision I coulda made."
Remembering the pangs of loneliness that I had been experiencing recently, I sadly said, "Yeah, I can relate to how you were feeling." Although I wanted to find out more about this most unusual woman, my needs were getting serious. "I'm sorry, but I really need to … well, you know."
Kate laughed as she helped me up and walked out with me. "Holler when you're ready and I'll help you back into the cabin."
MC MC MC MC
After Kate had helped me to the necessary room, she walked down to take care of my horse. Chase came right up to Kate and nuzzled her, looking for his sugar treat. She brushed him and threw a bait of hay into the feed trough. Laughing she scratched his ears and rubbed his nose, "You're just like a man, always wanting something!" About that time she heard my footsteps behind her and she whirled around, her hand on her knife, ready to defend herself.
"Whoa! I didn't mean to startle you Kate." Backing up, I realized right away that I'd nearly walked into trouble.
Kate visibly relaxed when she saw who it was and informed me, "Mort, don't ever sneak up on me like that! I coulda hurt you!"
Smiling, with my good hand in the air, I told her, "I'll remember that in the future. Sorry, I figured I was making enough noise to wake the dead."
"My mind was on something else, my fault. Let's get you back to the cabin, you're looking a mite peaked." I was feeling a little weak and welcoming the rest, I settled stiffly into one of the rocking chairs while Kate went to get some coffee for both of us.
I had heard about Kate living up in the mountains, but this was the first time I had ever seen her and I was looking forward to getting to know her, but looking out over the lake I remembered why I had come up here in the first place and felt ashamed of myself for having thoughts of wanting to get to know another woman. But it has been ten long years, I need to get on with my life, I would hope that Sara would understand.
Kate interrupted my thoughts as she brought the coffee out and seeing that I was staring out over the landscape she waited until I turned to her. As she handed me my cup she asked, "You were a long way off, what were you thinking about?" Sitting down in the rocker next to mine she looked at me, waiting for my answer.
I sat staring into my coffee, I didn't know quite what to say, I couldn't just up and tell her how I was feeling, I mean, I didn't know her well enough to burden her. Could I? "Do you ever get lonely, Kate? I mean really alone lonely, where you wish you had someone that you could tell your deepest thoughts and secrets to?"
Kate saw such pain and sadness in Mort's eyes that she couldn't help but want to reach out to him, instead she answered, "Yes, I do. I think everyone does once in a while, but I think it's harder on people like us that have lost a mate. But, I just get busy doing something and the feeling usually goes away. Is that what you're feeling?"
I told her about waking up the other morning feeling so sad and alone, with no one to talk to about it, "So I came up here, a place full of happy memories. Ten years ago I brought my wife here for our twelfth anniversary. I didn't tell her we were going to stay for a few days, she thought we were just going on a picnic." I smiled at the memory and went on to tell Kate how Sara had been so surprised and happy.
"But, then I lost her and our daughter and my perfect, happy world ended. In fact, I shut out everyone I ever cared about, I hadn't been able to get real close to anyone … until …" I hesitated, wondering if I should tell her about Lynn.
"But you found someone you could love and then you felt you were cheating on your wife's memory, am I right?" Her look told me she wasn't condemning, just asking a question. I nodded my head yes, but couldn't answer, hell I couldn't even look her in the eye.
"I thought I had found someone once also. He was a real nice fellow who was so attentive and attractive … and married! Thank goodness I found out before I made a complete fool of myself! " She said laughing, "That's when I moved up here. Didn't figure I would find many men in the mountains! So, who is the lucky lady that you found?"
Standing up and walking to the porch railing, I stood staring off into space thinking about Lynn. Quietly I told Kate how Lynn had saved my life and we'd fallen in love and how happy we were. * See "The Long Trail"
Not looking at Kate, I told her, "But it doesn't really matter now … she … she's dead. I loved her … for such a short time … then I lost her … I wonder sometimes if it was really worth the pain." I started to step off the porch when Kate grabbed my arm, I glanced at her with an annoyed look.
"Mort, you don't mean that! You treasure the time that you had with Lynn, don't you? From what you just said you were happy, truly happy for the first time in years. That has to mean something!"
Shaking my head, fighting back the tears welling in my eyes, I stepped off the porch and went to the corral, needing to be alone.
MC MC MC MC
Kate started to go after him, but thought better of it, instead she watched him walk to the corral and start working with his horse. Smiling sadly she remembered how Charlie used to talk his problems out with his horse, he would spend hours at a time at the barn, but he always came home feeling better.
Turning, she went inside and started a stew cooking for supper and after the coffee boiled she filled the cups and walked down to where Mort was still with his horse. Handing him one of the cups she said, "I fixed a bite to eat, why don't you come on up?"
MC MC MC MC
I turned and looked at Kate, amazed and ashamed that I had bared my feelings to her, virtually a complete stranger. "I'm sorry Kate. I don't know you and I had no right to burden you with my personal life and problems."
