Moments: Quicksand

By: ioanhoratio

A/N: This is just a random story I started writing. I think of these little moments and want to see them, but I usually wind up writing some epic multi-chapter fic. So I decided to start a series of one shots called "Moments" and each time I come up with a moment I think would make a decent one shot I'll write it. Easy breezy! This is the first one. It takes place some time during the seventh season...not sure when...since we've had ZERO Danny/Lindsay interaction it is difficult to gauge where they are in their relationship. *Yes, you hear grumbling in my tone* I hope you enjoy this little glimpse into their lives. Thanks to webdlfan because she unknowingly gave me the idea for this story. Thanks web!

Lindsay Messer's eyes burned, and she blindly rushed towards the bathroom. She kept her head down, avoiding eye contact, and prayed her speed wouldn't draw attention. She had held it together as long as possible, keeping her professional mask firmly in place as she had questioned a person of interest on the case she and Jo were working, but she had reached her limit. She could no longer contain her emotional reaction, and after a quickly mumbled excuse she had bolted out of interrogation, pushed through milling officers, and gratefully entered the empty bathroom.

She found solace in one of the stall, pressing her hand to her mouth, doing her best to silence her sobs. Tears escaped down her cheeks, despite her attempts to stave them off. She fumbled with the toilet paper, pulling wads of it off, and shoved the soft tissue against her eyes, using pressure to stop the tear flow as one would blood.

She swallowed down the pain and forced deep, shaky breathes in and out. She was angry; angry with herself for losing her cool, angry with that woman, angry with the situation, with the world. Her face crumpled once more, but Lindsay fought hard and managed to keep her eyes dry. She tightened her jaw, and blinked repeated. She grabbed another handful of tissue and wiped her face. She knew she wasn't going to be able to hide much longer, and fought hard to gain control over her body. After a few moments of slow breathing she stood, squared her shoulders, and exited the stall.

Lindsay jumped with surprise as she came face to face with her husband. Danny Messer was leaning lazily against the counter, his arms folded, and head tilted to the side.

"Danny!" she breathed harshly, her voice sounding raw. "What the hell are you doing in here? You scared me to death."

He frowned, and just shrugged.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough," he answered, not moving from his position or taking his gaze off her face.

Lindsay tossed her tissue into the garbage can under the counter and moved to stand next to him. She cringed as she caught her appearance in the mirror. Her eyeliner was badly smudged under her eyes making her look exhausted and unwell.

Danny finally moved, turning to stand behind her, his eyes meeting hers in their reflections.

Lindsay lowered her eyes, feeling her sadness return. She distracted herself by grabbing a paper towel and as she dampened it under the stream of cool water from the sink asked, "Seriously Danny. You're going to get in trouble being in here."

She leaned closer to the mirror as she used the wet towel to dab at the darkness under her eyes. She could feel him lurking behind her, his eyes following her actions, seeing more than she wanted him to.

He finally responded with, "Jo's standing guard at the door."

Lindsay's eyes widened. "Well that's embarrassing."

"She was jus' worried about you," Danny chided gently, then offered, "She was headed in here to check on you when she saw me an' figured I was better qualified."

Lindsay lowered her head and chose not to respond. She folded and unfolded the paper towel, fidgeting with it. She wasn't surprised when she saw her husband's hand move to hers and watched, mesmerized, as his long fingers caressed her skin, stilling her movements.

"Lindsay?" he pressed gently, his voice rumbling deep in his chest.

She felt her emotions again begin to build, and had to clear her throat before she could force the words out. "Why can't I get pregnant?" she finally asked quietly in a rush, but unable to hide her sorrow.

"Oh, Linds," Danny began, turning her to face him. She wrapped her arms protectively around her body, but, unable to stay completely separated from him, leaned her forehead against his chest. He ran a hand through her hair, and they stood silent. "Babe," he called softly, "what happened?"

Lindsay shoved away from him, placing some distance between them as she answered, "Our person of interest was a pregnant woman. She's young and...she has no idea what a gift she has. She's with her loser boyfriend, who more than likely killed his drug dealer, and from the marks on her arm I wouldn't be surprised if she was using. I know she smokes because as soon as the interview was over she was asking for a cigarette. She doesn't have a job, an education, or any way to support the baby. Why is she pregnant and I'm not?"

"Lindsay," Danny said more firmly, "I know this isn't happening as quickly as you'd like, but six months..."

"Seven months Danny," Lindsay interrupted, "We've been trying for seven months."

Danny's head whipped up. "Seven?" he asked.

