When my last girlfriend told me that I was a narcissistic sociopath, that I was obsessed with work and that I would never be capable of a normal relationship, I believed her. Because time and time again my relationships failed, it's always hard being intimate with someone when you felt like you could never be yourself around them, to show them your faults and your fears. But then Alex came along, broke past my walls, and everything changed.
Suddenly I was dating this beautiful woman who didn't mind and actually understood when our dates fell through because I had to work late, who was patient with me about learning how to trust her and who accepted me for the good and bad, and loved me anyway even knowing my past mistakes. We weren't perfect, because no relationship is, but Alex is always there when I need her, so it is always a pleasure to return to favor when she needs me to.
Alexandra Danvers is many things: brilliant, brave, and so damn loyal. She's a Doctor, an Agent, a bio-engineer, a sister, a daughter, a lover, and a best friend. She's kick-ass, badass, and she's the best and the strongest person I know. She takes care of everyone around her, almost to the point of neglecting herself. So on days like today, when she isn't at her strongest or her best, when she doesn't feel like a badass and she feels like she's failed, that's when I know that it's my turn to show her that she's loved. She looks so vulnerable right now, sitting on our couch with her knees drawn to her chest.
"Babe? What's wrong?" I ask, sitting down next to her.
"I've just had a bad day." Alex sighs, and she lowers her head. I can see a large bandaid patch taped to the skin on the back of her neck, and I wonder what other injuries she has.
"You want to talk about it?" I ask her, knowing that some days she wants to talk right away to get it off of her chest so she can move on, but the other days, she needs to cuddle quietly on the couch or in the bed, before she can finally talk about whatever it is that is bothering her.
She shakes her head. "Can you just hold me for a while?" Cuddles it is and I, of course, immediately provide. I quickly hug her and give her a small kiss before I gently maneuver us into better cuddling position, until finally we end up with her sitting between my legs, her head leaning against my chest, my arms around her body. She sighs.
With one hand, I rub circles on her belly, and the other I use to play with her hair. As the minutes fly by I can feel the tension leave her body, and she gets more and more relaxed. An hour goes by before she mumbles. "Our mission went bad and I lost a good agent today. I mean, he wasn't killed but he was badly injured."
I squeeze her tighter, not speaking yet, because I know she's not done. It takes her a while to think through her thoughts and speak them aloud on days like these.
"J'onn keeps reminding me it wasn't my fault, that Davis was in the wrong time, wrong place, and I had no control over it, but he was my Agent, I should have looked out for him better."
I kiss her head. "And now he's never going to walk again." She finishes, and I hear the first of what will be many sobs to come. I hold her tighter, and she rolls over to bury her face into my chest, sobbing hard.
I still don't say anything because my words would only go so far, my actions have a better chance of getting my point across. I hold her gently against my chest, rubbing her back as she cries. I feel so honored to help her like this, to see her like this. That this strong badass woman, is letting down her guard, her walls, to allow herself to be this vulnerable to me, all because I've earned her trust, her love. In her chest lays a heart of gold, capable of more love, and more emotion, than practically anyone else I know, it's a precious thing that I'm protective of.
When the sobs, lessen, I let my hands drop, as she rolls over and looks up at me, upside down.
"I love you." I say to her knowing it's the right time. "You are good agent, Danvers, and you take care of your people. It's wasn't your fault, but I know that you will do everything in your power to make it right, to take good care of him from here on out, because you are a good leader, and that's what good leaders do, they protect and provide for their people. I'm sure he would be worse off without your help, but I know that you saved him Alex." She looks up at me for a moment, before nodding.
"You're right. Thank you for being here for me babe." She says, making me smile shyly.
"The pleasure is mine, my love." I tell her.
'Spiderman kiss?" She asks, sounding like a 12 year old.
I laugh and then oblige. Her lips taste salty with tears. But she tastes so damn good. After a minute or so we part. "Feeling up to a bath?" I ask knowing if she was out in the field, her muscles are probably sore.
She nods shyly still looking at me, and I smile at her, feeling almost drunk on love. We've been together for almost a year now, and I still feel like this, every time I see her.
"Come on then, babe." She gets up first and heads for the bathroom. I watch her as she moves slowly, her sock clad feet shuffling softly across the carpet. She's limping slightly, and I frown, before getting up myself and following her.
She turns on the water, and then sits down on the toilet seat before bending down to start to remove her socks, but she grunts at the movement, and pales.
Quickly, I bend down to help her remove her socks, and gently help her undress, the rest of the way, taking the time to examine and admire her body as I always do when I see her naked. Her knee is bruised and swollen, and she has a large bruise on her back, and long cuts on the back of her neck and her side. I swallow hard at the sight of these marks on her beautiful body. I hate it when she's hurt, but I don't make a big deal about it. I know it's part of our jobs, and when I'm hurt, I'm grateful that she just loves on me, and doesn't make a fuss over me, so I try to do the same for her.
"Join me?" Alex asks, when I turn around to check the water temperature. I look back to meet her eyes, seeing both sadness and heat in them.
I nod yes, and after standing up, I quickly remove my clothing. She watches me, and I can see her eyes light up, the way they always do when ever she sees me naked, like I'm a priceless work of art, and she can't believe that she gets to touch it, touch me. She makes me feel beautiful and desirable, even on days when I don't feel that way. I turn off the water, and step into the tub, a few seconds later she joins me, and we get settled in a position much like the way we were on the couch. I love the fact that we have a big enough tub to do this in, the one at my old apartment was barely big enough for me, let alone both of us and Alex's long legs.
She relaxes against me, and we just sit there for a while, before I use my fingers scoop up the water one handful at a time to wet her hair, and wash it. Then I gently wash her body, caressing and worshiping her as best I can in our position, intermingling washing with gentle kisses to her neck.
After a while, she grabs my hand, and holds it. "Make love to me, Maggie." She says, bringing my hand down to her center. I know this is something she needs right now, to feel alive, to come alive under my touch, to lose control and to find it again, to feel love. I work her up gently, caressing her most intimate places with gentle fingers,her soft breaths and moans are music to my ears, but after a while the bathtub doesn't really give me much room for the angle I need to make her really feel good, so I pull away slightly.
"Stand up for me babe, let me take you to bed." I breath into her ear. She nods and I help her stand up before getting out right behind her. I gently dry us off with our fluffiest towel, before I pick her up and carry her towards our bedroom and up the stairs to our bed. I make love to her slowly and gently, and when she lets out a tiny breath, I can feel her release against my hand, her body coming undone under my touch. I hold her though her release and the aftershocks that follow, and when she relaxes against me, she reaches for my hand and tangles her fingers in my own and then leans over to kiss me, slowly and deeply.
"I love you." She says. "Thanks for taking care of me."
I smile, and kiss her once more.
"I love you too, and thanks for letting me."
We may not be perfect and we each have our own faults and flaws, weakness and strengths, but after moments like these I when I realize that everything my ex told me was a lie, that I am capable of a normal, healthy relationship, I feel as close to perfect, as close to contentment as one can get.
Author's note:
It's day one of Sanvers Week, and this is my first time writing for a fandom week, and this is my first time writing a love scene. It was a challenge to keep this one short so tell me what you think. All mistakes are my own, and this story has been cross-posted on tumblr and AO3. Thanks for reading.