AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes friends, I just HAD to make yet another GinxRan fic, in honor of Valentine's Day this year. After watching the past few episodes, I'm still lost for words on how our favorite fox-face is no more in the series. So since I finally have a chance to make new stories, let's have him be Rangiku's valentine one last time.
May You Rest In Peace With Your Smile, Gin Ichimaru! T.T
A beautiful but sad woman laid in her futon calmly, wearing nothing but a thin white yukata. Her long and wavy blonde hair rested flat and lifeless on the floor behind her back. Her sky blue eyes, filled with deep thought and lost, stared at the ceiling nonchalantly. She then sighed and turned over to face the window, seeing the sunlight shining down through the window. How Rangiku wished she could be like the reflected sunrays right now; she wished she could feel her optimistic, colorful, and mesmerizing self. She wished she was strong enough to get out of bed and start the day with friends and celebration.
She wished that she could just smile again.
Instead, her pathetic misery has been keeping her from doing so. And she knows the reason why. Even though it's been a little over two months since the Winter War, since Aizen's defeat….since his departure…..she still couldn't pull it together. But could anyone blame her? Well, only people who knew how to understand Rangiku's relationship with him, why she would harbor such sympathies for the back-stabbing snake….they were used to her withdrawn state. The only problem was that they were sick and tired of seeing her this way. What's worse was that they didn't know how to help her from the pain she's enduring.
Yet at the same time, everyone knew how strong Rangiku truly was from the inside. Needless to say, the only way in helping her was to let her heal on her own time. But there's no telling how long that would take her, and even for a shinigami, life was too short and busy. All the more reason why Rangiku needed to escape this depression and make the best of everything for herself.
But again, this was a dilemma for the radiant beauty, especially during this month. Because today was February 14th, the one tradition that brought couples closer—or for singles who couldn't get any depressed and lonely: Valentine's Day.
That was another reason why Rangiku didn't want to get out of bed right away. As much as she had many friends and other people that cared about her, her heart still belonged and yearned to an old friend and enemy—or possibly something more. If only things didn't turn out the way it did for both of them, if only he haven't made the sacrifices he made that that led him to his doom…..maybe they both would have had the courage to confess what they couldn't before in the past. Or, at least she would have found the courage to speak her heart out to him before he started turning the other direction of his choices. Thinking on that now, Rangiku made a small smirk and almost chuckled. Yeah, if only she was that strong as a kid than she was now. Maybe she would have been able to stop him on his path of destruction. All she wanted to do was show him that all the gifts, praises, and care taking didn't matter to her at all—because as long as she was by his side, that's all she needed in the cruel world.
But now, those confessions would never happen. Because this time for sure, he wasn't coming back.
As much as Rangiku wanted to, she still couldn't erased the horrific image on that dreadful day, her beloved friend completely messed up from head to toe by that bastard Aizen. She was too shocked to even noticed that one of his arms were missing from his body and white outfit, which was covered with his crimson blood. The only thing she could do was hurry by his side, constantly praying that what she saw wasn't true. She was praying that all of it was a terrible dream, hoping for a miracle that would help her wake up. But no, another dose of fate had to be cruel to them. On that day, Rangiku didn't give a damn how injured or half-dead she was, or unequipped with a weapon to defend herself. Hell, she didn't even cared when Aizen was right behind her, for she knew he was right there. In that moment, she basically wanted him to deliver the final blow, so she could no longer feel the heavy heartache. If Aizen had finished her off, she would've been able to join him…..
Rangiku then shook her head and finally sat up in bed. She couldn't torture herself this way forever. She knew this wasn't the right way to find closure. The only way to closure was if she learned to finally move on and accept the past. Rangiku was blessed to still be alive with the rest of her friends, especially with her captain Hitsugaya. If it weren't for everyone's sincere friendship, she wouldn't be where she is now since the war. In a way, victory was theirs, but with a price to pay. And that price include the loss of someone special, and the pain of a broken heart.
Sighing again, Rangiku got up out of bed and went to her drawer. She dressed into her regular shinigami robes, and attached her lieutenant badge on the side of her white sash. She finally walked and kneeled in front of her small mirror, where she took a good look at her facial expression. Although she did her best showing a positive attitude around others, the pain behind her sparkling eyes was still there, buried deep inside her emotions. A part of her felt guilty for making her friends worry about her distress, but this was something that needed time to heal. Of course no one else would think twice about getting over his death, but they knew better not to show such harshness around Rangiku.