Lindsay nodded sadly. "Yeah, I started my period this morning...another month down and I'm still not pregnant."

Danny had to swallow his own disappointment caused by his wife's revelation. He tried to hide it but knew it was useless in front of her. She turned her back to him and wiped at her eyes angrily. "I'm sorry Danny."

He could no longer take the gaping space between them, nor could he stand the dejected hunch to Lindsay's shoulders. He moved across the room and spun her around, pulling her into a tight hug.

Lindsay's resistance broke and she began to sob. "It's not...fair...what's wrong...with me?"

"Shh," Danny comforted. "Stop Lindsay."

"I don't understand," she hiccuped, "We were using protection when I got pregnant with Lucy. I just don't understand why we can't get pregnant now." He didn't know why it was taking so long for them to get pregnant. He knew it was difficult for Lindsay to deal with, the disappointment month after month. He knew because it was the same heartache he felt.

"Maybe we should try doin' it with a condom. Maybe my boys jus' need a challenge," Danny joked into her hair, trying to make his wife smile.

Lindsay pulled back to look at him, her face stained with tears. She gave him a small smile, acknowledging his attempt to make her feel better, though her lips immediately fell back into a frown. "Do you think I'm too old? That we waited too long?"

Danny's own lips lowered into a frown as his brow knitted together. "Babe, you're not even 35 yet."

She sighed heavily.

"You know," Danny began, "somethin' we haven't thought about is the three months I spent in that wheelchair."

It was Lindsay's turn to look confused.

"Maybe that bullet did more damage than we know," Danny explained. "Think about it. I could definitely be the problem."

"Danny," Lindsay began to argue, but he stopped her by placing a finger against her lips.

"See, you don't like hearing me blame myself, an' I don't like hearing you blame yourself," he pointed out. "There may be nothin' wrong, we jus' may be puttin' too much stress on ourselves, or maybe this time it's jus' gonna to take a little longer than we planned."

Lindsay dropped her head to his shoulder. She had been so angry with the pregnant woman, so heart broken over the little life that woman had nestled under her heart that was already being so poorly treated. Lindsay had wanted to shout at her, chastise her, arrest her; anything to deal with the injustice of feeling so empty.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess," she mumbled against his skin. "I know I shouldn't complain. I have a beautiful daughter and I know there are women who are struggling to have even one baby, or will never be able to have a baby..."

"You don't gotta do that," Danny cut her off, "you don't have to justify your feelin's to me. You don't have to apologize for feeling the way you do."

Lindsay tightened her hold on him. "I really thought I was pregnant this time...I just don't know how much more disappointment I can take."

The desperation in her voice, the pleading, took Danny's breath away. He had to fight the feelings of guilt and responsibility for it. He wanted nothing more than to be able to fix this for her. To be able to give her the baby they both desperately desired. "Maybe we should plan a night away. Jus' you an' me. Lucy's old enough now to be able to spend the night with my parents, or I'm sure my Ma would be willing to stay the night at our apartment. You an' me can take 24 hours to just be together. We haven't done that since Lucy was born."

"Like a bed and breakfast thing?" Lindsay asked, lifting her head. Her eyes were big, her nose red, and her cheeks flushed.

Danny grinned at her. "Yeah, that type thing. Nothin' too far away, but a chance to relax; no baby, no phones, no pregnant junkies, and no pressure. Jus' you and me, we can sleep in, or ya know not," he winked at her suggestively, "eat breakfast in bed, watch a movie that doesn't involve a singin' animal or a princess, an' make as much noise as we want. What do ya think? Wanna give it a try?"

"Sounds heavenly, when do we leave?" she asked in mock seriousness.

"Just leave it to me," Danny assured her, the expression on his face clearly showing how pleased he was to have come up with an idea that met with such ready approval from her.

After a few more calming breathes Lindsay stepped away, but Danny trapped her between him and the counter. Her reached around her and grabbed the dampened paper towel. His fingers grazed her cheek as he tipped her face up to him. He cleaned her face, doing his best to wipe away the evidence of her pain and sadness.

"Do I look passable?" she asked.

"You look beautiful," he responded, ignoring Lindsay's derisive chuckle.

She took the towel from him and, turning to the mirror, finished cleaning up the black under her eyes.

"We'll figure this out Linds," Danny promised.

"I know," she breathed. "You and me have gotten pretty good at figuring things out."

"We Messers are a resourceful bunch," Danny said proudly.

Lindsay rolled her eyes at him, though she couldn't help but agree.

The End

Thanks for reading!