Laughing, Kate told me, "It's alright Mort, I've always been told that I have broad shoulders and besides you needed someone to talk to. I find it easy to talk to you … and I'm enjoying getting to know you. Come on, let's go eat." Taking my arm, she led me to the house.
We walked in to the wonderful smell of the stew cooking, "That smells good enough to eat," I told her as I hung my hat by the door. I made my way to the wash basin, cleaning up before I sat down at the table.
When I sat down I noticed that Sara's diary was still open on the table. Looking at Kate, I wondered if she had read any of it, she'd had plenty of opportunity while I slept. The thought she may have troubled me. They were Sara's private thoughts and even I felt like an intruder as I read it. I closed the diary and placed it on the chair beside me.
Kate served the stew and some biscuits that were left over from breakfast, noticing that the diary had been moved. We ate in companionable silence, only talking when we sat back with our coffee. "That was a wonderful stew Kate, beats my cooking all to he -... better'n mine." I finished weakly. Kate laughed and thanked me for the compliment.
After I finished my coffee, I suddenly felt very tired and told Kate, "I'm sorry, but I'm wore out and need to go to bed. Thanks again for supper." She jumped up to walk me to the bedroom. I laid down, too tired to even take my clothes off, I faintly remember Kate covering me with a blanket before falling asleep.
MC MC MC MC
I woke feeling much better. Although my arm still hurt, it wasn't the throbbing pain that I had been experiencing. By the time I took care of my morning business and my horse, I was pretty hungry. I entered the cabin to the smell of coffee brewing and bacon frying, it couldn't get much better than that. I stopped to wash my hands and face and running my fingers through my hair I joined Kate at the stove.
"Good morning Kate, that sure smells good!" I grabbed a cup and filling it with the fresh coffee I asked, "Is there anything I can help you with?"
"Morning Mort, no thanks, it's about ready. Have a seat, I'll have it on the table shortly. How you feel this morning?"
"I feel good, not quite up to normal, but close, thanks to you." It was nice to wake and have someone to talk with, the smell of breakfast cooking didn't hurt any either. I could get used to it pretty quickly and had to tell myself that Kate would be leaving soon and I would probably not see her again. I found I wasn't looking forward to that time at all.
She brought the filled plates to the table then fetched the coffee pot, refilling our cups, before she joined me at the table. "Let's eat, I'm starved!"
After eating our fill, I gathered the dishes and took them to the kitchen, grabbing the coffee pot I topped off our cups, before taking my place at the table.
Kate thanked me then asked, "So what do you do for a living Mort?"
Remembering that when I arrived at the lake I had taken off my vest, which had my badge pinned to it, I realized she wouldn't know, "I try to keep the peace in Laramie."
"What, you're the sheriff? Well that's good to know, I'll try to keep on the good side of you." Knowing who the law was is a good idea she thought, especially when your cousin is the local moonshiner! "But you're too kind, you're not hard and uncaring like most lawmen. How long you been doing that kind of work?"
Laughing, but flattered, I answered, "Can't remember doing anything different. My pa was in law and I just naturally followed along. I've been the sheriff of Laramie for nearly fifteen years."
Kate refilled their coffee cups before replying, "That's a long time to be in one place and on one job. What brought you to Laramie?"
"The job. My friend, Matt Sherman wrote me, telling me about the opening. We talked it over, decided to make the move and fell in love with the country and the people and had no regrets."
"I would think that being a sheriff, you would have seen more than your share of the bad side of mankind, don't you ever think of retiring after all this time?"
"I've seen some bad things in my life and I've thought about retiring a few times. But to be honest I enjoy the work and I don't know what I'd do without it. I can't sit in a rocker and watch the world go by and I'm not cut out to be a store clerk or work in a livery stable, so I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Besides, as long as the citizens keep electing me, I'll have to do the best I can."
Kate was enjoying learning about this man. She sensed that he was normally a quiet, private sort, a very caring sensitive man, but strong also. "If you decide to retire, or by some chance you don't get re-elected, who would you want to get your job? I'm sure that over the years you've had a lot of good men as your deputies."
Nodding my head sadly, I replied, "Yes, there's been a lot of good men work for me, some of them, unfortunately died doing their jobs … but there's one man that I would recommend over all the others. I have trusted my life with him numerous times and I wouldn't hesitate to have him at my back in any situation. He is not only a good deputy, he's my best friend."
Kate was surprised at Mort's compassion, thinking she would like to know who commanded such admiration from him, she commented, "He must be quite a man, one you've known a long time, to develop that kind of relationship."
Smiling I said, "I haven't known him but about four years and the first time I met him I nearly threw him in jail! But he's settled down now and I have trusted him with my life … many times. He is the kind of man that will help any underdog, probably because he didn't have such a great start in life himself, or so I've heard anyway. He doesn't talk much about it."
Kate wanted to learn about this man that Mort praised so highly, so she asked, "You have my curiosity roused. Who is this man you think so highly of?"