Rangiku checked any bags behind her eyes and any other tear stains on her delicate skin. She patted her left cheek and shook her head. "Really girl, you keep this up, you'll have your skin end up wrinkly with your eyes looking like you haven't slept in 20 years", she said to herself. "Come on, might as well face the day like everyone else. Besides, you haven't spent your money on all this candy for nothing". She then looked at the far right corner of her small room, viewing the pile of small red boxes of chocolates. This was her chance to prove to everyone that she was still THE Rangiku Matsumoto to remember. After brushing her soft hair several times, putting on her make-up, and adjusting her top display her lovely cleavage, she gathered the pile of small chocolates and headed out to the door.
The first person that had the honor of Rangiku's visit was none other than her captain. As much as she drove Toshiro insane, he was still relieved to see how well she was adjusting, after everything that happened from the war. Like everyone else and himself, he acknowledged how much she's been through. This gave him more reason to put up with her ridiculous antics on this traditional day. Permitting her to come in his office after three knocks on the door, Rangiku slid the door open and poked her head in. "Mornin' Captain!", she chirped. "And a Happy Valentine's Day!". Toshiro simply nodded and grunted, not even looking up at her while sitting at his desk with more document work. Rangiku smiled and walked in, placing the chocolates on Toshiro's desk. Toshiro raised his eyebrow.
"I assume carrying all these candies has put a toll on you already Rangiku?", he questioned sarcastically.
Rangiku giggled. "Oh you know Captain, there's no harm in resting for a bit here and there. Besides, you'll be surprised how many people I need to stop by and pass out these candies. But, since you're my favorite adorable captain, I had no other choice but to make my first visit to you". She then picked up a box that had Toshiro's name written on it, and handed it to him. "Again, Happy Valentine's Day Captain". Toshiro looked at the box for a minute, then grinned and took the box.
"Thank you, Rangiku. I'm glad that you're in high spirit on this day". He then placed the box next to his papers and continued working.
Rangiku pouted, walking over behind Toshiro. "Why Captain, don't tell me you still prefer to work on a day like this!", she said. "It's Valentine's Day! A day when you're supposed to think about your 'honey' first, then 'love-dovey fun', then work. It's all play and no work!".
Toshiro made an annoyed face at Rangiku and snorted. "Please Rangiku, it could actually be Kick-The-Can Day, and you would still prefer not to work. No surprise there. Sorry, but the world doesn't stop just because of some foolish tradition, especially for us in Soul Society".
"Oh? So I guess that means it was foolish of you to buy this for you-know-who?", Rangiku teased and smirked, seeing a small pink bear with a red bow tie in Toshiro's hidden place behind his desk. Toshiro's eyes immediately went wide as Rangiku quickly picked up the stuffed bear and giggled. Becoming more irritated, Toshiro stood up from his seat and snatched the bear from her hand.
"Give me that! It's not what you think….", he grumbled. Rangiku continued giggling, enjoying seeing Toshiro blush more. He immediately covered up his embarrassment and cleared his throat, stuffing the bear back in his desk and sitting back down. "Mind you, this is a time to finish some important work. So my advice to you Matsumoto, is that you hurry passing out all these candies so you can return here and get back to work", he said firmly.
Rangiku waved her hand, still giggling. "Aww, no need to be all flustered and all, Captain. There's no shame of getting something so adorable for Momo, especially since it's obvious you care about her. Like I said, it's Valentine's Day. A day for all couples to come closer and enjoy each other's company. Besides...there's never a promise when there'll be a tomorrow for that person to still be here with you….". After hearing that last statement, Toshiro turned around and in an instant saw a certain sadness in Rangiku's face. His aggravated eyes softened.
"Rangiku….", Toshiro began, but Rangiku shook her head and waved again.
"Really, I'm fine Captain. Well, like you said, I better get going and start passing out the rest of these candies. I don't plan on making them melt throughout the day. Later Captain!", she chirped. She gathered the other boxes and walked out of Toshiro's office. Toshiro stared after her leaving, still feeling that slight sympathy for her.
'Rangiku…I know how much you miss him. I really hope someone or something helps you get through this,' he thought silently.
After spending the entire morning and afternoon hanging around her friends and sharing a few bottles with Hisagi and Kira, Rangiku finally grew exhausted from all the hype and celebration. And of course, Toshiro excused her from completing late paperwork. All she could think of was slumping back in her covers and sleep the night away. She was relieved there weren't any hollows to exterminate or other turmoil invasion, for she definitely wasn't in the mood for more fighting. All she wanted to do was just sleep and dream. She wanted to dream again into the old and happy days, when it was just her and him against the world.
