Rancid Tea by Nicole Desire

One-shot

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, JKR does.

Aha. I shall need some tea to begin my day.

"House Elf!" A House Elf appeared a few feet away from me and I shouted, "Get me my tea! Down here in my office! NOW."

The House Elf disappeared and reappeared with a small teacup. "You expect that to fulfill my needs! Never you mind, hand me the tea, I need as much as I can get," I added calmly, snatching the teacup from the trembling Elf's hand.

One sip of the tea and I spat it out in disgust. "Sweetened tea?!" I shouted as I grabbed the House Elf from its tea cozy. "You dare bring me sweetened tea?"

The House Elf looked scared. Ah, who cares. "Y-yes sir, Mister S-Snape. I sh-shall b-bring you your rancid tea." It disappeared looking a bit shaken, but, no time to feel pity for it. After all, I am the Potions Master. Chuckles and rubs fingernails on robes

Now, I must get me my rancid tea! Who here has tea... hmm.

Yes! The insect, Trelawney! Old fraud.

Knock knock I ain't gonna wait for this bug to open the door. Slams trapdoor open

Snore

What's this?! Sleeping during work hours? Better make a mental note to advise Dumbledore about this.

I poke the overly large insect woman, but she only continues to mutter about crystal balls. Maybe a sharper jab... no?

Then steel-toed boots shall do the trick... kicks Trelawney with steel-toed boot

"Huh?" She said, all non-dreamy like. Then she resumed her voice like if she were on stinkin' crack. "Ahh, Professor Snape, the Ball tells me that you will suffer..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get me some tea, lady."

"So you can see your future with the drained remains?

"No, so I can drink the freakin' tea!"

"Ahh, but-"

"No buts! Hand over the tea and nobody gets hurt. Make sure to make it rancid."

Trelawney gave me the tea while muttering about bad fortune. All the fortune I gotta worry 'bout is runnin' out of tea again.

I took a sip of the rancid tea. Ahh, heaven on earth.

I kicked open the trapdoor and climbed down, drinking my tea.

The House Elf was holding a cup of rancid tea, waiting for me, and it tripped me. Stupid creature.

And what more could happen but my tea spills all over my already greasy robes.

After I finished with the House Elf (let's just say the little guy couldn't tell up from down anymore), I sighed. Another tea-filled day, but not in the good way.

I guess some good, rancid tea will make everything all better. Yes, it will, and I headed back up to the insect's room.