"You probably never heard of him. He works at the Sherman Ranch and Relay Station, a cattle ranch and stop for the Overland Stage Line. He told me he was originally from Texas, his name's Jess Harper."
I was looking at Kate when I told her Jess's name and watched her eyes fly wide open and her jaw drop. I thought she was getting sick then she started laughing! I looked at her, shocked at her response.
Between her laughing she exclaimed, "Jessie Harper! You must be mistaken! Black curly hair, deep blue, penetrating eyes?" I shook my head yes.
I watched in amazement at her laughter. She told me, still snickering, "I used to change that boy's diapers! His family lived just down the road a piece from our place."
The vision that suddenly entered my mind caused me to start chuckling and the more I thought about it the more I laughed, until tears were flowing! My laughter caused Kate to begin again and it was quite a while before either one of us were able to speak.
After we could catch our breath again, I asked Kate, "Does Jess know you are living here now?"
"Oh sure! I've seen him a number of times over the years. I had lost track of Jess after he lost his family in the fire. You do know about that, don't you?" I sadly nodded my head yes. "I know he went off and joined the Confederacy and I saw him one time after the war. He was all grown up, with a real chip on his shoulder and still looking for the Bannister's. I tried to talk him out of it, but he wasn't listening to reason. He left shortly after. I heard rumors over the years, but didn't see him again until I moved here."
Shaking my head in wonder, "What little he has told me of his life makes me wonder how he remained on the right side of the law. He has sure had it rough over the years, but he seems to have found his niche at the relay station. Slim has been good for him, a real calming effect."
Kate was smiling, suddenly remembering Jess telling her of his friend Mort, "You have been a huge influence on his life also. He has told me that you are one of his closest friends and as such, you are my friend also!"
Smiling, I secretly wondered how she would feel about me if Jess hadn't told her anything. Well, maybe I didn't want to know.
I took our cups to the kitchen for refills, but found that the fire had gone out and the coffee was cold, so I suggested to Kate that we take a walk.
MC MC MC MC
I grabbed my hat and offered my arm to Kate, with a smile she put her arm in mine and we walked to the lake, where we spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon talking about everything and nothing with the ease of two old friends who hadn't seen each other for years.
We were sitting on a log overlooking the lake when Kate told me, "Mort … I have to leave today. Denver will be out looking for me if I don't get home by tonight. I'm already a day later than I told them I would be."
I hung my head, knowing that I too had to go home. Looking over to Kate, I told her, "I don't want this to end Kate, but I understand. I was only going to be gone a couple days and I'm going on four days. They'll have a search party out soon." Chuckling, I told her, "And I don't know that they would believe that I've been laid up with a bum arm and shoulder, especially if they saw you here!"
Kate laughed out loud, agreeing. "No, I don't think we could convince anyone that this was all an innocent meeting, especially if they heard we'd slept together!"
I looked at her in shock, then comprehension, "Then I wasn't dreaming when I thought someone was next to me? I was pretty much out of it, but I seem to remember someone crawling under the covers with me! No, we wouldn't be able to explain that one away!" We both had a good laugh over that one.
I got up and reached for Kate's hand, helping her to her feet and holding hands, we walked back to the cabin.
After a bite of a late lunch, Kate gathered her things and packed her bag. I watched her sadly, not wanting our time together to end. I knew there was more about this woman that I wanted to learn and I wondered if I would have that chance.
Finally ready to go, Kate turned to me, "Well, guess that's it. I'll see you around Mort."
I didn't want her to go, "Kate, I … I would like to … I want to see … "
Kate put her fingers to my lips. "Mort, I like you … a lot … but I hope I haven't led you to believe that we can be more than just good friends, I'm not ready for a permanent relationship, maybe one day, but …" She gave me a look of sadness, one that I knew all too well, as it was the same look I've seen in my mirror for many years.
I slowly took her in my arms, hoping she wouldn't withdraw, "I'll try to understand Kate, but please know that I'll be here any time you need a shoulder or an ear. I won't press you, but I would like to see you again … please stop and see me when you're in Laramie."
Kate smiled and as she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek said, "Thanks Mort. I can't promise you anything, but maybe I'll surprise you one of these days." She turned and started up the trail, she had walked a couple hundred feet when she turned and hollered back, "Mort, when you get really lonely … read the diary … it will lift your spirits. See you later."
I waved my hand in acknowledgment. So, she had read it, or at least part of it. Somehow I didn't mind as much now.
I watched her continue up the trail with sadness in my heart. How long would it be before I would see her again? I knew it would definitely be longer than I wanted it to be.
Thank you for reading.
I would like to thank Patty Wilkinson for allowing me to "borrow" Kate Munroe, a wonderful character who appears in her stories, #55 "The Lonesome Pine", #56 "Kate Munroe's Secret" and #57 "Last Stage Out Before Christmas", with more of Kate to follow, I'm sure.
I also want to thank Patty and Jantallian for their wonderful words of encouragement and little suggestions that have helped me so much.