No matter how hard she tried to not think about it all day, Rangiku just couldn't fully get away from this depression. She knew it wasn't healthy and would eventually need to seek for professional help. But as she mentioned before, this kind of pain takes time to heal, and she needed to learn to how ease from the pain on her own. But at the same time, the unforgettable memories made the heartache worse to bear. How could she ignore that?
When she returned to her room for the night, she immediately took off her black shinigami attire, and put on her thin white yukata. She kneeled down and got in her warm covers, adjusting her body to be comfortable behind the blankets until she laid in the middle of her bed, staring at the ceiling again. Sometimes, she felt as if she could see the stars through her ceiling, admiring the beautiful display as they sparkled down at her. She closed her eyes and smiled a little. Gazing at the stars….another wonderful memory that both enjoyed together….
In a way, he reminded her of the stars; distant, mysterious, yet still beautiful and admiring. Although she hated the long gap he made between them whenever he disappeared, it didn't stop her from waiting on his return. And as much as she grew angry at him for leaving, she still found it in her heart to forgive him. In truth, she never found it in her heart to hate him. She just… hated why he was so far to reach. Why he had to be so mysterious for not even her to understand? Those were the things Rangiku hated more than anything, because it made her felt weak as a true friend. It made her felt frustrated and weak for not being able to understand him, to not being able to help him in times of need. Instead, it had always been him doing those things for her. Did he ever realize how much that hurt her? Even so, did he ever care?
He was 'the snake' in more ways than one, and Rangiku was aware of that fact. She wasn't stupid, and she was fully aware on how others felt about him. As much as she appreciated their kindness, she wasn't fooled by how they truly felt about him and his betraying nature. She sensed the inner disgrace or anger people carried about his memory, possibly because they were angry how all of this affected her. They were tired of seeing her sad and lonely.
But ever since that unfortunate day, as she kneeled by his bloody and battered body, shedding tears of pity and desperation for his life, Rangiku thought about the word 'betrayal'. After finally learning the truth behind his actions and sacrifices, she questioned herself: was it betrayal…or an act of love? Oh how she wished she knew the answer. Recollecting her thoughts about all the things he's done since the day they met, she couldn't possibly call it betrayal. Yes, he was playing 'cruel' to be 'kind', but it was his way of getting around everything that were a part of his plans. She saw that now. As sadistic and suicidal as it was, he really went through it all…..just for her.
In the end, he still wanted to play the hero, and she the damsel in distress.
Rangiku smirked, but a tear suddenly poured out of her right eye, gently sliding down on her soft cheek. She closed her eyes again. "That's what I've always hated…but still loved about you. Gin….", she whispered. Unexpectedly, the cool wind from outside swept in her room, causing a slight chill. And in an instant, she could sworn she felt a pair of lips pressed on her forehead softly. She quickly sat up and looked around her room, only seeing herself alone in the darkness except the glowing moonlight shining through her window. She stood up and walked to the window, not sure why she decided to look outside.
She placed a hand on her forehead and closed her eyes, taking a deep breathe to calm herself. Her depressing nerves were really getting the best of her, either that or she really did drink a little too much. She chuckled sadly. "Really Rangiku, what or who else were you expecting? He…he's never coming back…", she said solemnly. Having a better view of the night stars, Rangiku continued standing there by the window and gaze at the sky. She couldn't find herself to sleep now. After a few minutes of staring, she closed her eyes again and centered herself with her thoughts.
That's when the same strange sensation appeared again, only this time it felt like a pair of arms wrapped around her as she stood there. Rangiku then felt another soft kiss on her right shoulder, the same soft kiss she felt on her forehead. Eyes still closed, she finally surrendered to the unexplained comfort and slowly tilted her head toward her right shoulder, as if there was a hand for her cheek to rub against. And for the first time in a while, the unusual comfort made Rangiku actually smile. She hasn't felt this way in a long time. And she couldn't think of none other who could provide her the same embrace. None other except….
"Is that you?...Gin?", Rangiku whispered softly, her tone almost pleading yet a bit doubtful. There was nothing but silence that filled the room. Realizing that she wouldn't get an answer, Rangiku's eyes became disappointed again and grew tired of staring outside. As she turned around and walked toward her bed, a sudden breeze flew past her. A small yet content voice whispered against her ear, so soft that almost she couldn't hear it. But she did .
"Rangiku…..", the faint voice echoed, then instantly disappeared out of sight. Rangiku gasped, turning around and ran back toward the window.
"Gin?", she called out, hoping she would see someone outside. Unfortunately, there was still no respond but the cool night air. She lowered her eyes, feeling more disappointed at herself for such a silly wishful thinking. But suddenly, something else erupted within her heart, a new reassuring and positive emotion. It was the emotion of closure. Deep down, she knew that Gin was in the room with her for a split second. He was obviously still looking after her, from wherever his troubled soul is wondering. But maybe, just maybe….his soul is no longer as troubled. He may have died, but he had also gained something else too; he was finally free. Free from being Aizen's accomplice, free from having to play the villain to be the hero, free from feeling the despair of disappointing Rangiku from his failure…..and free to still be by her side—in spirit.
A new tear shed down on Rangiku's cheek as she slowly smiled again. She was beginning to not feel as lonely, for she now saw that he would always be with her until the end of time. "It is you, isn't it Gin?", she said matter-of-factly. She wiped her tear off her cheek and headed for bed. She could sleep more contently, now that she knew he was watching over her. Rangiku got in her warm blankets and lied down on her side, facing the window. She smiled again. "Gin….", she whispered, and soon fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.
When Rangiku woke up the next morning, she didn't expect to wake up with another surprise. As she sat up on her bed, a small picture lied next to her on the floor. Feeling more shocked, she slowly picked up the picture; it was a picture of the two of them as kids many years ago. She then turned it around and found writing on the back, which was a simple short sentence:
At least I am glad I had said 'I'm Sorry' to you, Rangiku. Please forget me not…..
Rangiku continued reading the short sentence a few more times before shedding more tears. But they were no longer tears of sadness, but tears of relief. She smiled to herself and placed the special picture close to her heart. "Gin…so it was you last night. Oh Gin…", Rangiku said to herself, almost breaking down. But she stopped herself and wiped the tears away, smiling wider. She got up out of her bed, the picture still pressed against her chest. "Thank you Gin", she said softly. "In the end, you always knew how to still make me feel better. That's what I've always hated…and still love about you". There was a sudden knock on her door, and it came from Toshiro as he slid the door open.
"Ah, mornin' Captain!", Rangiku chirped, flashing another bright smile. Toshiro stared at Rangiku a bit dumbfounded, then quirked his brow.
"I assume you had a good night's rest Rangiku?", he asked. Rangiku walked up to him and gave him an unexpected bear hug, suffocating him with her enormous breasts. "Ran-Rangiku!", Toshiro cried aggravated, trying to wiggle himself off of her. "Unhand me this instant! How many times do I have to tell you how much I hate it when you hug me like this?". He stopped wiggling as soon as he heard Rangiku's lively giggle and looked up at her. He saw a new sparkle in her eyes. It was a sparkle of liveliness, which he hasn't seen from her in a while. Finally controlling herself, Rangiku let Toshiro go and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Oh, sorry Captain. I just wanted to let you know how much I've always appreciate you. All of you", she responded, giving Toshiro another genuine smile. Toshiro stared at her for a minute, then cleared his throat and nodded.
"Yes, well, I'm glad to hear that you're doing well. But now that the whole Valentine tradition foolishness is over, it's time to come back to reality. Time to get to work". He then pointed his finger at the open door, lecturing her to get dress and start the day with unfinished paperwork. "I let you slide last night, but play time's over".
Rangiku's cheery expression soon fell into a child's whimpering reaction. "Awww, Captain! You're still no fun! Can I at least start the day with some morning breakfast and all?", she whined. Toshiro glared at her more, a nerve vein appearing on his forehead.
"You can eat your morning breakfast while sitting at your desk and finishing all those delayed papers. Now get to work!". He then turned around and started leaving the room. But Rangiku still wanted to have her fun with him.
"Ah Captain, don't be like that! Aren't ya gonna tell me how things went between you and Momo last night?", she purred while catching up next to Toshiro and winked. Toshiro's nerves grew as his cheeks flushed pinker, trying so hard to block her out until they got in his office.
'One of these days….', he thought irritably. But then Rangiku's cheery face came up in his head, making him shift his eyes back at her. 'But really, I'm glad you're slowly starting to feel much better Rangiku. I can tell now…'.
As Rangiku continued her teasing with her dear captain and laughing, her mind shifted back to her beloved Gin. 'Gin, thank you. I'll try to move on and make the best of everything in my life right now. It's what you want me to do, right? I know you're with me wherever I go. I'll never forget you, for you can never be forgotten'.